Wedding fees

[frommi]

You opened a can of worms on this board! I went through the same shock a little while ago.

Now we can choose from $1600 for the church we want to join as a married couple, $700 for his parish, or $500 for my parish.

Or the church closest, which is $900, or the old Cathedral, which is $1400.

And flowers, air conditioning, lectors, decorations, tithe, fees, music, etc is not included.

One church secretary told us we could join the parish for the parishioner rate (so as opposed to $900 it would be $450) but we had to turn in an envelope with $15 every Sunday for a year after the ceremony or we would be charged the regular $900.

I wonder if it is the way many people, even non-Catholics, want to use churches that are making people act this way? I felt like I got into an assembly line or as if they were staring at me trying to decide how much money I could give.

My goodness that’s getting awfully complex.

Here is where things get out of control.

I think that some churches, aware that they provide nice ‘scenery’ for a wedding (I knew one bride who was measuring church aisles so her dress would be on display as long as possible).

Those churches are tired of hosting weddings for people who have no intention of ever returning to the church, who probably show up intoxicated…etc etc.

So the solution was these ‘sliding scales’ that protect the church against ‘holding the bag’ for these ceremonies.

It’s silly and unnecessary in my opinion. As a church we should want to welcome anyone into our walls who want to get married in the Catholic church…but we create these barriers.

Having a ‘fee’ that covers costs makes sense…having a ‘fee’ that does nothing more than make sure the pews dont get chipped is silly

 

[agapewolf]

My goodness that’s getting awfully complex.

Here is where things get out of control.

I think that some churches, aware that they provide nice ‘scenery’ for a wedding (I knew one bride who was measuring church aisles so her dress would be on display as long as possible).

Those churches are tired of hosting weddings for people who have no intention of ever returning to the church, who probably show up intoxicated…etc etc.

So the solution was these ‘sliding scales’ that protect the church against ‘holding the bag’ for these ceremonies.

It’s silly and unnecessary in my opinion. As a church we should want to welcome anyone into our walls who want to get married in the Catholic church…but we create these barriers.

Having a ‘fee’ that covers costs makes sense…having a ‘fee’ that does nothing more than make sure the pews dont get chipped is silly

Wow…welcome anyone who wants to get married in the Catholic Church???
Do you know how many people “want” to get married in A Catholic Church, but couldn’t really care less about it being CATHOLIC? I help with marriage prep, and I play music for weddings. Only a couple people somewhat care about it being CATHOLIC, and then even they are living together, sleeping together, or something else. Most really don’t care about being/staying Catholic. They just want to the building, or they are trying to please the parents.

The church is the guardian of the sacraments. I’m tired of anyone and everyone being able to come in and put on a show in the church.
This is exactly why divorces in the catholic church are pretty much the same as secular. Becuase the sacrament isn’t guarded. IIf priests would refuse marriage to people who refuse to talk about NFP, to those living together, to those sleeping together, to those who admit they don’t go to church…our divorce rates would be way lower…then the Church might start to hold some water in arguments in sexuality teachings because of the fruits. But instead, we have catholics in name only calling themselves Catholic and getting married in the church because “it looked pretty”…and living like a non-Christian.

'm not saying this should be done by fees, but the idea of parishioners having less fees than outside the parish under the premise that parishioners have tithed to support the parish already.

 

[frommi]

Wow…welcome anyone who wants to get married in the Catholic Church???
Do you know how many people “want” to get married in A Catholic Church, but couldn’t really care less about it being CATHOLIC? I help with marriage prep, and I play music for weddings. Only a couple people somewhat care about it being CATHOLIC, and then even they are living together, sleeping together, or something else. Most really don’t care about being/staying Catholic. They just want to the building, or they are trying to please the parents.

The church is the guardian of the sacraments. I’m tired of anyone and everyone being able to come in and put on a show in the church.
This is exactly why divorces in the catholic church are pretty much the same as secular. Becuase the sacrament isn’t guarded. IIf priests would refuse marriage to people who refuse to talk about NFP, to those living together, to those sleeping together, to those who admit they don’t go to church…our divorce rates would be way lower…then the Church might start to hold some water in arguments in sexuality teachings because of the fruits. But instead, we have catholics in name only calling themselves Catholic and getting married in the church because “it looked pretty”…and living like a non-Christian.

'm not saying this should be done by fees, but the idea of parishioners having less fees than outside the parish under the premise that parishioners have tithed to support the parish already.

OK…welcoming ‘anyone’ might be a bit of a stretch…

I think I’m going along the lines of not putting up unnecessary obstacles to a Catholic wedding…

I think you have a better chance of a couple staying in the church if they are married in the church…that’s all.

 

[hasikelee]

I live in the U.S., and have never heard of a parish that would not allow a “simple” wedding during the regular Masses or right before or after Mass for a lot less than for the full treatment. Same with a a quincy. So, I am surprised you got turned down. Most priests I know would be more than willing to have a “simple” wedding than the full-blown. You’re talking nobody in the pews, right, just the two witnesses?

If I want a nuptial mass, even if I have only myself, my groom and two witnesses, I will be charged the same amount as if I had 500 people at a big wedding.

Now, if I don’t want a nuptial mass, I think I could find a priest that would witness our vows and stay long enough for us to sign the license.

My parish priest is against witnessing a wedding (or baptism or other sacraments) during a regular mass. So far, I have asked 3 out of the 5 churches we checked out and they all say the same thing.

I do want a Catholic nuptial mass for my ceremony. So I guess I’m stuck.



I want to add that I do realize these parishes have a lot of issues to work out. I know just from having non-catholic already married friends that the first thing these agnostic/atheistic/couldn’t give a darn in the world couples did was to go find a pretty church for their marriage. Pretty funny. Yet I see where these parishes need to protect their churches from being used as just another venue.

The problem is, I think it hurts those who are just plain Catholics looking to invite their big catholic families and friends to a beautiful Catholic ceremony to celebrate a very important sacrament. Those who are contracepting, waiting a while to get married, taking on debt, living together to lower expenses, etc, are able to get married. I am having trouble even getting parish secretaries to consider me, instead of immediately asking: "are you living together, is your dress modest, no alcohol allowed in church, etc.

What’s wrong with this picture?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

If I want a nuptial mass, even if I have only myself, my groom and two witnesses, I will be charged the same amount as if I had 500 people at a big wedding.

Now, if I don’t want a nuptial mass, I think I could find a priest that would witness our vows and stay long enough for us to sign the license…I want to add that I do realize these parishes have a lot of issues to work out…The problem is, I think it hurts those who are just plain Catholics looking to invite their big catholic families and friends to a beautiful Catholic ceremony to celebrate a very important sacrament. Those who are contracepting, waiting a while to get married, taking on debt, living together to lower expenses, etc, are able to get married. I am having trouble even getting parish secretaries to consider me, instead of immediately asking: "are you living together, is your dress modest, no alcohol allowed in church, etc.
What’s wrong with this picture?

A lot…I was talking about either going to Mass at another time, and then finding a priest to witness the vows and sign the license, which you don’t want; or getting married during a regularly scheduled Mass, which your priest won’t allow.

 

[Melissa]

What’s wrong with this picture?

Exactly what you see in the story third down on this page (beginning “This past August my cousin B got married in a beautiful ceremony at the Catholic cathedral in her hometown.”)

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Exactly what you see in the story third down on this page (beginning “This past August my cousin B got married in a beautiful ceremony at the Catholic cathedral in her hometown.”)

Bravo, Father, wherever you are, at your hospital.

 

[hasikelee]

Exactly what you see in the story third down on this page (beginning “This past August my cousin B got married in a beautiful ceremony at the Catholic cathedral in her hometown.”)

That’s horrifying and exactly the issues I was trying to indicate.

It just makes me mad because people who have the contracepting/co-habitating lifestyle are able to “cough” up that thousand dollars.

Meanwhile I can cough up a thousand dollars on the entire wedding from ceremony to honeymoon.

So who gets to have the beautiful cathedral wedding?

 

[Melissa]

Yeah, in my ideal world–it would be parishioners only (at least half the couple), with the churches never open to people who just want the pretty backdrop and don’t want to hear anything about the faith … And no smile, wink wink about couples who cohabitate prior to marriage, either.

I mean a beautiful cathedral or even a regular parish church is not beautiful for the purpose of providing a pretty backdrop to a wedding.

 

[frommi]

That’s horrifying and exactly the issues I was trying to indicate.

It just makes me mad because people who have the contracepting/co-habitating lifestyle are able to “cough” up that thousand dollars.

Meanwhile I can cough up a thousand dollars on the entire wedding from ceremony to honeymoon.

So who gets to have the beautiful cathedral wedding?

Not sure why we wouldn’t want a cohabitating couple to regularize things and get married…interesting theory

 

[hasikelee]

Not sure why we wouldn’t want a cohabitating couple to regularize things and get married…interesting theory

How does a wedding ceremony in a pretty church regularize? They cohabit and use contraception, afterwards, they are married and use contraception.

 

[boppaid]

How does a wedding ceremony in a pretty church regularize? They cohabit and use contraception, afterwards, they are married and use contraception.

First, if they are living together before marriage, praise God they want to change that and marry in the church! Secondly if a married couple is using abc afterward, I still say that’s between them and God. Show me a Catholic, even a “good Catholic” who doesn’t sin, and only then will I say a couple using abc shouldn’t be married in the church.

 

[Like]

How does a wedding ceremony in a pretty church regularize? They cohabit and use contraception, afterwards, they are married and use contraception.

Yeah! That would be funny if it wasn’t true.

 

[Like]

First, if they are living together before marriage, praise God they want to change that and marry in the church! Secondly if a married couple is using abc afterward, I still say that’s between them and God. Show me a Catholic, even a “good Catholic” who doesn’t sin, and only then will I say a couple using abc shouldn’t be married in the church.

How does that make it right? What about showing a good example?!?!

 

[hasikelee]

First, if they are living together before marriage, praise God they want to change that and marry in the church! Secondly if a married couple is using abc afterward, I still say that’s between them and God. Show me a Catholic, even a “good Catholic” who doesn’t sin, and only then will I say a couple using abc shouldn’t be married in the church.

Well, I know several couples who coughed up the money they saved by cohabitating and used it to have a magnificent wedding ceremony at the local cathedral.

They aren’t catholic, don’t want to be. They are diehard abortion supporters and use contraception.

I am sure there are people out there who have made wrong choices and want to seek reconciliation with the church. That is what Catholicism is all about.

I wasn’t aware of the story changing from those who are abusing Catholic churches as venue, to those who are seeking forgiveness and having a Catholic wedding.

 

[hasikelee]

First, if they are living together before marriage, praise God they want to change that and marry in the church! Secondly if a married couple is using abc afterward, I still say that’s between them and God. Show me a Catholic, even a “good Catholic” who doesn’t sin, and only then will I say a couple using abc shouldn’t be married in the church.

Furthermore, several kinds of contraception are shown to raise the risk for early term abortion, which could bring them to exocommunicate themselves. If that’s true, by receiving the sacrament they are only further choosing to sin and separate themselves from God and His Church.

Secondly, ABC is part of a big issue that the Church has spoken of very specifically. Contraception is also a big antithesis to a holy, Catholic marriage.

What you’re saying is akin to saying “show me a Catholic who doesn’t sin, and only then will I say a man who uses condoms for his sexual pursuits shouldn’t be a priest.”

That’s a bit backwards??

 

[Sarabande]

Exactly what you see in the story third down on this page (beginning “This past August my cousin B got married in a beautiful ceremony at the Catholic cathedral in her hometown.”)

What a horriable, but great story! This is not just happening at Cathedrals, but also at local parishes. It might be seen more often at cathedrals because they are the church for the diocese, so members of parishes within the dioceses can get married at the Cathedral if granted permission by their home parishes. I work at a cathedral as a musician and do many weddings there. (We do between 80-100 a year). I know it seems unbelievable, but you can definitely tell which ones are there because they truly want the sacrament and are committed and which ones are there because they just want the backdrop of the Cathedral. There is a spiritual energy which flows throughout the entire room when you can really feel God’s presence stronger than when it is with couples who are more into the exterior. There is nothing wrong with wanting to give your best to God in the liturgy and the sacrament, but only if done because of spiritual reasons and not egotisical reasons.

Getting back to the prices of churches or Cathedrals. In my diocese most churches I know of charge between $300-$1000 to use the church. When my husband and I got married 3 years ago at the Cathedral where I work, the cost was $800. That was waived as we had been giving of our time in the volunteer choir prior to our while in college and out of college. But I have spoken to people on the parish council regarding the bills to heat and cool the place. That fee basically covered almost the amount for the cooling (in the summer) and electricity just to be used within the time they are there for the wedding (the lights are turned off almost immediately once the last guest leaves), plus repairs and such for the Cathedral which is pretty old and has a very small parish. So, I think the fees are fair, considering all of that.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I guess I got off lucky.
When I called to ask about the fee for the Church for my wedding, I got a “Whatever you want to give. If you would like to decorate the Church and give that as a donation would be nice as well.” I then asked about the gift to Father, again, I got a “Whatever you would like to give”