Wanting to stay home full time

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AmberDale

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Have any of you working parents or former working parents felt the ‘call’ to stay home and raise your kids? And if so, how did you do it? I’ve been feeling this for a few months now, and we just can’t afford it. My husband has been searching for a new job, so we I can be home with our kids.
 
Bless both you and your husband!

I felt ‘called’ to stay home with my daughter, but because I am a single parent, that was not an option. Instead, I took a lesser paying job a block from my home and 3 blocks from her school. I truly believe God answered my prayers by offering me an alternative.

I have a college degree that I do not currently use, and I am not making much money- but with God’s Grace, I am able to send my daughter to Catholic school, and be available to her whenever she needs me. We do make sacrifices, but I prayed long and hard for an answer. And I prayed long and hard to be able to ACCEPT the answer God was offering.

I wasn’t sure if my decision was right in the begining, and I have been tempted OFTEN to find a job that makes more money. But I truly feel that this is the next best thing to being at home with my child.

One thing I find myself reminding people is that the husband need not be the only one who works FOREVER. When the children enter school, the mother can work during the day, to garner that needed income. There are many Catholic schools that use mom’s as teachers aides, or janitors or school cooks. Work there while your kid is in school! There are many alternatives.

Just pray, for an answer and pray that you will be accepting of an often 'impossible" answer. 😉
 
I’ve had a calling to stay at home for several years, although our family is still working to make it happen.

My first son was daycared by Grandma 4 days a week, DH and I had varied hours so we could minimize his daycare time. When son #1 started kindergarden and son #2 was coming, Grandma retired from daycare and my husband knew I was not going to allow strangers to watch our children. Although I wanted to be the SAHM, I was also the one with the best benefits, most income and stable job. We worked it where DH quit his job and started part-time work evenings and weekends. He’s enjoyed being with DS#2 at home, but we’ve been praying for God’s guidance to get me at home full time.

Now DS#3 is on the way. DH has recently gone through education and made a career change. He’s still at home with DS#2, working PT at his job and starting out as a realtor. Our hope/plan/goal is for him to succeed such that I can quit, maybe work PT while DH is the financial provider. We still pray that if this is God’s plan, He give us the direction we need to make it happen.

It isn’t easy. We have to make sacrifices, schedules are always a challenge to keep straight, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But we pray pray pray, and know God will lead us where we need to go.
 
I hope you are able to resolve your financial problems and can stay home. I was home for a year with my first-born and then bowed to pressure and went back to work when he was 11 months old. I picked him up every day by 3:00 pm, so I had a lot of time with him, but I still regret my decision. He didn’t like going to the in-home daycare.

Then my second child, a girl was born, and I did stay home with her. My son was then going to a preschool and was home by noon. I have really cherished being home with the children. They are both in school now, kindergarten and second grade, but I am always there to pick them up. I work very part-time, but it doesn’t interfere with being home when they are.

The early years go so quickly, and our children are so precious and need us at this age. I am very thankful that I was able to stay home with them. I was able to volunteer at preschools, and spend so much time with them. I know they are as secure as they are because of it.

On the other hand, being home alone with children can be a bit boring, so it is important to have a network of other stay-at-home moms to meet with for coffee and playdates. I got depressed when we moved to a new city, and I had no friends for a while. I only had the little kids, and my husband worked very long hours.
 
I am a SAHM with three small children. The oldest goes to preschool in the mornings, but other than that they’re all with me, all the time. I love it. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’d miss my children too much if I tried to go back to work. Plus, the second income would mostly go to day-care anyway, so it isn’t even worth it for me to try and go back to work. I might when they’re all in school full-time, but not before then.

My husband and I have had to make a lot of sacrifices. We only have one car, we shop at thrist stores and live on a fairly tight budget. But God has blessed us in so many ways by allowing me to be home with my children.

My suggestion would be to just do it. Quit your job and start staying home with your children. The first few months might be tight and a but hectic, but you’ll soon learn to live on just one income. It just takes some adjusting, and learning to live without some of the “extras”. It’s worth the sacrifice, though. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else other than with my children.

Scout :tiphat:
 
When I first decided to stop working full tim, it was because I realized that one paycheck per month went to day care and one went to pay taxes. I was working full time and only getting 50% of my pay. Then when I added the other expenses, meals at work, gas, wardrobe,etc. it was less than that. And then because I was exhausted we frequently got take-outs for dinner, which costs money.

I wasn’t able to convince my husband that I could stay home full time, so I changed jobs and worked only a few days per month. He was more attached to my paycheck than I was. I was more willing to give up the EXTRAs that everyone talks about. But he wasn’t. But being home almost full time made a big difference in our family life.

I realize that I have the rest of my life to work. I have no regreats putting my career on hold. It was the best decision I ever made.

Good luck,
Mary
 
I have been a stay at home mom for the past 20 years.:eek: (I surprise myself when I think of it.) The time has gone by so fast.

I reccomend you stay home. Your children grow so fast. There may be some lean years ahead for you but your sacrifices will be rewarded.

I really don’t know how we have managed it. We certainly aren’t rich But, I have discovered that if there is a will there is a way.
 
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AmberDale:
Have any of you working parents or former working parents felt the ‘call’ to stay home and raise your kids? And if so, how did you do it? I’ve been feeling this for a few months now, and we just can’t afford it. My husband has been searching for a new job, so we I can be home with our kids.
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stay home, stay home…do it for your kids. Not trying to be mean at all…just rushing and tired…but bottom line…why can’t you afford it? Is your house too big, too much spent on clothes, activities, things you don’t need? God is probably calling you to be home with your kids…that is what being a mother is all about (unless you HAVE to work otherwise your kids will be on the street). Most people are just too afraid, or too dependent on their current lifestyle to sacrifice for their kids. I am 26, a teacher (only been for 2 years, so not high on the payscale) and have a wife and 2 kids (so far) and we do fine. If your husband can’t support you, maybe he needs to go back to school and get a college degree (if he has one, then he can easily support you). I will be paying for school loans for the next 20 years, but whatever, it is better than making low money.

Follow God’s call, he will do the rest. Use the resources you have (such as family/friends). I am sure Mary was a stay at home mom…heheheh
 
My husband doesn’t have a degree…yet. He only has a few more credits (I think). The ideal situation would be for him to get a better job (he only makes 20k a year) and finish school while I’m at home with the kids. With my income it only bumps us up to 44k a year. I will list some reasons I have to work…

Insurance: My job has it, and I must have it because of my health. Any suggestions? Is there cheap insurance that we can pay for out of pocket? My insurance pays almost 100% of my bills.
Mortgage: bought a new house in '03. At the time I wasn’t even considering being a sahm, it was only my son then. Our payments are 1k a month. Plus utilities, gas, and every month bills
Car: we have 2, but one is paid for. The other is 325 a month. for 4 more years…
Forumula: Can’t breastfeed due to all my meds. God granted me two miracles, but I have to be on my meds to stick around for them
Diapers: 2year old not yet potty trained, and a 5 month old
Groceries: maybe 150 a month
We don’t buy much of anything else. I only have some new clothes because my mom was very generous this Christmas. The kids have handme downs from my sis-in-law. Everything we have for the kids was given too us.
Sometimes we eat out, but lately we’ve been doing very good about not just grabbing fast food or going to a restaurant. We gave up meat for Lent, all of Lent not just Fridays. so eating at a seafood restaurant would be very expensive…I’ve been cooking when I can.
We just got our tax check but it’s gone, went to pay 3k worth of doctor’s bills. Having babies is expensive. 🙂

I’ve told my husband that I’m willing to move to a smaller house, cheaper house anything. We don’t want to have the bank foreclose (that would be bad on our credit), and selling our house would not happen. It’s in a new neighborhood developement. People would rather build their own then buy a preexisting.
Anymore suggestions? I’m thinking my husband has maybe 2 years of pt college left, but he would be a teacher with that degree. Around here they only make 25k a year so I’d still have to work…

In God’s time…I keep saying this to myself…
 
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Scout:
My husband and I have had to make a lot of sacrifices. We only have one car, we shop at thrist stores and live on a fairly tight budget. But God has blessed us in so many ways by allowing me to be home with my children.

My suggestion would be to just do it. Quit your job and start staying home with your children. The first few months might be tight and a but hectic, but you’ll soon learn to live on just one income. It just takes some adjusting, and learning to live without some of the “extras”. It’s worth the sacrifice, though. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else other than with my children.

Scout :tiphat:
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For a long time, we thought that we couldn’t afford it too. With my husbands approval of course, I finally gave my two weeks and quit my job as a registered nurse.

It has all worked out just fine. In fact, there is not one bad thing that has come of it, only blessings.
 
OK, this may be controversial, but here goes:
When my husband started his job, he only made @ 25k a year. Now it is about 30. He has been there 8 years. He has a good second job now that puts us at 40k for the year. He has good benefits, and as a teacher your husband will too. Until then, don’t be afraid to rely on aid. WIC has been an extremely helpful resource, you don’t have to be destitute to qualify and it will pay for all your baby’s formula. Also (and here’s where it gets sticky) if you are really low income for a while, you may qualify for state medicaid coverage (definately if you are pregnant). I know that no one wants to rely on such things, but they are temporary ways of making it through until your financial situation improves. We have had to do such things off and on for years so that I could be home with the kids and be involved in the Church. It involves a lot of sacrifice and relying on God. Seriously, I don’t know how we made it through sometimes. But your husband definately has to be on board with you. It is a difficult joint effort, but the rewards are great! 👍
 
That’s funny because just the other day I asked my husband, ‘I wonder if we would qualify for medicaid’. I tried that before here, the kids would and I’m not pregnant so I won’t. They didn’t care that I have a serious health disease and would need the insurance. This was when my mom’s insurance dropped me because I wasn’t in college. They told me I didn’t qualify.

I was thinking what a load of ****. There are so many people who abuse the system, and me who would just need the insurance was denied. I love our country. :))
I know teachers get good benefits…so do I wait to quit for the 2 years it will take him to graduate? Or do we keep waiting for the better paying job. In his current job he doesn’t have a chance for advancement or raises. It’s a specialty store. There’s only one store. One owner and one employee (my husband).
I actually told my husband, ‘maybe you should quit, stay home with the kids until I get home from work then go to class’ Maybe I should bring that up again.
 
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AmberDale:
My husband doesn’t have a degree…yet. (he only makes 20k a year) I will list some reasons I have to work…

Insurance: My job has it, and I must have it because of my health.
Mortgage: bought a new house in '03.
Car: we have 2, but one is paid for. The other is 325 a month. for 4 more years…
Forumula: Can’t breastfeed due to all my meds.
Diapers: 2year old not yet potty trained, and a 5 month old
Groceries: maybe 150 a month

We just got our tax check but it’s gone, went to pay 3k worth of doctor’s bills. Having babies is expensive. 🙂

selling our house would not happen. It’s in a new neighborhood developement. People would rather build their own then buy a preexisting.

I’m thinking my husband has maybe 2 years of pt college left, but he would be a teacher with that degree. Around here they only make 25k a year so I’d still have to work…

In God’s time…I keep saying this to myself…
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Now that you’ve listed some reasons why you “have to” work, list some reasons why you should stay home.

Also, list some things that you and your husband could do to allow you to do this.

What are the minimum amount of hours you have to work in order to recieve benefits?

Do you have to own two cars? If so, can you due with less expensive cars?

Many hospitals give away formula that has been on the shelf too long according to OSHA, yet is still perfectly good.

Is your house financed at a 30 year loan? Any equity in your home yet?

$150 per month for groceries is pretty good.

Around here, teachers don’t make that much either, but have excellent health insurance. They also get the summers off to do other things to make additional money. Has your husband thought about coaching? This could bring up his income as a teacher.

Do you have to have internet? Cell phones? Cable? Satelite?

Good Luck. I wish you and your family the best.
 
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Jennie:
Now that you’ve listed some reasons why you “have to” work, list some reasons why you should stay home.

Also, list some things that you and your husband could do to allow you to do this.

What are the minimum amount of hours you have to work in order to recieve benefits?

Do you have to own two cars? If so, can you due with less expensive cars?

Many hospitals give away formula that has been on the shelf too long according to OSHA, yet is still perfectly good.

Is your house financed at a 30 year loan? Any equity in your home yet?

$150 per month for groceries is pretty good.

Around here, teachers don’t make that much either, but have excellent health insurance. They also get the summers off to do other things to make additional money. Has your husband thought about coaching? This could bring up his income as a teacher.

Do you have to have internet? Cell phones? Cable? Satelite?

Good Luck. I wish you and your family the best.
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To be a ‘better’ mother to my kids. I barely have any energy due to work and health. So I feel like I could enjoy my family better if I could be with them.
30 hours a week to have benefits. I work 40. After picking up the kids I don’t get home until 7.
my babysitter is free. It’s my husbands sis-in-law. I watch her kids on Fri after work and all day Sat and My husband watches them on Monday so she can go to work. We only get Sundays together as a family and this is a new thing. He used to only have Mondays off. About a year ago he didn’t have any days off.
My husband isn’t a teacher yet. He still needs to finish his degree.
We have two cars… one is a 96 Sunfire with over 160k miles. It’s paid off. It’s only used to drive to work.
The other car is a van, technically it’s owned by his aunt. We are making payments on my old car (a 99 Sunfire) that his aunt has. She makes the payments on the van. My old car is payed off in June, and then it’s expected that we take over the payments on the van for the next 4 years.
I told my husband that we should just give her the van back, but he doesn’t think we should.
House is a 30 year loan. Equity? I don’t think it has any.
don’t have cell phone, cable/satelitte, or any luxories.
We have internet, because AOL didn’t disconnect it when asked. So my husband has been using it to job hunt.
 
stay home …I did after my first was born…I never went back to work outside the home…my children are now blessed young adults…the time between their birth and now has been beautiful…from the start I said " I would rather wear second hand clothes and eat economy food rather than give up the joy raising my kids. I never ended up using 2nd hand clothes…and we all ate well! I was home cooking and clipping coupons and I always had time to shop for the best deals in town. The quality of your family’s life will be much greater the moment you and your husband choose to live this way. Embrace it and love it.
Always meditate on the Holy Family’s life. This will help a great deal. Picture Jesus, Mary and Joseph.😉
 
as a daughter of a stay-at-home-mom, i say go for it.

my mother has done so much for me, and i’m so blessed and thankful for everything. i only hope i can be as good at being a mother, if God calls me to married life.

we’ll be praying for your financial situation!
 
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legeorge:
I know that no one wants to rely on such things, but they are temporary ways of making it through until your financial situation improves. We have had to do such things off and on for years so that I could be home with the kids and be involved in the Church. It involves a lot of sacrifice and relying on God. 👍
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…uh, don’t you mean you were relying upon the taxes paid by those in the work force who were subsidizing your lifestyle decisions?

I’m all for being home with the kiddies–been doing it for 7 years–but it has not come at anyone else’s expense. Should these programs (WIC, Medicaid) be tapped if one is in serious financial straits? Surely. But please let’s not start advocating that anyone is entitled to unbridled procreation and concurrent respite from the work force if we have not planned responsibly–or–ignore the fact that public aid is funded by those who are working and paying taxes–manna from heaven went out of style long ago. A fundamental aspect of parenting, yes, even for Catholics, is wisdom and sound judgment. Sometimes that means planning and/or delaying indulging our preferences until our responsibilites are met.

Amberdale: being home with your kids is one of the greatest gifts around. But it does come at a price. You and your husband need to sit down and soberly examine your finances, budget and expense obligations BEFORE you alter your employment status. Establish and live on the budget you would have on one income for 6 months. If you can make it by altering either your spending or the incomed earned by the parent still in the workforce (in your case your husband) then it makes the option much more realistic, and might I add less stressful on everyone. Also–don’t forget to consider longer-term issues. For example, if you sell your house and downsize, are you also compromising the quality of education to which your kids have access? It’s something which could dramatically impact you 5-10-15 years from now. It may not be a deal breaker, but you don’t want it to be a surprise either.

Good luck. In some ways this process is akin to practicing NFP–sometimes you go without or give up immediate gratification for a greater purpose and goal. If you do it carefully, openly and with love and patience, you’ll find that the process and discipline can be as affirming as reaching the ultimate goal.
 
Island Oak:
…uh, don’t you mean you were relying upon the taxes paid by those in the work force who were subsidizing your lifestyle decisions?

I’m all for being home with the kiddies–been doing it for 7 years–but it has not come at anyone else’s expense. Should these programs (WIC, Medicaid) be tapped if one is in serious financial straits? Surely. But please let’s not start advocating that anyone is entitled to unbridled procreation and concurrent respite from the work force if we have not planned responsibly–or–ignore the fact that public aid is funded by those who are working and paying taxes–manna from heaven went out of style long ago. A fundamental aspect of parenting, yes, even for Catholics, is wisdom and sound judgment. Sometimes that means planning and/or delaying indulging our preferences until our responsibilites are met.

Amberdale: being home with your kids is one of the greatest gifts around. But it does come at a price. You and your husband need to sit down and soberly examine your finances, budget and expense obligations BEFORE you alter your employment status. Establish and live on the budget you would have on one income for 6 months. If you can make it by altering either your spending or the incomed earned by the parent still in the workforce (in your case your husband) then it makes the option much more realistic, and might I add less stressful on everyone. Also–don’t forget to consider longer-term issues. For example, if you sell your house and downsize, are you also compromising the quality of education to which your kids have access? It’s something which could dramatically impact you 5-10-15 years from now. It may not be a deal breaker, but you don’t want it to be a surprise either.

Good luck. In some ways this process is akin to practicing NFP–sometimes you go without or give up immediate gratification for a greater purpose and goal. If you do it carefully, openly and with love and patience, you’ll find that the process and discipline can be as affirming as reaching the ultimate goal.
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Well said.👍 This is a situation which is going require a lot of thought, good planning, and sound judgement.

You had mentioned earlier that you were willing to move into a less expensive home if you had to. If my calculations are correct, your current home is at minimum about a $160,000 home. (Did it appraise a lot higher than what you bought it for/or your loan amount?)

Just food for thought, when my husband and I first started out with an income similar to yours, our first home was only $30,000. We lived there for only three years then used it as rental property after we moved out. The house more than doubled in value.

When I quit my job, we used the equity to get us by until our finances got better.

Rule of thumb, pay no more than 30% of your gross income towards monthly mortgage payments. You will have to consider this when making your budget with only one income.

Good luck. I hope you can make it work. It is well worth it.
 
I’m not trying to preach the Health & Wealth Gospel-or whatever its called, when churches tell you if you give them money God will shower them with financial success- but I do want to share the experience of myself and friends in the same boat as you.

When we were waiting around for our hubbies to get the perfect job and promotion so we could quit our jobs, nothing much seemed to happen. But when we got tired of waiting and just went ahead and quit our jobs then the promotions and great jobs materialized. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the same story.

I think God wanted us to put our trust in Him first and do what in our hearts we knew was right for us. I hang on to this verse when I get a little worried, *"Then turning to His disciples He said, “For this reason I say to you, `Dismiss all anxious care for your lives, inquiring what you are to eat, and for your bodies, what you are to put on. For life is a greater gift than food, and the body is a greater gift than clothing. Observe the ravens. They neither sow nor reap, and have neither store-chamber nor barn. And yet God feeds them. How far more precious are you than the birds!” *

I know it doesn’t always work out as perfectly as it did for my friends and I, but I’ve encountered it too many times to not mention it! ☘️

Stephanie
 
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AmberDale:
Have any of you working parents or former working parents felt the ‘call’ to stay home and raise your kids? And if so, how did you do it? I’ve been feeling this for a few months now, and we just can’t afford it. My husband has been searching for a new job, so we I can be home with our kids.
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I wish you the best. Many times both parents work so they can afford to buy things they don’t need anyways. Get together with your husband and look at how you manage your funds. Is there anything that you don’t need/use but you still spend money and time on it anyways?

I also want to warn you, stay away from any online ad or paper ad ect that advertises work at home jobs for mothers. These things are scams and take advantage of mothers.

I wish you luck and I will pray for you.
 
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