What do you have in your Crying Room?

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Apryl

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Just curious about those churches that have a ‘Crying Room’ for babies.

What’s in it?

I really don’t want our parish to have a crying room, as I think that children should be a part of the mass… but I would like to ‘steal’ from the crying rooms that exist, and that work, to get a good idea of the needs of parents and crying children.

I don’t have children, and can barely remember my parents taking me to mass when I was that age, so I have nothing to go on.

Still, there has to be some way to help out parents and grandparents with small children, who would like to be a part of the mass, and to have their child a part of the mass with them.
 
Apryl said:
Just curious about those churches that have a ‘Crying Room’ for babies.

What’s in it?

I really don’t want our parish to have a crying room, as I think that children should be a part of the mass… but I would like to ‘steal’ from the crying rooms that exist, and that work, to get a good idea of the needs of parents and crying children.

I don’t have children, and can barely remember my parents taking me to mass when I was that age, so I have nothing to go on.

Still, there has to be some way to help out parents and grandparents with small children, who would like to be a part of the mass, and to have their child a part of the mass with them.
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Never heard of this concept of a “crying room”.

If children are being noisy, take them into the narthex or outside until they quiet down. It might also help to teach children that Mass is not the time for talking of playing.
 
It’s funny that I see this post today. Our church is going through this problem. We have some toys but I think it’s not a crying room but a playing room. Our priest is now thinking about getting rid of the cry room and making a real nice Catholic gift shop. He wants the children inside the church.
 
Hi Apryl!!! 😃

We do not have a crying room at Grotto - I think that is a very modern concept, and I agree, the children should be part of the Mass. I also don’t like it when they pull the children out for “Children’s Liturgy”. But that’s another topic. 😉

If your parish must have one - I would insist that it is in plain view of the altar (through large glass windows), has pews with kneelers, and a good speaker system. It is a place to take a fussy child during Mass - NOT a play room!!

~Liza
 
In my parish, children can be taken to the nursery before mass. If a child is in the sanctuary and begins to act up, most parents take their child out to the gathering area.

Our gathering area is basically a large space that you enter when you first come into our church. Then you go through another set of doors which have glass panels (so that one can see), to get into the actual sanctuary. We have a speaker system which goes throughout the church, so no matter where you are in the buiding, you can hear mass.

It seems to work pretty well, because parents can still be a part of the mass and the crying of a child still does not distract others from the mass.
 
We have a brand new church (building) and it doesn’t have a cry room. It does have a large narthex with speakers and the doors are glass so if your baby/child cries, you can go out there until they settle down and not miss anything.
There is also a nursery offered at 8am and noon mass for children under age 3. Most people keep their children with them, but it is an option. We used it a lot with ds, but only once with dd so far. (with about 500 people attending each service, there are maybe 2-7 kids in the nursery)

I don’t think cry rooms are a good idea. My in-laws church has one and then at what point do the children learn to sit quietly at mass?
 
I must admit I like the concept of the childrens room. We have them at my church and there are no toys in it. It just has sound proofing, sound proof glass and a speaker. The parent can hold the crying child without disturbing the Mass and does not have to leave. Another reason I like them is so many Catholic Parents lack respect for others, for instance a child is kicking my pew through the entire mass. I politely ask them to stop and I am scolded by the mother because the child is a gift from God.
I dont hate children but I must admit I was raised with the whole seen not heard value system which I agree with. Im fine seeing your children but I dont want to hear them or feel them in the back of my seat or whach as they crawl under the pew and play with my shoes. Please just make them sit. I beg of you.
 
They have an attached bathroom with a changing table. They have religious children’s board books. They have missalettes and hymnals.

I recommend keeping the hymnals out of the cry room. They get completely torn to shreds. And don’t leave a wide open play space on the floor unless you expect your cry room to be used as a nursery.
 
For all those who don’t like having a cry room in your parish:

I used to agree with you. Well, in fact, I still despise the cry room. But…

DH has been MIA every Sunday morning helping my Dad with a construction project on his house. I have nobody to watch Jacob while I go to Mass. I tried one time taking him in the pew. I fought with him through the entire Mass while he insisted on biting my shoulder. He was a HANDFUL. Finally, the last straw came during the Consecration when he took a huge chunk out of my shoulder. I promptly took him to the cry room and have ever since. I just simply cannot do it on my own with him in a pew. At least in the cry room, he can sit on the floor and play and I can actually pay attention to the Mass and participate.

I don’t like it. I feel like I’m watching Mass on tv. Other people in there irritate me because the adults don’t participate in Mass. BUT, if it wasn’t for the cry room I would probably end up missing my Sunday obligation because there is only so much I can take on my own.

For some parents (especially when one parent is Catholic and bringing a child to Mass alone) a cry room is a necessary evil. This past Sunday, a couple came in with a girl who looked to be in her teens and she was mentally disabled. She was extremely disruptive and uncontrollable through the whole Mass. I felt so bad for the mother because her daughter was being very violent with her and hitting her .

If it hadn’t been for that cry room, I would imagine that family would not make it to Mass.

I think the problem is that the cry rooms are abused. Too many parents bring in their 3,4,5 year old kids to play when there ought to be learning to sit still in their pew. Too many adults come in there thinking it’s a ticket to not participate in the Mass and just sit there. They don’t even kneel during the Consecration. :mad:

But for active infants and toddlers, the cry room can be a lifesaver for a parent.
 
Polaris said:
I dont hate children but I must admit I was raised with the whole seen not heard value system which I agree with. Im fine seeing your children but I dont want to hear them or feel them in the back of my seat or whach as they crawl under the pew and play with my shoes. Please just make them sit. I beg of you.
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Amen to that! I totally agree!

~Liza
 
The last two parishes we attended that had “cry” rooms were mostly occupied with elderly people that turned the speakers UP to LOUD so they could hear the priest.😃 Babies and young children belong in the pews so they can learn proper behavior and others can learn patience.
 
If you must have a cry room, I think it should have pews just like the rest of the church and no room for kids to run around like wild Indians. I refuse to take my kids to the cry room because too many parents take their kids there and then think they don’t have to discipline them. I have seen the same parents and kids in the pews when the cry room is full, and they do discipline while in the pew. In my current church, the cry room has a big sign that says the room is reserved for parents to take their kids during mass to get them to quiet down and that families are encouraged to join the rest of the congregation in the main worship area (or something to the effect anyway).
 
three benches!

The kids think that the actual church where all the people are is the crying room by the sound of things. I love children being in with us during Mass but I do think that if they get upset or misbehave then the parents need to teach them not to. Unfortunately, we have moving chairs, screaming kids and a priest who can’t be heard over the din. Makes it difficult.
 
A bench going around the perimeter of the room, a couple of rocking chairs, bathroom, changing table and TV monitor showing the Mass.

That’s it.

I like the cry room, it does come in handy…unless…another mother wants to talk to you…ugh! 😊
 
masondoggy said:
I don’t like it. I feel like I’m watching Mass on tv. Other people in there irritate me because the adults don’t participate in Mass. BUT, if it wasn’t for the cry room I would probably end up missing my Sunday obligation because there is only so much I can take on my own.

If it hadn’t been for that cry room, I would imagine that family would not make it to Mass.

But for active infants and toddlers, the cry room can be a lifesaver for a parent.
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AMEN, AMEN, AMEN! Exactly.
 
We have a “wailing room”, which is a 10’x5’ walled off “room” connected to the church, and the narthex. It has a colored glass (textured) for some privacy, but the only thing is it is a church pew.
 
Are we talking about little CHILDREN here, or some kind of ethereal being that is as mature as an adult from the moment of birth?!

Are Catholic babies different than Protestant babies? :confused:

My older daughter, born in 1983, was described by our pastor (we were Protestant back then) as a spark plug. She was as lively as a bag of kittens. At age 24, she still has a lot of excess energy, which she channels into a very busy job in the professional theater, along with marathon running, pilates, swimming, and ice skating. (This week she is taking a break from her job to take charge of a drama camp for middle schoolers. Usually she wears them out. She has more energy than a hundred middle schoolers!)

I resent the implication that I was a “bad” parent because I couldn’t force her to sit still and be reasonably quiet during an hour and a half long church service.

I was an extremely strict parent, a SAHM who ran a tight ship in my home. My kids didn’t get away with ANYTHING. Sassiness and backtalk was punished. If they disobeyed, they were spanked. If they whined, I ignored them. Once they grew out of the “baby” year, they were expected to go to sleep without being rocked or fussed over (bedtime story, song, prayer, good night). They didn’t watch a lot of TV and back then, there were no video games other than in arcades. Because we were evangelical Protestants, they were involved with us in church several days/evenings a week.

They were friendly, happy kids who were busy all day long. They grew up and are friendly, happy adults who have good prospects ahead of them.

I am very proud of the good mothering that I gave them (and also my husband’s good fathering.) Here’s what I did to get my lively older daughter used to sitting still in church.

I got her used to church gradually, in small time increments. As she got older and more mature, I increased the length of time that she sat in church. By the time she was six, she could sit through a whole church service without wiggling, talking, or having to leave to go to the bathroom.

I think this makes a whole lot more sense than sitting in a pew struggling with a lively child and disturbing everyone around you. I don’t get anything out of church, she doesn’t get anything out of church, and most of the people around us don’t get much out of church. It’s just not necessary. Let time pass, let the child grow up, and train him/her gradually rather than expecting a miniature grownup.

Another approach would be to sit in the sanctuary for a few minutes, then get up and walk around in the cry room, then go back and sit in the sanctuary for a few more minutes, then go back into the cry room. Repeat this about a dozen times. I’m not joking. I think this approach is another alternative that makes sense when TRAINING little ones to sit through a Mass.

I don’t see the point of expecting a little child to act like a grownup. It’s not realistic. I would even call it…mean. I’m sorry if this offends some of you, but with all due respect, if it were possible to go back in time and bring her back in her “tot” form, I would be very interested in seeing how you handle a “spark plug” like my daughter. I honestly think you would give up after a few weeks. Maybe I underestimate you.

My younger daughter was different, much quieter, and she usually went to sleep during church or any stressful situation.

As for the OP question, our church has a great big cry room at the back of the sanctuary. There are no toys. There are chairs in rows, and also a sofa in case someone doesn’t feel well and needs to lie down. It has a closed-circut TV so that those in the room can see and hear the Mass. This room is also used as an overflow room during big funerals, holiday masses, and other special occasions. I think that it’s a very nice place for a nursing mother to go feed her child; not everyone is comfortable breast-feeding in a crowded sanctuary. It’s also a good place to go change a stinky diaper.
 
As far as I am aware, nobody said anything about bad parents. Of course children can’t be expected to sit through Mass without making a sound but it is up to the parent to ensure that their child is not disrupting Mass. This might be through walking them in the crying room, taking them out for a few minutes, giving them a soother or a quiet toy to hold or ,dare I suggest it, feeding them.
(we were Protestant back then) as a spark plug. She was as lively as a bag of kittens. At age 24, she still has a lot of excess energy, which she channels into a very busy job in the professional theater, along with marathon running, pilates, swimming, and ice skating. (This week she is taking a break from her job to take charge of a drama camp for middle schoolers. Usually she wears them out. She has more energy than a hundred middle schoolers!)

I resent the implication that I was a “bad” parent because I couldn’t force her to sit still and be reasonably quiet during an hour and a half long church service.

I was an extremely strict parent, a SAHM who ran a tight ship in my home. My kids didn’t get away with ANYTHING. Sassiness and backtalk was punished. If they disobeyed, they were spanked. If they whined, I ignored them. Once they grew out of the “baby” year, they were expected to go to sleep without being rocked or fussed over (bedtime story, song, prayer, good night). They didn’t watch a lot of TV and back then, there were no video games other than in arcades. Because we were evangelical Protestants, they were involved with us in church several days/evenings a week.

They were friendly, happy kids who were busy all day long. They grew up and are friendly, happy adults who have good prospects ahead of them.

I am very proud of the good mothering that I gave them (and also my husband’s good fathering.) Here’s what I did to get my lively older daughter used to sitting still in church.

I got her used to church gradually, in small time increments. As she got older and more mature, I increased the length of time that she sat in church. By the time she was six, she could sit through a whole church service without wiggling, talking, or having to leave to go to the bathroom.

I think this makes a whole lot more sense than sitting in a pew struggling with a lively child and disturbing everyone around you. I don’t get anything out of church, she doesn’t get anything out of church, and most of the people around us don’t get much out of church. It’s just not necessary. Let time pass, let the child grow up, and train him/her gradually rather than expecting a miniature grownup.

Another approach would be to sit in the sanctuary for a few minutes, then get up and walk around in the cry room, then go back and sit in the sanctuary for a few more minutes, then go back into the cry room. Repeat this about a dozen times. I’m not joking. I think this approach is another alternative that makes sense when TRAINING little ones to sit through a Mass.

I don’t see the point of expecting a little child to act like a grownup. It’s not realistic. I would even call it…mean. I’m sorry if this offends some of you, but with all due respect, if it were possible to go back in time and bring her back in her “tot” form, I would be very interested in seeing how you handle a “spark plug” like my daughter. I honestly think you would give up after a few weeks. Maybe I underestimate you.

My younger daughter was different, much quieter, and she usually went to sleep during church or any stressful situation.

As for the OP question, our church has a great big cry room at the back of the sanctuary. There are no toys. There are chairs in rows, and also a sofa in case someone doesn’t feel well and needs to lie down. It has a closed-circut TV so that those in the room can see and hear the Mass. This room is also used as an overflow room during big funerals, holiday masses, and other special occasions. I think that it’s a very nice place for a nursing mother to go feed her child; not everyone is comfortable breast-feeding in a crowded sanctuary. It’s also a good place to go change a stinky diaper.
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As far as I am aware, nobody said anything about bad parents. Of course children can’t be expected to sit through Mass without making a sound but it is up to the parent to ensure that their child is not disrupting Mass. This might be through walking them in the crying room, taking them out for a few minutes, giving them a soother or a quiet toy to hold or ,dare I suggest it, feeding them.
Cat said:
Are we talking about little CHILDREN here, or some kind of ethereal being that is as mature as an adult from the moment of birth?!

Are Catholic babies different than Protestant babies? :confused:

My older daughter, born in 1983, was described by our pastor (we were Protestant back then) as a spark plug. She was as lively as a bag of kittens. At age 24, she still has a lot of excess energy, which she channels into a very busy job in the professional theater, along with marathon running, pilates, swimming, and ice skating. (This week she is taking a break from her job to take charge of a drama camp for middle schoolers. Usually she wears them out. She has more energy than a hundred middle schoolers!)

I resent the implication that I was a “bad” parent because I couldn’t force her to sit still and be reasonably quiet during an hour and a half long church service.

I was an extremely strict parent, a SAHM who ran a tight ship in my home. My kids didn’t get away with ANYTHING. Sassiness and backtalk was punished. If they disobeyed, they were spanked. If they whined, I ignored them. Once they grew out of the “baby” year, they were expected to go to sleep without being rocked or fussed over (bedtime story, song, prayer, good night). They didn’t watch a lot of TV and back then, there were no video games other than in arcades. Because we were evangelical Protestants, they were involved with us in church several days/evenings a week.

They were friendly, happy kids who were busy all day long. They grew up and are friendly, happy adults who have good prospects ahead of them.

I am very proud of the good mothering that I gave them (and also my husband’s good fathering.) Here’s what I did to get my lively older daughter used to sitting still in church.

I got her used to church gradually, in small time increments. As she got older and more mature, I increased the length of time that she sat in church. By the time she was six, she could sit through a whole church service without wiggling, talking, or having to leave to go to the bathroom.

I think this makes a whole lot more sense than sitting in a pew struggling with a lively child and disturbing everyone around you. I don’t get anything out of church, she doesn’t get anything out of church, and most of the people around us don’t get much out of church. It’s just not necessary. Let time pass, let the child grow up, and train him/her gradually rather than expecting a miniature grownup.

Another approach would be to sit in the sanctuary for a few minutes, then get up and walk around in the cry room, then go back and sit in the sanctuary for a few more minutes, then go back into the cry room. Repeat this about a dozen times. I’m not joking. I think this approach is another alternative that makes sense when TRAINING little ones to sit through a Mass.

I don’t see the point of expecting a little child to act like a grownup. It’s not realistic. I would even call it…mean. I’m sorry if this offends some of you, but with all due respect, if it were possible to go back in time and bring her back in her “tot” form, I would be very interested in seeing how you handle a “spark plug” like my daughter. I honestly think you would give up after a few weeks. Maybe I underestimate you.

My younger daughter was different, much quieter, and she usually went to sleep during church or any stressful situation.

As for the OP question, our church has a great big cry room at the back of the sanctuary. There are no toys. There are chairs in rows, and also a sofa in case someone doesn’t feel well and needs to lie down. It has a closed-circut TV so that those in the room can see and hear the Mass. This room is also used as an overflow room during big funerals, holiday masses, and other special occasions. I think that it’s a very nice place for a nursing mother to go feed her child; not everyone is comfortable breast-feeding in a crowded sanctuary. It’s also a good place to go change a stinky diaper.
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I’m going to stick my foot in it one more time.

I think a lot people stop coming to church (both Catholic and Protestant) after they have babies.

It’s exhausting. One of the posters above mentioned how difficult it is when one of the spouses works. It might be possible with one newborn, but once the child gets older, and then when more children arrive, it’s very difficult for one person to handle them all.

So people just stay home. They claim that they will someday go back when their kids are older, but many of them don’t.

This is really sad, IMO.

And you know, it doesn’t help at all when they see other families sitting with a half-dozen little angels all in a row in the pew! It makes a mom or dad feel horribly inadequate, like a failure as a parent.

And it makes it even worse when they hear parents say, “Children belong in church with their parents.” I’m sure they want to scream when they hear this! Keeping some children quiet and still is like trying to wrassle a tornado! It has NOTHING to do with discipline or parental control. Children are CHILDREN, and most of them just aren’t capable of sitting still and quiet for more than a few minutes.

There was a couple in our Protestant church while my kids were babies. They had four children, ages 6,4,2, 1, and these children would sit perfectly still in the pew and not even MOVE during an hour-long service! I once asked her if she gave them drugs to keep them so good!

But that’s just the way those children were. I taught them in various clubs, classes, and VBS, and they were all so quiet and still that at times, it was almost kind of weird.

MOST kids aren’t like that. And I think a lot of parents give up trying to keep kids quiet in church, and just stay home and watch real-estate shows on TV.

If a CRY ROOM will help these families to feel more comfortable coming to church, isn’t that a good thing? IMO, it’s better to keep a family with babies and young children coming to church, even if they spend a lot of time in the cry room, rather than just having them drop out of church “until the kids get older” and then never come back.

There, I’ve said quite enough. But at least I’ve been through those days with my own children, and did a good job of it, so I feel just as qualified to speak up as everyone else.
 
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