Week full of frustration

[28562]

Since my post last week (that got locked for some reason??) about my wife and I, I thought things were improving. They did actually get much better last week, but this week is another story and I am getting very frustrated and down in the dumps today. Maybe I’m being unreasonable and impatient, but regardless, I would appreciate prayers and/or advice.

This week has been very difficult…here is the rundown.

Monday, I worked 15 hrs and got home exhausted after 9. We stayed up for a little while looking at houses online, then I got a shower and we went to bed.

Tuesday, I worked 11 hrs. We had dinner a little later than normal and then it was time to bathe the kids. There was a show she wanted to watch on tv and she told me that if I bathed the kids by myself (which I was planning on doing anyway) so that she could watch the show, she would make it up to me later …So of course, I did just that. We watched some tv for a little while and then I went to get a shower. She was supposed to get a shower as soon as I was done so we could go to bed. When I was done, she was looking at houses online. Instead of getting up, we continued to look for a little while (even though I said a couple times ‘why don’t you go get a shower?’) and then she showered and we got to bed after midnight…of course, nothing happened except going to sleep at that time of night.

Wednesday…so after going to bed after 1230, I was up at 445 for another 15 hour day at work. I had talked to her earlier in the day and suggested that we don’t watch any tv so that we could read the devotional we got last week…that hasn’t been opened yet…Well, of course there are shows on Wednesday night that she really wants to watch. Actually, we both like them, but I was more than ready to just not watch them for once. She even made a comment about the forgotten promise from Tuesday night…but then did not make good on it at bedtime.

Thursday…up at 445 again with about 4.5 hours of sleep again. Another 11 hr day at work and then we went to ride around and look at houses after I got off, then went to take the kids to Cici’s for dinner and got groceries. We got home around 9, I carried all the groceries in and told her I would bathe the kids so that she could just put all the groceries away. I thought it would be nice for her to not have to help at all with any of the manual labor, regardless of the fact that I am exhausted. Sacrifice myself to make her happier was my MO…She even made a comment earlier about making good on the forgotten promise from 2 days ago…We went to bed and while we were laying there, I said ‘this week has been horrible’. I was trying to just talk to her about my frustrations (especially with my long, hard days at work, not our intimacy problem) and she replied ‘ok’ and rolled over. I kinda layed there for a minute, disappointed and hurt that she didn’t care enough to ask what was wrong, and then said ‘I guess you took that personal when I said that?’ She went on to say how she figured I was going to complain about the kids and stress from looking at houses and thought I didn’t really want to talk about it. I told her that was not the case at all and that people don’t normally say things like that unless they want to talk about it…So then she asked me what was wrong and I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it now since she didn’t care enough to ask on her own. I rolled over and went to sleep and so did she.

I think when I get off today I am going to go to Church and sit there for a while. I did that last Friday after work and it seemed to make me feel better. Hopefully I can say some prayers that will change some things around here because this is killing me. I am also not planning on suggesting that we read our devotional tonight. I have suggested it every night this week and it still hasn’t happened. I have also suggested us not turning on the tv every night and there is always something important to watch….I’m getting fed up with all this. And the broken promise from three days ago…well, I’m just giving up on that. I know that some of my frustration is due to me being tired, but I am not bringing any of it home and regardless of how tired I am, I am still going out of my way to do things for other people.

 

[28562]

Oh, and before I get jumped on for being insensitive about our intimacy, I need to say this.

It isn’t the lack of sex that is bumming me out today, it’s the broken promise regarding sex.

 

[Schieffelin]

Sorry about your hard week. You two need to be in counseling asap. There are some major communication issues going on here.

I remember in your last post you said something to the effect of everything in your marriage is perfect except for this sex issue. But that’s just not even possible–sex is always related to other things. And for your wife this is clearly the case or she wouldn’t be acting this way. I think she has a hard time expressing what’s going on with her (and maybe she doesn’t even know).

Time to bring in a third party. Find a good Catholic counselor that you both are comfortable with.

 

[28562]

Sorry about your hard week. You two need to be in counseling asap. There are some major communication issues going on here.

I remember in your last post you said something to the effect of everything in your marriage is perfect except for this sex issue. But that’s just not even possible–sex is always related to other things. And for your wife this is clearly the case or she wouldn’t be acting this way. I think she has a hard time expressing what’s going on with her (and maybe she doesn’t even know).

Time to bring in a third party. Find a good Catholic counselor that you both are comfortable with.

I would love to go to counseling, but she doesn’t want to (as of the last time I mentioned it). There is an awesome counselor at our Church. We saw him a few times early in our marriage when she was unhappy with me and wanted to go.

There is really nothing else I would change about our marriage. She is my best friend, an amazing mom and a great wife except for sex…but that’s not even what my problems are about this week. Or are they and I am subconciously in denial?? Her not asking what was wrong with me last night was the straw that broke the camels back this week.

 

[Castello]

Sounds as if you are keeping score.

Please please please, to to Retrouvaille.

 

[Schieffelin]

I would love to go to counseling, but she doesn’t want to (as of the last time I mentioned it). There is an awesome counselor at our Church. We saw him a few times early in our marriage when she was unhappy with me and wanted to go.

There is really nothing else I would change about our marriage. She is my best friend, an amazing mom and a great wife except for sex…but that’s not even what my problems are about this week. Or are they and I am subconciously in denial?? Her not asking what was wrong with me last night was the straw that broke the camels back this week.

Well that part just sounds like normal (not necessarily good, but normal) marriage stuff to me. She was probably just tired or cranky. Her refusal to try counseling is ridiculous though. If you have calmly and kindly explained to her in detail why you would like to try it for the benefit of your marriage and she still says no–well I don’t know what to tell you other than to pray for a change of heart for her. Maybe she mistakenly thinks counseling is for people with something “wrong” with them. To the contrary, it can be helpful for any couple regardless of how small or large their challenges may be.

Btw, did you mention to her that you were disappointed that she didn’t keep her promise?

 

[28562]

Btw, did you mention to her that you were disappointed that she didn’t keep her promise?

No, because I know it would start a big argument and I just didn’t want to go there. She knows that she didn’t hold up her end of the bargain and I don’t feel like I should have to point it out and I know if I do, the next two hours of my life are going to be spent ‘discussing’ and I don’t feel like anything good will come of it.

Should I say something regardless of the probable outcome?

Edit–Also, if I bring it up, she will believe that the main reason I am upset is sex, which is not the case. So I thought it would be best to not mention it at all.

 

[Schieffelin]

No, because I know it would start a big argument and I just didn’t want to go there. She knows that she didn’t hold up her end of the bargain and I don’t feel like I should have to point it out and I know if I do, the next two hours of my life are going to be spent ‘discussing’ and I don’t feel like anything good will come of it.

Should I say something regardless of the probable outcome?

Edit–Also, if I bring it up, she will believe that the main reason I am upset is sex, which is not the case. So I thought it would be best to not mention it at all.

That’s what I figured. That’s why think y’all have communication problems. You shouldn’t be afraid to talk to her about things. You two should be able to discuss serious matters without it breaking down into a huge argument or assuming hurtful things about each other (like her assuming all of your concerns have to do with sex even when they don’t).

I’m not preaching at you as someone who is good at this in her own marriage. My husband and I have problems talking out tough situations too. He–maybe somewhat like you–likes to avoid conflict at all costs. Me on the other hand, I prefer honest and discussion even when it’s going to be painful because I hate it when things boil under the surface. But that’s why we got into counseling.

 

[heaintheavy]

Sounds as if you are keeping score.

Please please please, to to Retrouvaille.

I personally know a few couples who did not like this Retrouvaille program, not finding it helpful at all. In fact, the opposite. But I guess it does help some.

 

[Pink_Lemonade]

I am not familiar with your previous post, but a few things stand out to me in this one:

• You repeatedly refer to your wife’s “broken promise” and her not “holding up her end of the bargain”. If she is using sex as a carrot so that she can watch a TV show, and you are holding her to it and asking that she “repay” you, I think you should take a step back and find out whatever is causing your intimacy issues before making out a balance sheet.
• You seem to want her to read your mind. You made a comment, expecting her to continue the conversation, and when she did not, instead of having an honest conversation you withdrew. If you want to talk about your difficult day, you can’t make vague statements and expect her to respond in a certain way. Just say “Wow, I had a really hard day, because blah blah blah.”

I agree with the other poster who suggested that you have communication issues and also said that sex is always related to other things. Both very true. If she will not see a counselor with you, you can go alone. He or she may be able to help you find ways to communicate better with your wife. Also, I know it’s hard not to, but you seem fixated on what you are getting/not getting from her. Instead of being resentful, try to get to the bottom of your communication issues and realize your part in them.

 

[Schieffelin]

I am not familiar with your previous post, but a few things stand out to me in this one:

• You repeatedly refer to your wife’s “broken promise” and her not “holding up her end of the bargain”. If she is using sex as a carrot so that she can watch a TV show, and you are holding her to it and asking that she “repay” you, I think you should take a step back and find out whatever is causing your intimacy issues before making out a balance sheet.
• You seem to want her to read your mind. You made a comment, expecting her to continue the conversation, and when she did not, instead of having an honest conversation you withdrew. If you want to talk about your difficult day, you can’t make vague statements and expect her to respond in a certain way. Just say “Wow, I had a really hard day, because blah blah blah.”

I agree with the other poster who suggested that you have communication issues and also said that sex is always related to other things. Both very true.** If she will not see a counselor with you, you can go alone. **He or she may be able to help you find ways to communicate better with your wife. Also, I know it’s hard not to, but you seem fixated on what you are getting/not getting from her. Instead of being resentful, try to get to the bottom of your communication issues and realize your part in them.

Very good advice. Awhile ago when my husband and I were having problems he didn’t want to go to counseling. So I went by myself. Not only did it help me do things better on my end of the marriage, but gradually when H saw me setting the example he became more open and started going to counseling with me.

 

[mamaslo]

maybe it is the vagueness of “counselling” . what the heck do they do in there that will help so much? Maybe you should find out what they would help with and discuss it. I know I don’t want some third party getting in the mix unless there is a plan, not some vague mystical thing that makes me nervous.

What if you two went to a marriage counsellor and asked what would go on in there, and decide if that is something you think you could handle.

There are probably things she wishes she could make better, but if she doesn’t know what will be talked about, like ganging up on her about the lack of intimacy…I could see why she would be reluctant. I won’t talk about that either with a third party.

So maybe if you pose the question to her about finding out what marriage counselling is instead of trying to fix the problems without knowing what the counselling is for. Just a suggestion.

I don’t blame her for protecting herself from getting bulldozed.

She may find that it is indeed something to try. that it is good.

 

[SamH]

Since my post last week (that got locked for some reason??) about my wife and I, I thought things were improving. They did actually get much better last week, but this week is another story and I am getting very frustrated and down in the dumps today. Maybe I’m being unreasonable and impatient, but regardless, I would appreciate prayers and/or advice.

This week has been very difficult…here is the rundown.

Monday, I worked 15 hrs and got home exhausted after 9. We stayed up for a little while looking at houses online, then I got a shower and we went to bed.

Tuesday, I worked 11 hrs. We had dinner a little later than normal and then it was time to bathe the kids. There was a show she wanted to watch on tv and she told me that if I bathed the kids by myself (which I was planning on doing anyway) so that she could watch the show, she would make it up to me later …So of course, I did just that. We watched some tv for a little while and then I went to get a shower. She was supposed to get a shower as soon as I was done so we could go to bed. When I was done, she was looking at houses online. Instead of getting up, we continued to look for a little while (even though I said a couple times ‘why don’t you go get a shower?’) and then she showered and we got to bed after midnight…of course, nothing happened except going to sleep at that time of night.

Wednesday…so after going to bed after 1230, I was up at 445 for another 15 hour day at work. I had talked to her earlier in the day and suggested that we don’t watch any tv so that we could read the devotional we got last week…that hasn’t been opened yet…Well, of course there are shows on Wednesday night that she really wants to watch. Actually, we both like them, but I was more than ready to just not watch them for once. She even made a comment about the forgotten promise from Tuesday night…but then did not make good on it at bedtime.

Thursday…up at 445 again with about 4.5 hours of sleep again. Another 11 hr day at work and then we went to ride around and look at houses after I got off, then went to take the kids to Cici’s for dinner and got groceries. We got home around 9, I carried all the groceries in and told her I would bathe the kids so that she could just put all the groceries away. I thought it would be nice for her to not have to help at all with any of the manual labor, regardless of the fact that I am exhausted. Sacrifice myself to make her happier was my MO…She even made a comment earlier about making good on the forgotten promise from 2 days ago…We went to bed and while we were laying there, I said ‘this week has been horrible’. I was trying to just talk to her about my frustrations (especially with my long, hard days at work, not our intimacy problem) and she replied ‘ok’ and rolled over. I kinda layed there for a minute, disappointed and hurt that she didn’t care enough to ask what was wrong, and then said ‘I guess you took that personal when I said that?’ She went on to say how she figured I was going to complain about the kids and stress from looking at houses and thought I didn’t really want to talk about it. I told her that was not the case at all and that people don’t normally say things like that unless they want to talk about it…So then she asked me what was wrong and I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it now since she didn’t care enough to ask on her own. I rolled over and went to sleep and so did she.

Sounds like married life to me.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

I would love to go to counseling, but she doesn’t want to (as of the last time I mentioned it). There is an awesome counselor at our Church. We saw him a few times early in our marriage when she was unhappy with me and wanted to go.

There’s really nothing more strangers on an Internet forum can tell you except get counseling. Your issues transcend anything that can be handled online. If your wife won’t go to counseling, go alone. If you don’t have insurance or otherwise can’t afford counseling, contact your parish or diocese to locate a therapist who can see you on a sliding scale based on income.

Luna

 

[The_Bucket]

• You repeatedly refer to your wife’s “broken promise” and her not “holding up her end of the bargain”. If she is using sex as a carrot so that she can watch a TV show, and you are holding her to it and asking that she “repay” you, I think you should take a step back and find out whatever is causing your intimacy issues before making out a balance sheet

Bingo. That’s not remotely normal. Well, actually it does happen frequently but it’s not healthy.

Also, I know it’s hard not to, but you seem fixated on what you are getting/not getting from her. Instead of being resentful, try to get to the bottom of your communication issues and realize your part in them.

And this as well. On the one hand, it seems like your wife is using sex or the promise of it to get you to do household work. On the other, you sound like a child who isn’t being given his candy.

Buddy, I think we’ve all been there as far as the “well if she doesn’t get why I’m upset about this, why should I say it?” And I’m sure you’re self-aware enough to realize that complaining in a juvenile way about a lack of sex is a surefire way to ensure you’re going to get less.

What you need is an adult-level conversation with her about the issue so she doesn’t run over you with unfulfilled promises… and you need to stop keeping score. Because that’s weird and not masculine.

 

[28562]

And this as well. On the one hand, it seems like your wife is using sex or the promise of it to get you to do household work. On the other, you sound like a child who isn’t being given his candy.

**I have to disagree, although my opinion may not matter much in the situation…but if you go back, I’m not whining about not getting any. The real issue is that she said she would do something for me and hasn’t. It could have been scratching my back, or feeding the dog, or packing my lunch, etc…it just happens to be sex in this case. **

Buddy, I think we’ve all been there as far as the “well if she doesn’t get why I’m upset about this, why should I say it?” And I’m sure you’re self-aware enough to realize that complaining in a juvenile way about a lack of sex is a surefire way to ensure you’re going to get less.

Again, I wasn’t complaining about sex, here or with her. It was about other things.

What you need is an adult-level conversation with her about the issue so she doesn’t run over you with unfulfilled promises… and you need to stop keeping score. Because that’s weird and not masculine.

I personally don’t think I am keeping score, but I can see where you guys think it’s that way. Well, perhaps I am…now that I think about it. I have been going out of my way for a long time now to do everything in my power to be the perfect husband and make her as happy as humanly possible…and not much has been returned. (I’m not just talking about sex…) I guess the frustration reached a high level last night and it’s got me down today. Don’t have anyone else to talk to (other than myself and THAT is weird) and vented on here. Sorry…

 

[The_Bucket]

I doesn’t matter what you’re keeping score about… don’t keep score. Period. The fact that it’s sex only makes it worse, but the mindset is already an unhealthy one.

As far as “doing everything humanly possible to be the best husband ever” bit, sometimes women interpret that poorly. And sometimes it’s either consciously or subconsciously abused. I’m not saying you need to stop making an effort to be a good husband and father, I’d simply suggest you better yourself in ways that couldn’t be exploited into making you a doormat.

There’s nothing women hate more than a man who will be at their beck and call like a lapdog. Sure, plenty if moronic feminists may say that’s what they want, but what women really want is a dominant man… but a dominant man who uses that dominance to protect and provide for his family and who is willing to let his guard down for his spouse.

 

[faithfully]

1. Tuesday, I worked 11 hrs. We had dinner a little later than normal and then it was time to bathe the kids. There was a show she wanted to watch on tv and she told me that if I bathed the kids by myself (which I was planning on doing anyway) so that she could watch the show, she would make it up to me later …

2) Well, of course there are shows on Wednesday night that she really wants to watch.

3) 4.5 hours of sleep again.

4)Sacrifice myself to make her happier was my MO

**5)We went to bed and while we were laying there, I said ‘this week has been horrible’. I was trying to just talk to her about my frustrations (especially with my long, hard days at work, not our intimacy problem) and she replied ‘ok’ and rolled over. I kinda layed there for a minute, disappointed and hurt that she didn’t care enough to ask what was wrong, and then said ‘I guess you took that personal when I said that?’ She went on to say how she figured I was going to complain about the kids and stress from looking at houses and

6)thought I didn’t really want to talk about it**.

7) I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it now since she didn’t care enough to ask on her own. I rolled over and went to sleep and so did she.

**8) I am also not planning on suggesting that we read our devotional tonight. I have suggested it every night this week and it still hasn’t happened. **

9)I have also suggested us not turning on the tv every night and there is always something important to watch

10 I am still going out of my way to do things for other people.

**11)She knows that she didn’t hold up her end of the bargain **

12)the next two hours of my life are going to be spent 'discussing’

OK… Bolding and #'ing mine!

1. Have you all heard of a DVR?

YOU two are NEGOTIATING sex. It’s NOT a commodity! If anything, it should be: HELP ME GET THE KIDS TO BED, so we can get to bed Early… NOT an IF you, Then I, statement.

1. AGAIN!!! A DVR! it’s 2012! You work hard for you $$. Have it work for you!
2. You are sleep deprived. And I suspect this difficult week has MUCH to do with that!
3. But you sound like a person who does this so you get something in return. That’s the way your write anyway. So a person knows if you’re doing something nice, you WANT something. Just something to think about. You’re definately pouting about all your effort with unreturned favors.
4. OK!!! So you went to bed. And PERHAPS she was ready to have sex. And what did you do? You started a conversation! Why not roll over and kiss her! Tell her how much you’ve been looking forward to some alone time with your hellish work week!!! But instead, you wait silently for some profound response. ARE YOU AWARE you already have communication issues? WHY ON EARTH do you expect her to respond in a way you’re hoping for? So, now you start an analysis of how she’s responding.
5. She informs you she THINKS you’re just upset and basically told her you want to complain or mope about it RATHER than have sex that you both seem to be in bed for???
6. And now you become passive aggressive! Well, since you didn’t respond the way I want you to, NOW I’m not going to talk to you. THE DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN, and you SLAMMED IT SHUT with a tantrum.
7. And for some reason you can’t sit down and say… “hey, I’m gonna start this devotional, do you want to join me?” Let her truthfly respond and then YOU DO IT!!!
8. How about you try “Hey, I got us this DVR, so you don’t miss any shows, and we can spend some quality time together. Let’s get this thing programed. I’d love to just sit and talk with you. Or read a book together!” (the sex will come if you show interest in more than her body, and taking over manual labor you should be doing anyway.)
9. Which is a GOOD thing and totally unrelated to your sex life.
10. GROSS! Go back to point 1!!! When you two quit using sex as a bargaining chip perhaps you can use it to express love for each other. You ARE aware sex is for HER too. It should feel good, and be a release for HER as well. The way this all sounds, she does not enjoy sex. And she’s pays you with it. Perhaps you two need to get down to why she’s not wanting sex.

And this is where I’m REALLY tired of MEN’s NEEDS ARE DIFFERENT!!! BULL!!! Men are satisfied WAY more easy than women. There is virtually NO WRONG way for a man to have success! (short of immoral acts obviously). Meaning your wifes technique probably doesn’t matter much. RIGHT??? Are you making sure you’ve developed some skills? I mean if sex is a chore, or debt payment for your wife, it doesn’t sound like she’s actually enjoying sex??? Maybe if it were an event to look forward to??? (just a thought, because clearly, I don’t have, NOR WANT an idea of the quality of sex you two share)

1. And no wonder she doesn’t want to go to therapy. You basically explain here you think talking with her about anything is a waste of your precious time. Why pay for that?

End the end, I think you two are skirting around some other issue. You expect her to read your mind, perhaps she’s doing the same thing. And while I do think helping out around YOUR OWN house, with YOUR OWN children is something any man/father should do, I don’t see how it’s something you deserve any sort of payment for. It’s YOUR home too! They are YOUR children as well.

My husband absolutely does bath time, and homework, and bedtime, and weekend play time WHENEVER he is home. He works insane hours. His children need to know that even though daddy is hardly ever home, when he is, THEY are very important to him. That will be the only way they develop a loving, trusting, LONG LASTING relationship. This is HIS time. Not my relief time. You need to look it at that way too!

 

[Castello]

Second the DVR, or get a Roku and spend $8 bucks a month for Hulu Plus. I watch my favorite shows when I have the time (and fewer commercials!!)

 

[28562]

1. AGAIN!!! A DVR! it’s 2012!
   Good thought. I am going to look into it because I am sick of the freaking tv.
2. But you sound like a person who does this so you get something in return. That’s the way your write anyway. So a person knows if you’re doing something nice, you WANT something. Just something to think about. You’re definately pouting about all your effort with unreturned favors.

I know it sounds like that, but I’m really not trying to do things to get something in return. I made the decision a month or so ago that I was going to try even harder than I had been for the simple reason of making her happy. And I don’t pout when she can tell…only on the internet. I hide my feelings of disappointment around her.

1. OK!!! So you went to bed. And PERHAPS she was ready to have sex. And what did you do? You started a conversation! Why not roll over and kiss her!

**That is a great idea, but trust me, she wasn’t ready. She rolled over the opposite way to go to sleep. I leaned over to kiss her goodnight (because I know from her body language that sex was out) and she barely even turned her head to kiss me. I got nothing but cheek. **

1. She informs you she THINKS you’re just upset and basically told her you want to complain or mope about it RATHER than have sex that you both seem to be in bed for???

Trust me, she wasn’t in bed for that, or I would have said nothing like what I did.

1. And now you become passive aggressive! Well, since you didn’t respond the way I want you to, NOW I’m not going to talk to you. THE DOOR WAS WIDE OPEN, and you SLAMMED IT SHUT with a tantrum.

You’re right…I’ll work on that next time…

1. And for some reason you can’t sit down and say… “hey, I’m gonna start this devotional, do you want to join me?” Let her truthfly respond and then YOU DO IT!!!

I’ll try this as well. I actually did that before with another book (5 Love Languages) we read together. I read the entire book and she never once got interested. Even after I finished, it was still a week or so before we read it together.

1. GROSS! Go back to point 1!!! When you two quit using sex as a bargaining chip perhaps you can use it to express love for each other. You ARE aware sex is for HER too. It should feel good, and be a release for HER as well. The way this all sounds, she does not enjoy sex. And she’s pays you with it. Perhaps you two need to get down to why she’s not wanting sex.

I’m trying…

And this is where I’m REALLY tired of MEN’s NEEDS ARE DIFFERENT!!! BULL!!! Men are satisfied WAY more easy than women. There is virtually NO WRONG way for a man to have success! (short of immoral acts obviously). Meaning your wifes technique probably doesn’t matter much. RIGHT??? Are you making sure you’ve developed some skills? I mean if sex is a chore, or debt payment for your wife, it doesn’t sound like she’s actually enjoying sex??? Maybe if it were an event to look forward to??? (just a thought, because clearly, I don’t have, NOR WANT an idea of the quality of sex you two share)

I’m not touching this one on here…:nope:

1. And no wonder she doesn’t want to go to therapy. You basically explain here you think talking with her about anything is a waste of your precious time. Why pay for that?

That’s not how I meant that…We have been to counseling before. When SHE was the one that wanted to go…It worked great! I want to go back. BUT me and her talking about it alone is a waste of time. We have talked about it ad nauseum. Nothing EVER changes.

End the end, I think you two are skirting around some other issue. You expect her to read your mind, perhaps she’s doing the same thing. And while I do think helping out around YOUR OWN house, with YOUR OWN children is something any man/father should do, I don’t see how it’s something you deserve any sort of payment for. It’s YOUR home too! They are YOUR children as well.

Yes, I know and I am not trying to sound like some kind of chauvinistic pig. But, when I am home, I do most of the stuff that needs to be done. It is not 50/50 shared, but she’s happy and that’s what matters…

My husband absolutely does bath time, and homework, and bedtime, and weekend play time WHENEVER he is home. He works insane hours. His children need to know that even though daddy is hardly ever home, when he is, THEY are very important to him. That will be the only way they develop a loving, trusting, LONG LASTING relationship. This is HIS time. Not my relief time. You need to look it at that way too!

Good point. But please don’t make it sound like I don’t want to or think I don’t have to do anything with my kids. That is very far from the truth.