Was I not strict enough?

[Kathrin]

Kind of an old problem resurfaced.

A protestant friend came to mass with me again today.
I told him he wasn’t allowed to come to communion.
This also felt kind of uncharitable though.
Now I was in a hard spot: I didn’t want to violate church teachings, and on the other hand I also didn’t want to prevent my friend who was sitting next to me from eating the SAVING bread, that is, kind of tell somebody they haven’t deserved eternal life??

I really didn’t know what to do so I let it up to him, I said something like " Well I’ will go to communion, I really can’t tell you what to do" (but he knew my stance on it). I just went toward the altar without really paying much attention on what he was doing. I think he came up front too.

Now I feel unsure if I should have been stricter. But what should I have done? Told him not to come at all (which I did at first, but then I felt guilty about that too, telling somebody not to come to church!). Ran out of the church? Told him I’d never speak to him again if he received communion?

Is it ok to leave the responsibiity up to him once I have told him what I feel about it (he knows the teachings, he has studied a lot of religion).

Kathrin

 

[BSHoop96]

Kind of an old problem resurfaced.

A protestant friend came to mass with me again today.
I told him he wasn’t allowed to come to communion.
This also felt kind of uncharitable though.
Now I was in a hard spot: I didn’t want to violate church teachings, and on the other hand I also didn’t want to prevent my friend who was sitting next to me from eating the SAVING bread, that is, kind of tell somebody they haven’t deserved eternal life??

I really didn’t know what to do so I let it up to him, I said something like " Well I’ will go to communion, I really can’t tell you what to do" (but he knew my stance on it). I just went toward the altar without really paying much attention on what he was doing. I think he came up front too.

Now I feel unsure if I should have been stricter. But what should I have done? Told him not to come at all (which I did at first, but then I felt guilty about that too, telling somebody not to come to church!). Ran out of the church? Told him I’d never speak to him again if he received communion?

Is it ok to leave the responsibiity up to him once I have told him what I feel about it (he knows the teachings, he has studied a lot of religion).

Kathrin

Sorry, you were trying to be kind…instead you were just we sometimes refer to as “wishy-washy”. You should have told him firmly, but politely, that he is not “in communion” with the Catholic Church and therefore not able to receive in the Catholic Church and to please respect the Church’s beliefs if he is going to come with you. If he did it after that I simply would not bring him with me. If he continued alone, I would inform the priest.

 

[Timothysis]

In the missals here, there is a statement (usually on the back of the cover page) that explains who can and can’t receive and the reason why. Perhaps you could show that to him.

 

[SMHW]

Well first of all, your *stance *on whether he should have gone to Communion and how you *felt *about about the fact that he received Communion (if he did) might be relevant to your friendship but they aren’t relevant to whether or not he should have received.

I think you should have explained that receiving communion is a statement that he believes the Eucharist is truly the Body and Blood of Christ and that that he likewise believes Catholic teaching and accepts the Church’s authority over him. (And of course accepting that authority would include obeying the rules about who can receive.)

By giving the above explanation you place him in the position of choosing between bearing false witness to all who are attending Mass or abstaining from receiving. If necessary you might have to spell this out.

Now it seems as if you really don’t know if he received or not. But I would say that you need to be cautious about inviting him to Mass with you in the future.

 

[passus]

Now I was in a hard spot: I didn’t want to violate church teachings, and on the other hand I also didn’t want to prevent my friend who was sitting next to me from eating the SAVING bread, that is, kind of tell somebody they haven’t deserved eternal life??

While your intentions in rationalizing away the Church’s teachings regarding who may receive Holy Communion may have been in Christian unity and charity, for your friend to receive the Eucharist improperly disposed would actually be more harmful than helpful to him, spiritually speaking.

Scripture says:For any one who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment upon himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died (1 Corinthians 11:29-30).
The Church’s teaching in disallowing non-Catholics to receive Communion in ordinary circumstances, you see, is not to deny anyone the Bread of Life or make an offense on ecumenism, but for the good and dignity of the Sacrament and the good of the individual.

Bringing guests to Mass is a wonderful thing–so long as they understand their status as guests and are respectful–and I commend and encourage the practice. Should you find yourself in this situation again either with this same friend or another who is Protestant or non-Christian, you might very politely remind him or her that the Church allows only Catholics to receive Communion and leave it at that. If, like in many churches, your church has missalettes in the pews with the pastoral letter from the the United States bishops regarding the reception of Holy Communion on the back, you could point him or her to that statement.

If your friend is insistent on receiving our Lord, then you can introduce him to your pastor after Mass, who can talk to him about RCIA.

I hope that helps.

God bless!

 

[benedictgal]

Here is what Sacramentum Caritatis says:

The distribution and reception of the Eucharist

1. Another moment of the celebration needing to be mentioned is the distribution and reception of Holy Communion. I ask everyone, especially ordained ministers and those who, after adequate preparation and in cases of genuine need, are authorized to exercise the ministry of distributing the Eucharist, to make every effort to ensure that this simple act preserves its importance as a personal encounter with the Lord Jesus in the sacrament. For the rules governing correct practice in this regard, I would refer to those documents recently issued on the subject. (151) All Christian communities are to observe the current norms faithfully, seeing in them an expression of the faith and love with which we all must regard this sublime sacrament. Furthermore, the precious time of thanksgiving after communion should not be neglected: besides the singing of an appropriate hymn, it can also be most helpful to remain recollected in silence. (152)

In this regard, I would like to call attention to a pastoral problem frequently encountered nowadays. I am referring to the fact that on certain occasions – for example, wedding Masses, funerals and the like – in addition to practicing Catholics there may be others present who have long since ceased to attend Mass or are living in a situation which does not permit them to receive the sacraments. At other times members of other Christian confessions and even other religions may be present. Similar situations can occur in churches that are frequently visited, especially in tourist areas. In these cases, there is a need to find a brief and clear way to remind those present of the meaning of sacramental communion and the conditions required for its reception. Wherever circumstances make it impossible to ensure that the meaning of the Eucharist is duly appreciated, the appropriateness of replacing the celebration of the Mass with a celebration of the word of God should be considered. (153)

Communion has a double meaning. We need to be in a state of grace in order to receive Our Lord. But, we also need to be in Communion with the Church as well. Because your friend is not Catholic he cannot receive Our Lord.

I hope that this citation helps.

 

[Tsion]

JMJ

I may go to confession though. I don’t think you made a stance as strongly as you could have. I am not trying to make you feel worst. Just being honest.

 

[JPUSC]

You should’ve just told him casually before going to Mass that non-Catholics can’t receive Communion.

There was never any problem with my Protestant friends, but they already knew about the rule even before I told them.

 

[kage_ar]

kind of tell somebody they haven’t deserved eternal life??

Remember, none of us ***deserve ***eternal life. We are given the precious gift through God’s great mercy if we are obedient to His commandments.

You should not have to knock your friend down like a football player or cause a huge fight. If your friend is well mannered and respectful, he will understand an honest explination.

 

[zab]

Kathrin,
You tried to do the right thing. Try not to worry about it. However, in case there is a next time, there were a couple of good suggestions posted here. The easiest way to inform your friend is show him the Missalette, back of front cover (if your parish has the misalettes). It puts it very simply, charitablely and to the point of who should receive Holy Communion. It has paragraphs For Catholics, For our fellow Christians, For those not receiving Holy Communion, and For non-Christians But for your sake I will just quote the part pertaining to our fellow Christians.

For our fellow Christians
We welcome our fellow Christians to this celebration of the Eucharist as our brothers and sisters. We pray that our common baptism and the action of the Holy Spirit in this Eucharist will draw us closer to one another and begin to dispel the sad divisions which separate us. We pray that these will lessen and finally disappear, in keeping with Christ’s prayer for us, “that they may all be one” (John 17:21)
Because Catholics believe that the celebration of the Eucharist is a sign of the reality of the oneness of faith, life, and worship, members of those churches with whom we are not yet fully united are ordinarily not admitted to Holy Communion. Eucharistic sharing in exceptional circumstances by other Christians requires permission according to the directives of the diocesan bishop and the provisions of canon law (canon 844 4). Members of the Orthodox Churches, the Assyrian Church of the East, and the Polish National Catholic Church are urged to respect the discipline of their own Churches. According to Roman Catholic discipline, the Code of Canon Law does rot object to the reception of communion by Christians of these Churches (canon 844 3)
***For those not receiving Holy Communion ***
All who are not receiving Holy Communion are encouraged to express in their hearts a prayerful desire for unity with the Lord Jesus and with one another.

 

[Lainey63]

You stated that he has studied the religion. I am assuming this person is an adult. I don’t think that you are responsible at all. You said you told him before and he knows your position on the matter and he has studied the catholic faith…An adult is responsible for his or her own behavior.

 

[melinda_s]

you informed him that he shouldn’t i don’t think you’re responsible at all

 

[Kathrin]

Thank you for the replies and suggestions.

I believe my friend knows very well the difference between Catholics and Protestant teachings. We have had many discuassions about our respective faiths before.

There wasn’t anything else I could have explained to him. Maybe I should just have told him not to come to church with me, not have invited him at all… It was like this: He called me because the prayer service he usually goes to was cancelled and suggested he come to mass with me instead. First I said better not, but then I felt bad about that and called him back and told him I didn’t want to tell anybody not to come to church, but that I’d rather he not come to communion. He understood that. I wasn’t sure at the time if that meant he would not come.

What else could I have done… insisted he NOT come, firmly, because of the good chance he might come to communion. Told him I didn’t want him at mass with me. Not told him where the church is. But that would have felt very uncharitable.

Kathrin

 

[Lux_et_Tenebrae]

Hi Kathrin,

This is a very difficult situation. I believe you did a very thorough job of explaining Catholic teaching.

Maybe you could suggest RCIA, if he wishes to receive in a Catholic Church—this is the only option.

It seems as though you have many discussions with this person, so you could ask him to respect the teachings of your faith, and not cause you grief. True he may feel that he is not bound by the teachings of the Church, since he is not Catholic, but he should not abuse his host minister by defying the teachings of the church he is attending. I would ask him not to attend with me, if he cannot respect the teachings.

I do not feel that you did anything wrong— you explained and requested. You cannot force anyone to do what is right.

Lux

 

[ericka1701]

Another poster pointed out that he shouldn’t receive as it would be as if it were a public statement of belief in the Real Presence and accepting the Catholic Church as an authority. I might also take it one step further and point out that you are not allowed to take communion in other non-Catholic churches since it is also like a public statement that you believe in that particular denomination’s teaching and accept that their communion is the same as the Catholic Church’s. I would also like to point out that it isn’t uncharitable to point out the truth (about the communion not being the same) in and of itself. From reading some of your posts, I can’t imagine you not addressing this in a loving way.

Occasionally I will have non-Catholics attend Mass with me, and and I have not yet offended or been accused of being uncharitable towards others with this explaination.

God Bless!
Ericka

 

[Corki]

I didn’t want to violate church teachings, and on the other hand I also didn’t want to prevent my friend who was sitting next to me from eating the SAVING bread,

Kathrin

But for him, it wasn’t the SAVING bread.

Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner, shall be guilty of the body and the blood of the Lord.

If he knows he’s not, as a Protestant, allowed to receive, but he does anyway, he is unworthy and gets none of the graces of Communion anyway.

 

[SMHW]

Remember that most Protestants don’t share the belief that Jesus is truly present in the Blessed Sacrament. And they may not accept that the Catholic Church has the right and/or authority to tell them if they can or cannot receive. We Catholics may know that receiving unworthily brings judgment on the one who does so, but most Protestants would not be able to recognize if they were receiving unworthily.

This is why I suggest telling Protestant and Evangelical friends that receiving Communion is a public witness to Catholics that they believe and accept all that Catholicism teaches. Unless they don’t believe in the Ten Commandments they should be concerned with avoiding false testimony. If they believe what Catholics believe then they ought to do what is necessary to be fully received into the Church. If they don’t believe, why would they want to lie about it by receiving communion?

 

[Kathrin]

Well, I went to confession today and asked a priest about this matter.

He didn’t seem to consider the way I handled things sinful.

I also, during our conversation, learned that there ARE exceptions where a non-catholic actually CAN receive communion, if they are really ready for it.

Kathrin

 

[kage_ar]

I also, during our conversation, learned that there ARE exceptions where a non-catholic actually CAN receive communion, if they are really ready for it.

Kathrin

This is something that can only be decided by the Bishop (aka “Ordinary”), not by the person in the pew or even the Priest. See the Catechism (bold added) scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c1a3.htm#1400 :

[1400](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/1400.htm’) Ecclesial communities derived from the Reformation and separated from the Catholic Church, “have not preserved the proper reality of the Eucharistic mystery in its fullness, especially because of the absence of the sacrament of Holy Orders.” It is for this reason that, for the Catholic Church, Eucharistic intercommunion with these communities is not possible. However these ecclesial communities, “when they commemorate the Lord’s death and resurrection in the Holy Supper . . . profess that it signifies life in communion with Christ and await his coming in glory.”[1401](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/1401.htm’) When, in the Ordinary’s judgment, a grave necessity arises, Catholic ministers may give the sacraments of Eucharist, Penance, and Anointing of the Sick to other Christians not in full communion with the Catholic Church, who ask for them of their own will, provided they give evidence of holding the Catholic faith regarding these sacraments and possess the required dispositions.**

 

[Kathrin]

This is something that can only be decided by the Bishop (aka “Ordinary”), not by the person in the pew or even the Priest. See the Catechism (bold added) scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c1a3.htm#1400 :

I think the priest just wanted to stress that it wasn’t my responsibility whether he went or not.