Last spring I saw a talk with a very big name wearing a purple plaid top, unbuttoned down to his chest with no undershirt, with the sleeves unbuttoned and hanging loose Not rolled up mind, just hanging there. My field will forgive about anything if you can write a good paper.
Seriously, my default work wardrobe is a black skirt of some variety and a niceish dark-toned top, along with dyed black hair. Does tend towards monochrome, which is what my mother complains about - but really my basic wardrobe would be acceptable in a far more conservative industry than I’m actually in. I don’t know of any employer that would care if my wardrobe is lacking in light tones.
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Yeah with someone like my mother that’s probably the right response. Though I’ve had some luck with the spock stare…quietly look at her with one eyebrow raised. But seriously, with someone like her justifying your position is really only an invitation to discuss it more. And the conversation’s going to end with the dreaded “well you’ll realize I was right when you get older,” no matter what arguments you put forth. I really hate that phrase.
I like the “are we in 5th grade?” stare, too, but Spock works. The main thing is that you are confidently expressing yourself.
If you dress like “Gordon” on the phone commercials, that is your business. You’ll have a harder time finding a job, but if you don’t complain to me, it is not too much to ask for me to leave you alone about it.
I would suggest, however, that you make a mental note not to resist any suggestion someone makes that agrees with your mom, as this would be an entirely natural response on your part. Still, you know that even a blind pig finds an acorn once in awhile.! The less you listen to your mom’s suggestions at all, the better, because it will poison you to considering what might have been good suggestions before they became fodder for “See? I told you so! You listen to So-and-So, but let me say it and you never listen to me…” You don’t need that.
When she says, “You’ll realize I was right…” you can say, "The point is not whether you are right or wrong! Why can’t you get that? The point is that I am sick to death of getting unsolicited opinions from you! The biggest opinion I’m hearing is that you don’t think I have the sense of a rabbit or the fashion sense of a hedgehog!! The only things you ever compliment me about are things that I don’t do any more!! Funny, back when I used to do it, I never heard a word!
"If I had a coloring book, you’d have had to pick it out for me for it to be a good one. Then you’d have to stand there over my shoulder and pick out what colors I should use and where and how hard I should press down and oops, then you’d have to point out where I’d gone over the line and tell me how I’d gone and ruined it, and so on. Then you’d have the gall to act hurt and surprised and tell me how ungrateful I am when I stomped off and didn’t want to ‘color’ with you any more!
“I want you out of my coloring box, Mom. I want you to hold your tongue until I ask for your opinion, because you have given me enough opinions to last me a lifetime!! If you like picking out clothes, great–pick your own clothes! If you have career advice you don’t know what to do with, great–go to school, become a guidance counsellor! Just making my decisions for me! I’ve had it, I’m done with it! No more!!”
Now, you have to judge for yourself whether it will do a bit of good to lay the law down like that. “Do not toss your pearls before swine…”
(You have to laugh, or you will cry…)
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