Wearing a Veil?

[Cradle]

I would also like to wear a scarf Muslim-style since the way I currently wear it (outside my parish… can’t bring myself to wear a scarf/veil at my parish so I use a hat instead sometimes) isn’t stable on my thin, slippery hair. I hate that I have to keep adjusting it - it kinda defeats the purpose a bit, doesn’t it? I don’t have any Muslim friends though… :s Does anyone know if there’s a link somewhere that would show how to wrap it? Thanks!

 

[eiram]

Hello,

I am so happy to read about ladies who have decided to start wearing a veil or a scarf to church. There are some women who decide to wear a hat instead, that is also good to read. For those women who say their hats slide around their heads because they are a little too big, I have a suggestion. Why not buy some “hat pins”? Now you might ask…what are hat pins?? They are long pins that women back in Victorian days used to keep their hats in place. Granted, their hats were a lot bigger back then, but the principal is the same.

I must admit that I’m not sure where to get hat pins, but I have just found my Easter hat and discovered that I am in need of a few hat pins myself. I will be going to craft stores in my area to ask if they carry any extra long pins that I can use to keep my hat securely on my head. Now some of you ladies may think that putting long pins through your hat and into your hair is dangerous. It’s not really, you’re not going to be jaming the pins into your scalp, they will be running through your hair…like you would put a stick through your hair to hold up a bun. Anyway, it’s just a suggestion.

Sincerely,

Eiram

 

[NPalmby]

Depending on the type of hat, bobby pins work well, too!

 

[jilly4ski]

You can probably find hat pins at antique stores, my mom has a few (for decoration only) that she got while antiquing.

 

[climer97007]

What do you all think about wearing a veil, either for yourselves or your children?? Do any of you wear one in a church where most of the woman don’t? Is that odd? I will be ordering veils for all our girls and myself this weekend and would love to hear your thoughts as well as what type and colors are most appropriate. THANKS! ~Angela

I think wearing a veil to mass is an excellent sign of holiness, humility and chastity. I think it can be a very virtuous and pious thing to do. Especially if the wearing of it matches your inner desire and practice of holiness. For example, wearing the veil off of your head before confession, and putting it on after going to confession. This can become a practice of peace and virtue which is then reflected in the veil. You see, the veil should rightly be an outer sign of inner grace. If you do this, you and your daughter will truly be living signs of holiness and humilty which the veil thus symbolizes.

Gene

 

[Maria65]

For those women who say their hats slide around their heads because they are a little too big, I have a suggestion. Why not buy some “hat pins”? Now you might ask…what are hat pins?? They are long pins that women back in Victorian days used to keep their hats in place. Granted, their hats were a lot bigger back then, but the principal is the same.

LOL, hat too big has certainly never been my problem! My head is HUGE! I have a problem finding hats big enough to fit it!

I have become the Hat Lady at my church. Usually I am the only woman with something on my head, although I see an occasional veil, particularly when we have the occasional Latin Mass, and in the winter sometimes a beret or two. I will wear a scarf from time to time, if I don’t have a hat that goes with my outfit (the big head makes it hard to find them sometimes).

When I was a child in the '70s, my mother was the Hat Lady at our church. She stubbornly refused to stop wearing her hats, even when no one else was wearing them. It used to embarrass us kids. Other kids would tell us, “Oh, your mom’s the Hat Lady!” Now, my mother is 85 and homebound, in the advanced stages of Parkinson’s. And I, the youngest child, have become the Hat Lady.

 

[eiram]

Hello ladies,

It is so wonderful to see more replies from women who either wear veils, scarves, or hats to church.

I had not thought of the idea of wearing a veil on my shoulders until after I go to confession, in a way it does make sense…but, I would still want to cover my head because I would be in our Lords house to go to confession.

A big BRAVO to all the hat ladies out there! Even if you are the only ones in the church, it only takes one to make a difference. This past Sunday, my family and I were in church when I saw a young couple walk in and sit down. The young woman was wear a modest white dress and was also wearing a white (chantilly) lace veil. I was very surprised, but happy to see it. I am sure our Lord is very pleased with those of us who are doing our best to please him.

Eiram

 

[anilorak13ska]

It’s been nearly a year since the last post, but I joined these forums precisely to gain access to a fellowship of Catholic women to discuss veiling with!

I have had a love-hate relationship with the idea. I grew up with several Muslima friends who cover with a scarf full-time. They’ve explained the reasons behind it to me, and I like the idea of them being used as part of their entire outfit to simply deflect attention from their bodies. Granted, I have also seen Muslimahs dressed modernly and even quite immodestly, with the scarf looking a bit like an after-thought.

On the other hand, I have always had a very negative reaction to the lacy mantillas I’d see once in a blue moon in church. I was raised Catholic, but I am from Poland, and even though to this day many Poles continue with the pre-Vatican II tradition of abstaining from meet on ALL FRIDAYS of the year, I don’t remember ever seeing women purposely cover in church. I asked my mom, who remembers Latin Mass in Poland, and she doesn’t remember it either. Now, she knows women were always allowed to keep their hats or scarves on, but she was not at all familiar with the idea of it being done on purpose.

I won’t bore you with the details of my spiritual journey, but suffice it to say that for defensively feminist reasons, I didn’t even wear a veil to my wedding. To give you a back-drop to this, my parents didn’t have me wear a veil to my 1st communion, either. Instead, I had a lovely white flower garland on my head.

2 weeks ago God put it on my heart to cover full time. I teach adults at a community college, and today was the first day I didn’t cover this semester. (I now appreciate that was God’s way of getting my attention to 1) focus on making my wardrobe even more modest and also more feminine, & 2) veil in church.) In the last class of the day, a student came in and commented that I wasn’t wearing a head covering today. Imagine my surprise. It’s not like I didn’t think they noticed, I wore mostly tischel-style coverings. But for a moment I felt like maybe I should still be wearing it.

My husband’s not a fan. He’s always a trooper in everything I do, but I do feel like part of my wanting to dress more femininely is to remind myself of my complementary role to him (totally newly accepted concept to my feminist mind, mind you!). We went to a Polish parish, where we frequent, and I was conflicted regarding what to do. I wore a headband and a sheer scarf around my shoulders, which I pulled up slightly over the back of my head during prayer before Mass, when kneeling, and when I approached the altar for Holy Communion. In a weird twist, a spider landed on my shoulder, on my scarf, during Mass, forcing me to take it off completely to get rid of the spider. I don’t know if it was God telling me TO wear it, or NOT to wear it (but wear something much less conspicuous instead).

I attended adoration at my English parish and wore the tischel-style covering. Many of the women and girls there had lacy mantillas on. I love the feel of the scarf tightly wrapped around my head, framing my face. I never realized before that I like the shape of my face! But alas, the point is NOT for me to bring attention to myself.

I no longer feel I need to cover full time, but I do intend to update my wardrobe as a whole & make it more modest, feminine, yet modern. (Last two days I’ve worn the only long skirt/dress I own and I feel like I stepped out of a Little House on the Prairie episode!) In English churches, I want to continue with the tischel-styled covering, just bc I really like it. In the Polish church, I will wear either a hat or a wide cloth headband or bandana.

I recently realized why I have had such negative reactions to the lacy mantillas. For one, I just am not a fan of lacy, frilly anything. For two, rarely have I seen a woman wear one that went with the outfit she was wearing. Once a lector wearing sneakers and a knee-length skirt with bare legs wore a lacy chapel cap, and it looked absolutely ridiculous. I don’t think this is what’s meant by “humility”. Humility as in modesty, not humility as in embarassment! There is another lady, who I believe is Filipino, who always wears a lovely pashmina scarf over her hair, and it always matches her outfit. It never stands out, and I’ve never thought “oh, she thinks she’s holier than thou”. I HAVE had those thoughts about the lacy mantillas or chapel caps.

I first read through this thread to get an answer to two questions: 1) what is a modest way to wear my long, straight, hair? (which I was growing out to donate but have now been convicted to keep my hair long as part of the whole femininity thing - I’m still going to donate, just when my hair is long enough to still be long after getting 10inches chopped off!) and 2) Does it count if I wear a headband or hat instead of a veil to church?

Based on the responses here, and the lovely pictures shared, I think the answer to the second question is YES. I was especially intrigued by the idea of a bun-covering counting! I guess the idea is symbolism, modesty, femininity, and most importantly, reverence and awe before our Lord.

And to the poster who wrote you take your shoes off for adoration… WOW! Where is that and how do I get our church to do that? Sometimes when I enter the adoration chapel, I feel compelled to prostrate on the ground Muslim-prayer-style, but I only do this if others are up front and won’t see me. But I used to have problems kneeling for Holy Communion too, but no longer. I miss the railing… the closest thing I can do is insist on the tongue and kneel.

Anyway, thanks for being here, and I look forward to growing in my faith with you ladies

 

[DebChris]

Anilorak,
I work in the Persian Gulf. The Church here is very active and charismatic. Most of the parishioners are Indian or Filipino. There are few Americans or Europeans so I definitely stand out.
After reading how God called Moses to remove his sandals “on holy ground” before the burning bush, I began removing my shoes during private devotions. After I became part of the Charismatic Renewal, a member of my prayer group remarked, “She really does take off her shoes during prayer!” when she saw me shoeless during our meetings. That was stateside.
Many here remove shoes during Mass. All remove shoes upon entering the Adoration Chapel.
I do know that it is Muslim practice to remove shoes upon entering a mosque. When an Indian worker comes to my flat, the shoes are automatically removed.

Upon arriving in this country, we were told not to “go native.” I do not wear an abayaya. This is not Saudi, where as a single woman I am not allowed to go anyway lest I cause dissent. I like Indian clothing. I often wear a kismeez, but without the shawl. I do not wear a scarf draped on my shoulders from front to back. This is how most Indian women wear their scarves even during Mass. I asked one of the Muslim women with whom I work to show me how she ties her always neat scarf. I have yet to wear mine that way. I like the style much better than the “peasant” style I learned as a child, which was never flattering for me.
I often wear a pashimina. I generally only flip it over my head just before entering church for Mass, or the adoration chapel. From one of the websites, I saw how to tie a scarf tischel-style. I plan to buy a few mantilla scarves when I return home this summer, to tie in this way. I do like lace even if my general wardrobe style would be described as sporty or tailored. The pashimina can be very warm in this climate.
I am starting to wear a bandanna a little more often, especially to cover my hair after a workout or massage.
During a scripture study, I learned that Paul’s call for the Corinthian women to wear their hair long was to show their rejection of a Lesbian lifestyle. One of the symbols of that lifestyle was very short hair. Short hair on women in our culture does not carry the same symbolism.
I do agree that we are called to dress modestly, whether or not our attire includes wearing anything on our head, and regardless of whether we wear our hair long or short. I think it was Bishop Jake who admonished the men in his congregation to “look at the length of a woman’s prayer and not the length of her hair.”

 

[thequeen]

me and two other ladies are the only ones who wears veils at my parish for the sunday mass. and it has been great for me now i go straight to the sanctuary when i get there instead of talking to every one before i go into the sanctuary

 

[anilorak13ska]

I recently attended a Cursillo weekend (Catholic renewal type retreat with lessons on Christianity). Bc we’d be in and out of the chapel throughout the weekend, I kept my head covered all the time. On the second day, people started asking me about it. First my roommate, then ladies at the dinner table, then a group member. I gave a short testimony of it (that since I started covering for church, I kept it on all the time for ease). I was surprised at how little these older ladies knew about the practice… and at our closing ceremony, I felt very self-conscious as I was the only one in a room of at least a hundred people wearing a scarf, and they asked us to go up to the altar and share our faith testimonies from the weekend… however at the reception afterwards someone also commented that they liked my “witness and scarf”.

Curiously, almost immediately after this weekend, I suddenly stopped feeling the desire/pull to cover in church. It’s almost as if God wanted me to provide that witness of veiling for the sake of someone else I’d meet at the weekend. *** Is this possible?***

When I stand in front of the mirror before Mass and try on my scarves now, I feel like I’m putting on a show and end up going without one. I have changed how I dress for Mass (I dress up and wear skirts/dresses now, and I make sure it’s modest). I still sort of want to do it, but perhaps not have it be so obvious…

I saw someone on this thread mention using a little bun cover, and I’m liking that idea. Bc the point is not to draw attention to yourself, but rather to mark your femininity and to show reverence to God (who will know that you put that on just for Him).

 

[spunjalebi]

Yay for pashminas and Indian shawls! Yes, I am biased



I don’t know if this was mentioned, but here is a good place to look (I apologize if this is a repeat):

garlandsofgrace.com/products-page/classic-coverings

ETA:

Anilorak-- what you said kind of made me a little sad. Why would you think that you are putting on some sort of show? Unless you’re entering church with acrobatic pet monkeys, or clothes that have a neon flashing advertisement on them, you should be okay

I can understand where you are coming from, however. Where I live, oftentimes when a woman is wearing a skirt or even a dress-- outside of church or something organized, like a get-together or work-- she is asked why she’s “dolled up,” and then gets strange looks when she says that she’s just dressed like that because she wants to.

I frequently read fashion websites and often read comments from women about how other women seem threatened in some way because of the way they dress, especially if it’s modest. Even within the Catholic blogosphere, many women comment on how other women seem to dislike headcoverings, even though the woman in question-- the modest/or headcoverer-- is in no way, doing it for anyone else but herself.

I am still working through my headcovering worries, but the more “feminine” dress I have down pat Next time someone makes some remark about dressing in a skirt or dress, just say that’s just the way you dress. Or you were inspired by the blogosphere. That’ll distract them and they’ll bat an eye at the term “blogosphere” rather than your clothing choices.

 

[karow]

There are a few older women at our church who wear veils. One homily our favorite pastor talked about how the Church never really said that it was OK to stop wearing head coverings. I guess it was a miscommunication, people started spreading this misconception that you didnt have to wear coverings anymore after vatican 2 and the Church never really spoke out to correct people. Anyway, he said that really woman still should. That got me thinking and reading about it. I think i would like to wear a veil? I might be self conscience at first but i think its really important too.

Anyway before i could come to a conclusion on what i was going to do my 6 yr old daughter pointed out one of the woman at our Church who wears one and said…I WANT ONE TOO! she walks around the house wearing one and being like Mary she says. One Sunday morning she was wearing her makeshift veil and wanted to wear it to Church and my husband wouldnt let her. So i researched veils and childrens veils. I sat down with her and explained that you can only wear a veil if you wear a veil over your heart and understand the role of a woman in the Church and in her family. She really seems to grasp it, she wants to practice being humble like our Heavenly Mother and i want to encourage it.

What do you all think about wearing a veil, either for yourselves or your children?? Do any of you wear one in a church where most of the woman don’t? Is that odd? I will be ordering veils for all our girls and myself this weekend and would love to hear your thoughts as well as what type and colors are most appropriate.

THANKS!
~Angela

I wear tichels to mass and am seriously contemplating covering full time; my nine-year-olds wear bandannas and extra-wide cloth headbands from Garlands of Grace. When the girls were younger we briefly switched from bandannas to mantillas because they fell in love with the look (lacy mantillas are a little too frou-frou for me, the woman who lives in denim and corduroy jumpers), but both of them had a hard time not futzing with them before, during, and after mass. More importantly, the wearing of the mantilla became their raison d’etre for going to mass., i.e., they looked forward to Sunday mornings because they could wear their “princess veils” (their word choice, not mine) and prance around for a couple of hours. Bandannas and headbands keep their heads covered, and once they’re on the girls forget about them so they’re not distracting.

 

[Sunbreak]

I was happy when the veil requirement went away. It got to be ridiculous to see women wearing a piece of kleenex on their head fastened with a bobby pin because they forgot a chapel veil and were supposed to wear something on their heads. Even the hats of the day were sometimes minimal - sometimes no hat at all but just a piece of mesh with maybe a bow on it. Even today, I have seen someone wear a mantilla but at the same time wear a very see-through blouse or wearing bluejean shorts - what kind of message does that send?

 

[anilorak13ska]

Even today, I have seen someone wear a mantilla but at the same time wear a very see-through blouse or wearing bluejean shorts - what kind of message does that send?

I agree. I’ve seen this at my church too. THAT comes across as “holier than thou”. If a woman’s entire outfit is modest and her head covering matches, you simply see a modest woman. Otherwise it’s an afterthought.

 

[anilorak13ska]

When the girls were younger we briefly switched from bandannas to mantillas because they fell in love with the look …] but both of them had a hard time not futzing with them before, during, and after mass. More importantly, the wearing of the mantilla became their raison d’etre for going to mass., i.e., they looked forward to Sunday mornings because they could wear their “princess veils” (their word choice, not mine) and prance around for a couple of hours. Bandannas and headbands keep their heads covered, and once they’re on the girls forget about them so they’re not distracting.

This is real food for thought for me. In my recent post I mentioned that I started feeling like I was showing off… and reading your description of how the TYPE of head covering makes a difference makes me realize that perhaps this was what’s been going on with me. We’re on a tight budget right now, so I’ve been making due with what I’ve found around the house, which have been long rectangular scarves, that I’ve worn criss-crossed at the nape of the neck and the tails down in the front. They’re fanciful colors, too, and it took some hair accessories to get them to stay put. Perhaps that’s what God’s pulling me away from… it’s too showy, and hard to match with an entire outfit (which I think it should, so as to better blend in and not draw undue attention to oneself).

I think I see a bit of your daughters in myself… and I’m going to revisit the types of headcoverings that may work better for me. Btw - you mention bandanas and wide headbands… I’m wondering, does it really matter how much of the hair/head is covered for Mass? Bc I think that’s where I was going wrong, trying to cover most of the hair. If this isn’t necessary, that definitely gives me lots more options!

 

[karow]

Btw - you mention bandanas and wide headbands… I’m wondering, does it really matter how much of the hair/head is covered for Mass? Bc I think that’s where I was going wrong, trying to cover most of the hair. If this isn’t necessary, that definitely gives me lots more options!

I think for a number of reasons you’re going to get as many opinions about hair/head coverings as there are folks on this forum. Just for myself, I sport a cotton under scarf (a couple of bucks each at hijabi stores online; don’t get the polyester ones because they make you sweat like crazy) with a tichel or oblong scarf over it. Since my daughters have fine hair that tangles and breaks easily I keep it braided or in a bun most of the time, so when they wear a bandanna or wide headband you can’t see much of it anyway.

As far as I know, I’m the only woman who covers all of her hair inside church/chapel; we do have a couple of mantilla wearers, however. In six years no one, priest or parishioner, has said a word to me about my or my daughters’ head coverings, and I appreciate their live-and-let-live attitude. I did joke with my husband after a year of attending mass at this parish that someone surely must be wondering if I’ll ever be done with the chemotherapy.

My only advice would be to not get too wrapped up in the how much hair/what kind of coverings debates and instead focus on how you can best show your respect for Christ and the sacraments through covering. That’s how I approached it and that’s what lead me down that path to full coverage.

I hope this helps you, at least somewhat. Good luck.

 

[anilorak13ska]

My only advice would be to not get too wrapped up in the how much hair/what kind of coverings debates and instead focus on how you can best show your respect for Christ and the sacraments through covering. That’s how I approached it and that’s what lead me down that path to full coverage.

I hope this helps you, at least somewhat. Good luck.

This does help, especially coming from someone who covers fully I sort of figured that I was allowing the covering itself to become an idol, but I guess I just wanted to hear from someone else that rather than taking an all or nothing approach I should at least start small and be open to God’s nudging if He wants me to change my approach. Thanks!

 

[heart4home]

I was happy when the veil requirement went away. It got to be ridiculous to see women wearing a piece of kleenex on their head fastened with a bobby pin because they forgot a chapel veil and were supposed to wear something on their heads. Even the hats of the day were sometimes minimal - sometimes no hat at all but just a piece of mesh with maybe a bow on it. Even today, I have seen someone wear a mantilla but at the same time wear a very see-through blouse or wearing bluejean shorts - what kind of message does that send?

I understand what you are saying…BUT

There is always a BUT right?LOL.

I think the same could be said for the way people dress. It sometimes is truly just ridiculous the way some people come to church in cut off shorts, or older women wearing ridiculous short shorts(personally, I don’t think anybody should be wearing those to church)

We as a society, both in the Church and out, seem to take everything to the extreme.

So in the 60s or early 70s women couldn’t remember their covering and ridiculously wore a tissue.

Today, people seem to be in such a rush, either coming or going, that they ridiculously arrive dressed like they are headed for a ball game.

I’m not talking here about dressing up or not for Mass either. I’m talking about the ridiculous extremes people go to because they just don’t seem to care.

I agree about the perceived clash of thoughts/beliefs between wearing a Mantilla and then wearing faded jeans and sneakers or an immodest top. Seems odd and it happens at our Parish too.

 

[mellowcalico]

Kind of related to the theme of this thread, and something that puzzles me are the girl’s uniforms at two local Catholic schools–the one associated with my church and one near where I work (I see the students walking to and from school). The girl’s skirts are so short! I mean, really short (mid-thigh). I just find it odd that not only are these allowed at a Catholic school, but it’s technically the uniform. Part of me suspects some girls might be rolling the skirts up outside school to make the shorter though. But in any case, I just don’t get how this is the school uniform. I would think they should at least be below the knee.