What do I say to my kids when they ask why grandpa doesn't go to Mass?

[Anglewannabe]

Not only is it rude but you are asking an authority figure to rationalize not attending mass to a child. You just might not like that grandpa’s answer might make sense to the child…

That is another good point. I am sure children receive enough bad influences parents need to counter act every day, why ask for more?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

That is another good point. I am sure children receive enough bad influences parents need to counter act every day, why ask for more?

To me that is asking for trouble. I don’t care if society pressures us to not make any moral judgements about people’s behaviour. I make sure that my children learn that some things are just very sad and not to be imitated. Faithlessness is one of those things.

 

[Dorothy]

Children generally include their grandparents in their prayers anyway, don’t they?

Yes, I am aware of that. I am referring to circumstances when the children recognize that their grandma or grandpa does not attend Mass.

 

[Kal2012]

I don’t see anything wrong with kids asking their grandparents about why they don’t go to mass.

I don’t see it as rude, but as a child being curious as to why someone does things differently.

I guess my line is at strangers. It would be rude to ask a stranger the same question, but if the kids have a good relationship with their grandparents, then why not?

Who’s to say that the Holy Spirit won’t use that kid to touch the grandfather’s heart and get him back to mass?

I’m assuming the kids are close to grandma/grandpa and they hang out and do stuff together.

 

[pensmama87]

I don’t see anything wrong with kids asking their grandparents about why they don’t go to mass.

I don’t see it as rude, but as a child being curious as to why someone does things differently.

I guess my line is at strangers. It would be rude to ask a stranger the same question, but if the kids have a good relationship with their grandparents, then why not?

Who’s to say that the Holy Spirit won’t use that kid to touch the grandfather’s heart and get him back to mass?

I’m assuming the kids are close to grandma/grandpa and they hang out and do stuff together.

I love my in-laws, but I do NOT want them to discuss religious differences with my children. MIL is lapsed, she andFIL are now “born again” megachurch Evangelicals.

My kids adore their grandparents. They don’t know or have the capacity to understand that they could tell them something that would be wrong.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I don’t see anything wrong with kids asking their grandparents about why they don’t go to mass.

If parents and grand parents have different opinions, it will just cause fights among the adults.

I don’t see it as rude, but as a child being curious as to why someone does things differently.

It puts the adult in a very awkward situation. The child has seriously offended the adult. There is nothing more humiliating than having a kid pry into one’s personal business, and if the adult justifiably gives the child a stern talking the adult is criticizes for 'harming the kids poor self esteem. When the reality is, the kid was rude. I am an adult and I am VERY curious as to why certain people do certain things but I don’t ask because I was brought up to be polite.

Another point about curiosity. Kids are curious about their bodies, but they are still taught not to touch themselves in public. Just because a kid has a curiosity does not mean they can behave anyway they want.

I guess my line is at strangers. It would be rude to ask a stranger the same question, but if the kids have a good relationship with their grandparents, then why not?.

Because it is unreasonable to expect a child to understand it is OK to ask grandparents but not strangers. Their intellect is not fully developed and they can only understand what to ask and what not to ask. They can no understand the ‘who and who not’

Who's to say that the Holy Spirit won't use that kid to touch the grandfather's heart and get him back to mass?

.

Maybe just listening to the kid talk about how they went to mass can touch the grandparents heart without the kid having to be rude

 

[EasterJoy]

That is a totally different ball of wax. If the grandparents encouraged the questions and the boys were taught ‘Don’t ask another adult these questions’ it is bringing the kids up right. But to give a child the message ‘It is ok to ask whatever you want’ is bringing kids up to be rude, impolite and judgemental

When I was 15 I use to babysit a 5 year old boy. I took him to the park. There were 2 ladies there sitting at a picnic table. These ladies both light up a cigarette. The boy walked right up to them and said in a loud voice bossy voice ‘Don’t you ever smoke’. I quickly pulled him out of the way. This boy was told ‘smoking was wrong’ he was NEVER told ‘Don’t judge others’ so in his little mind, he was probably doing the right thing. To encourage a kid to ask an adult a personal question (with out the adult saying it is OK) IMO is just raising an impolite person

You may know for an objective fact that this particular five-year-old was never taught not to correct adults, but let’s just say* in clarification* that anyone who leaps to the conclusion that a five-year-old who speaks his mind was never taught differently is probably not someone who has ever had a five-year-old of their own. It is an age at which loud opinionated pronouncements very commonly seem like “doing the right thing” in spite of corrections to the contrary. (At five, you know very well that you can get away with it. It is kind of like being 85, that way.)

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Kid: grandpa why don’t you go to mass?

Grandpa: I believe that God knows I am a good person so I don’t have to go.
OR
I don’t want to so I can choose not to
OR
I don’t believe in God or the church.
OR
They protect molesters
OR
My church is the mountains and nature.
OR
Any other reason that will be used to not go.

This is why the parents of the young child should address it with the child and frame it in a way that is respectful but also reinforces the faith to the child. I’m sure this can be done. However, please don’t say “go ask grandpa”. That is inviting a problem.
We are the only Catholics in our family so all of my children have asked us about this. The last thing I would want is “grandpa” pontificating on his religious views to my kids!

 

[CatholicMedic]

My kids have tried the why do we have to go if grandpa doesn’t ploy.
My wife and I have been clear that going to Mass is what we do as a family and it is a priority.​

My kids have asked grandpa (with out any prompting from my wife or me) why he doesn’t go to Mass. He usually will give some vague answer like “times change and attitudes change.” One time he asked my daughter (6 at the time) why he should go? She said, “so you can learn about Jesus.” His reply was, “what more do I need to learn?” That response stumped her and she dropped it. The only positive thing he has said to them about “church” is that is import to learn how to be a nice person and be kind to others.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My kids have tried the why do we have to go if grandpa doesn’t ploy.
My wife and I have been clear that going to Mass is what we do as a family and it is a priority.​

My kids have asked grandpa (with out any prompting from my wife or me) why he doesn’t go to Mass. He usually will give some vague answer like “times change and attitudes change.” One time he asked my daughter (6 at the time) why he should go? She said, “so you can learn about Jesus.” His reply was, “what more do I need to learn?” That response stumped her and she dropped it. The only positive thing he has said to them about “church” is that is import to learn how to be a nice person and be kind to others.

This is the problem. When catechizing our kids we should teach them that it is more than learning about Jesus. But it is commanded. Obviously gramps could learn a lot more about Jesus and the church He established. But that rational can be harmful to a child especially as they get older!

 

[HelenRose]

Not only is it rude but you are asking an authority figure to rationalize not attending mass to a child. You just might not like that grandpa’s answer might make sense to the child…

That was my first response to that ill advised idea.

 

[HelenRose]

Here is a Fatima prayer that a Child may relate to:

My God, I believe, I adore, I hope and I love You! I ask pardon of You for those who do not believe, do not adore, do not hope and do not love You.

God hears and loves the prayers of children.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Kid: grandpa why don’t you go to mass?

Grandpa: I believe that God knows I am a good person so I don’t have to go.
OR
I don’t want to so I can choose not to
OR
I don’t believe in God or the church.
OR
They protect molesters
OR
My church is the mountains and nature.
OR
Any other reason that will be used to not go.

This is why the parents of the young child should address it with the child and frame it in a way that is respectful but also reinforces the faith to the child. I’m sure this can be done. However, please don’t say “go ask grandpa”. That is inviting a problem.
We are the only Catholics in our family so all of my children have asked us about this. The last thing I would want is “grandpa” pontificating on his religious views to my kids!

These are good examples since people hold these views.

The way kids think pretty much links their love for a person to their behaviour, so a beloved grandpa obviously does everything right. I see that a lot with my son, so make sure to stress that as much as we love our family members we don’t always have to follow their example and believe as they do.

It can be difficult to strike the balance and find the right tone but parents must be the ones to decide how delicate matters are discussed with their kids.

 

[Kelfa28]

I’m siding with the posters who agree that posing these kinds of questions to grandparents is rude and basically a land mind waiting to happen in terms of response.

I love my in-laws, but I do NOT want them to discuss religious differences with my children. MIL is lapsed, she andFIL are now “born again” megachurch Evangelicals.

My kids adore their grandparents. They don’t know or have the capacity to understand that they could tell them something that would be wrong.

I do not want my children discussing the Catholic Church with people like my MIL. She attends an evangelical Church and has some very blasphemous ideas she claims are biblically accurate and can be justified through her interpretation of scripture.

She also evangelizes every chance she gets and has been outspoken against the Catholic Church herself.

My kids do not need to hear things that are clearly wrong according to Catholic doctrine but still claimed to be fine according to What she thinks Jesus teaches.

I also do not want my children to attend any of my MIL’s church services or lectures…she could certainly convince my daughters to go and listen to some “cool” music when they are older.

While hubby and I are committed to teaching our children the truth…they are still children and still learning and I don’t think that encouraging them to get into a theological debate with a baptized Catholic turned evangelical is a wise idea.

 

[recentrevert]

I think acting worried about Grandpa and saying ‘we need to pray more for him’ is the best way. You don’t want your children thinking he doesn’t have to go to Mass or to deceive them into thinking there is any doubt that he will go to hell if he doesn’t repent. You have to establish the truth in their minds that all people are bound by the laws of God. You don’t want them to be outright rude to their grandparents but your main concern should not be for the feelings of a sinful grandparent but for the souls of your children. It could be good opportunity to encourage them to add small penances to their prayers out of concern for his soul.

 

[ineeda]

I kind of have this problem with my 9 year old grandson. I am the only one that attends church. My daughter attends when it is convenient for her, and most of the time she sleeps in. Or, she will say that she does not have anything nice to wear that fits her, as she lost weight. Last week, she woke up late. And, my grandson does not have anyone else that goes to mass. On Christmas day, I tried to get in touch with her, but no answer. She text me that she woke up late. There have been times he balked at going with me as his mother does not go. My husband does not go.(he never did) I did not attend when we were married, 16 years ago. I am a revert and just returned 4 years ago.

Also, his dad,(Baptist) does not go. So, of course, I can understand why my grandson does not care to go. He does go to CCD. And, had his first reconciliation last year. He has not been back, since.

I think I need to step back and quit trying so hard. I told my daughter that it is her responsibility as a parent. And, she needs to set example. My grandson does not like going to church. I bought him a book about the mass. I have tried all that I can, and I can not see him getting interested. It is difficult when the rest of his family does not go.

It is hard for my grandson to understand, when his mother goes when she feels like it. And times, will just send him to go with me.

 

[recentrevert]

I kind of have this problem with my 9 year old grandson. I am the only one that attends church. My daughter attends when it is convenient for her, and most of the time she sleeps in. Or, she will say that she does not have anything nice to wear that fits her, as she lost weight. Last week, she woke up late. And, my grandson does not have anyone else that goes to mass. On Christmas day, I tried to get in touch with her, but no answer. She text me that she woke up late. There have been times he balked at going with me as his mother does not go. My husband does not go.(he never did) I did not attend when we were married, 16 years ago. I am a revert and just returned 4 years ago.

Also, his dad,(Baptist) does not go. So, of course, I can understand why my grandson does not care to go. He does go to CCD. And, had his first reconciliation last year. He has not been back, since.

I think I need to step back and quit trying so hard. I told my daughter that it is her responsibility as a parent. And, she needs to set example. My grandson does not like going to church. I bought him a book about the mass. I have tried all that I can, and I can not see him getting interested. It is difficult when the rest of his family does not go.

It is hard for my grandson to understand, when his mother goes when she feels like it. And times, will just send him to go with me.

You certainly should not step back and stop trying so hard! Who do you think it is telling you that? You must add penances to your prayers and pray more. Why do you think God has put you in this situation? It will look as if you don’t really believe what you profess to believe if you stop calling your daughter and grandson to follow Christ - that or you do believe but don’t really care that they will go to hell.

 

[ineeda]

Perhaps, I worded that wrong about trying so hard. I think I need to try something different. She knows I want them to go to church. I will not accomplish anything by nagging. Once, I get my computer fixed, I am going to get something online by Brandon Vought help with getting kids to return to church. Currently, I can not download any videos on my computer.

 

[MissRose73]

That is a hard one because my dad was away for so long, and has returned back to going to weekly Mass after being away for so long (and mainly just going for Xmas, Easter and special occasions). My mother said nothing to him and did not nag him constantly. She let us kids know not to say anything to him either so we didn’t.

You can say “Grandpa is a grownup, and made his choice not to attend Mass. We must pray for him only, and do not ask him why.”

 

[recentrevert]

That is a hard one because my dad was away for so long, and has returned back to going to weekly Mass after being away for so long (and mainly just going for Xmas, Easter and special occasions). My mother said nothing to him and did not nag him constantly. She let us kids know not to say anything to him either so we didn’t.

You can say “Grandpa is a grownup, and made his choice not to attend Mass. We must pray for him only, and do not ask him why.”

I really would not say ‘Grandpa is a grownup’ as this could sound like an excuse for him and his behaviour is inexcusable. God will forgive him if he repents, but he will not excuse sin. Children should in no way be deceived into believing that adults have the right to do evil and can make their own decisions on what to believe.