What do girls search in guys?

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mrajax

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BVM,

Hello there. Well, pretty much what it says in the title but can anyone here, preferably girls:o tell me what girls themselves seek in a man? I heard someone say that she likes man who are emotionally strong yet have a certain awkwardness and shyness that she said makes them really ‘charming’ and as soemone who feels called to marriage, I sort of want to be that kind of guy, someone who will be able to protect his wife or girlfriend and will forever support them.

Now sorry if I’m offending anyone by my words here but personally, what I do seek in a girl is that she, sigh, should be a supermodel! Nah, just kidding, I actually like girls who are feminine and who are emotionally strong, not letting anyone trample over them. I heard a story about a guy whose father, while not a bad guy, was always putting his son down and humiliating him in front of a lot of people. When said guys girlfriend saw his father mistreat him at a football game (the father was a coach), she yelled at him and he left him alone after that. I like it when girls are like that but like that lady, I also like girls who are a bit shy:o. Sorry for sounding sexist though:o. So what do you guys and girls think? Also, can anyone give me advice on talking to women? Sad to say, I haven’t had much experience with girls throughout my life and I really wish to make some female friends.
 
In short, every woman is different. There are similarities and patterns and the uniqueness of people’s problems and dilemmas and struggles is often overrated. But you should still take a woman as an individual. Don’t mess your life with classifications.

As for talking to them, there is no other way than just doing it. Be yourself, don’t pretend to be something you aren’t. Not because that works but because when it does work, it works for real, not for a short ride that ends in divorce.
 
I’d recommend getting to know women outside of a dating or romantic context, first, before you focus too much on finding a partner. Women are all different; what one woman wants is not going to be what another woman wants. If you want to know what women are like and how to relate to them, find a mixed club or activity where you’ll meet women as friends. Get to know them. It’ll really help when you do meet someone you want as a partner to already know how to relate to a woman as a friend and individual.
 
Every woman is looking for the “Perfect” man… Problem is there is or was only “One Perfect” man and that is Jesus.

So, the more a man is like Jesus, the more perfect he will be… And what did Jesus do? The will of the Father…

When you put the will of the Father first, then good moral (actually all) women will be attached to you… The reason why the “Actually all” note is; even the loose, self centered woman is attracted to Jesus, just won’t admit it…

Think about it…
 
Happily providing advice as a 53 year old guy! :)…

I’m divorced and not remarried, but here is a compendium of all the things I wish I’d known when I was 16.

In summary: Many young men (such as myself when I was young) make the mistake of thinking that their primary goal in life is to find a wife, and thus they become distracted from the things which will actually help them find a partner in the long run.

Think long term (ie. a few years from now)…
  1. A provider. Financially that is. Not all are seeking “rich”, but they are generally seeking someone who can provide financially. Action item: get your career going. If you are still a student then show you are serious about your studies.
  2. Looks. They rarely admit it, but women fall for looks. If you are not blessed with physique and good looks, then make the most of what you’ve got, with hygiene, dress, exercise, and a general aura of good health. A short skinny guy can transform himself by building muscles at the gym and becoming competent in a sport or outdoor activity.
  3. An alert mind. If you have a career and a sport (as above) then you are already on the way to this. Add to this a hobby for the mind, according to your talents and interests. eg. learn to sing, volunteer in Scouts, take an on-line history course, etc… (Avoid obsessive time in computer games).
  4. Socially competent. There is nothing wrong with a man being shy and quiet, but he shouldn’t be terrified of groups, or reclusive, or arrogant, or obnoxious.
  5. Sense of Humour. Women invariably list this in their “seeking” attributes. Don’t fear if you can’t make others laugh, but just don’t take yourself or life too seriously. When someone makes a good joke, then open up and laugh, even if your thinking “I wish I’d said that”.
  6. Make her feel special! (and that doesn’t mean flowers and lots of phone calls…)
And a few no-no’s - porn, excessive drinking, a bad attitude to women (which can include unrealistic romantic expectations), idleness. If you are aware of any psychological problems then work on them before dating.

Much of the above can also be done within your Catholic practice. For example, overcome fear of crowds by volunteering as a lector (“reader”) in your parish. Join the choir to improve your singing. Go to the parish picnic or dinner dance.
As for talking to women, and meeting them, I wholeheartedly endorse these comments:
chevalier said:
As for talking to them, there is no other way than just doing it. Be yourself, don’t pretend to be something you aren’t.
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DarkLight said:
I’d recommend getting to know women outside of a dating or romantic context, first, before you focus too much on finding a partner. Women are all different;
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Again, think long term…
 
Edmundus1581 said:
Happily providing advice as a 53 year old guy! :)…

snip
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Very well said.

I would only add, don’t get so involved in looking for Ms Right that you’re not practicing on becoming some woman’s Mr. Right.
 
mrajax said:
…I actually like girls who are feminine and who are emotionally strong, not letting anyone trample over them. I heard a story about a guy whose father, while not a bad guy, was always putting his son down and humiliating him in front of a lot of people. When said guys girlfriend saw his father mistreat him at a football game (the father was a coach), she yelled at him and he left him alone after that. …
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I love that story!! She sounds excellent. A good woman will get strong defending her kids or her husband, IMO.
 
Physically fit, mentally stable, gets things done, and strives to have a heart like Jesus.

In a nut shell, that right there is what every good girl looks for in a man.
 
I look for:
Chastity.
Kindness.
Faithfulness.
Loyalty.
A sense of humor.

But most importantly, he should love the Lord with all his heart, mind, and soul and love his neighbor as himself. 👍

And it never hurts if he’s easy on the eyes, but it’s not the most important thing by any means. 😛
 
FriendlyFace said:
I look for:
Chastity.
Kindness.
Faithfulness.
Loyalty.
A sense of humor.

But most importantly, he should love the Lord with all his heart, mind, and soul and love his neighbor as himself. 👍

And it never hurts if he’s easy on the eyes, but it’s not the most important thing by any means. 😛
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I’ve always been easy on the eyes . . . if you kept your eyes shut 😛
 
DaveBj said:
I’ve always been easy on the eyes . . . if you kept your eyes shut 😛
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Lol! Thanks everyone, I shall put this all into even more practice! However, another problem I find that I have is that as a guy, I’m not very interesting. I don’have much of a social life right now and I don’t thik my interests would interest others. I like Catholic Theology, anime, works of fiction and practicing japanese swordsmanship. The latter one is still a sport mind you, called kendo so I doubt girls would find it very interesting. I also know that I can’t always talk about myself. Whenever I watch a movie, I hate it when the guy is always talking about himself with no regard for what the girl is thinking and if the girl gets mad, they have reason to. I don’t want to be that sort of dude you know. What do you guys think?

Another problem I have a huge one is that whenever I talk to people, I am at a loss of words. I can’t explain myself really well and usually lower my voice a lot, so much so that I’m even scared that people may think I’m really weird or strange or cowardly because of that bad habit. Is it wrong to raise one’s voice and to speak with confidence?
 
mrajax said:
Lol! Thanks everyone, I shall put this all into even more practice! However, another problem I find that I have is that as a guy, I’m not very interesting. I don’have much of a social life right now and I don’t thik my interests would interest others. I like Catholic Theology, anime, works of fiction and practicing japanese swordsmanship. The latter one is still a sport mind you, called kendo so I doubt girls would find it very interesting. I also know that I can’t always talk about myself. Whenever I watch a movie, I hate it when the guy is always talking about himself with no regard for what the girl is thinking and if the girl gets mad, they have reason to. I don’t want to be that sort of dude you know. What do you guys think?
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…I know about 6 girls right now that would like to meet you based on those interests. Maybe look for local anime societies, or fiction stuff? There’s got to be something out there - and usually the problem we had was not enough guys into anime for all the girls!
Another problem I have a huge one is that whenever I talk to people, I am at a loss of words. I can’t explain myself really well and usually lower my voice a lot, so much so that I’m even scared that people may think I’m really weird or strange or cowardly because of that bad habit. Is it wrong to raise one’s voice and to speak with confidence?
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Mostly this is going to take practice, Though if you have time and can afford it, might I recommend a drama or theater class? I’ve heard they’re very good for this sort of problem, plus it would get you meeting people.
 
mrajax said:
Another problem I have a huge one is that whenever I talk to people, I am at a loss of words. I can’t explain myself really well and usually lower my voice a lot, so much so that I’m even scared that people may think I’m really weird or strange or cowardly because of that bad habit. Is it wrong to raise one’s voice and to speak with confidence?
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I’m a young single female, and in a way, I have the same problem. I can talk to ANYBODY, male or female, expert or layman, about anything professionally, especially relating to my field. But when I am a situation where I am trying to talk to a guy who I’d maybe like to know as a friend- not even with interest in dating, I get all awkward. Usually, I then start blabbing about sheep color inheritance, protein denaturation, biochemistry of progesterone, or worse yet, the best methods of castrating rams or bulls. No, really, I do. And that last one is generally enough to scare most guys away. This really frustrates me and makes me look REALLY, REALLY weird. And I can’t even do it gracefully…

And I’ve had many years of experience giving presentations, interviewing, etc. It’s the personal interactions that are the problem.

I always feel like nobody ever shares my interests, either. Very few people are as interested in sheep and genetics, biochemistry, theriogenology, etc. as I am. I don’t have many diverse interests and I can’t force myself to like things I have no interest in.

I don’t really have any advice…but I do know where you are coming from.
 
How old are you? Not trying to be pry, but in all honesty if you’re slightly socially awkward, some responses will change depending on your age.
 
mrajax said:
…I like Catholic Theology, anime, works of fiction and practicing japanese swordsmanship. The latter one is still a sport mind you, called kendo so I doubt girls would find it very interesting…
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👍

The main thing is to be doing something that YOU find interesting - so long as it’s not particularly isolating. I think that a common thread through the advise here is to “be yourself”. Obviously, playing 8 hours a day of Call of Duty isn’t going win much with the ladies, but less obsessive “nerdy” interests can be fine. If you are practicing kendo, then that’s great, but it would be best do be doing it in a club, and competing. One thing which builds confidence with women is being comfortable with men. If you are good at competitive sport, then go for that, but if not, then do something sociable and not-competitive, such as hiking or canoeing (or parachuting! :p)
 
mrajax said:
Lol! Thanks everyone, I shall put this all into even more practice! However, another problem I find that I have is that as a guy, I’m not very interesting. I don’have much of a social life right now and I don’t thik my interests would interest others. I like Catholic Theology, anime, works of fiction and practicing japanese swordsmanship. The latter one is still a sport mind you, called kendo so I doubt girls would find it very interesting. I also know that I can’t always talk about myself. Whenever I watch a movie, I hate it when the guy is always talking about himself with no regard for what the girl is thinking and if the girl gets mad, they have reason to. I don’t want to be that sort of dude you know. What do you guys think?

Another problem I have a huge one is that whenever I talk to people, I am at a loss of words. I can’t explain myself really well and usually lower my voice a lot, so much so that I’m even scared that people may think I’m really weird or strange or cowardly because of that bad habit. Is it wrong to raise one’s voice and to speak with confidence?
Click to expand...
What you need to do is relax. She’s not a monster, she won’t bite you, she won’t make fun of you, and she’s probably just as nervous and clueless about what she wants as you are. Talk about your interests and hobbies confidently. Why not? If she finds them interesting, great. If not, who cares. There are plenty of women out there. Be a man. Dress like one, act like one, and be confident.

Whatever you do, don’t be a different person when talking to young women (or anyone). Better to be honest and fail then to present a false image out of fear of rejection and fail anyway. A good trick if you’re really nervous is to post here in this thread about it after you go on a date, meet a new girl, etc. Let’s say you talk to someone who laughs at your hobbies and makes fun of you. What do you do? You post here about it, a bunch of people will (quite correctly) say that she isn’t worth your time anwyay and that you’ll be fine, and you move on. Just relax.
 
Bill_Martin said:
What you need to do is relax. She’s not a monster, she won’t bite you, she won’t make fun of you, and she’s probably just as nervous and clueless about what she wants as you are. Talk about your interests and hobbies confidently. Why not? If she finds them interesting, great. If not, who cares. There are plenty of women out there. Be a man. Dress like one, act like one, and be confident.

Whatever you do, don’t be a different person when talking to young women (or anyone). Better to be honest and fail then to present a false image out of fear of rejection and fail anyway. A good trick if you’re really nervous is to post here in this thread about it after you go on a date, meet a new girl, etc. Let’s say you talk to someone who laughs at your hobbies and makes fun of you. What do you do? You post here about it, a bunch of people will (quite correctly) say that she isn’t worth your time anwyay and that you’ll be fine, and you move on. Just relax.
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👍

The biggest mistake I made with girls was thinking that I had to impress! (Most of my tips are actually intended to build a man’s self confidence, rather than give talking points for impressing girls).
 
SweetLambs said:
I’m a young single female, and in a way, I have the same problem. I can talk to ANYBODY, male or female, expert or layman, about anything professionally, especially relating to my field. But when I am a situation where I am trying to talk to a guy who I’d maybe like to know as a friend- not even with interest in dating, I get all awkward. Usually, I then start blabbing about sheep color inheritance, protein denaturation, biochemistry of progesterone,
Click to expand...
Those are interesting things and they make you sound interesting too.
or worse yet, the best methods of castrating rams or bulls.
Click to expand...
No feminism please!
 
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