Wanting to stay home full time

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the promotions and great jobs materialized. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the same story.

I think God wanted us to put our trust in Him first and do what in our hearts we knew was right for us. I hang on to this verse when I get a little worried, *"Then turning to His disciples He said, “For this reason I say to you, `Dismiss all anxious care for your lives, inquiring what you are to eat, and for your bodies, what you are to put on. For life is a greater gift than food, and the body is a greater gift than clothing. Observe the ravens. They neither sow nor reap, and have neither store-chamber nor barn. And yet God feeds them. How far more precious are you than the birds!” *

I know it doesn’t always work out as perfectly as it did for my friends and I, but I’ve encountered it too many times to not mention it! ☘️

Stephanie

Maybe it’s true. Maybe God is waiting to see if I really trust him enough to do as his says. My husband has applied many times. But nothing. The scary thing is, if he didn’t get a better job, his income would not pay the static bills. Mortgage, Heat, Lights, things like that.
do I not trust enough to let it go and let God?
 
I know some others have said this, but it bears repeating.

**Unless you have a well paying job, it usually costs more for a mother of 2 or more to work than it does to stay at home with her kids. **

Dateline or one of those show actually took a family and followed them for a week, month, something like that. They then sat down and showed all the money that was being spent on childcare, professional clothes, dinners out, and stuff. She had been woking to save money for a down payment on a house.

After was all said and done, this couple was** paying** over 2000 a year for someone else to raise their children. It cost more money that she was making. The hidden costs DO add up.

They solved it by quitting her job and started doing daycare in her home so they could save money.

I have been a stay at home mom now for 17 years. Wow, it seems wierd putting that down. It kind of hit me when someone else said over 20. I thought wow, that is a long time. :bigyikes:

I would do it over again in an instant. But just beaware, don’t plan on going back to work when the kids are in school. After 10 years homeschooling, and then putting the kids in public school, God blessed our family with another. So 15, 12 and 3 are the ages now! College plans have always revolved around thoughts about scholarships, but now they are even more vital!

Record all of your expenses for a month. Including those mochas, lunch out, and take out for the family. Don’t forget gas, maintenence and all those “hidden” costs each month. See how much you actually need to cut instead of just thinking I can’t cut my whole paycheck from the budget. Because once the paycheck is gone, so are a lot of expenses!

God Bless,
Maria
 

Island Oak, this country can spend it on the Iraqis, it can spend it on Tsunami victims.
So what? Legorge got WIC and medicaid for a little while.​

To the original poster, in my opinion, it’s not a good idea to depend on a spouse so much. Perhaps you can work part time or less than part time.
 
Lily:

The wisdom of the expenditures in Iraq or the worthiness of our collective charity in aiding Tsumani victims are subjects for other threads. But if you are arguing that past questionable use of our resouces justifies a different, though equally ill-conceived one, then you have utterly missed the point of my post. Irresponsibility is irresponsibility–no matter who or how many others are engaging in the same conduct.
 
Expenditure on Iraq and Tsunami victims certainly has to do with the point your raised Island Oak. I am surprised Americans begrudge someone in the country getting benefits but have no trouble with aid to other countries.
I for one, would rather my tax money go to someone home.
 
I remember when I a friend found out I was quitting my job to raise the kids, (kid at the time). She said it is a bad idea. If the husband leaves, the kids and I would be in a world of hurt. She used the words, don’t be too dependant on your husband.

Maybe that is not what Lily meant.

17 years later, I acknowledge that if anything happened whether through divorce or death, we would be in a world of hurt. But if I had chosen not to do it in order not to be “so dependent”, I am not sure where my marriage would be today if I could not trust my husband and allow myself to be dependent on him. Kind of like trusting and depending on God in my opinion.

God Bless,
Maria
 
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Lilyofthevalley:
Expenditure on Iraq and Tsunami victims certainly has to do with the point your raised Island Oak. I am surprised Americans begrudge someone in the country getting benefits but have no trouble with aid to other countries.
I for one, would rather my tax money go to someone home.
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You know what…I would too. But not because they threw judgment, thought and wisdom to the wind, quit their job on a wing and a prayer that “God will provide.” We struggled, saved, sacrificed and worked like dogs in our early years to make sure that when we set up our household it would be stable and secure–including financially. Did we have every last contingency or expense covered before we began our family? Hardly. But we had a solid foundation and never expected others to be burdened or to subsidize our lifestyle choices.
 
that strong pull to stay home with your babies is put there by nature, and is why in most cultures women and babies stayed together, even when it meant hauling the baby around as the mother worked in the fields or where-ever. It is triggered by the same hormones that govern milk production, and is for the same reason, to insure the child’s best nutrition, breastmilk, and best place to be, with momma. don’t fight nature while your babies are little, you still have 20-30 years to build a career after they grow up and leave, or 30-40 years if you wait until they are in school, what is your rush?
 
MariaG- I’ve read many of those articles. And I completely agree, difference for us is we don’t pay day care prices which can range for 2 kids about 150-300 dollars a week!!! My goodness. I always said to my husband, if it weren’t for your sister we wouldn’t survive. LOL. His sister watches the kids for free. Which is good, only thing is on my days off I watch her kids so she can work. It works for now. I have just been having more issues with the way I see her ‘discipline’ her kids. My kids don’t get treated in such a manner and it bothers me. I think it’s because she works 5 days a week as a waitress closing and is just so tired. you see she doesn’t have to work. Her husband makes plenty of money. She told me, well yeah but we were just ‘getting’ by then. I was like yeah, but isn’t raising your kids more important than being able to have all the extras you now think are so important?
I don’t get all the extra’s. I’ve been bringing lunch to work lately (which saves a lot!!!), I did’t do that before. I don’t have ‘professional’ clothes persay. I work in an office, but it’s not the main office so we are pretty relaxed around here. I have some nice clothes thanks to my mom. But nothing fancy. There are many days I come in in jeans and a t-shirt. I have 2 pair of jeans that fit (just had a baby), so it’s tough.
I’ve actually thought of babysitting when I quit.
LilyoftheValley- You know I’m not dependent on my husband. I know if something happens I can go back to work. But I’m not going to sit around and wait for something to happen. To tell you the truth it’s more likely something will happen to me and he will be left the the kids. That’s another big reason I want to be with them now. Of course nothing could happen to any of us, I could work and not be with my kids and where does that leave them?
my mother worked when she divorced my dad (my family isn’t Catholic) so I never saw her. I wish it were different. I have much respect for her because she did what she had to do to raise her kids, she got her GED and went back to school and worked. I love her, she got us out of a bad bad bad situation.
There was a time that I had a school play, she didn’t come because she went to Bingo because work was so stressful. I cried and cried on a friends shoulder after the play.
I don’t want to be like that. I want to be there when my kids need me. She was a great mother, but work was more important because she had to provide for us.
My husband and I both agree that divorce isn’t an option. Marriages don’t work if divorce is an option. My husband is a wonderful man and I don’t know how I managed to get him, but I did. He’s a wonderful husband and father. So I have no problem be ‘dependent’ on him.
 
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puzzleannie:
that strong pull to stay home with your babies is put there by nature, and is why in most cultures women and babies stayed together, even when it meant hauling the baby around as the mother worked in the fields or where-ever. It is triggered by the same hormones that govern milk production, and is for the same reason, to insure the child’s best nutrition, breastmilk, and best place to be, with momma. don’t fight nature while your babies are little, you still have 20-30 years to build a career after they grow up and leave, or 30-40 years if you wait until they are in school, what is your rush?
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I agree. I’ve been reading ‘Parenting with Grace’ by the Popcaks. It’s a great book. It kind of makes me feel bad on days because I can’t do some of the things…like breastfeeding due to my meds. I did breastfeed my son for 6 weeks then went on my meds again, my daughter only got 2 weeks (1 week she was in the NICU so it was breastmilk and bottles when I was not there) then had to get on my meds sooner due to my condition. And I can’t co-sleep because my ‘new’ meds make me so tired I don’t even wake up to feed her at night. My husband does it because he understands. So she is in a bassinet right next to me. I hold her as much as I can, sometimes we lay on the floor and play with her and my 2 year old. I’m not in a rush to build my career, I’m in a rush to quit it. LOL. I don’t have my degree yet, but I figure I’ve got time for that. My husband has recently applied to 4 more places for management. Pray for him. I am planning on quitting, we just need to make sure he gets a job that has insurance.
To me it’s really not the money, because after the insurance I don’t bring home much more. But I need insurance. And I don’t qualify for Medicaid, I’m not pregnant or disabled. I really don’t want that kind of help anyway. Not that it’s bad, because some people (who don’t abuse it) really need it. I work with disabled people and I don’t want to take the benefits they desperately need.
 
FYI- I didn’t start this thread to agrue about helping overseas people or people at home. If you want my opinion please start another thread and I’ll give you my opinion.
 
Island Oak, you struggled and saved.Good for you. Some people aren’t so fortunate. Such as my mom’s friend who’s husband beat her up one night. In order to leave him and support her four children she needed welfare and assistance.

Yes, the above story has something to do with the OP. People can be funny.A spouse could up and feel he is not in love anymore and leave, or he could beat the **** out of his wife, or he could loose his job, or he could die. Bad idea to depend on a spouse so much.
You can say, my spouse would NEVER leave,NEVER do this, but people can be funny.
 
I stay home with my two daughters (ages 4 and 2) and love it. I can’t imagine doing things any other way unless we really couldn’t afford to, which I seldom believe is true. It’s amazing what you can do to save money! So many women tell me they can’t afford to stay home and how “lucky” I am that I can. These same women have brand new cars, take vacations, buy really nice clothes. I’m not lucky, I just put the girls first. My husband makes $45K a year and we live in San Francisco which is one of the most expensive cities in the US. It’s certainly not easy. I’d love some new clothes and the lifestyle that the rest of his extended family enjoys. I just remind myself that soon the kids will be in school and I’ll be able to work then. Being with them will benefit them for the rest of their lives. Really. If you are wondering about this so much you ARE half way home already! Good luck. images/icons/icon7.gif
 
Amber,
That is tough. Especially needing insurance. It is hard when you have chronic illness. Insurance is a must. And staying home and doing childcare will provide money, but not insurance.

And I would say you are in a hurry to start your carreer, not quit. Clearly you have a calling for being a Stay at home Mom, a great vocation and carreer!

Put your trust in God and in your husband. Clearly with your situation, insurance needs to be in place before you quit, but trust that God WILL get to the details!

I’ll put your health as well as insurance needs in my prayers.

God Bless,
Maria
 
Lily,

I am sorry you feel that way. To me, planning for your husband to leave is a sure way to make sure it happens. One can plan for death by buying insurance to help with the financial difficulties. If he loses a job, I can go get one until he gets another. If he beats you, you have some serious sacrifices to make no matter what. Planning for someone to leave? For me that would mean holding back a part of myself which then almost always results in what you have planned for. Self fulfilling prophecy.

Look at the flowers, do you not see how beautifully they are clothed? Do you think your Father cares less for you?

God Bless,
Maria
 
I agree. You can’t plan that your husband will leave, or do some horrible act like beating you up, or die. You don’t plan for these things. God forbid this happens, but if it does then you know you can take care of things. You can do this because you are a woman and you know what to do for your family.

But if you plan for it, you are just assuming it will happen. Not all mean are horrible, so why assume they are? I love my husband and will not assume the worst of him. I assume the best. God forbid something happens, but I won’t sit around for waiting for it too.
 
Buffalo- Thanks for the websites. I can’t open the first one, but I saved the others to read later
 
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AmberDale:
To me it’s really not the money, because after the insurance I don’t bring home much more. But I need insurance.
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I believe God is calling you to stay home with your children - I had the same call.

But to be very honest, you should wait. Insurance is vital if you have a serious medical condition.

You could pay for insurance through COBRA, but if your husband doesn’t have a job that will pay for the main bills, then you wouldn’t be able to afford the COBRA either.

With your mortgage, and the fact that you have the van to pay for, it would be even more difficult for you to leave now. Unless those two things change, either your husband needs to have a good paying job (with good insurance), or you need to have a job (with insurance) that has hours enabling you to spend more time at home.

I also have a chronic disease, and figure my husband will outlive me unless there is a miracle. I’m also homeschooling our son.
If I were the one who’s job had insurance, and with my disease, I would not quit. (My prescription bill alone has nearly hit 6k a month.)

MC
 
Oh my! 6K for meds alone?

I’m not going to quit until my husband finds a job with inurance. The house and car are just material possesions, my health is not. I paid Cobra once when I had my son. I wasn’t at my job a year yet, so didn’t qualify for FMLA and if you didn’t work 360 hours in a quarter then you got bumped to part time, which canceled insurance. I was off work from October until February. My son was born 12-31. So 6 weeks later was February. Cobra sucks. But after hitting my 360 again they picked up insurance again.

I know what God is calling me to do. I just need health insurance, and until then I suppose I’ll work.
I was thinking of going to third shift in the company instead of doing secretary work. But then again when would I sleep?
 
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