What do you do when a stranger grabs your hand during Our Father prayer?

[Tantum_ergo]

If someone grabs my hand (usually my wife, but sometimes someone else is sitting on my other side…) I take their hand and just keep on praying. We ARE all bretheren in Christ, are we not?

Recieving the Eucharist with unclean hands is not an issue for me as I am not worthy to touch it with my hands. I recieve the Blessed Sacrament on the tongue, so I can hold anyone’s hand I feel like and it’s no biggie.

Well, that’s good if you don’t have arthritis, a compromised immune system, emotional issues, or other physical or mental difficulties.

Very few people who have posted stating that they prefer NOT to hold hands have said, "Oh ewwww, I don’t want to touch another person who might have cooties’. . . In fact, I haven’t seen any such post.

And one can be brotherly or sisterly without physical touch. It is not ‘required’ to prove that hey, I’m loving like Jesus because I want to touch and be touched. Some of the most loving people in the world are cloistered nuns, for example. Are they less Christ-like because they are ‘separated’ from the physical, touching world?****All these years, I thought that being Christian meant loving God and my neighbor. . .and that meant that if I wanted to do some gesture but my neighbor did not want to do so, the loving Christian response from me was to respect my neighbor’s decision, to not take ‘personal affront’, and to carry on, with each of us regarding the other with mutual respect.

If the people in front of me at Mass wanted to hold hands through the Our Father, for example, and I personally wanted to not hold hands, for whatever reason, then if the people in front turned around to me, and I made a smiling, “no thank you”, then (this probably really dates me), both those people and I would simply ‘do our thing’, mutually respecting the other person, not taking offense, and just ‘continue’. They would hold hands. I would fold hands. Both of us would be perfectly respectful of the other’s choice, and both would feel absolutely free to follow our own choice.

Because that was loving God and our neighbor. . .loving the person and respecting them even if they didn’t want to do something in a way that we wanted to do. We would not demand, “Hey, if I want to hold hands and you don’t, **you need to do what I want. Forget about you, ** it’s all about me”. . .or, “Hey, I don’t want to hold hands, and all you hand holders need to stop holding hands, not just with me, but with anybody”.

What happened? When did mutual respect and not tolerance (tolerance implies that the behavior of the other is actually wrong), but acceptance of another’s view as, if not ‘preferred’, at least as **valid **as our own choice, turn into the ‘hand wars?’

 

[babochka]

Very few people who have posted stating that they prefer NOT to hold hands have said, "Oh ewwww, I don’t want to touch another person who might have cooties’. . . In fact, I haven’t seen any such post.
’

You must have missed post #8.

I visit the washroom before Mass, to wash my hands in preparation for receiving Our Lord. I do not wish to hold hands with people who have come to church with unwashed hands, blown their noses and handled their hankies, scratched their heads, dealt with their kids, and are generally germy.

 

[ProVobis]

I was talking specifically about the Our Father. The priest no longer prays the Our Father alone. The priest only assumes the orans posture when he’s praying on behalf of the people by himself.

As a historical note, not completely true.

The people’s part prior to the reforms was “Sed libera nos a malo.” If the priest leads in Pater Noster (say as part of the rosary), the people’s part would start as “Give us this day…”

Now in the OF,

1. Deinde sacerdos clara voce dicit, iunctis manibus: (Joins his hands)
   Præcéptis salutáribus móniti,
   et divína institutióne formáti,
   audémus dícere:
   Sacerdos, extensis manibus, et omnes præsentes prosequuntur: (Priest, with extended hands, and all present )
   Pater noster, qui es in cælis:
   sanctificétur nomen tuum;
   advéniat regnum tuum;
   fiat volúntas tua, sicut in cælo, et in terra.
   Panem nostrum cotidiánum da nobis hódie;
   et dimítte nobis débita nostra,
   sicut et nos dimíttimus debitóribus nostris;
   et ne nos indúcas in tentatiónem;
   sed líbera nos a malo.
   Textus cum cantu, p. 597.
2. Manibus extensis, sacerdos solus prosequitur: (priest alone)
   Líbera nos, quǽsumus, Dómine, ab ómnibus malis,
   da propítius pacem in diébus nostris,
   ut, ope misericórdiæ tuæ adiúti,
   et a peccáto simus semper líberi
   et ab omni perturbatióne secúri:
   exspectántes beátam spem
   et advéntum Salvatóris nostri Iesu Christi.
   Iungit manus.
   Populus orationem concludit, acclamans: (joins hands, people acclaim)
   Quia tuum est regnum, et potéstas, et glória in sǽcula.

 

[Casilda]

This whole thread makes me understand why Jimmy Fallon is no longer Catholic. Why would it matter to anyone whether one holds hands or not? Lord, have mercy.

 

[GoGoDiego]

When a stranger holds hands during the Our Father, I just ignore it.

 

[dluna]

I don’t know what to say or respond anymore. While I indeed do not like physical touch, most of my discomfort that day was the fact that she grabbed my hand in the middle of prayer.

 

[Belshazzar]

The worst I’ve ever witnessed occurred at a Spanish Mass in Albuquerque, NM, where the entire congregation was swaying to and fro to a re- worded version of the Lord’s Prayer that was adjusted to fit the tune of Marianne Faithfull’s “As Tears Go By.” No kidding.

 

[larsont7]

Start going to a "Traditional Latin Mass" . Seriously, though, why not just avoid sitting next to her?

^^^ This, for those who have it available to them.

Never a debate about holding hands, musical variety, CITH vs. COTT, liturgical deviations, Protestant speakers at the homily, dancing, etc. Just simply the beautiful Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Truly, what more does one need?

(And then stay to meet and greet everyone afterwards; plenty of hand shaking and hugging to go around if that’s your thing.)

 

[Petaro]

I just pull my hand away quickly and yell out “Don’t touch me there!” They normally don’t do it again.

 

[Cat]

So why then can’t all those in Church who might feel offended by someone not wanting to touch their hands be the ones to “suck it up and suffer”?

SuperLuigi, I’m not just addressing you here, so please don’t feel picked on by me. I’m addressing the group that is following this thread. But I’m using your words, which I think capture the words that some others have used in this thread.

If holding the hand of a Christian brother or sister is “sucking it up and suffering,” then we in the U.S. are in sad shape.

I didn’t (and won’t) watch the video of the reporter being beheaded. To me, THAT’S suffering. That’s my new measure of “suffering.” In the future, if I start thinking, “Wow, I’m suffering here. This music is awful. I’m too hot. I’m too cold. Those people are rude. That lady is wearing hot pants, etc.,” I will remember the short version of the video that they showed on the NBC news where that poor man was kneeling in front of his executioner who was about to saw off his head with a butcher knife. THAT’S suffering.

ProVobis, my dad was a vet (Army), a farmer, and one tough dude. My brother and I grew up in a household without a lot of physical displays of affection (we still knew we were loved, so we’re not in therapy over it).

But in the last few months, while he was dying of cancer, my dad would hold my brother’s hand, my hand, or anyone’s hand, including his male friends. There’s something about imminent death that seem to get rid of all our little foibles and preferences and quirks.

Maybe we need to remember that in Mass. About a year ago, a lady in our parish was on her way to Mass when three young hoodlums were drag-racing, crashed into her car about a block from our church, and killed her. She was only in her mid-50s, and had children living at home.

Last week, my hospital lab work group was shocked to see a 37-year-old man enter the hospital with a heart attack and die. Only 37!

Why do we get our panties in a bunch over such a small thing? As others have said, hand-holding is not forbidden, even though it is not spelled out in the rubrics. It’s not a hill worth fighting and dying on.

In our parish, hand-holding seems to be limited to family groups, which I think is nice. I’ve been in other parishes in the U.S. where the parish practice seems to be “everyone join hands.” IMO, when we are in someone else’s house, we need to follow their rules unless they are actually sinful. That’s just good manners, and the Bible and Catechism make it clear that good manners are expected of Christians.

 

[dans0622]

“Oh Lord, I thank you that I am not like the rest of men. … Especially like that guy over there who doesn’t like to hold hands while saying the prayer you gave us. He must not truly love anyone. He is not like you. Worst of all, he actually talks about how he doesn’t want to hold hands at that time. That must grieve your Heart. Thankfully, my holding of hands gladdens and consoles your Heart and my speaking on the issue pleases you.”

 

[clem456]

“Oh Lord, I thank you that I am not like the rest of men. … Especially like that guy over there who doesn’t like to hold hands while saying the prayer you gave us. He must not truly love anyone. He is not like you. Worst of all, he actually talks about how he doesn’t want to hold hands at that time. That must grieve your Heart. Thankfully, my holding of hands gladdens and consoles your Heart and my speaking on the issue pleases you.”

Why do you have to be sarcastic and nasty?

 

[ProVobis]

As others have said, hand-holding is not forbidden, even though it is not spelled out in the rubrics. It’s not a hill worth fighting and dying on.

That’s not the point. I’ve provided the 2002 Latin (post #124) and the rubrics clearly state the hand posture of the priest and lay out who says what. (It’s still a dialogue.) The way I see it, the people have chosen to interject their own feelings and posture into the Mass, undermining the role of the priest among other things. Whether it’s nice or cute or pro-family or not is not an issue liturgical committees were given the power to address IMO. Otherwise the IGMR/GIRM would have addressed those issues and provide the available options for singles, families, and other groups.

Even in the EF, occasionally someone will pray the Pater Noster with the priest. There’s nothing wrong with it per se, but there has to be a boundary there somewhere. The priest has his parts and the people have theirs.

 

[Aran_Houlihan]

I’m would pull my hand away you don’t know where there hands been who they are

 

[CB_Catholic]

I don’t know what to say or respond anymore. While I indeed do not like physical touch, most of my discomfort that day was the fact that she grabbed my hand in the middle of prayer.

Well, forgive her and get on with it. Don’t dwell on it. It really, in perspective, is not that big of a deal. Ask yourself if you are free of offending someone else without realizing it. Most of us have done that. She was just thoughtless, which most of us have been at one time or another.

Don’t make this a bigger deal than it has to be. If you are afraid of it happening again, don’t sit by her.

 

[Joe_5859]

So why then can’t all those in Church who might feel offended by someone not wanting to touch their hands be the ones to “suck it up and suffer”?

When a poster comes along who is complaining about the “unfriendly” person who gives him a dirty look when he reaches for their hand at the Our Father, then I will tell him the same thing.

 

[ProVobis]

When a poster comes along who is complaining about the “unfriendly” person who gives him a dirty look when he reaches for their hand at the Our Father, then I will tell him the same thing.

Now we not only have to cope with people reaching for hands but also have to look them in the face when we turn them down? Things can’t get more horizontal than that.

 

[Philomeena]

I suffer through it. At my parish it’s seen as rudeness to not hold hands during the Our Father and also to not visit just about everyone during the sign of peace. So, in order to avoid appearing rude, I just hold hands.

Besides, we have a LOT of senior citizens with family far away or uninterested and spouses who have passed on. They are lonely and need human contact. If me being slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes makes a Christian brother or sister feel the love of God and man I guess I can suck it up and be grateful to be given the opportunity to help.

Very nice…thank you for your compassion.

 

[Philomeena]

I have to agree with this.
It never ceases to amaze me how crazy threads (or face-face discussions) over hand-holding, CITH, and what type of music we have at Mass can get.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I would do if I were a Christian living in Iraq or Syria right now. I can’t even imagine!!!
Makes this debate seem frivolous, at best, IMHO.
Oh well, first world problems, I guess.

AMEN

 

[Neofight]

If this entire thread proves anything, its that the Church is a hospital for sinners…and thankfully there is plenty of bed space available in the ICU!