Wedding night consummation

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LighthouseRon

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The day my wife and I were married was very joyful and very busy too. By the time the day ended and my wife and I reached our destination we were both very tired and didn’t have the real desire to consummate our marriage that night. We did shortly after but I’m just curious, has anyone else had the same experience? Are there any moral issues here? Does the church have any teachings on when a marriage is consummated?

Thanks
 
I have a feeling you are not in the minority. My hubby and I had a similar experience to yours. By the time that extremely long and emotionally exhausting day was over, making love was the last thing on our minds, lol. We wanted sleep!

I don’t think there are any moral implications in a case like this.

Malia
 
When you consummate a marriage is up to the two of you. The Church gives no direction as to when it is to occur just that it should occur.

Also, I think it is fairly common.
 
I recently learned that if you were contracepting at the time you engaged in the marital embrace you did NOT consumate your marriage. Not until you engage in the marital embrace by giving yourself totally and not contracepting does the actual consummation take place.
 
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esr:
I recently learned that if you were contracepting at the time you engaged in the marital embrace you did NOT consumate your marriage. Not until you engage in the marital embrace by giving yourself totally and not contracepting does the actual consummation take place.
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I think you should check your source on that.
 
We were tired but consumating somehow woke us up :). I do know a few couples who didn’t consumate because they decided that they weren’t ready to have children right away and were practicing NFP. They were all a little worried that there might be a moral implication in that b/c of the reason behind it. There isn’t, I’m 99% sure, as long as their decision not to have children at that time was made correctly.
 
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esr:
I recently learned that if you were contracepting at the time you engaged in the marital embrace you did NOT consumate your marriage. Not until you engage in the marital embrace by giving yourself totally and not contracepting does the actual consummation take place.
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My husband has a doctorate in Theology and says that it is in the Code. Specifically here: Can. 1061 §1. A valid marriage between the baptized is called ratum tantum if it has not been consummated; it is called ratum et consummatum if the spouses have performed between themselves in a human fashion a conjugal act which is suitable in itself for the procreation of offspring, to which marriage is ordered by its nature and by which the spouses become one flesh.

So, that’s that.
 
This discussion has strayed from its original topic of wedding night consumation. Please return to the original topic under discussion. Please feel free to start another thread.
 
Well, we waited five or six nights after our wedding. I woke up the morning of my wedding with my period :-/
 
My source for the statement that you have not consummated your marriage if you were contracepting at the time was the asscoiate pastor at my parish during a discussion on the Theology of the Body. I have faith that he is a wonderful and faithful teacher and he was also the Chaplain for the Theology of the Body Institute the last two summers. In addition, it just makes sense that if you are holding something back from your spouse (your fertility), then you have not really totally given yourself to your spouse and, thus, have not consummated your vows.
 
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esr:
My source for the statement that you have not consummated your marriage if you were contracepting at the time was the asscoiate pastor at my parish during a discussion on the Theology of the Body. I have faith that he is a wonderful and faithful teacher and he was also the Chaplain for the Theology of the Body Institute the last two summers. In addition, it just makes sense that if you are holding something back from your spouse (your fertility), then you have not really totally given yourself to your spouse and, thus, have not consummated your vows.
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Makes sense to me!

Malia
 
I have to admit…I scheduled 3 hours between the wedding and reception just so that we would have time for each other before we were too tired. Worked out well for us because when we got done with the reception we were both so exhausted!
 
I can’t believe this. I couldn’t wait for the wedding and had sex long before the marriage. How can anyone who has waited so long wait one more night? I’m amazed! I just had no self control at all! I must have been much lustier than you guys.
 
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spiritblows:
I can’t believe this. I couldn’t wait for the wedding and had sex long before the marriage. How can anyone who has waited so long wait one more night? I’m amazed! I just had no self control at all! I must have been much lustier than you guys.
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Two reasons come to mind (I am sure there are others).
  1. The couple has already been intimate before their wedding, so when they find themselves overwhelmingly tired after the long day they just put it off. Maybe they don’t understand yet what the marital embrace is all about. It is not about sex or lust or desires.
  2. The couple are virgins and want their first time to be special. It is extremely hard to get into that special mood when you can’t keep your eyes open. If you want to fully give yourself to your spouse it is better to actually be awake;).
malia
 
I can’t imagine any red-blooded virgin having any trouble finding the energy to make love on their wedding night. Anyways, I was a big time sinner, and utterly unable to restrain my passions, and was anything but a virgin on my wedding night. I’m amazed by the incredible spirituality of some of my fellow Christians. Or else, they just aren’t as hot blooded as I was, I don’t know…
 
Spiritblows…Ha! You think those of us who waited just don’t have your sex drive? You are funny in a sad way. I waited 6 years to be with my beloved husband, why? Why indeed! Well, because I had children from my first marriage that were at formidable ages and I had to teach them the right way! I set the example for my kids, is that so wrong? My oldest is 18 years old (male) and is very open with me about his experience. He is a virgin and plans to remain that way until his marriage. I am so very proud of him…this is what it was about for me, setting a good example. I also have a 15 yo son and a 13 yo daughter as well as a 10 yo step daughter. What about them? Isn’t it my responsibility to set a good example for them too? Are my lustful thoughts and wants more important than them? Of course not. No it wasn’t easy but then I wasn’t looking for easy, I was looking for right.
 
Dear Blest One,
Hey, don’t get me wrong. I understand all the reasons. But, when I was younger I just didn’t have a lot of self control in the sex dept. I wasn’t promiscuous, but I just couldn’t keep my hands off of someone I loved and had the hots for. I wasn’t raised in a religious home so didn’t really know any better. I wasn’t even baptized until I was in my late 30’s, so I didn’t even have to confess my sexual sins since it was all wiped out when I was baptized! 🙂

Now I’m widowed and totally chaste, so I’ve mastered my passions as long as I stay away from attractive men! I’m like an alcoholic, one kiss would probably drive me back to drink! :o
 
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spiritblows:
I’ve mastered my passions as long as I stay away from attractive men! I’m like an alcoholic, one kiss would probably drive me back to drink! :o
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Do you seriously expect all this self-advertising to impress us? How Catholic is boasting about to a condition akin to alcoholism vis a vis the opposite sex? I suggest, if you feel the need to talk out about your libido, that you talk to a spiritual director.
 
Ani Ibi:
Do you seriously expect all this self-advertising to impress us? How Catholic is boasting about to a condition akin to alcoholism vis a vis the opposite sex? I suggest, if you feel the need to talk out about your libido, that you talk to a spiritual director.
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Oh my goodness. Feeling a bit judgemental today??? :eek:

This is an anonymous forum, I thought… I notice that sexual matters are discussed quite frequently here, so I don’t think my message was anything extrodinarily earthshaking. I’ll bet I’m not the only one who struggled with this at one time.
 
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