What do you do when your child tells you he/she's gay?

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OH I forgot the most important part. You pray. You pray and pray some more. When you need to sleep you ask your guardian angel and your child’s guardian angel to take over until you get up and start praying again.

I should weigh in on the disowning. I don’t think that has to happen. You can still love your child and some type of relationship despite them struggling with Same Sex Attraction. It tends to be more up to them whether they want a relationship with you after you express your position.
 
SaltySirena said:
I would never pry into my adult, married child’s personal sexual life deeply enough to know that they are using contraceptives or not. Talk about NOT my place! However, as I have deep issues and struggles myself on that whole issue, I would have no business shunning anyone else over it. Besides, I don’t see that as being on the same level.

As for the divorce question, that would depend on circumstances. Was it mutual, or was there a victim and a perp? I would be disappointed if any of my children got divorced, but the circumstances surrounding it would define how I behaved.
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Well, let’s say your son and daughter in law tell you they are using ABC. Welcome in your home?

Why is using ABC on a different level than homosexuality? Both are condemned by the Church. ABC opponents even say the pill is an abortifacient.

Might the individual and the circumstances of the same sex relationship to a child also be the guide to welcoming them into your home?
 
Initially all kids are ‘gay’ - preferring friends of their own sex. This usually changes in teenage years.

Don’t make a big deal of it but ask them can it be really normal & okay for the future of the planet.
  1. If mum & dad had beeen gay you wouldn’t be here.
  2. You’ll miss out on kids
3 You’ll miss out on grandkids ( I want some g’kids!! …even great g’kids)

4 Does anyone really know his mind & final destination at your age?
  1. If all the animals & planets decided to be ‘gay’ what would happen to the world?
6 Do you really think that is God’s Plan for you?

7 Aren’t you just a little more than usually screwed-up?

Don’t get mad, hysterical, laugh or shout. Talk in a non-threatening but grown-up manner.

Most gays I know would really prefer that they weren’t; life would be so much simpler. So think long & hard 'cos you’ll be cutting the other 50% out of your life.
 
CherishNY said:
Being against homosexuality, what would/should a parent do if their child turns out to be gay?

Do people go as far as disowning their child?
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You love them unconditionally, pray for them unceaseingly while making it clear you will never condone of affirm the lifestyle they have embraced.
 
Rejecting your child is bad according to the USCCB. The USCCB also says you may want to enroll them in therapy and certainly you will want to help them find a priest or other spiritual director to helt them live chastely.
 
estesbob said:
You love them unconditionally, pray for them unceaseingly while making it clear you will never condone of affirm the lifestyle they have embraced.
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as always, bob is succinct, but gives a perfect reply. 👍 I agree. Never ever disown your children… *
 
If they have feelings for people of the same-sex, that is typically something you can not change. Sure, there are “treatments”…majority of the time they don’t work.

-You could pray for them
-Don’t treat them differently
-If they have chosen to be a “Christian”, then help explain to them that the Lord says it’s wrong.
-If they choose not to follow the Lord…then you should accept that they are gay, and leave them alone.
-They could abstain from any sexual intercourse with people of the same-sex if they have chosen to follow the Lord.
-It is very possible that as they grow closer in their relationship with God, that they will have less feelings for the same-sex & maybe even start developing feelings for the opposite sex.

This is something that we really can not control on our own… no matter how much we tell ourselves that we can. The best advice I can give is to continue praying to God about it, and ask that he works in the childs life, and gives you the words to say to your child about it. If anyone here knows someone who’s struggling with homosexuality,
good-luck. 👍
 
You pray - a lot. No you do not disown your child. They did not chose these feelings. You love the sinner, but hate the sin.

These same sex attractions have roots in needs that were unfulfilled. Distant fathers, brothers who paid little attention to their sibling, not being affirmed athletically, etc. Studies have shown that these same threads run in many cases. It can happen in VERY normal families.

These attractions can be changed, but it is an uphill battle since the psychological association does not accept this position (even though almost a third of the time it can be changed). How much higher would that number be if people believed it was changeable! Satan wants people to believe that they cannot change and that it would be dangerous to try.

Consider joining the following group:
Prayers & Support for Christians with SSA (Same Sex Attraction)
forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=205

Check out:
couragerc.net/
and exodus-international.org/
narth.com/

Good Luck. Please pray the St Michael prayer daily for those afflicted with SSA.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen…
 
NoWings said:
Please define the difference between a “boy toy” and a “girl toy”. I thought toys were toys.
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GI Joe = Boy Toy
Barbie = Girl Toy

Don’t tell me you go into wal-mart and have never noticed that the toy aisles are broken down into pretty pink aisles filled with the dolls and my little ponies for the girls and the other side consisting of blues & blacks with trucks, action figures and the likes for boys with a third section mostly consisting of gender neutral toys such as tops, slinkies, board games etc??
NoWings said:
Please define “healthy masculinity”.
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Why are you asking me to define a term I didn’t use?
NoWings said:
For the record, I played with girl toys when I was young because I didn’t see much of a difference and I’m not gay. I’m also not an over-the-top alpha male, either, so I don’t see what this has to do with homosexuality. Please define.
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You’ll have to read the book I mentioned above. There’s a variety of factors involved; the most predominant for boys is the lack of, or a disorderly, male role model.
 
You do know that
love the sinner, but hate the sin.
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was a quote by
Mahatma Gandhi.? Not a Biblical quote.
Just letting you know, although, I do agree with you.
 
Nobody is born homosexual;
**This is not true.

Just last night there was a program on National Geographic Channel about twins in the womb. Identical twins have been born where one is homosexual, the other heterosexual. They received the same physical traits and basically the same nurture.

But one was born straight, and the other gay.

One cannot make a gay person straight–and by the same token, you can’t make a straight person gay.**
These same sex attractions have roots in needs that were unfulfilled. Distant fathers, brothers who paid little attention to their sibling, not being affirmed athletically, etc. Studies have shown that these same threads run in many cases. It can happen in VERY normal families.
These theories have been discareded by respectable mental health professionals.
These attractions can be changed, but it is an uphill battle since the psychological association does not accept this position (even though almost a third of the time it can be changed).
**Where did you get this statistic?

Perhaps 30% (according to the best estimates) of people trying a psychotherapeutic approach to reorientation might be able to cease homogenital activity. Even NARTH considers this a “cure.”

But if the person is still longing for same-sex intimacy, affiliation, love, companionship, and affection, is this person REALLY heterosexual?

No more than THREE PERCENT have been able to heterosexual emotional and sexual functioning.

Would you attempt a surgery that leaves only 3% of its patients alive?

Would you fly on an airline that gets only 3% of its passengers to their destinations safely?

Would you engage a lawyer who won only 3% of his cases?

Treatment that helps only three percent of those attempting it cannot be considered a successful therapy.**
 
I’ll say good, now how was your day?

I don’t care if they are gay or not, as long as they are happy. I think my future wife would hold the same values.
 
Jack17 said:
I’ll say good, now how was your day?

I don’t care if they are gay or not, as long as they are happy. I think my future wife would hold the same values.
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May I ask if it concerns you at all where their eternal soul ends up for all eternity?

Would you also consider it a family value if your future children deceided to just live together with someone instead of marrying them?

Because trust me, that is a huge concern for many faithful Catholics about their children NOW. This world is only passing away, eventually they will reside elsewhere for all eternity, that isn’t a concern of yours as someone who claims to be a Catholic?
 
bpbasilphx said:
Nobody is born homosexual;
**This is not true.

Just last night there was a program on National Geographic Channel about twins in the womb. Identical twins have been born where one is homosexual, the other heterosexual. They received the same physical traits and basically the same nurture.

But one was born straight, and the other gay.

One cannot make a gay person straight–and by the same token, you can’t make a straight person gay.**
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Bpbasilphx,

People aren’t born homosexual. If they were they could take a blood test to determine it. The “proof” you cite is laughable - how can you tell if a baby is born homosexual? Did he have a lisp or was it that the baby was hanging out at the gay bar that tipped them off to his sexual orientation? They obviously had to wait until the babies grew up to determine the sexuality of the adult. There is no gay gene - it’s a myth!

National Geographic may be your “authority” but the Catholic Church teaches that homosexuality is intrinsically disordered and sodomy is one of the four sins which cries to Heaven for vengeance.
 
The “proof” you cite is laughable - how can you tell if a baby is born homosexual? Did he have a lisp or was it that the baby was hanging out at the gay bar that tipped them off to his sexual orientation? They obviously had to wait until the babies grew up to determine the sexuality of the adult. There is no gay gene - it’s a myth!
**Did I say a word about a gay gene?

Since I didn’t, why did you bring it up?**
but the Catholic Church teaches that homosexuality is intrinsically disordered and sodomy is one of the four sins which cries to Heaven for vengeance.
**And can you tell us the other three without looking it up?

If homosexuality is intrinsically disordered, it is at one of three levels: spiritual, psychological, or physical.

If it is at the spiritual level, the grace of Baptism and the other sacraments would take care of it. But they don’tl.

If it is at the psychological level, the psychotherapeutic process would cure it. But it doesn’t either.

That leaves physical. To date, there is no physical process to change human sexuality. Do you know one we don’t?

In any case, this is way off the original topic, which was not the etiology of homosexuality, but what a parent should do with the news that a child is homosexual.**
 
CherishNY said:
Being against homosexuality, what would/should a parent do if their child turns out to be gay?

Do people go as far as disowning their child?
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For this situation Fr. Corapi says what the parents should do is love their children.

Developing same-sex attractions is, like developing opposite-sex attractions, not something that is the result of a conscious choice to do so. I know this because I have SSA, yet never chose or wanted to have SSA.

One’s sexual orientation is a result of many factors, especially social and emotional factors.

Displaying rejection toward a son who has SSA is the worst thing you can do.
 
tobbias88 said:
Initially all kids are ‘gay’ - preferring friends of their own sex. This usually changes in teenage years.
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Actually, kids before puberty aren’t gay. As children, boys tend to hang out with other boys and girls tend to hang out with other girls, but this has nothing to do with sex. Bonding with one’s own gender is usually needed before one’s sexual attraction can be directed toward the opposite sex during puberty.

Most people who have same-sex attractions either hung out with the opposite sex before puberty or consistently had social problems with members of their own sex.

I would recommend you check out the theory “exotic becomes erotic”, which is proposed by an Ivy League psychology professor. This theory is outlined and explained at dbem.ws/APA%20Address.pdf.

I would also recommend that you watch this short video video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8445004063241938546.
 
RosaryCrusader said:
Why are you asking me to define a term I didn’t use?
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I’m taking liberties with what you wrote. There’s a wrong and right way to do everything.

I want to know how you define masculinity that’s healthy, as opposed to masculinity that’s makes someone… say, beat their wife half to death.
 
CherishNY said:
Being against homosexuality, what would/should a parent do if their child turns out to be gay?
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First, they should raise them in the Faith and teach them that homosexual actions are sinful- but that God loves those who struggle with it the same as He does everybody else. If the child grows up and decides to live an active gay lifestyle in spite of how their parents have raised them to behave, the parents should respond to them as they would someone who had taken the wrong direction in life in any other area. They should respond to the child with compassion, and perhaps apologize for any hurt they may have inadvertantly caused throughout their childhood- but they should stay firm in their disapproval of the lifestyle, and ask that their disapproval be respected.

Most importantly, parents should pray for them.
CherishNY said:
Do people go as far as disowning their child?
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Sadly, some people do. It is sad for the child who was disowned- but even more sad for the person or people who disowned them, who will have to answer for disowning their child when they needed them the most, on the day of judgement.
 
estesbob said:
You love them unconditionally, pray for them unceaseingly while making it clear you will never condone of affirm the lifestyle they have embraced.
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This kind of “love-the-sinner, hate-the-sin” attitude works great for TV preachers who can purport tolerance to audiences with guilty consciences and checkbooks at hand. It will be very hard for your daughter or son to believe that you can love them and yet be revolted by a fundamental part of their identity. This “sin” is so different from an axe murder, which only occurs in a moment of extreme stress. This is something your child lives every day of their life, and (if lucky) sees it as a beautiful and life-transfiguring thing. Especially for gay people, whom for sexuality and identity are so closely knit, if you hate the sin, you are hating the sinner. If your child understands that you believe homosexuality is an abomination, they will be skeptical at best of your “unconditional” love.
 
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