What do I say to my kids when they ask why grandpa doesn't go to Mass?

[Demetra2]

I agree that the young grandchildren should not ask the grandfather why he doesn’t go. You might not like the answer that he gives the kids plus it is disrespectful to him. He obviously is a poorly catechized former Catholic and not a good person to discuss theology with the kiddies. Just pray for him and make sure the kids know that he really needs prayers in the hope that he will feel God’s love for him and come back to the Church before he dies.

 

[Memaw]

I agree that the young grandchildren should not ask the grandfather why he doesn’t go. You might not like the answer that he gives the kids plus it is disrespectful to him. He obviously is a poorly catechized former Catholic and not a good person to discuss theology with the kiddies. Just pray for him and make sure the kids know that he really needs prayers in the hope that he will feel God’s love for him and come back to the Church before he dies.

That’s about what I told my kids. That he wasn’t raised to know and love the Mass like we do and we will pray for him that he will learn to do just that one day. He did make a very beautiful conversion several weeks before he died and even asked to go to Confession. We were all so thankful and still are. God Bless, Memaw

 

[CatholicMedic]

Very interesting discussion. Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut.

A recurring theme seems not to let the kids ask Grandpa why he doesn’t go to Mass because it is “rude”.

Why? It seems appropriate to ask a simple question about an obvious behavior.

 

[twf]

I kind of have this problem with my 9 year old grandson. I am the only one that attends church. My daughter attends when it is convenient for her, and most of the time she sleeps in. Or, she will say that she does not have anything nice to wear that fits her, as she lost weight. Last week, she woke up late. And, my grandson does not have anyone else that goes to mass. On Christmas day, I tried to get in touch with her, but no answer. She text me that she woke up late. There have been times he balked at going with me as his mother does not go. My husband does not go.(he never did) I did not attend when we were married, 16 years ago. I am a revert and just returned 4 years ago.

Also, his dad,(Baptist) does not go. So, of course, I can understand why my grandson does not care to go. He does go to CCD. And, had his first reconciliation last year. He has not been back, since.

I think I need to step back and quit trying so hard. I told my daughter that it is her responsibility as a parent. And, she needs to set example. My grandson does not like going to church. I bought him a book about the mass. I have tried all that I can, and I can not see him getting interested. It is difficult when the rest of his family does not go.

It is hard for my grandson to understand, when his mother goes when she feels like it. And times, will just send him to go with me.

Sleeping in is no longer an excuse. In my experience even the smallest town has at least a Saturday evening mass - larger centres have Sunday evening masses as well. Perhaps suggest that option to your daughter?

 

[heart4home]

Very interesting discussion. Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut.

A recurring theme seems not to let the kids ask Grandpa why he doesn’t go to Mass because it is “rude”.

Why? It seems appropriate to ask a simple question about an obvious behavior.

I think when it’s an innocent off the cuff question, it’s not necessarily rude for a young child to ask a loving adult in their life something that they don’t understand or are curious about. I think whether grandpa is bothered by the question will depend on many things, but mostly his understanding of innocent children’s natural curiosity, and how they learn about the world they live in.

When they asked me why grandpa doesn’t go, I’d simply say the truth “I don’t really know why”.

After that, the conversation would either end, or take it’s natural course directed by the child’s questions and appropriate answers.

If the child is comfortable with talking with Grandpa, then eventually that child will probably ask him. If that isn’t the kind of relationship they’ve developed, he likely won’t.

However, if the child does ask, as others have already said, as a parent you may need to be prepared that the answer Grandpa gives could leave a lasting impression on the child that you do not like.

This will happen all through their lives by various individuals, some more important in their lives than others, so it shouldn’t be feared, but definitely should be addressed with the truth.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I wouldn’t have a problem with my kids asking a faith challenging question to their Grandparent - assuming they had a close enough relationship to do so. But I would have a problem with setting my child up to be evangelized by the “I don’t need to go to Mass and neither do you” school of thought.

The other thing I don’t have a problem with is being honest with my child that I believe the grandparent is doing something wrong. Judging an action is not the same as judging a person, and I don’t want to misconstrue respect as condoning. So while I would regularly make sure to reinforce the idea of respecting Grandpa, I would respond to the question with something like: “Well honey, I’m not sure why he doesn’t go. It could be that he doesn’t realize how important it is to get to Mass. Or it could be that he does know and making a wrong choice. Let’s pray for him, alright?”