What about Singles who are not Priests or Nuns?

[Salonika]

BarbaraTherese:

It is quite true I think that those of us who have made a commitment to the single state and celibate chastity as one’s call and vocation from God can have a lonely road ahead as things stand at this point in The Church.

And this also applies in the wider society - there seems often to be more understanding (and sometimes acceptance) of those who form relationships outside of marriage than those who do not marry or form such relationships.

I know most people I know think of me simply as a single lay person in this state accidentally, not by choice - a “spinster” as it can be known.

And often/sometimes making assumptions about why you are single, I would guess. Seems to be a tendency to believe people are married because they fell in love, wanted children but with the singles, especially older ones, there are suggestions that we were too fussy, too focussed on other things. There are still shades of being married = postive, being single = something wrong with you.

I do tend to think that probably there are not all that many who do embrace the single state and celibate chastity as their clear life call and vocation (although I could be wrong) and this may be why there is no recognition within The Church in any way. There is no ‘lobby’ for some form of recognition.

Suspect this could also be influenced by the fact that being single is still sometimes seen as temporary. “Just wait until you met that nice man/woman and you’ll soon be married”.

Think sometimes can be even harder for older guys who have never married - after all they are the ones who traditionally did the asking - we women could at least say we hadn’t been asked but what excuse did the guys have.!!!

But would there be more of a lobby for recognition if it was recognised state?

Also this topic (singleness as a vocation) is coming up more on this forum - in a number of contexts - so maybe a lobby is forming.

 

[joseph_virgen]

what joy! that you are given the grace to know that all of us are called upon to be saints. that it isn’t for only those who give of themselves to the mystical body of the Nazarene, his church.

all of us are called upon to be as Jesus---------------------perfect. that is indeed a tall order. one that everydody has failed. this is the price we must pay for being faulted creatures. fortunately, and this is a grace given, we don’t have to be, because those of the faith know the meaning of desiring mercy as appose to sacrifice.

 

[RosalieM]

I totally hear you. I’ve never been married.

I’m disqualified from being a member of a religious order because I’m Bipolar. I’m disqualified from being a consecrated virgin because … well … I’m not. I had a detailed relationship with a handsome male about a decade ago. Ahem.

Don’t feel like you have to take vows to commit yourself to Christ. That’s pretty final and I wouldn’t do it outside obedience to a spiritual director.

When I was ready, I made a promise to Christ that even if I find a husband someday that, “My heart will always belong to You (Jesus).”

Yet, I intuitively know that Jesus won’t allow me to marry. It’s hard to explain, but almost supernatural obstacles get in the way anytime a prospective man comes along. It’s actually kind of funny. You wouldn’t believe if even if I told you. Oh my! I suppose Jesus wants me all to himself … although I have no idea why. I mean, I am quite weird.

God bless. You’re not alone.

Thank you. From what I’ve read, you don’t have to be a literal virgin physically to be a consecrated virgin. It’s at your bishop’s discretion. As for the vow of chastity being final, yes it is. My heart has been filled with love since the thought of making this vow entered my mind. I’m waiting for the response from my Franciscan advisors and am now considering whether my vow should be private or solemn. You are not weird at all.

And to Joseph: Amen.

 

[GoldenArrow]

From what I’ve read, you don’t have to be a literal virgin physically to be a consecrated virgin.

Really?

Hmmmm … gosh, I’d probably be too chicken to do it though. HA!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Very interesting. When I made enquiries quite a few years ago, I was told that one indeed must be a physical virgin to be a consecrated virgin. Interesting point!

 

[RosalieM]

Very interesting. When I made enquiries quite a few years ago, I was told that one indeed must be a physical virgin to be a consecrated virgin. Interesting point!

Here’s one link with information regarding consecrated virgins:

vocations.ca/Questions/How_do_i_become/Consecrated_lay_person/virgins.php

This section addresses the physical virginity subject:

"The norms for admittance to the Rite of Consecration state the following:

that they have never been married or lived in public or open violation of chastity
that by their age, prudence, and universally attested good character they give assurance of perseverance in a life of chastity dedicated to the service of the Church and of their neighbour
that they be admitted to this consecration by the bishop who is the local Ordinary"

 

[jofa]

I have a slightly different situation: I have four kids and divorced my husband (he was abusive, wouldn’t go to counseling etc, addicted to pornography, abused the kids…, etc, etc.) so that he would have limited supervised access to them. I could go for an annullment because there are grounds for one, but have not felt motivated to do so. I feel very content being single, and I’m in love with Jesus anyway. Anytime a friend of mine brings up the possibility of finding the right man, I start listing what he’d need to be like: Um, devout Catholic, prayerful, man of God, older/mature (I’m 39 yrs old), able to support my kids and me, …then I realize no one can satisfy me except the perfect man/God, Jesus! I’ve been without the husband for more than three years and I just don’t want anyone who isn’t so Christ-like and I don’t think that man exists. Plus, I feel like that would distract me. I want Jesus. I want to be beautiful for Jesus. I want to love Him the way He deserves to be loved by me.
God Bless,
Sandra