What could this mean?

[Monica4316]

Some news

something happened last night and God gave me encouragement and faith, and I feel love for Him again. I realized how much I want to be with Him and how much I don’t want to lose Him!! that is my greatest fear… but whenever I think of my sins, and giving in to those thoughts, I’m scared because they’re so horrible. If we have to go to Purgatory for all the little worldly things we do, - the thoughts I’ve been having would put me in hell… It seems that God is with me, so I hope He has forgiven me, and that’s what I’m choosing to believe… but that idea about the ‘unforgiveable sin’ and the ‘blasphemy against the Holy Spirit’ still occurs to me at times. I’m afraid that I’ll think I’m with God now, but when I die I’ll realize that I’ve been under an illusion and He will put me in hell. Despite this I still trust in His mercy, by choice…

I also found this passage from the Bible that really encouraged me, but the part about us being tempted because of our sinfulness is worrying, - because doesn’t that mean my heart is more evil than other Christians if I’m being tempted with hatred towards God and blasphemous thoughts?? Additionally, I’ve given in to those thoughts, which just makes it worse… my hope is God’s grace!

Trials and Temptations
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

13When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

That Scripture really is God’s Word speaking directly to your circumstances!

 

[Monica4316]

It sure seems like it!

 

[Lief_Erikson]

The thing is, all the Bible is always meant for all of us all the time. So, seeing as it applies to your situation, it is God’s Word for you right now.

Monica:

I also found this passage from the Bible that really encouraged me, but the part about us being tempted because of our sinfulness is worrying, - because doesn’t that mean my heart is more evil than other Christians if I’m being tempted with hatred towards God and blasphemous thoughts??

Remember that St. Faustina also endured severe temptations to blaspheme God, and many of the other saints experienced the same kind of trial. This did not mean these saints had particularly evil hearts, obviously, considering that they’re saints. It meant the devil was pressuring them in a very cruel way.

Just as in the case of St. Faustina, the temptation comes from the devil, not from yourself, for you don’t purposely put yourself in the path of the temptation or try to get it to come to you. If I walk by a wall of pictures in the hope that I’ll happen to glimpse some porn, that’s a temptation coming from myself, but if a gust of wind drags a porn picture into my path on the street as I’m casually waiting for a bus, that’s a temptation coming from outside. Remember, the devil also tempted Jesus to blaspheme God, but that did not make Jesus evil (Luke 4:6-8).

It’s not that you hate God. You can’t control what temptations hit you. You can only control your reactions to them, and your reactions, what you choose to do with your Free Will, are what you are responsible for in God’s eyes.

Monica:

Additionally, I’ve given in to those thoughts, which just makes it worse…

That is the only reason you are at all at fault, for a temptation is not a sin – only what you do with your Free Will can be a sin. Also, and this is very important, your fault no longer exists for anything you have Confessed, which is probably everything or next to everything you have so far done wrong. If you have given over these sins to God, none of them any longer exists and you are perfectly clean as if the trial had just started.

Furthermore, none of the sins of weakness you have succumbed to ever has been mortal, for you have not given any of them full consent.

You have been protected from mortal sin from the start and you probably have very few sins of weakness still on you because you frequent the Confessional so much . You are in a very clean state, and any of us can be afflicted with any kind of temptation, but temptation is not sin. Falling to temptation is, because we choose that, but we cannot be judged for what we do not choose.

Monica:

my hope is God’s grace!

A hope that will never disappoint (2 Tim. 2:13).

That is really a very freeing thought, that no matter what I do, if I genuinely repent, I will be forgiven and made clean enough to go to God in Heaven. That isn’t liberty to sin (not that I’d want delusional concept of freedom anyway), but it does give real freedom and a joyful confidence. At least it does me right now, though I know I’m not going through the same level of trial as you are right now.

 

[Monica4316]

thanks for the advice Lief that’s very true about St Faustina! when I read her account of her struggles, I felt so encouraged, but it also put a lot of questions in my mind; it seems odd that my temptations would somehow resemble those of the Saints. It helped to later find out that many other Christians go through temptations to blasphemous thoughts.

do you think…when we give full consent to a sinful thought, - it can only happen if we agree with the thought and deliberately choose it with all our mind + will? if our imagination is so affected that we feel like we believe or are choosing the thought, but know that we don’t and are trying to suppress it…that’s not full consent? Just wondering…lately it seems my feelings and my will have been in a constant struggle. If we give in out of weakness, that is not entirely our free will? or is it always 100% our free will no matter how or why we give in ? I finally figured out my question! sorry I’m feeling really confused about all this!! I’m having trouble understanding many things.

I feel like sometimes I’ve put myself into these temptations because of my anxiety - I worry about avoiding the thoughts so much that I get tempted all the more. Maybe this is why it’s been going on for 2 months and not a couple days like before.

This whole week is just very strange! In addition to all this, I just got really sick with the flu, and was assigned so much work for my classes that I have no time to sleep at all. I know these things don’t sound like much but when you put them together, it’s not the best combination lol. today I got the idea to just accept all this as God’s will, and that made it much easier to bear and I feel way more peace.

Tomorrow I’m planning to go to Confession and then Mass for Holy Thursday… I just hope nothing happens and I’ll be able to love God and resist temptations. I hope He gives me grace for that because I won’t have much strength left after a night of working on my history paper and the sickness.

this is really teaching me the importance of relying on God… and how weak I am without Him. So I guess that is good and He is using the trial

 

[Lief_Erikson]

thanks for the advice Lief that’s very true about St Faustina! when I read her account of her struggles, I felt so encouraged, but it also put a lot of questions in my mind; it seems odd that my temptations would somehow resemble those of the Saints. It helped to later find out that many other Christians go through temptations to blasphemous thoughts.

All of our temptations and sufferings, from the least of us to the greatest, resemble those of Christ. That is because we are in Christ living His life, and He already lived our lives. We are one. Therefore for there to be unity between the suffering of members of His Body is not surprising . . . we are all suffering in unity with Him. In this particular case, we (meaning you and others suffering from blasphemous thoughts) are suffering in union with His temptation to blaspheme God in the desert, in Luke 4:6-8.

Hebrews 4:15 puts it this way, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.”

In Luke 4 we can read of how the devil tempted Jesus to blaspheme God by worshipping Satan. You, St. Faustina, and many other Christians, have been allowed to unite with Him in that trial. All of us, in our sufferings and temptations, are united with Christ in His sufferings and temptations because He bore all of ours in His life and death. If we are seeking Him, we will therefore be one with Him in all ways. Even in rejecting the flesh and temptation. If that last is not perfectly fulfilled in this life, it will be in Purgatory; we are to be one with Him in all ways!

do you think…when we give full consent to a sinful thought, - it can only happen if we agree with the thought and deliberately choose it with all our mind + will?

I think mortal sin can be more subtle than that. If my conscience is saying no to an evil thought but I forcibly suppress my conscience so that I can enjoy the evil thought, my will is choosing the thought with full consent, even if part of my mind, the good part, objected but was itself rejected by me of my full choice. People who freely and deliberately crush their consciences in order to do what they know is wrong are still mortally sinning.

However, I don’t want you to be disturbed because that is definitely not what you’re experiencing. I’ve experienced both what I just described (mortal sin) and what you have described of your situation, and there is the world of difference between the two.

Your conscience is fully aware of what is going on and you are fighting the thoughts with your will. You are treating your conscience as your friend and not your enemy. You aren’t in a position where you hear a voice in your mind saying, “this is wrong,” but you reject that voice because you want the thoughts and then you seize upon the thoughts for your own pleasure. That is what I did once in mortal sin, deliberately, freely (no pressure) choosing evil while rejecting available grace. I was not under pressure (except to do good by my conscience), and I was fully consenting to the evil, rejecting my Guardian Angel’s protective call in spite of hearing it plainly. I paid for that act with severe penalties.

My action was utterly different from yours because I was trying to fight grace, not trying to fight evil. You are trying to do God’s will. I was trying to do my will. That is an utterly different attitude, worlds apart. You are trying to act according to your conscience but sometimes falling through weakness. I was deliberately rejecting my conscience and falling not through weakness but desire. You are treating your conscience as your friend and ally. I was treating my conscience not as my friend but as my enemy. All this took place in my completely free choice, which is why it was so abominable.

This is utterly different from fighting evil but falling sometimes in the struggle, for in your case you are fighting in your will for God – I was freely fighting in my will against Him. I’ll explain this more in the next post.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

if our imagination is so affected that we feel like we believe or are choosing the thought, but know that we don’t and are trying to suppress it…that’s not full consent?

No, you’re right, it’s definitely not full consent. Here again, if you had full freedom and weren’t under pressure, you would never choose the sinful act. You are fighting against the thought, and that is what your will is doing, fighting for God as best it can. Your feelings are just lying to you, or the devil using your feelings. Your will is what makes the choice, and it cannot sin with completely free consent when it’s under pressure and is choosing something you would not choose were it not for the pressure.

I mean, this is actually pretty straightforward. If I would never rob a bank unless someone put a gun to a family member’s head, but someone made the threat and I fell through weakness but would never have chosen the act were it not for the pressure, this is obviously not full consent. Likewise, if you would never choose these evil thoughts were it not for the pressure, but you choose as a result of the pressure, this is clearly not full consent.

If, on the other hand, as in my case of sinning mortally, you are not under any pressure at all, or are actually under pressure to do good, but choose evil instead, that is utterly different. Then what is chosen is obviously selected out of free and complete consent, the willful choice of an evil desire, the choice to do what we want rather than what God wants. That kind of choice is so evil it leads straight to Hell unless we sincerely repent.

The difference between these two desires and choices of the will is extremely sharply defined. The one is deliberately choosing God (to the best of our ability, which may fail at times through weakness), while the other is deliberately and freely choosing the devil.

Just wondering…lately it seems my feelings and my will have been in a constant struggle. If we give in out of weakness, that is not entirely our free will?

We always have free will, even if we have a gun aimed at our heads, but that does not mean in these circumstances we give full consent to what we might do. We always have the ability to do what’s right while we are in command of our faculties, and that ability is Free Will. But Free Will is not the same as Full Consent. I may have the ability to do right but be under massive pressure to do wrong, and then when I do wrong because of the pressure, I am applying my free will but not my full consent. If I desire something and am not under pressure but choose that thing just because I desire it, that is full consent.