Wedding Size

[maryjk]

PS Oops, her priest was defined as Catholic. No, don’t tell him he can invite someone else. He does not expect that. If you don’t put him at a table of honor (such as with your parents), that’s the faux pas. He ought to have parking arranged, he ought to be taken care of and never allowed to look ignored. If you really want him to come, though, the inquiry about whether he could find someone to fill in on at Saturday Vigil Mass so he could be there at the wedding dinner was a nice touch.

In other words, that web site is NOT where someone should go to get the “right” answer. In fact, it might just be the place to go to find out the “wrong” answer.

 

[jfmarm81]

We invited about 400 people and had about 275-325 or so attend, between the ceremony and the reception. Most that didn’t come were my extended family as they are scattered to the four corners of the country. My wife had just about her entire family there. We were definitely on a budget but wanted to share our day with as many friends and relatives as we could. We also invited all couples, regardless of engagement or just dating. We figured they came to all our social functions, why not share our day with them as well? Although, that was just our opinion.

 

[agapewolf]

In other words, that web site is NOT where someone should go to get the “right” answer. In fact, it might just be the place to go to find out the “wrong” answer.

No, that’s not what it means “in other words”. In the forums, you find actual real honest answers about etiquette, and what people think is rude.

 

[m_crane]

You are all very lucky to have even had a Wedding.
My husband and I did not. I was very poor when I got married. I am sorry that I was unable to celebrate to most important day of my life with friends and family, I did have some friends who threw us a little party and took some pictures and I had a bouquet but I had very little family support, divorced parents on both sides and I was basically homeless at that point. My husband lived with his mother and she didn’t want us to marry. 30 years later I’m still married though, ha ha on her.

So many people just don’t have the luxury of a Wedding.

** Please try to share your day with as many people as you can because this is what it should be about- sharing best day of your life with people you care about**.

 

[kaneata]

How big was your wedding (attendance wise)? How did you draw the line who to invite/who not to invite?

We are planning our daughter’s wedding. She found the reception hall we all liked and it holds 150 so that is the max. Our total list came to about 130 mostly family with some friends. Single people will not be given a plus one unless the other person is know by the bride and groom. The reception is a party that will be hosted by us; we get to decide who can come. It is a very expensive dinner not open to friends of friends.

We are also trying to limit the amount of children since it will be a more formal evening wedding. Last family wedding had the kids running all over the place and I don’t want a repeat of that. We are looking at inviting those over the age of 10 with limited exceptions.

You can’t make everyone happy no matter what you do.

 

[EasterJoy]

In other words, that web site is NOT where someone should go to get the “right” answer. In fact, it might just be the place to go to find out the “wrong” answer.

Well, that was a forum like this one, where anyone with a keyboard could weigh in. I’d suggest asking around in your area about what customs are prevailing when you get married, and how people feel about them. IOW, just because “everybody does it” doesn’t mean you ought to, but since most weddings are very much local affairs, it pays to know what the local precedents have been. It can vary more than you think from one place to another. If you hear something you want to do related as a “horror story”, you might want to re-think that.

 

[Archangelic]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I have heard the etiquette rule of always allowing a +1. I think that’s what I personally will do, but I understand if it is not doable for others. I think for close friends and family that know each other it is not as necessary. However, if I was inviting someone who would not know many other people at the wedding, I would definitely allow them to bring a date.

 

[Sarabande]

We invited 192 and 160 attended, which was what we expected, since many of our family members lived far away and couldn’t travel. We both had large families, although mine was probably twice as large and our family tradition was that a wedding was a family event. Children had to be invited. Culturally, on the Filipino side, you couldn’t just invite one… it had to be all. My mother is one of 10, father one of 6 and almost all of them reproduced pretty abundantly, so we grew up with most of our cousins. We were very close to all of our uncles and aunts and their children and children’s children, so they had to be invited. On my mother’s side, we also invited all of our close cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. My husband’s side not as large, but still pretty big. That said, they weren’t as close to as many family members, so we didn’t have to invite as many people. Not many friends were invited because we were on a budget. My parents fortunately paid for it, otherwise, we would have had to keep it to just very immediate family. My mother was going to have none of that, so she insisted on footing the bill and we happily complied as we did want to have our family celebrating with us.

 

[agapewolf]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I have heard the etiquette rule of always allowing a +1. I think that’s what I personally will do, but I understand if it is not doable for others. I think for close friends and family that know each other it is not as necessary. However, if I was inviting someone who would not know many other people at the wedding, I would definitely allow them to bring a date.

Just to clarify once again: inviting a couple is NOT the same as “allowing a plus one”. If someone is in a dating relationship, the other half should be invited. Single people not in a relationship need not be given a plus one out of etiquette. (although nice to do, and pretty common)/

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I have heard the etiquette rule of always allowing a +1. I think that’s what I personally will do, but I understand if it is not doable for others. I think for close friends and family that know each other it is not as necessary. However, if I was inviting someone who would not know many other people at the wedding, I would definitely allow them to bring a date.

Etiquette experts such as Emily Post and Judith Martin have never written that guests need to be given permission to bring total strangers to the wedding, not unless the total stranger is the spouse of a guest known to the bride, groom, or hosts. If the bride and groom are close enough to the guest that they’ve become acquainted with someone with whom the guest is in an exclusive relationship, that is a little different. Generally speaking, though, a polite host need only invite people to whom they can attach a name. No one else need be invited. Most adults can manage to socialize solo for the length of a wedding reception, particularly when they have something so joyous as a wedding in common with everyone else at the event!

 

[babochka]

How big was your wedding (attendance wise)? How did you draw the line who to invite/who not to invite?

My wedding was in 2001 and we had about 150 guests. I did not draw the line at anyone, really. I invited anyone I could think of who might want to come. It was much bigger than I’d have preferred, but the family relationships were so complicated that I found it easier that way. My husband was flabbergasted that I invited my cousin’s ex-husband. He was even more confused when they gave us a joint gift. I wanted to invite cousins with whom I have an adult relationship, but didn’t really care to invite others. Then I would have run into a situation where one sibling was invited, but others weren’t. It just wasn’t that important to me.

It worked for us, but I know that people often have to draw uncomfortable lines. We recently attended a family wedding out of town. We all went to the wedding, but only our older children were invited to the reception. It was difficult. Since all the extended family was at the reception, I had no babysitter and I couldn’t go, either. I was stuck in a hotel room for the evening with 3 little kids, while my husband and two kids had fun at the reception. I understood and wasn’t particularly upset, but not everyone felt that way.

 

[dixieagle]

Our wedding was 39 years ago, and I would guess there were about 200 people there. Don’t really remember.

Our daughters each had roughly 240-250 in attendance, with 300+ invited. We have no family here, but lots of relative and friends on both sides flew in from around the country. They were both beautiful weddings but we kept costs pretty reasonable, all things considered.

 

[jazzy0710]

We had a tight budget. There was enough food for 180 people and we had plenty left over. There were about 80 people that came to the ceremony and a few more at the reception. We kept it at family and close friends and a few co-workers.

 

[Book_Worm]

DD was married seven years ago. We invited 220 people; 210 attended, and two people died between the time the replies were sent and the reception.

It is absolutely not required to invite plus1’s. Only spouses, fiancée and fiancées , those co-habit ing or in very long-term relationships need to be included. We had a lot of fun planning DD’s wedding with almost no drama or hurt feelings. The one exception were two sisters who were cousins who begged to have their boyfriends invited. We had never met these two young men, the sisters’ parents, five brothers, two SILs, and many close relatives were invited so it was not a case of not knowing anyone, and because they would have been coming from out of town, it would have added an extra ~$700 since they would also be invited to the rehearsal dinner, post-party, and morning-after brunch. The cousins called and emailed several times, finally reducing DD to tears. It took a call to their mother to put an end to it

By the end of the following month, both girls were no longer dating these young men.