Wanting to be a better wife...any ideas for me?

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Coming out on video is the movie Fireproof…rent it, buy it, just see it for sure. It will definitely support your marriage in a positive way as well.
 
One thing that has helped me is trying to see Jesus in my husband. When you have children, this is a sure way to help you love them better too. Try to love your husband as you would Jesus. Jesus is everywhere and by faith He is in a very special way in your husband. Even if your husband isn’t a believer, Jesus is still there. If everyone treated just their family members with the same love and attentiveness that they would Jesus, our world would be a much better place. 🙂

I am also a perfectionist. I have to constantly let go. We must never compromise our faith. But on things where faith is neutral, like housekeeping and organizing, it’s best to let go. Even though it takes everything we got. 😛

I’m no newlywed, but I certainly will be following this. Always room to grow, always. :gopray:
 
I am so thrilled with all the responses I have received! Thank you so much. Just reading these make me think of all the positive things about my husband and how I should try extra hard to accentuate these in my mind (and remind him of how good they are, too).

I love the idea of seeing Jesus in my husband…how ironic that we already pray about trying to be more like the Holy Family 👍 ! The point made about him being my best friend and that I wouldn’t speak in certain ways to my friends (as I shouldn’t to him either) is a great point as well. Thank you again to all!
 
What a wonderful resolution, we should each have that, as better husbands and better wives.

For us, 21 years married, a 20 year old son, 17 year old son and 13 year old daughter. We have moved 5 times including once to Belgium for 2 years.

My short list: Moving is stressful, teenagers are stressful, keep your heart soft and do not seek revenge, do things together, allow him to have his time for his hobby/sport/passion, if you think about things before speaking often you say things differently, don’t be afraid to take a “cool down” lap before responding, be firm in what is important to you, discuss and set short, medium, and long term goals, and if you have parents or grandparents around use them!

I think you guys are going to be OK! 👍

PS: I’m not sure how to say this, but I think you should listen to what the men say most on this topic 😉 😛 😃 …flame suit on!
 
I was widowed 2.5 yr ago and beleive me, I would give anything to have my husband of almost 36 years back…and also some of the harsh words I used to say. Looking back, much of it was petty small stuff that didn’t matter a hill of beans. You will have a different perspective as you go through life together and experience each other in different situations. Just love each other, think before speaking and be patient with each other. Stay close to the sacraments. The time will fly and you will wish for these “honeymoon” days once again. God bless you both.
 
KCtheMommy said:
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. 👍
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Ditto! And from Dr. Laura’s wisdom: Become the wife you would want to come home to.

Think about that… the way you act, if you were him, would you want to come home to that wife? If not, then change it up.
 
Lisa, I notice in your second and later posts that you are pregnant. This can make it harder to be patient. It isn’t unusual for a first-time mom to get wrapped up in the baby. On the other hand, that you are thinking in terms of improving your marriage is just super. Take it from me, you will need your husband more and more as you become parents, and both of you will need all the strength you can put into your relationship!
God bless you all.
 
Lisa, I posted a thread a few days on here called “A Piece of Advice for Young Wives” - you must go look at it. I’m 32 years old, I’ve been married for 7 years, and I don’t have the “perfect” marriage (there’s no such thing) but it’s pretty close! Look at what I wrote and be sure to look at what everyone else contributed. The fact that you made the resolution in the first place speaks volumes - blessings upon you both!
 
My wife and I’ve been married nearly 28 years and we’ve struggled often at being better spouses.

I used to be extremely critical of my wife, my children, my neighbors. As mentioned by somebody else above, perfectionism can contribute to this habit, but what I found, after 15 years of marriage, was that I had to forgive myself. I mean I really had to learn that, despite all of the stupid things I’ve done in my life, it was OK for me to forgive myself and let go of the hurts.

Until I forgave myself, I carried a litany of wrongs others had done against me and whenever I was feeling sorry for myself, I would drag out that mental list and go through every single hurt I had in my life. And I mean every single one. Some were so insignificant that they were laughable (to everybody but me that is) and others took a long time for me to get over.

I applaud you for wanting to improve your marriage and that you recognize that you can make changes within yourself to do this.

I’ve heard said that admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Personally, I find that saying a little too optimistic. I’ve found that dealing with personal problems is much like grieving. For me, there are several steps I had to go through to resolve the problems including, denial, anger, bargaining, and grief.

I pray you will find the help you need and that your husband recognizes what a treasure God has given him in you.

God Bless you.
 
basilisk said:
Ditto! And from Dr. Laura’s wisdom: Become the wife you would want to come home to.

Think about that… the way you act, if you were him, would you want to come home to that wife? If not, then change it up.
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I really need to get this book…I keep hearing so many great things about it, how it helped to save marriages, etc. I’ve listened to Dr. Laura on the radio and she does give very good advice.

Any other good books/webites anyone can recommend?
 
Dear Lisa,
Your heart must be right because you acknowledge your own faults. The best advice I have to offer is to pray and listen to what the Lord reveals to you alone, in your heart. There are too many self-help books (and advisors) that can clutter up your intimacy with Jesus. Be intimate with Jesus and the rest will fall into place.
Peace, Graubo
 
lisa_nd said:
Hey everyone! I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but for my New Year’s Resolution I chose to try and be a more sincere person in general, but most specifically with my husband. We have a good marriage (have been married for about 6 months), but as I am sure some of you can relate to, I tend to criticize every little thing, am usually a pessimist, and just unpleasant to be around sometimes. Does anyone have any advice, ideas for good books, or anything about how I can train myself to overlook the “little things” that really don’t matter and be a more supportive, loving wife and person?

(I know some of you veteran married couples must have advice and/or stories about how your relationship has evolved!!)
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Mega kudos to you for putting in the effort to make your marriage even better.

Please pray for and with your husband.

Enjoy the Sacrament 🙂
 
I hope I am not breaking any forum rule by posting a link, but www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/ has a neat idea. They ask people to strive for 21 days without complaining. Us tough Catholics could do it for 40 days. The wrist bands are purple. Coincidence?
 
exceptionalmarriages.com/about.htm

Gregory K. Popcak (pronounced POP-chak) is a nationally recognized Catholic psychotherapist, speaker, and author of five books on marriage and family issues. His books for Our Sunday Visitor include Beyond the Birds and the Bees; For Better, Forever; and Parenting With Grace.

He has audio/visual material as well. I highly recommend them.
 
Alright, so once again I have to tell everyone THANK YOU so much for your help. My hubby and I just got back from NYC on a little getaway before baby comes in a few months. While we were gone I decided to buy a book to read on the airplane home and right away found The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands…WOW! What a fantastic book! I am only 3 chapters into it, and I honestly can already feel a change within myself! (As I am sure my husband can, too;) ) I have spent the last couple days really focusing on toning down the criticism, negativity and nagging and I am amazed at not only how “at peace” my husbands appears, but how at peace I feel as well! What an excellent suggestion.
Everything I read on this post is so uplifting. 👍 Keep it coming!!
 
I was advised by a wise priest once that I ought to let Mary nag my husband because she was better that I ever could be. So, my task was to keep my tongue quite when I had anything less than positive and loving ready to come out - and pray a Hail Mary instead. BOY - was that priest right!!! I became more loving - and the things that were bothering me about my dear sweet husband went away.
 
The book you want to read is St. Therese’s ‘Story of a Soul’, which can help a person to love adversity instead of complain about it.

Also, criticism generally has the opposite effect of the intended in regards to husbands. Support is the winner. Woman with unresolved emotional issues talk them out till they’re resolved – men say something once, and it is over. If you try to deal with him more on his level than you would another woman, you will be more successful once he gets used to it.

So really, that you want to be better is good – you just have to realize that the good reward of it is really there, and the bad reward of the opposite is really there, and firmly adopt inside the realization that you should change.

If you were in Heaven would you -want- to live your life up there criticizing every little thing? No? Then be different now. 🙂
 
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