Wedding Vow Renewal

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My wife (Catholic) and I attended a non-denominational wedding this weekend and that got us thinking…

We always meant to get married in my hometown where we met and to be married by my pastor. This was kaboshed by her family a d we were pressured into being married in a parish near our current home that really didn’t mean a whole lot to us and by a priest who was really luke warm on the wedding and barely knew us. After 15 years of being married we really feel like our wedding doesn’t feel personal to us because we were pressured into having it where we didn’t want to, by someone who has no connection to us.

Fast forward we’ve decided to renew our vows outdoors in my home town by the pastor of my church (who actually has a relationship with bnb us).

Question now being, is there any paperwork/permission my wife needs to get for us to renew our vows in an outdoor non-catholic setting?
 
It is my understanding that Catholics can not/do not renew their vows. You could receive a blessing. Talk to your pastor “friend” about what is allowed.
 
My (our) pastor at my (our) non-denominational church will allow renewing our vows.

I’m more wondering if the Catholic church would require some sort of paperwork to do so.

If they say “we don’t allow that” and no permission is require/can be granted, then we’ll just go ahead with our plans on setting up the ceremony to renew our vows.

Not sure why you put friend in parentheses. That comes off really uncharitable. He has virtually been part of our family for decades. We were really hurt when her family put the kabosh on traveling to my hometown for our ceremony.
 
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TC3033 said:
My (our) pastor at my (our) non-denominational church will have no issue renewing our vows.

I’m more wondering if the Catholic church would require some sort of paperwork to do so.

If they say “we don’t allow that” and no permission is require/can be granted, then we’ll just go ahead with our plans on setting up the ceremony to renew our vows
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There is no paperwork.

You can think of it as being kind of like renewing baptismal vows. If you weren’t baptized in the first place, being in a Catholic Church and repeating the words for the renewal of baptismal vows wouldn’t result in your baptism. That doesn’t mean it is meaningless. It means it neither gives a sacramental effect nor is it necessary to maintain the effect of the original sacrament.

This kind of ritual isn’t forbidden by the Vatican, per se, provided it is clear that the expression of continuing commitment by the couple isn’t a required element of continuing the marriage, but neither does it have anything to do with the validity of the marriage;
http://www.ewtn.com/library/liturgy/zlitur440.htm

At any rate, this being a non-sacramental thing there isn’t permission necessary to express your commitment to each other outside a Catholic church. As far as I know, it is only required that you not imply that you are exchanging vows that are necessary to continue the marriage or that imply your marriage wouldn’t be legitimate without your latest expression of commitment. Does that make sense?
 
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I said friend because I couldn’t think of what to call him. It was not meant in a disrespectful way. I meant the pastor you knew previously (friend) as opposed to the pastor that married you.
 
OK…we wanted to be married by my non-Catholic pastor back home but were pushed into a wedding here where we were married by a Catholic priest we had no relationship with in a church we (she) hadn’t really frequented.
 
TC3033 said:
OK…we wanted to be married by my non-Catholic pastor back home but were pushed into a wedding here where we were married by a Catholic priest we had no relationship with in a church we (she) hadn’t really frequented.
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What is done is done, you are married. The Church would disapprove of a Catholic pretending that previous vows weren’t binding just because the circumstances that surrounded making them were less than ideal. As far as I know, however, there is no reason that anyone would disapprove a gathering to celebrate your continuing commitment and to have a celebration you’ll find more personally meaningful than the first one.

The short answer is that Catholics renew their vows, it isn’t forbidden, and you don’t need a priest or permission to do it. It does not affect the validity of the marriage one way or the other, but so what? Birthday cakes don’t make us more or less of a person but they are a nice way to celebrate how happy we are to have someone around. You aren’t breaking any rules if you go ahead with this and there isn’t any permission to get.
 
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There actually is an anniversary blessing in the book of the Rite for Matrimony. It’s designed to be done during Mass and includes something akin to a renewal of vows. It’s worded such that it’s obvious that you’re already married, but you’re commemorating that and recommitting yourself to the vows you already took, just as you would renew your baptismal vows on certain occasions. This is an approved liturgical text of the Church. Ask your priest about it.

-Fr ACEGC
 
edward_george1 said:
There actually is an anniversary blessing in the book of the Rite for Matrimony. It’s designed to be done during Mass and includes something akin to a renewal of vows. It’s worded such that it’s obvious that you’re already married, but you’re commemorating that and recommitting yourself to the vows you already took, just as you would renew your baptismal vows on certain occasions. This is an approved liturgical text of the Church. Ask your priest about it.

-Fr ACEGC
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This is well worth mentioning.

Based on this, though
TC3033 said:
If they say “we don’t allow that” and no permission is require/can be granted, then we’ll just go ahead with our plans on setting up the ceremony to renew our vows.
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I think the OP wants to know if his bride’s family are going to throw a fit if he and his wife go through with renewing their vows with the officiant they wanted for their original wedding in the first place or if there is something they need to do to make the idea palatable to the Church and the bride’s side of the family.

That, we cannot know. Just because the Church allows something does not mean that Catholics around the world will do so. Relatives are not so predictable as that.
 
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This matter seems to an emotional one for you both. If it means so much to you, I guess you should go ahead with it. I think you only get presents the first time.

I don’t think most people have an emotional tie with the pastor, as much as you do.

Having said that, a relative of mine brought her own priest 150 miles to perform her wedding Mass. The Mass was not even a dedicated Mass. The wedding was scheduled at an afternoon Saturday Mass. She had non-Catholic attendants who were whooping it up in Church, to boot. A minor spectacle.
 
OP, you seem rather put-out that you married in a Catholic Church?
While that’s your prerogative, your post seems rather uppity towards the religion that this website is all about.
Why exactly are you asking us?

I almost get the sense you’re hoping the priest will say “no” so you can get your vows renewed by your minister instead. To prove a point or something.

Or I could be reading this completely wrong.
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
OP, you seem rather put-out that you married in a Catholic Church?
While that’s your prerogative, your post seems rather uppity towards the religion that this website is all about.
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If I’m not mistaken, OP has posted before that as a Protestant he seems to have trouble being accepted at his wife’s Catholic church. Unless I have OP mixed up with someone else with a similar name.
I have taken note of the posts because it was so different from my own experience with my Protestant husband. Nobody ever made him feel anything less than totally welcome, including the pastor who married us, who I had expected to be a bit frosty towards the idea of a “mixed marriage” because he was old school, but he was just as nice as could be.
 
Irishmom2 said:
It is my understanding that Catholics can not/do not renew their vows. You could receive a blessing. Talk to your pastor “friend” about what is allowed.
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The Canadian Marriage Ritual book that was in use from 1979 until this year, has “The Celebration of Wedding Anniversaries” section that includes this:

My dear friends (N. and N.),
you have come here with your family and friends
to celebrate your faithfulness to each other
and to thank God for the years he has given you
to live in mutual love.
Through the joys and sorrows,
the triumphs and trials of life,
God has been with you.

The Church shares your joy today
and is thankful to you
for being such a powerful sign
of God’s loyal and faithful love for the world.
(God has enriched and strengthened you over the years by the sacrament of marriage.)
In renewing your vows today,
you give witness again to God’s love.

You have proven your devotion to each other
by your life together.
Now join your right hands
and renew your consent before God and his Church.

The Rite then refers you back to the marriage section for the vows to be repeated.

Since renewal does occur in the church I see no reason the OP and his wife can’t have a secular renewal of their vows conducted by their friend in an outdoor ceremony. It has no effect on their marriage but does make a public declaration of their continuing devotion to each other.
 
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Thanks everyone for the replies, I’ll try to reply more personally when I can get off my phone, but this one hit and I think deserves an earlier reply.

Yes, you’re reading this completely wrong. When we got married we wanted to do it in my hometown by my priest whom we both have a relationship. Her family really pushed back on that due to the time of year and travel for them. We went ahead and got married here in a church neither of us attend (it was actually our 3rd choice) by a priest we didn’t know and seemed like he didn’t want to do the wedding.

Fast forward 15 years we’re talking about renewing our vows in a ceremony where we wanted to get married in the first place, by the person we wanted to do it.

I’m just asking if there is any paperwork required for my wife to renew our vows in a non-Catholic ceremony?
 
Well, Fr. Edward has given a definitive answer above. It is a blessing, not a renewal. Call it whatever you want, it’s not a renewal as oThe denominations define it. And whether people want to call it that, or some priest somewhere is willing to call it that doesn’t make it so.
 
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Irishmom2 said:
Well, Fr. Edward has given a definitive answer above. It is a blessing, not a renewal. Call it whatever you want, it’s not a renewal as oThe denominations define it. And whether people want to call it that, or some priest somewhere is willing to call it that doesn’t make it so.
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Different countries have different marriage rites. In Canada, there was a renewal of vows using the original vows; in the US the renewal uses a different form from the original vows.
 
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TC3033 said:
Question now being, is there any paperwork/permission my wife needs to get for us to renew our vows in an outdoor non-catholic setting?
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There is a blessing rite in the book of blessings, and your pastor can use that. Doing an actual vow renewal is problematic as consent persists from the exchange of consent in your original vows. There is no paperwork for a renewal because there really isn’t any such rite in the Church.

The blessing doesn’t have to be in a church-- you should talk to your pastor about your idea to have it outside.
 
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