Wedding fees

[frommi]

I don’t think there is anything that says a bride shouldn’t wear a traditional bridal gown either, is there? Or am I missing something?

Nothing banning it…but there is no rubric on the appropriate dress for a wedding…the groom could wear a business suit and the bride could wear a simple dress.

 

[boppaid]

Nothing banning it…but there is no rubric on the appropriate dress for a wedding…the groom could wear a business suit and the bride could wear a simple dress.

Ok. Thank you.

 

[boppaid]

There is not. She could very well walk up the aisle at Sunday Mass in such a gown. She could borrow it form her friends or sibs. She could rent it.

However, if she and her intended want to marry, does she need to purchase a Vera Wang or Jenny Lee original, in order for the couple to properly confer on each other the Sacrament of Marriage? And if she purchases such a gown brand-new, does not it stand to reason that she and her intended should be able to afford to pay the fee the local parish charges for the stipend for the priest, the organist, the liturgist, the premarital courses, the cleaning of the parish church when they are done using it privately, the burning of candles, etc.?

Will a simpler white dress do? Will a smart suit she can wear someplace else do? Could she simply wear a nice dress?

Not everybody used to have a so-called “traditional” wedding dress. Not everybody had the money.

While I agree with you on the extravagance some people go to for a wedding, I do think there is a huge difference between a Vera Wang and a $99 bridal dress.

I think some people don’t want to pay a large fee for a sacrament on principal alone. I know I’d have a problem with it. I do think donations are important, though, for the use of the church, and I think a couple should pay for their own decorations (I’ve never heard of a church providing decorations and flowers for the couple!), but I don’t think there should be mandatory fees.

Let me ask you guys in favor of this a question: many churches have seperate baptism ceremonies and first communion ceremonies that are not part of the mass. Do you think parents should pay these enormous $300ish fees for that?

 

[frommi]

Let me ask you guys in favor of this a question: many churches have seperate baptism ceremonies and first communion ceremonies that are not part of the mass. Do you think parents should pay these enormous $300ish fees for that?

My experience has been that these ‘fees’ are often set simply to make sure the church doesn’t ‘lose money’ holding a wedding.

Usually it’s a combination of utilities and personnell.

For example, as a musician, a one hour wedding really takes up to 8 hours of time. There’s prep time, the acutal wedding, etc. Not to mention that a 2pm wedding pretty much blows an entire Saturday out of the water.

Some churches have the couple negotiate directly with the musician, but that can be pretty uncomfortable. It is better to have a ‘rate’ posted, then if people cannnot afford it but still desire a church wedding, it’s prudent for the pastor to waive the fee, then pay the musicians, servers, etc out of parish funds.

 

[MusicMan]

When I got married, my intended wore her mother’s wedding dress. Nothing extravagent there.

Because she wasn’t Catholic, we had just the Liturgy of the Word and the Rite of Marriage. The church didn’t charge us anything. We paid the priest $100, because that was the customary tip. Actually, we gave the check to the Bestman and made him do it, because that is a traditional part of his duties (that never happens any more).

Here was the extravagence: We hired my college trumpet professor, and his preferred accompanist to play the organ, and then two of the people from the church’s choir that I used to direct to sing.

We also made the Bestman give the checks to the musicians.

We had a good spread of music, and the recessional was “The Great Gate of Kiev,” which my trumpet professor and the organist quickly rearranged for trumpet and organ from the original piano score and the trumpet part from the orchestral version.

The priest refused to process out when it was his turn to do so. I knew he was a music lover, but I didn’t know that “Great Gate” was one of his favorites. He remained standing at the top of the Sanctuary stairs until the Recessional ended, so he could hear the music live. He was beaming the entire time.

 

[boppaid]

My experience has been that these ‘fees’ are often set simply to make sure the church doesn’t ‘lose money’ holding a wedding.

Usually it’s a combination of utilities and personnell.

For example, as a musician, a one hour wedding really takes up to 8 hours of time. There’s prep time, the acutal wedding, etc. Not to mention that a 2pm wedding pretty much blows an entire Saturday out of the water.

Some churches have the couple negotiate directly with the musician, but that can be pretty uncomfortable. It is better to have a ‘rate’ posted, then if people cannnot afford it but still desire a church wedding, it’s prudent for the pastor to waive the fee, then pay the musicians, servers, etc out of parish funds.

Ok, well maybe this is why we were disagreeing. Here, I hired my own musician for the church, hired my own florist, etc. I gave a donation to the priest for his time, and to the alter servers as well. There was no mandatory fee.

 

[frommi]

Ok, well maybe this is why we were disagreeing. Here, I hired my own musician for the church, hired my own florist, etc. I gave a donation to the priest for his time, and to the alter servers as well. There was no mandatory fee.

Either way works…I think “one stop shopping” is a little easier for all involved.

 

[boppaid]

Either way works…I think “one stop shopping” is a little easier for all involved.

I kind of liked the way my church did it, as I could pick a soloist and muscian who I wanted, rather than one the church chose, you know what I mean? But I think we’re actually agreeing, because I thought the ‘fees’ were over and above the charge for flowers, muscians, etc. So thanks for clearing that up for me!

 

[FrCorey]

I never know what I get as a donation.
I have gotten as much as 500.00 for the catholic rite of wedding outside of mass to a 1/2 off coupon for a buffet, to some bottles of wine from the reception.

 

[MusicMan]

to some bottles of wine from the reception.

The priest who officiated at my wedding would have been happy to receive these as his “tip,” although the higher the quality of the wine, the happier he would have been.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Let me ask you guys in favor of this a question: many churches have seperate baptism ceremonies and first communion ceremonies that are not part of the mass. Do you think parents should pay these enormous $300ish fees for that?

No problem.

1.) Usually, the First Communion is during the regular Mass. You can’t have a First Communion without Mass, that’s just nigh on impossible unless there is danger of death, and Father runs for the Blessed Sacrament out of the tabernacle along with the holy oil. I have never heard of a parish that simply passes out the Eucharist for First Communion. The trend today is to either have it during the regular Mass, or the traditional “class Mass”.

There is a fee, for the books, and the prep time, and the “Jesus Day” retreat, and the flowers. BUT, because it is during a regular Mass, or it is a group (class effort), it is a lot less. A bride and groom have to split cost between two people, or two families. A First Communion class with a good number of kids in it makes the cost easier to bear- and nobdoy is turned away because they can’t pay. So, the $300 is broken down by units of 10 or 25 if it is a “private” event.

2.) Today, most infant baptisms take place at Mass. Some parishes suggest an offering amount, esp. if the baby is being immersed (towels and the like). Once again, though, the church is open anyway. And a private bapitsm at the font takes up a lot less space, electricity, heat/ a-c and music.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I never know what I get as a donation.
I have gotten as much as 500.00 for the catholic rite of wedding outside of mass to a 1/2 off coupon for a buffet, to some bottles of wine from the reception.

Wine I can understand. $500 I can understand. But what on EARTH re: 1/2 coupon for the buffet???

 

[SeekerJen]

Hopefully. After all, the good priest, after all his hard work, does not always get invited to the reception, let alone a doggy bag of the vast leftovers from such an event.

I think that’s awful. Our priest was one of the first guests to be invited to our wedding. He was very prompt with his reply card, too.

I think we paid $200 for use of my parish church and all utilities for both wedding and rehearsal, marriage prep (which took a good deal of our pastor’s otherwise free time), filing archdiocesan paperwork (and as DH is non-Catholic, extra paperwork). I can’t even imagine complaining about it. That was one of the smallest payments made that day.

 

[SeekerJen]

Sure, the big dress is right in there in the Rite of Marriage; right next to the section on releasing the doves/ balloons/ butterflies/ bubbles, between the scanty black dresses for the perfectly-matched ten bridesmaids and why it is an imperative sacramental to have a chocolate fountain at the reception.

Too true! (Although I admit to having a somewhat pricey dress, thanks to mom, who had even more fun planning her only daughter’s wedding than I did.)

 

[hasikelee]

My Parish has just announced wedding fees for the year 2007,the stately sum of £330 pounds.The fees are NOT for flowers,organists,musicians or any other type of extra but the fees do include a £40 pound donation to marriage care and a stole fee of £135 pounds to be shared amongst the resident clergy.
My question is this can you put a charge on receiving a Sacrament, when I got married a love offering to the priest was the norm. The Parish does say that if money is a problem the fees can be renegotiated, but that is still putting a cost to receiving a Sacrament.

You opened a can of worms on this board! I went through the same shock a little while ago.

Now we can choose from $1600 for the church we want to join as a married couple, $700 for his parish, or $500 for my parish.

Or the church closest, which is $900, or the old Cathedral, which is $1400.

And flowers, air conditioning, lectors, decorations, tithe, fees, music, etc is not included.

One church secretary told us we could join the parish for the parishioner rate (so as opposed to $900 it would be $450) but we had to turn in an envelope with $15 every Sunday for a year after the ceremony or we would be charged the regular $900.

I wonder if it is the way many people, even non-Catholics, want to use churches that are making people act this way? I felt like I got into an assembly line or as if they were staring at me trying to decide how much money I could give.

 

[YADA]

While in Guatemala in January with Northwest Medical Teams I attended a regular Saturday evening Mass. I got the mass time and the church address from the ‘information center’

When I arrived for mass the church was full of people. The pews in the front area had intertwined rings and ribbons. Many of the people had lapel ribbons [identifying them as wedding party] There was an orchestra and the mass was a nuptial mass. It was also the regularly schedule evening mass with about half of the 200 [my estimate] being there for the wedding and half being there for their Sunday obligation. It seemed to me that they had all the "bells and whistles’ but without the exclusive use.

I do not know what they had to offer in compensation, of course. Also this was after our mission work was complete; we were traveling home. The location was a resort area and the church had ‘tourists’ walking through looking at statues and paintings during the mass …now that felt weird…but the change in readings and the homily tailored for the newlyweds did not bother me…although it was next to impossible for me to follow along in the spanish missal…oh well…I caught the gist of it …

And the wedding gown was spectacular…

 

[hasikelee]

The shorter answer: You are not paying for the sacrament. If you truly cannot afford the Sacrament of Matrimony, and wish to be only married in the parish church with the priest and two witnesses, no Mass, you and your intended should make this plain.

I wanted to offer my experience on this point. At several of the parishes where we asked for the rates, we mentioned a plain wedding with only two witnesses. The rate did not change for any of them. Whether we had 500 guests or 2 guests, we had to pay the same.

I do not know if this applies outside of America, though.

 

[YADA]

“Plain wedding” with two witnesses…as in right after regular Sunday Mass, and still $500?

Our priest blessed our marriage after a Saturday evening Mass. No charge; not for him or the Church. We met with him the week before [he work with us through the annulment process…as we worked ourselves back into the good graces of mother church…nearly three long years - thanks be to God!]

My daughter had a wedding at the same Parish, we paid a cleaning fee of $100, paid the parish accompianist $150, the cantor $100 [which is only correct, the wedding being saturday, the accompianist though staff had to work extra hours and on a saturday, the cantor is a volunteer and gave up his saturday]. I also paid for the marriage preparation, marriage encounter and NFplanning. All required for a ‘catholic ceremony’ The priest did not charge, I wrote him a check [gift of thanks], he gave it back with instructions to write another check for that amount and give it to the new couple [which I did]

Our parish and most parishes offer assistance for financial hardships. But anyone who mentions wedding coordinators and flowers is not speaking ‘hardship’ My daughter’s wedding cost us between $1500 and $2000. The marriage preparation/encounter weekend combined and the reception hall expenses were the greatesr costs. I felt that the marriage preparation was the best money I spent!

I catered the reception food for 150 [as in potato salad for 150…] We had chicken, greek salad, wine. I had a friend who helped, my daughter’s future MIL made the bridesmaid dresses. I bought the material and patterns, her dress was beautiful and brand new and cost a whopping $245. Her future SIL made trhe cake. Her iance;s aunt made a gift of reception hall flowers and the bridal bouques. No flowers in the church. My daughter picked easter season to get married as the church is always beautiful and we took the church as it came! It was beautiful.

One young lady present at my daughters wedding said that her wedding was “comprable to mine for about $18,000 less” and she was not exactly thrilled by the realization. Others told me I should “do weddings” as a living…

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I wanted to offer my experience on this point. At several of the parishes where we asked for the rates, we mentioned a plain wedding with only two witnesses. The rate did not change for any of them. Whether we had 500 guests or 2 guests, we had to pay the same.

I do not know if this applies outside of America, though.

I live in the U.S., and have never heard of a parish that would not allow a “simple” wedding during the regular Masses or right before or after Mass for a lot less than for the full treatment. Same with a a quincy. So, I am surprised you got turned down. Most priests I know would be more than willing to have a “simple” wedding than the full-blown. You’re talking nobody in the pews, right, just the two witnesses?

 

[FrCorey]

Wine I can understand. $500 I can understand. But what on EARTH re: 1/2 coupon for the buffet???

it’s a tourist thing, people pay one price and get to eat all they can at one visit. like, 9.95 for lunch.
I got a coupon for half price off one of these things.