Well, I Made My Ex-wife Mad At Me

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lonegreywolf20

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My job changed my schedule for the third time in six months, and this is the second time it has affected my schedule with my kids.

The first time wasn’t such a big change and more clarified when I would be getting them. Her and I had come to the agreement that she would drop one of my children off to me after she dropped our other child off at school and I would drop them back off to her when it was time to switch again. This meant we were both going the full way to the others house once. Our apartments are 21 miles apart.

However, this new schedule change has shifted my schedule two days forward. I am still working three days straight though.

I fought to keep the same schedule knowing that the change will cause problems. My supervisor didn’t care and I ended up fighting with him on the phone. Didn’t help matters at all. He basically said these are the days that you are to work and if you don’t like it you can leave. Knowing other companies is are worse than this one as far as private ambulance companies is go, I wisely stayed. Besides, I couldn’t just quit without having another job already waiting.

Last night we talked about it and she wanted to drop them off at my mom’s which is 4 miles from her and have me go get them there and then to drive one of our kids back to her after dropping our other kid off at school. Essentially, I would have to go the full way both times. I told her no.

She didn’t like that I said no. So, I said that we’ll meet half way when she’s dropping them off and she can meet me at our one’s child school and pick up our other child on the day that they go back to her. All I got was a fine dripping with anger.

I am only trying to keep it fair for us. I think she sees it only as fair for me and making her drive on day that she doesn’t have to go anywhere. She even stated the only reason why she would do it before is because she was already out dropping our one child off at school.

I am unsettled by all this, worried that there will be retribution in some way. Like she’ll go back to court asking for more money for child support. I already get less than half of my gross because of child support for my two kids here and my other kids in NY and health insurance for my other kids in New York. Anymore taken out and I will not be able to pay my bills.

I am sitting here crying as I finish because I feel like I did what I could to keep things the same, to keep things fair and she is still angry about it.
 
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That is not the only reason, in regards to being unfair. Neither one of us want to drive our cars into the ground. We both plan on keeping our cars for many years to come. And it’s not really about the driving of the cars, it’s about standing up to her demands as much as my fear allows.

Yes, I believe she would take me back to court as she can be that kind of person. She uses my fear of being taken back to court to her advantage in getting me to do things her way. Our divorce decree states that we should be splitting the driving, but that fear keeps me from saying, but our divorce decree states…
 
lonegreywolf20 said:
That is not the only reason, in regards to being unfair. Neither one of us want to drive our cars into the ground. We both plan on keeping our cars for many years to come. And it’s not really about the driving of the cars, it’s about standing up to her demands as much as my fear allows.

Yes, I believe she would take me back to court as she can be that kind of person. She uses my fear of being taken back to court to her advantage in getting me to do things her way. Our divorce decree states that we should be splitting the driving, but that fear keeps me from saying, but our divorce decree states…
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Could you talk to your attorney about it? It’s not your fault that your job schedule changed; but on the other hand, it’s not your ex-wife’s fault either. Maybe your attorney could make some suggestions.
 
I had a pro bono attorney when we divorced because I didn’t make much money. I make too much now to qualify for that service and not enough to afford a non-pro bono attorney.
 
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Put the children first. That is all they will remember years form now.
It’s a pain, bu they are bonding with your mother, and that puts you in a better light with regards to your ex.
This is nothing to cry over. You still get your children, and you have to drive a bit.
I don’t see the problem. The benefit for your relationship with your children is far greater than any inconvenience.
Ask any man who almost never gets his kids.
It could be FAR worse.
 
I have always done so, to my detriment. There is fear and also putting my children first. I have always thought of my children and even my supervisor said that he sees and understands that my children come first, but my schedule now is what I am to work.

This is the first time I have stood up to her and up until January when my one child started school I did make the drive back and forth. I did it for 2 1/2 years.

The divorce decree states that were both supposed to split the driving. Should she not follow it?
 
Within reason.
How do you think she is responsible for your employer’s scheduling?
I don’t think any divorce decree sets people up to just suck it up when the other party has a change. Go to court again if you don’t like it, but remember your children are watching.
They should not have to grow up believing one person tried and the other person didn’t and I think that is where you are headed in your thinking.
 
You are making me out to be the bad person. That because I want her to drive the kids to my home once a week, that’s me making her have to suck it up? I’m not saying she has to bring them to me and pick them back up again!

How is it I’m not trying, but she is when she doesn’t want to make the drive to me once a week with them, but I am still willing to take them home when it’s time to switch off again?

Where am I not trying when I offered to meet her half way instead of her going the whole way?
 
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No, you’re doing a pretty good job of making yourself look petty.
They are your children.
They are worth it. The mileage is not the principal issue here… Can’t you see that?
 
If she is court ordered to split the driving, it shouldn’t matter what day you work. All you can do is take her to court to have it enforced.

I don’t know how old your children are, but it may help to remember this won’t last forever. Children grow up, they might decide sports or dance recitals are more important than time with dad or mom, so try and see them however you are able to do so.
 
I am not being petty, but thank you for trying to make me into a petty person.

Please stop replying because you don’t seem to truly understand anything that I am saying.
 
It’s a public forum. :roll_eyes:
But I won’t respond anymore because you refuse to see how this can really damage your relationships further. All of them.
It’s not about the driving.
 
No. That is not all it is.

I have catered to my ex - wife since we separated in 2015. I have done all she asked and even went above and beyond the divorce decree in picking my kids up and dropping them off for 2 1/2 years. I, during the divorce, said I would give her a little bit more in child support then what was given as a figure to pay each month to help with the children and that extra comes out of each paycheck. I have done things for her that weren’t in the divorce decree to help her in her life. I am not required to give her any of my tax refund because in the divorce decree it is states that I can claim the kids, yet I gave her $2000 this year. I do much for her.

All I am asking is that she meet me half way in dropping the kids off by coming to my apartment with them and failing that meet me half way between us to drop the kids off and to take them home.

I don’t think I am being unreasonable or petty at all. And I only mentioned some of the things I have done for her and my kids to show that I am not making an unreasonable request.

Edit: I am sorry for what your brother is going through and will pray for him.
 
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If it comes down to it, I will do what I have to do and if that means that I pick them up and take them, then I will.

She has already kept me from mass because she has final say on where the kids go to church and since she hates the Catholic church, I cannot bring them to Mass which keeps me from Mass. She has final say on religious upbringing per the divorce decree. I was given dispensation for those reasons from attending mass.

So, I miss mass because I value my time with my kids. I have always put my kids first. Always!

I am sorry that it seems like I am not doing so this time because I have angered their mother by asking her to meet me half way with transportation.
 
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These are what I would suggest…
  1. Fast and pray for your ex-wife that God soften her heart towards you and that you both always seek to do what is best for the children. Your willing sacrifices on your ex’s behalf for the sake of your children will be immensely pleasing to God. He knows all about sacrificing for the sake of His children.
  2. Is there any way to get an apartment that is 5 or even 10 miles closer to your ex in which she might be more willing to do her share of the driving if some the distance gap can be closed?
  3. Is there any way you can seek work in the meantime in the town they live in and move closer?
  4. Document everything and keep meticulous records of everything you do for her including any and all extras. Get her to sign receipts for the extra money you give her. This way if you do have to be more firm in asking her to do what the decree requires she do, you can point out you are asking very little of her even though you have gone above and beyond in helping her. If she gets angry enough to take you back to court, you will have documentation to show that you are doing everything in your power to comply and more and that you are not being unreasonable in asking she split the driving which she is ordered to do. Don’t forget to document all the time you did her share of the driving as well.
 
Brittany said:
Is the only reason you are unwilling to drive so much because it’s unfair?
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Out of the mouths of babes.

The ONLY “fair” that matters is what is fair to these children. They are the people caught between warring grownups. Make this process fair for them, disrupt their lives as little as possible.
 
I believe that is what I am trying to do.

It is reasonable that I ask her to split the driving as ordered per the decree, is it not? If she says no, isn’t it her that is being unreasonable and disruptive to the kids?

The first Christmas that we had apart I didn’t have the kids, but my daughter had spiked a 104 fever Christmas day. I was over my parent’s house for Christmas dinner with them and my Aunt and Uncle.

She wouldnt take her to urgent care to get her checked out “because she didn’t feel like leaving the house.” so, I went and picked my daughter up and brought her to urgent care, picked up her prescription because the pharmacy was open and dropped her back off at her mom’s.

So, her not wanting to leave the house because she doesn’t feel like it is not a one off thing. This is a common occurrence even when it’s in the best interest of the child.

I am not saying these things to paint her in a bad picture, but to give an example of what goes on because my girlfriend reminded me that you all do not have the whole picture on what I do and deal with.
 
It is not about the past or what happened on 4th of July last year or on Christmas after you divorced.

It is about today and going forward.

Show your kids that they are so important to you that you will drive to your ex’s house to pick them up AND drop them off if need be, and you will bring her a Starbucks coffee when you do.

That you will get a second job to pay for those extras.

It is not “fair”, fair is where you get a snowcone and pet the goats, life in marriage and in divorce is not fair. It about a man laying down his life for his family.
 
As I have said above, I will do what I have to do even if it means going back and forth and she does nothing.

This post was mainly about her anger towards me making a reasonable request.
 
If I get a second job, that will prompt her to ask for my days to be cut with them because I am not spending time with them and this state is all about time spent with the kids and if you’re not spending time with them, they will cut those days. It happened to a coworker just recently.

So, no, a second job is not happening because I am not going to lose the time that I spend with them.
 
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