What do girls search in guys?

[Godisgreat23]

I think its important that the both are seeking god and find each other Having Christ as the foundation of the relationship always works best

 

[Luvz2travel]

BVM,

Hello there. Well, pretty much what it says in the title but can anyone here, preferably girls tell me what girls themselves seek in a man? I heard someone say that she likes man who are emotionally strong yet have a certain awkwardness and shyness that she said makes them really ‘charming’ and as soemone who feels called to marriage, I sort of want to be that kind of guy, someone who will be able to protect his wife or girlfriend and will forever support them.

Now sorry if I’m offending anyone by my words here but personally, what I do seek in a girl is that she, sigh, should be a supermodel! Nah, just kidding, I actually like girls who are feminine and who are emotionally strong, not letting anyone trample over them. I heard a story about a guy whose father, while not a bad guy, was always putting his son down and humiliating him in front of a lot of people. When said guys girlfriend saw his father mistreat him at a football game (the father was a coach), she yelled at him and he left him alone after that. I like it when girls are like that but like that lady, I also like girls who are a bit shy. Sorry for sounding sexist though. So what do you guys and girls think? Also, can anyone give me advice on talking to women? Sad to say, I haven’t had much experience with girls throughout my life and I really wish to make some female friends.

A decent person overall, honest, a leader, someone who has goals…I can’t tell you how many 40 year old guys I run into with no goals.

 

[dedo]

BVM,

Hello there. Well, pretty much what it says in the title but can anyone here, preferably girls tell me what girls themselves seek in a man? I heard someone say that she likes man who are emotionally strong yet have a certain awkwardness and shyness that she said makes them really ‘charming’ and as soemone who feels called to marriage, I sort of want to be that kind of guy, someone who will be able to protect his wife or girlfriend and will forever support them.

Now sorry if I’m offending anyone by my words here but personally, what I do seek in a girl is that she, sigh, should be a supermodel! Nah, just kidding, I actually like girls who are feminine and who are emotionally strong, not letting anyone trample over them. I heard a story about a guy whose father, while not a bad guy, was always putting his son down and humiliating him in front of a lot of people. When said guys girlfriend saw his father mistreat him at a football game (the father was a coach), she yelled at him and he left him alone after that. I like it when girls are like that but like that lady, I also like girls who are a bit shy. Sorry for sounding sexist though. So what do you guys and girls think? Also, can anyone give me advice on talking to women? Sad to say, I haven’t had much experience with girls throughout my life and I really wish to make some female friends.

It is interesting that you liked it when the girl that yelled at the father.

Several recent popular movies featured a relationship with a girl and a guy where the girl got “in the guys face” about what she expected (Hunger Games, Silver Linings, Warm Bodies).

I am wondering if two “ingredients” to a successful male / female relationship are (not necessarily romantic):

1. The guy listens to the girl. There have been some surprising posts in this thread where some guys have even tried to argue with girls about what girls like. That seems a little bizarre, but maybe it is indicative of a tendency in some guys to want to control / direct the relationship instead of listening to the girl’s cue’s / needs etc. I think that tendency is a mistake. Some guys have also said “be yourself”. Although everyone should “be themselves”, it is fine to try to improve yourself for another. Life is about change. That is why we are here, to learn and change. Usually, that change is the guy changing for the girl.
2. The second ingredient is the girl making clear what her wishes / expectations are. That may be why you liked what you saw in the girl who was tough with the guy’s father. And maybe that is why these movies are so popular.

Also, a third thing we can all do is just take a look at our Christian walk. After all, this is Lent. That is sort of where I am, and I am not hinting about anyone other than me. Nothing romantic, but I have not been as successful making new friends as I had hoped, so I am trying to make the most of the last two weeks of Lent.

I think the reason may have nothing to do with the potential friends, who are awesome, but with an act of service that I have been neglecting.

Maybe if I attend to that, I will do better.

 

[dedo]

BVM,

Hello there. Well, pretty much what it says in the title but can anyone here, preferably girls tell me what girls themselves seek in a man? I heard someone say that she likes man who are emotionally strong yet have a certain awkwardness and shyness that she said makes them really ‘charming’ and as soemone who feels called to marriage, I sort of want to be that kind of guy, someone who will be able to protect his wife or girlfriend and will forever support them.

Now sorry if I’m offending anyone by my words here but personally, what I do seek in a girl is that she, sigh, should be a supermodel! Nah, just kidding, I actually like girls who are feminine and who are emotionally strong, not letting anyone trample over them. I heard a story about a guy whose father, while not a bad guy, was always putting his son down and humiliating him in front of a lot of people. When said guys girlfriend saw his father mistreat him at a football game (the father was a coach), she yelled at him and he left him alone after that. I like it when girls are like that but like that lady, I also like girls who are a bit shy. Sorry for sounding sexist though. So what do you guys and girls think? Also, can anyone give me advice on talking to women? Sad to say, I haven’t had much experience with girls throughout my life and I really wish to make some female friends.

It is interesting that you liked it when the girl yelled at the father.

Several recent popular movies featured a relationship with a girl and a guy, where the girl got “in the guys face” about what she expected (Hunger Games, Silver Linings, Warm Bodies).

I am wondering if two “ingredients” to a successful male / female relationship are (not necessarily romantic):

1. The guy listens to the girl. There have been some surprising posts in this thread where some guys have even tried to argue with girls about what girls like. That seems a little bizarre, but maybe it is indicative of a tendency in some guys to want to control / direct the relationship instead of listening to the girl’s cue’s / needs etc. I think that tendency is a mistake. Some guys have also said “be yourself”. Although everyone should “be themselves”, it is fine to try to improve yourself for another. Life is about change. That is why we are here, to learn and change. Usually, that change is the guy changing for the girl.
2. The second ingredient is the girl making clear what her wishes / expectations are. That may be why you liked what you saw in the girl who was tough with the guy’s father. And maybe that is why these movies are so popular.

Also, a third thing we can all do is just take a look at our Christian walk. After all, this is Lent. That is sort of where I am, and I am not hinting about anyone other than me.

Nothing romantic, but I have not been as successful making new friends as I had hoped, so I am trying to make the most of the last two weeks of Lent. Maybe my perspective is just wrong.

I think the reason may have nothing to do with the potential friends, who are awesome, but with an act of service that I have been neglecting.

 

[chevalier]

1. The guy listens to the girl. There have been some surprising posts in this thread where some guys have even tried to argue with girls about what girls like. That seems a little bizarre, but maybe it is indicative of a tendency in some guys to want to control / direct the relationship instead of listening to the girl’s cue’s / needs etc. I think that tendency is a mistake.

Nope, you’re just misunderstanding personal freedom a bit.

Our freedom to make decisions for ourselves does not extend to dominion over facts which describe us. Whether I’m an extrovert or introvert, for example, does not depend on my proclamation of the fact. Not any more than I can make myself a baron or a professor. A person who knows me may very well have a clearer picture of some of my traits–or my preferences–than I do.

What is dangerous is the tendency among people to want to be the supreme experts on themselves, while the old Latin adage says nobody’s a good judge of his own case (which is why judges get recused if a case concerns them personally), and another says not even a witness (this one isn’t really followed). People want dominion over their image–over how they are perceived by others. That kind of power is not meant for us to have. We can’t shape the physical world with our will. Not any more than King Canute could command the waves.

Bottom line, it’s perfectly fine to disagree with someone’s image of himself. Or even herself. Actually, it’s even fine to disagree with women in general, no matter what the modern culture tells you.

1. The second ingredient is the girl making clear what her wishes / expectations are.

There’s plenty of wishes, expectations, requirements and other such language betraying a troubling attitude on the female side of relationships. (Inability to function where the external world doesn’t conform immediately and fully to one’s will.)

A healthy female human doesn’t need to be walked around on eggshells, understands that living in a society and also in smaller relationships needs mutual adaptation, and doesn’t see relationships through the perspective of a bunch of her will being done.

Interestingly similar to the traditional machoistic husband and father who can’t be held accountable for whatever he did in blind anger because the blame gets delegated on whomever did whatever thing “upset daddy”.

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And yes, you did explicitly state that a successful relationship is about the man making the woman’s will come true.

 

[Kamaduck]

Bottom line, it’s perfectly fine to disagree with someone’s image of himself. Or even herself. Actually, it’s even fine to disagree with women in general, no matter what the modern culture tells you.

In theory I agree with this, but applying it to an entire gender is a bit weird. If the point of this thread is to figure out what girls search for in guys, wouldn’t girls have a better idea of that than guys?

Girls are biased sources of information about what girls want. Guys, however, have incomplete information simply because they are not girls. The bias of the females here doesn’t mean the males automatically know what they’re talking about. You are free to disagree, but I don’t see why you’d be a better judge of our own internal desires.

 

[dedo]

Nope, you’re just misunderstanding personal freedom a bit.

Our freedom to make decisions for ourselves does not extend to dominion over facts which describe us. Whether I’m an extrovert or introvert, for example, does not depend on my proclamation of the fact. Not any more than I can make myself a baron or a professor. A person who knows me may very well have a clearer picture of some of my traits–or my preferences–than I do.

What is dangerous is the tendency among people to want to be the supreme experts on themselves, while the old Latin adage says nobody’s a good judge of his own case (which is why judges get recused if a case concerns them personally), and another says not even a witness (this one isn’t really followed). People want dominion over their image–over how they are perceived by others. That kind of power is not meant for us to have. We can’t shape the physical world with our will. Not any more than King Canute could command the waves.

Bottom line, it’s perfectly fine to disagree with someone’s image of himself. Or even herself. Actually, it’s even fine to disagree with women in general, no matter what the modern culture tells you.

There’s plenty of wishes, expectations, requirements and other such language betraying a troubling attitude on the female side of relationships. (Inability to function where the external world doesn’t conform immediately and fully to one’s will.)

A healthy female human doesn’t need to be walked around on eggshells, understands that living in a society and also in smaller relationships needs mutual adaptation, and doesn’t see relationships through the perspective of a bunch of her will being done.

Interestingly similar to the traditional machoistic husband and father who can’t be held accountable for whatever he did in blind anger because the blame gets delegated on whomever did whatever thing “upset daddy”.

---

And yes, you did explicitly state that a successful relationship is about the man making the woman’s will come true.

I think you just presented a complex argument for “not listening”. Thus, I disagree.

If you love someone, you had better listen to them. That is what I am saying. And there is nothing wrong with helping to make someone’s dream come true. Doing that for two kinds of people: people you love, and the poor of the world, are two of the most rewarding things in life – especially if you can share in the person’s joy.

Thus, I think in general: guys need to listen more, and girls need to communicate better because guys don’t always understand “signals” – if that is all a girl is doing.

For myself, I am hoping that more success in friendships will come if I serve a little better. We’ll see.

 

[chevalier]

I think you just presented a complex argument for “not listening”. Thus, I disagree.

Absolutely not. You might be trying to reduce my entire post to a single thing which is easy for you to negate. However, there is not a single straw in my post on which you could base the idea that I’m against listening.

If you love someone, you had better listen to them. That is what I am saying. And there is nothing wrong with helping to make someone’s dream come true. Doing that for two kinds of people: people you love, and the poor of the world, are two of the most rewarding things in life – especially if you can share in the person’s joy.

1. That goes both ways.
2. There’s a difference between helping someone make his dreams come true (which includes being the husband, or wife, that actually listens) and a unilateral relationship based on the woman communicating her wants and the man making those wants happen, as you presented it. I recommend taking a look at Schiller’s The Glove (link) if my point isn’t clear.

Thus, I think in general: guys need to listen more, and girls need to communicate better because guys don’t always understand “signals” – if that is all a girl is doing.

There’s a bit of a myth there. I need to point out a couple of things:

1. Women are not actually that great about picking up hints, either.
2. Nor are men spectacular about communicating directly.

And once again, a relationship does not come down to ticking items off a checklist.

For myself, I am hoping that more success in friendships will come if I serve a little better. We’ll see.

Serving is good but there’s a difference between serving and subservience.

 

[Praying7]

I think the best person to ask this question is God. He made men and women. On top of that He made the girl who is meant to marry you if you are called to the vocation of marriage. Just pray about it. Sometimes we can get so lost in speculating that we forget God in all of this. I’m sure you are asking this question with a particular girl in mind or any man reading this thread has a particular girl in mind or is hoping to meet one. Just pray and get to know the girl naturally, as in without rushing. There is a film called ‘From Up On Poppy Hill’ which shows the relationship progressing so naturally that it gives a very unique beauty to the film unlike the rushed relationships we see in the media these days.

I’ll pray for all those faced with this concern.

 

[Crescentinus]

I think the best person to ask this question is God. He made men and women. On top of that He made the girl who is meant to marry you if you are called to the vocation of marriage. Just pray about it. Sometimes we can get so lost in speculating that we forget God in all of this. I’m sure you are asking this question with a particular girl in mind or any man reading this thread has a particular girl in mind or is hoping to meet one. Just pray and get to know the girl naturally, as in without rushing. There is a film called ‘From Up On Poppy Hill’ which shows the relationship progressing so naturally that it gives a very unique beauty to the film unlike the rushed relationships we see in the media these days.

I’ll pray for all those faced with this concern.

I looked that movie up, and it’s an anime film? Good!

 

[Praying7]

Thanks for your reply to my reply. Yeah, it is. Studio Ghibli movies are really unique and interesting. I like them since they have romance but it is not anything crazy. Another great movie is ‘Castle in the Sky’ and ‘Spirited Away’. One of the main characters who is a young boy is truly admirable and has an amazing personality. Also in ‘From Up On Poppy Hill’, the boy is the main character makes a decision which was very admirable. I highly recommend them. However, the other movies, some of them have inappropriate scenes. ‘Arriety’ doesn’t however.

 

[mrajax]

I LOVE anime, I honestly really do although it has been some time since I watched a new one now. Berserk and Sankarea just did it too much for me. Heck, anime like Hayate no Gotoku and Clannad are what got me out of my shy shell and made me want to become friends with women.