This argument doesn’t work for several reasons. The biggest of which of course is that going over to a person’s house for Christmas Dinner, or having conversation with a person is not a Sacrament.
Marriage on the other hand is a Sacrament.
The biggest problem with attending any invalid attempt at matrimony is that it is a form of Sacrilege. For a Catholic to knowingly support the Sacrilege of one of the Sacraments is potentially grave matter.
It is comparable to looking on approvingly as a friend or relative tosses the Eucharist into a dumpster while not saying anything in protest or attempting to stop them.
OK let me make this clear. I’m a 50 year old granny and I’ve raised three sons. You are NOT supporting anything by simply attending unless you SAY you are supporting it. I have seen hundreds of weddings and almost every wedding has those people who say, “I don’t give them 6 months” and yet…they are attending.
My oldest son died in a horrific accident. That event colored and shaped my other two sons in many ways. My middle son went through hell on earth. He ended up making some very bad choices. He hooked up with a drug addicted topless dancer and they were getting married. What was I to do? His dad and I talked until we were blue in the face about not marrying her. They were already living together and had bought a really expensive house. I don’t condemn this woman at all, she was horribly damaged but the idea of my son (who was 8 years younger than her) making this decision tore me apart.
Yes I attended the wedding. I wanted my son to know that no matter what he did I would be beside him and I ESPECIALLY will stand beside my children when they do something like this because when it all falls apart, I want them to know they can come to me. To sever the ties of my biological children from me is NOT what I would do. He knew that I didn’t approve but I was not going to refuse to attend. In a lovely little twist…they never filed the marriage license with the court, it was done by a justice of the peace, and…she took off after the “beautiful wedding” was over and my son came to me and I welcomed him with open arms.
My youngest son is gay. If he got “married” I would know that it’s not valid in my heart but, again, I will sit there and let him know that if he needs me, I am there.
Grown children make mistakes, sometimes HUGE mistakes. If parents can be off to the side (after endless conversation–believe me) and say, “I don’t agree with this but I love you and I’m here because I love you” then when it all falls down they know they can come to you.
My son’s friend shot himself in the head because his family “wrote him off” when he married a gal. I don’t know the whole situation but when she left him high and dry he felt he had “let his parents down” and shot himself in the head. That is a forever decision with eternal consequences. I don’t want to see my children feeling that they could never come to me and say, “You were right, I screwed up. I need you mom” and not be there. I will attend, but I do not give my blessing. BIG DIFFERENCE. Key is that you try to steer them right so that they understand where you are, but you don’t slam the door in case they wake up and want to change.
It’s easy to rant and rave about how you would “show them” how holy you are. But I lost a son in 1996 in a horrific car wreck. You never know the horror of lonely until you see if on a tombstone. It’s final then…at least in this life. Watch your actions, you may come to regret them. I know that God understands I’m trying to win my sons. You don’t win them by being an arrogant, better-than-thou ***.
I have attended many weddings that I KNEW were doomed, but you never know how God can work. So why not sit there and pray? They will remember you were there and they may call you and say, “So many people refused to come to my wedding but you were there. I know you didn’t agree with what I did, but I need help.” Don’t you want to keep that door open? In the case of my children that is what I did and it worked. It really worked. My son is doing MUCH better and realizes the horrible mistake he made. Thankfully since the license was never filed he was never legally or religiously married. A civil wedding with no license is not valid legally or religiously. He is not Catholic, by the way. I’m a convert and my boys are Christian but fallen away. I am loving them to God and praying for them.
That’s my 2 cents, now time to go get a refill on my coffee.
God bless you all,
Lorrie
