Here is the article I mentioned, but I am omitting the link and the Administrator’s name.
Now, having been in
that place – of following all those encouragements, but being apart from the sacraments – here are a few things that happened:
- The priest in our local parish refused to have us “in his church”.
- The “community” (in another parish, of course) held us at arms length because of our “differences” from them. In other words, we weren’t “real Catholics”, just sinners in a pew that were tolerated, but not embraced.
- After a long and painful effort to obtain an annulment, and despite the “agreement” of the Tribunal’s office that the evidence showed just grounds, the “letter of the law” said “No!”. I could appeal that to Rome (but good luck with both affording that and getting it resolved in my lifetime!)
- Despite our best efforts to explain it, when our daughter found that we were barred from sacramental Confession and Communion, the child developed an irrational fear of Confession, and ultimately, a disdain for the Church – not to mention deciding that her parents were misguided idiots who held onto superstition.
- The advice from the diocese was to seek resolution through “internal forum”. Our pastor acknowledged that every indication was that this current union could be embraced as sacramental, and that the previous one could not. So we received the sacraments, presuming they were “worthily” received.
- Rome said (afterward) that such recourse was invalid. (Oops…Domine non sum dignus!)
- We were told that we could “right” the situation by obtaining a civil divorce (thereby destroying the family we had now built, and subjecting our child to such brokenness.)
- We were transferred out of state, and discussed the situation with our new pastor, who responded, “We don’t “do” bureaucratic annulments here. Just follow your conscience.” That created a chasm between spouses, with one on either side of the divide, engendering incredible stress levels over whether or not we “should” receive the sacraments.
Thankfully, my husband and I continued to seek His mercy, but so many simply don’t, as the attitude toward them is so often negative, and the process is daunting.
Being consigned as a “back pew Catholic” who can observe but not participate in the sacraments has a lot of problems. Apart from the obvious which creates a “second class Catholic”, bear in mind that one cannot go to Confession, so becomes hardened. Thus it becomes “natural” to simply “shrug off” wrongdoing instead of seeking God’s grace to overcome inclinations, instead of receiving the pastoral advice needed to grow spiritually. What pastoral “care” is that?
I also wonder about the concept of “living together as brother and sister” on the very grounds the tribunal assesses to determine if the current relationship is sacramental. How can it demonstrate matrimonial grace under those circumstances? If the current relationship is “sacramental”, then the two become one flesh and cleave to one another. No one ever explains that to a couple in terms of complete (meaning nuances as well as intimate contact) celibacy, so how are they to understand it?
In a terrible irony, a priest can sin, then ask, “Lord, wash away my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin,” and be spiritually empowered to confect the greatest miracle in all eternity. But the individuals who mistakenly stepped into a bad situation and then into a good one – one which bears good fruit for the world, even – cannot be cleansed without a paper from presumably impartial strangers in the diocese, via a process that is naturally affected by human imperfection.
The problem is so multi-faceted! It is indeed correct that a sacramental marriage should never be set aside, so the question comes down to: what makes it sacramental? Can one actually say that because a person “seems” to have had the correct disposition on the day of a ceremony, that brutalizing a spouse, or committing serial adultery is part of being sacramental? Or (as in my case) because insufficient witness statements (from my ex’s side) fail to either support or counter the claim, the application is denied, leaving the “sacrament” intact. Really?
One can’t be “un-baptized”; neither can they be made to be “un-married”. The attempts of the hierarchy to protect the sacrament are certainly laudable; but somewhere in there needs to be a better system of restoring people to grace. As Jesus made clear to us, giving abundant grace to the world is the Father’s most ardent desire. So how will we be instruments of His grace?