Wedding Reception: How Much Does The Groom's Wishes Count?

[lax16]

No offense but sounds like he’s way too young to marry. Not to mention way too many issues. Yes then you should have (name removed by moderator)ut about things if you are giving money. Couldn’t they wait a few years to marry until he finishes college at least? I fear he will be divorced.

I agree. We have told him our opinion in no uncertain terms, came at it from various directions and he has decided to move forward with marriage.

Funny, I was going to start a thread on young marriage a while ago to get (name removed by moderator)ut on that as well!

 

[TeachCatechism]

I agree. We have told him our opinion in no uncertain terms, came at it from various directions and he has decided to move forward with marriage.

Funny, I was going to start a thread on young marriage a while ago to get (name removed by moderator)ut on that as well!

Sadly I think this is a big mess waiting to happen because he is so young and afraid to speak up. I don’t see this marriage lasting which is a shame. Why is he in such a hurry to marry?

 

[Lorelei12]

I don’t know if I mentioned this…(new development)

The bride’s father is asking our son to kick in money for the reception. Which means my husband and I are paying because our son is finishing up college.

Doesn’t that mean we should have at least a little (name removed by moderator)ut?

I’m not sure. I think that if the bride’s father says “This is what we can afford to spend, so if you want to have the wedding at x place and invite x amount of people, we’ll need you to pay for some of the costs”, it’s up to the bride and groom to decide what to do. They need to decide together whether they’d like you to help financially and if so, I think that it would be good of them to ask for your (name removed by moderator)ut. They should also put you as hosts on the invitation, along with her parents.

In the end though, I don’t think it’s a hill I’d want to die on. It doesn’t sound like you’re the kind of person who would do this, but I definitely wouldn’t say “you can only have this money if you have a large reception with dancing”.

My husband and I were able to invite a few more people than we otherwise would have, because my parents offered to pay for the food and venue (it was still quite small). But they were quite good and not dictating what type of reception we would have and allowed us to choose the food, forgo dancing, and decorate how we wanted, etc. as long as it was within the budget. I suppose they could have insisted on certain things, but they didn’t and treated us as adults. I think that’s the way to go about this- offer to help pay if you feel inclined to, but let the bride and groom work out details themselves unless they want (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[lax16]

Sadly I think this is a big mess waiting to happen because he is so young and afraid to speak up. I don’t see this marriage lasting which is a shame. Why is he in such a hurry to marry?

They are orthodox Catholics and believe in young marriage. I am a huge proponent of marriage and children, but have insisted on first becoming educated and employed with health benefits.

Please pray for them!

 

[pianistclare]

I have every intention of setting a good tone and will make that a top priority.

I am not sure why they want a small dinner instead of a larger reception.

The bride and groom are expected to pay for part of it as well, which means my husband and I will be paying for part of it.

I agree they should make their own decisions, but she and her father are leaving my son out of the decisions.

It sure gets complicated!!

Well, you DO give that impression.
It’s not complicated. You are making it complicated.
You son didn’t want the dancing as I recall, you did.
He’s trying not to upset you because he wants to keep peace with her family.
His new family.
Does it matter why they want a small dinner?
Why do you need to know this? Do you want them to come right out and say “we don’t want a huge wedding because we can’t afford it!”
Really? That sounds really mean and judgmental.

Now they are saying OK…have it your way, but you’ll have to make up the difference.
And now you’re complaining???
Come on.
Gimme a break.
You wanted big, you got big. Pay for it if it means that much to you. You pushed and pushed for this “new development”.

 

[lax16]

I’m not sure. I think that if the bride’s father says “This is what we can afford to spend, so if you want to have the wedding at x place and invite x amount of people, we’ll need you to pay for some of the costs”, it’s up to the bride and groom to decide what to do. They need to decide together whether they’d like you to help financially and if so, I think that it would be good of them to ask for your (name removed by moderator)ut. They should also put you as hosts on the invitation, along with her parents.

I would like to see the couple decide things together. Hopefully, this will happen.

In the end though, I don’t think it’s a hill I’d want to die on. It doesn’t sound like you’re the kind of person who would do this, but I definitely wouldn’t say “you can only have this money if you have a large reception with dancing”.

All I would really lie is to invite four more people. My son wants to invite more and wants music and dancing.

My husband and I were able to invite a few more people than we otherwise would have, because my parents offered to pay for the food and venue (it was still quite small). But they were quite good and not dictating what type of reception we would have and allowed us to choose the food, forgo dancing, and decorate how we wanted, etc. as long as it was within the budget. I suppose they could have insisted on certain things, but they didn’t and treated us as adults. I think that’s the way to go about this- offer to help pay if you feel inclined to, but let the bride and groom work out details themselves unless they want (name removed by moderator)ut.

That sounds ideal. I really don’t want to get involved with food, etc unless someone needed the help. I wish the couple were working on this together, but so far that is not the case.

 

[aicirt]

Lax 16…Why don’t you invite the Mom for lunch? How come you never have met them before? Was there and engagement? Wouldn’t that have been the time to meet or at least call on the phone? I think it is about time you meet this family.

From what you’ve said, I think maybe Dad isn’t all that happy about this wedding. When is it anyway? I find it very strange that the Dad would want all to pay for their part without any (name removed by moderator)ut from you. Maybe because you haven’t said anything, he feels you are disinterested.

Better to call them, meet with them, and discuss some of these things then to walk around on eggshells until the wedding. What is the rush to marriage?

 

[lax16]

Well, you DO give that impression.
It’s not complicated. You are making it complicated.
You son didn’t want the dancing as I recall, you did.
He’s trying not to upset you because he wants to keep peace with her family.
His new family.
Does it matter why they want a small dinner?
Why do you need to know this? Do you want them to come right out and say “we don’t want a huge wedding because we can’t afford it!”
Really? That sounds really mean and judgmental.

Now they are saying OK…have it your way, but you’ll have to make up the difference.
And now you’re complaining???
Come on.
Gimme a break.
You wanted big, you got big. Pay for it if it means that much to you. You pushed and pushed for this “new development”.

What impression?

I want to invite two aunts and two uncles. My son wants to invite cousins, dates for groomsmen, friends from school…and have a reception with dancing for his wedding.

My experience has been with large weddings and they are very fun! However, I do not think it is right for everyone. I have admitted that cultural differences definitely come in to play.

I don’t want big, our son does.

I’m complaining? I didn’t push for anything. I haven’t said anything about it! The father said he would pay x amount at x restaurant and expects his daughter to pay x and our son to pay x. The father is making all of the decisions without (name removed by moderator)ut at this point.

We told our son we would pay so he could focus on his schoolwork and not worry about working too many hours during school.

 

[TeachCatechism]

They are orthodox Catholics and believe in young marriage. I am a huge proponent of marriage and children, but have insisted on first becoming educated and employed with health benefits.

Please pray for them!

There’s nothing wrong with young marriage if both are ready and can support it, but it seems in this case that’s not it. What about the bride, is she in college? I agree with you, I support marriage but not until one is educated to support a family.

 

[Xantippe]

lax16;13201451:

Yes, you get a say if you are contributing. But if the wedding is so small and the bride’s father still can’t cover it himself, this tells me they don’t have much money. Maybe it’s a dignity issue for him.

Right. If they’re still putting children through college (or recently finished) they could be strapped right now.

I think a college student groom should moderate his financial demands on his future in-laws.

 

[lax16]

Lax 16…Why don’t you invite the Mom for lunch? How come you never have met them before? Was there and engagement? Wouldn’t that have been the time to meet or at least call on the phone? I think it is about time you meet this family.

From what you’ve said, I think maybe Dad isn’t all that happy about this wedding. When is it anyway? I find it very strange that the Dad would want all to pay for their part without any (name removed by moderator)ut from you. Maybe because you haven’t said anything, he feels you are disinterested.

Better to call them, meet with them, and discuss some of these things then to walk around on eggshells until the wedding. What is the rush to marriage?

So far, engagement is “unofficial” because son has been working to pay for the ring. He plans on giving it to her at the holidays then get married in the summer.

I thought we would call them once it’s official (I have been against it due to the age of the couple) and thought they would decide to postpone it. It is apparently moving forward despite our concerns.

We live across the country from them but would love to meet them.

 

[Irishmom2]

Sadly I think this is a big mess waiting to happen because he is so young and afraid to speak up. I don’t see this marriage lasting which is a shame. Why is he in such a hurry to marry?

I think this is a very uncharitable thing for you to say to someone you don’t even know.

 

[pianistclare]

What impression?
The impression you keep asking about .

I want to invite two aunts and two uncles. My son wants to invite cousins, dates for groomsmen, friends from school…and have a reception with dancing for his wedding.
Why can’t he see that they can’t afford it, or his bride doesn’t want it?

My experience has been with large weddings and they are very fun! However, I do not think it is right for everyone. I have admitted that cultural differences definitely come in to play.

I don’t want big, our son does.



I’m complaining? I didn’t push for anything. I haven’t said anything about it! The father said he would pay x amount at x restaurant and expects his daughter to pay x and our son to pay x. The father is making all of the decisions without (name removed by moderator)ut at this point.

**Eight pages of complaints, yes. We have not given you the answer you want…so you keep asking. You also fail to remember what you’ve written. **

We told our son we would pay so he could focus on his schoolwork and not worry about working too many hours during school.

**How is he going to support his wife? Maybe he should wait to get married. Like many have asked…what’s the rush? Why haven’t the two moms gotten together to talk about the wedding in the first place? **

All of this is just too odd.
I’m out.

 

[lax16]

**How is he going to support his wife? Maybe he should wait to get married. Like many have asked…what’s the rush? Why haven’t the two moms gotten together to talk about the wedding in the first place? **

All of this is just too odd.
I’m out.

Okay, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut anyway, pianistclare.

 

[lax16]

Hey guys - I really appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut and have learned a lot about the feelings of everyone involved in the planning of a wedding.

Thanks!!!

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I don’t know if I mentioned this…(new development)

The bride’s father is asking our son to kick in money for the reception. Which means my husband and I are paying because our son is finishing up college.

Doesn’t that mean we should have at least a little (name removed by moderator)ut?

I think that totally would allow for you to bring up your 4 extra people.

And maybe an ipod with music to be played while you eat.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I think this is a very uncharitable thing for you to say to someone you don’t even know.

But it’s true. The coup!e can’t even support themselves since the groom and maybe the bride are in college. Not to mention that stats show a majority of people who marry before 25 divorce. Not to mention the groom is afraid to speak up.

 

[lax16]

I think that totally would allow for you to bring up your 4 extra people.

And maybe an ipod with music to be played while you eat.

Thank you and good idea about the iPod.

 

[lax16]

But it’s true. The coup!e can’t even support themselves since the groom and maybe the bride are in college. Not to mention that stats show a majority of people!e who marry before 25 divorce. Not to mention the groom is afraid to speak up.

She will have graduated by then. But I hear you, they are starting off with more challenges right off the bat.

 

[Lorelei12]

So far, engagement is “unofficial” because son has been working to pay for the ring. He plans on giving it to her at the holidays then get married in the summer.

I thought we would call them once it’s official (I have been against it due to the age of the couple) and thought they would decide to postpone it. It is apparently moving forward despite our concerns.

We live across the country from them but would love to meet them.

It sounds like you’re in a tough place- I can imagine it must be hard to watch your son dive into something he might not be ready for and try to figure out how you can guide him while still respecting his decisions.

I’m surprised they have so many wedding details planned already despite an official engagement. That seems weird to me.