L
- Status
V
VAC
Guest
At my previous parish there was a cry room off to the side of the foyer entrance area…Speakers so you could hear the mass, soundproof glass so crying infants wouldn’t disturb the crowd.
It was a blessing to parents of crying infants and toddlers… but I agree that for the older kids it was playtime.
This ‘cry room’ usually filled up with people who were late for mass and arrived during parts of the mass when the ushers weren’t allowing anyone in, so it was pretty packed with folks without children as well
It sounds like some posters on this thread are of the ‘seen and not heard’ and think you can beat small noisy children and toddlers into submission and have instant permanent compliance. I remember feeling very unwelcome, getting dirty looks and unkind comments from others on my kids’ behavior at mass, although we were doing our best to teach them.
No, you do not deserve to be kicked or have your shoes played with. I would say something in that case as well, but if you see that the parent is trying, please have some patience and compassion, and don’t make them feel unwelcome.
Cat, I think you did a great job, Aren’t the protestant services much longer than mass?
My current parish meets in a local school cafeteria. No cry room.
While I’d expect more noise because I attend the children’s mass, I notice much more disruptive side conversations from the ADULTS than from the children. This was part of the reason our priest just had us start saying the rosary 20 minutes before every mass… to help stop the ADULT yip-yap and create a prayerful atmosphere.
It was a blessing to parents of crying infants and toddlers… but I agree that for the older kids it was playtime.
This ‘cry room’ usually filled up with people who were late for mass and arrived during parts of the mass when the ushers weren’t allowing anyone in, so it was pretty packed with folks without children as well
It sounds like some posters on this thread are of the ‘seen and not heard’ and think you can beat small noisy children and toddlers into submission and have instant permanent compliance. I remember feeling very unwelcome, getting dirty looks and unkind comments from others on my kids’ behavior at mass, although we were doing our best to teach them.
No, you do not deserve to be kicked or have your shoes played with. I would say something in that case as well, but if you see that the parent is trying, please have some patience and compassion, and don’t make them feel unwelcome.
Cat, I think you did a great job, Aren’t the protestant services much longer than mass?
My current parish meets in a local school cafeteria. No cry room.
While I’d expect more noise because I attend the children’s mass, I notice much more disruptive side conversations from the ADULTS than from the children. This was part of the reason our priest just had us start saying the rosary 20 minutes before every mass… to help stop the ADULT yip-yap and create a prayerful atmosphere.
L
Linnyo
Guest
lol - yopu must be talking about one of my posts. I haven’t heard mass for weeks now on account of noise. However, i did say that moving chairs don’t help and the fact that the crying room is empty tells a lot. When my kids were at that stage, I used the crying room a lot but TBH I was very lucky, my kids did more sleeping than crying
. But on a serious note, I literally cannot hear the priest in my parish unless I am in the first few rows. The noises of chairs children and people talking more than drowns out the priest. But that has a lot to do with the design of the building.
. But on a serious note, I literally cannot hear the priest in my parish unless I am in the first few rows. The noises of chairs children and people talking more than drowns out the priest. But that has a lot to do with the design of the building.At my previous parish there was a cry room off to the side of the foyer entrance area…Speakers so you could hear the mass, soundproof glass so crying infants wouldn’t disturb the crowd.
It was a blessing to parents of crying infants and toddlers… but I agree that for the older kids it was playtime.
This ‘cry room’ usually filled up with people who were late for mass and arrived during parts of the mass when the ushers weren’t allowing anyone in, so it was pretty packed with folks without children as well
It sounds like some posters on this thread are of the ‘seen and not heard’ and think you can beat small noisy children and toddlers into submission and have instant permanent compliance. I remember feeling very unwelcome, getting dirty looks and unkind comments from others on my kids’ behavior at mass, although we were doing our best to teach them.
No, you do not deserve to be kicked or have your shoes played with. I would say something in that case as well, but if you see that the parent is trying, please have some patience and compassion, and don’t make them feel unwelcome.
Cat, I think you did a great job, Aren’t the protestant services much longer than mass?
My current parish meets in a local school cafeteria. No cry room.
While I’d expect more noise because I attend the children’s mass, I notice much more disruptive side conversations from the ADULTS than from the children. This was part of the reason our priest just had us start saying the rosary 20 minutes before every mass… to help stop the ADULT yip-yap and create a prayerful atmosphere.
V
VAC
Guest
I’d call that a sound system problem. We have those metal folding chairs and, no they are not helpful. Lucky you with the sleeping kids. Mine now love to sleep during masstime, but they’re teenagers:shrug:lol - yopu must be talking about one of my posts. I haven’t heard mass for weeks now on account of noise. However, i did say that moving chairs don’t help and the fact that the crying room is empty tells a lot. When my kids were at that stage, I used the crying room a lot but TBH I was very lucky, my kids did more sleeping than crying
B
BeeSweet
Guest
I have not used the cry room at my current parish, but I’ve heard there’s closed circuit TV in there to watch mass. I’m not all that interested in using it as long as my son isn’t really unhappy and disturbing people. It’s in a totally separate building, and that situation just doesn’t make me feel like I’ve been to mass.
I worked in the nursery at a parish when I was in my twenties. It was a full blown play room, no connection to what was going on inside the church. In addition to the nursery though, this church had what I think is the absolute best option. In the back on one side of the church was a room that was fully enclosed with a door, had a full wall of glass to view the mass, AND had three rows of pews with kneelers where parents and noisy children could sit and still fully participate in the mass. There was a sound feed of the priest into that room so parents could still hear the mass over all the noise. I’ve never seen another church have such a nice “cry room”. This particular parish has since built a new church which I’ve not yet visited. I hope they made the same concession as was made in the previous building. It may not have been all that attractive, but it made a world of difference for a lot of families.
I worked in the nursery at a parish when I was in my twenties. It was a full blown play room, no connection to what was going on inside the church. In addition to the nursery though, this church had what I think is the absolute best option. In the back on one side of the church was a room that was fully enclosed with a door, had a full wall of glass to view the mass, AND had three rows of pews with kneelers where parents and noisy children could sit and still fully participate in the mass. There was a sound feed of the priest into that room so parents could still hear the mass over all the noise. I’ve never seen another church have such a nice “cry room”. This particular parish has since built a new church which I’ve not yet visited. I hope they made the same concession as was made in the previous building. It may not have been all that attractive, but it made a world of difference for a lot of families.
D
diet_coke
Guest
We have about 15 chairs in our cry room. Our pastor has said the cry room is to be used only to calm a crying baby, Then come back into the church.
A
Apryl
Guest
Yes… but what of the ‘Crying Room’ concept worked?
I realize that I wouldn’t want a 2 or 3 year old with Lincoln Logs… but a baby that is 2 or 3 MONTHS old may need some additional assistance - Ok, the PARENTS of that baby will need the additional assistance.
A
Apryl
Guest
Oh, Gosh… <<>>>
I happen to feel the same way.
Why should I be terrorized by your child because you may be offended that I let you know that you are invading my space?
Just don’t invade my space (or let your child invade my space) and we can get along just fine… since I won’t have a need to tell me that you have invaded my space.
And my space is just as big as your space: don’t kick my chair, don’t put your hands in my plate of food, and don’t yell across me
Or maybe you and your child should stay home until you are ready to grasp that concept.
No… I do not think that is an un-Christian attitude. I’m being very generous. I once had a (novice) priest tell me ‘Jesus didn’t tell me to be nice. He told me to tell the TRUTH’
Z
Zooey
Guest
Rocking chairs!! No better way to settle those babies so they can get back in.
P
puzzleannie
Guest
our bishop discourages cry rooms because he feels children are part of the assembly. the churches that have them are usually those built with “wings” as in a cross shape, and a soundproof glass wall has been erected to close of one wing. It just has pews like the rest of the church, with some chairs in back, and direct access to bathrooms and changing/nursing station. There are no toys, children are expected to sit and behave, not to play, but babies can be carried to the open space in the back if necessary. They are usually close to the altar so children can see, but the noise level is abated, and parents can feel comfortable giving voice commands and explanations to children’s questions.
J
Jestocost
Guest
I’ve been lurking here for a while but I had to share my horror story involving the cry room. A few years ago my wife and I started attending a new church. Our daughter was about a year old. This church had a cry room, but it was always full. People would come to Mass and go right in there and remain the entire time, even if the children were well behaved. One day our daughter was not in a crying mood but very talkative. We would shush her, but she would pipe up again when something caught her fancy. Not a constant yammering, just a word or two now and then. The worst was that she was in the “mine!” phase and when the priest said, “This is my body”… Well, you get the picture.
After Mass, the deacon came up to us. We thought since we new he was going to welcome us and probably hit us up to do something. We were wrong. He informed us that our daughter was disturbing the other parishioners and if she was going to be talkative could we please keep her home on those days? Now we understood the cry room behavior! I’ve been back to that church only twice since then, one for a first communion, once for a confirmation.
Our new church does have a cry room, people go in there when babies cry loudly, or older children misbehave, then come back out when they quiet down. It has 2 pews, missalettes, a bathroom with a changing table, and a sign saying that this is not a nursery.
After Mass, the deacon came up to us. We thought since we new he was going to welcome us and probably hit us up to do something. We were wrong. He informed us that our daughter was disturbing the other parishioners and if she was going to be talkative could we please keep her home on those days? Now we understood the cry room behavior! I’ve been back to that church only twice since then, one for a first communion, once for a confirmation.
Our new church does have a cry room, people go in there when babies cry loudly, or older children misbehave, then come back out when they quiet down. It has 2 pews, missalettes, a bathroom with a changing table, and a sign saying that this is not a nursery.
A
Apryl
Guest
Just to make a point:
I am not a fan of Crying Rooms. If you have them, fine, but it’s not what I’m looking for to be used at my parish.
What I do want to know is what things are needed to help to quiet unsettled babies.
We do not have a Crying Room, our church was built around 1924, and we don’t have a lot of money (it took us years to get a handicapped restroom!)
However, we do have babies. I love it that we have babies. I love it that we have families that are making babies, and the parents are still active in mass.
I do not, however, love it when a baby is crying… or more likely SCREAMING through the mass. Yes, babies cry (aren’t they supposed to?), but to do so for an extended amount of time, and never move with the child to offer the child some comfort, and the others around you some relief, is where I have issues at my parish.
I want to be able to go to the parents and say, ‘we have this for you in order to help you at this time’. But what?
Our ushers were given some small toys, but that’s not the best thing, is it? (I don’t think so. Mass is mass)
As a child, I recall going to church services and functions with my non-Catholic grandmother, and as the youngest grandchild, I was prone to running amok! My grandmother, otoh, was not having that. While I was terribly spoiled, when I became boisterous, I ‘got to’ sit on my grandmother’s lap.
Grandma was an old woman before my father was married, so by the time I came along, she was very old. I do not think that most parents today even think as she does.
I realize that what she did worked… in our case, but what can we say is needed, and useful, across the board, for parents with small children in order to help them to settle down - without a Crying Room.
We don’t have one… other churches don’t have one… what are we supposed to do - or encourage parents to do, with their children.
And I really don’t ever want any one to get the notion of ‘you and your baby are not welcome here’. Church is Church. God’s House is for every one. What can we do to make sure that every one, even those without crying babies, feel welcome?
I am not a fan of Crying Rooms. If you have them, fine, but it’s not what I’m looking for to be used at my parish.
What I do want to know is what things are needed to help to quiet unsettled babies.
We do not have a Crying Room, our church was built around 1924, and we don’t have a lot of money (it took us years to get a handicapped restroom!)
However, we do have babies. I love it that we have babies. I love it that we have families that are making babies, and the parents are still active in mass.
I do not, however, love it when a baby is crying… or more likely SCREAMING through the mass. Yes, babies cry (aren’t they supposed to?), but to do so for an extended amount of time, and never move with the child to offer the child some comfort, and the others around you some relief, is where I have issues at my parish.
I want to be able to go to the parents and say, ‘we have this for you in order to help you at this time’. But what?
Our ushers were given some small toys, but that’s not the best thing, is it? (I don’t think so. Mass is mass)
As a child, I recall going to church services and functions with my non-Catholic grandmother, and as the youngest grandchild, I was prone to running amok! My grandmother, otoh, was not having that. While I was terribly spoiled, when I became boisterous, I ‘got to’ sit on my grandmother’s lap.
Grandma was an old woman before my father was married, so by the time I came along, she was very old. I do not think that most parents today even think as she does.
I realize that what she did worked… in our case, but what can we say is needed, and useful, across the board, for parents with small children in order to help them to settle down - without a Crying Room.
We don’t have one… other churches don’t have one… what are we supposed to do - or encourage parents to do, with their children.
And I really don’t ever want any one to get the notion of ‘you and your baby are not welcome here’. Church is Church. God’s House is for every one. What can we do to make sure that every one, even those without crying babies, feel welcome?
T
Tonks40
Guest
Our crying room doubles as a little chapel during the weekdays. It’s located off to the side of one of the wings of our church - obstructed view of the altar, but we do have a closed-circuit TV and a sound system.
In it we also have pews lined up along the right side, chairs in the back, an Immaculate Heart statue in the front, and a picture of the Divine Mercy. No toys, access to the rest rooms.
I would say the majority of the people who go in there are families with little children. Amazingly, it’s quite reverent, people fully participate, including the older kids, and noise is kept to a minimum, despite the fact that it’s crying room. I really don’t see much playing - the kids are just a little more fidgety.
In it we also have pews lined up along the right side, chairs in the back, an Immaculate Heart statue in the front, and a picture of the Divine Mercy. No toys, access to the rest rooms.
I would say the majority of the people who go in there are families with little children. Amazingly, it’s quite reverent, people fully participate, including the older kids, and noise is kept to a minimum, despite the fact that it’s crying room. I really don’t see much playing - the kids are just a little more fidgety.
V
VAC
Guest
It sounds like you are encouraging parents of unruly children to commit a mortal sin by staying away from mass for your conveince.
Which is the bigger sin???
S
SahmomMN
Guest
Our crying room looks over the congregation with pews and a basket full of books.
Since I am not into having my kid look at a Barbie book during mass I bought one of those quiet bags from Leaflet Missel, it has a couple of mass books about 10 holy cards laminated and a big rosary. My son is 2 and just horrible at church, makes it to the first reading and my husband trots back to the crying room. My 4 year old daughter is great, sits with me through the whole mass. We just know he will grow through it, I’m not concered with him being in the crying room since there is a speaker and you feel apart of the mass just behind a thick piece of glass.
My husband and I refuse to let our children wail in church - as babies when they did I would nurse - but we are not going to break out the cherrios and play cars during church to keep them occupied - this is our family commitment each week and they will learn to sacrifice an hour. If they can sit still to watch a movie about St. Patrick they can sit still for mass.
Front row is great for my 4 year old.
Since I am not into having my kid look at a Barbie book during mass I bought one of those quiet bags from Leaflet Missel, it has a couple of mass books about 10 holy cards laminated and a big rosary. My son is 2 and just horrible at church, makes it to the first reading and my husband trots back to the crying room. My 4 year old daughter is great, sits with me through the whole mass. We just know he will grow through it, I’m not concered with him being in the crying room since there is a speaker and you feel apart of the mass just behind a thick piece of glass.
My husband and I refuse to let our children wail in church - as babies when they did I would nurse - but we are not going to break out the cherrios and play cars during church to keep them occupied - this is our family commitment each week and they will learn to sacrifice an hour. If they can sit still to watch a movie about St. Patrick they can sit still for mass.
Front row is great for my 4 year old.
L
Linnyo
Guest
Why do Catholic churches not run ‘pre-school liturgies’? I used to go to a non catholic church that had’creche facilities’. During the Sunday service, they had a mini-worship service for the little ones. It involved many of teh things that are in children’s liturgy - prayer, stories, songs and teaching etc and they were age appropriate. Also, the babies were cared for prayed for and bounced on knees while all the little ones were worshipping. The kids were, for the most part, happy and really enjoyed worshipping at a level that they understood. Mum’s were welcome to stay for a little while or throughout. Services were recorded so that teaching wasn’t missed by parents. I think this would work if it ran at the same time as children’s liturgy. his would mean that the children would be with their families at communion too.I felt this to be one of the most child-friendly churches I have ever set foot in and I am sorry that we do not have this in our churches.
K
KathleenElsie
Guest
God BlessI’ve been lurking here for a while but I had to share my horror story involving the cry room. A few years ago my wife and I started attending a new church. Our daughter was about a year old. This church had a cry room, but it was always full. People would come to Mass and go right in there and remain the entire time, even if the children were well behaved. One day our daughter was not in a crying mood but very talkative. We would shush her, but she would pipe up again when something caught her fancy. Not a constant yammering, just a word or two now and then. The worst was that she was in the “mine!” phase and when the priest said, “This is my body”… Well, you get the picture.
After Mass, the deacon came up to us. We thought since we new he was going to welcome us and probably hit us up to do something. We were wrong. He informed us that our daughter was disturbing the other parishioners and if she was going to be talkative could we please keep her home on those days? Now we understood the cry room behavior! I’ve been back to that church only twice since then, one for a first communion, once for a confirmation.
Our new church does have a cry room, people go in there when babies cry loudly, or older children misbehave, then come back out when they quiet down. It has 2 pews, missalettes, a bathroom with a changing table, and a sign saying that this is not a nursery.
There are times I want to “shake and bake” those that want us to remove our children from Mass. I know it is unkind to think this way. But children need to be included as much as they can be.
I did not notice but I pray you did go to another Catholic Church and not leave the Catholic faith because of the rude behaviour of some adults.
I personally know of some that have left the Catholic Church because they felt their children were not welcome in the parish they were going toooo. Sad but true. Some adults are causing some Catholics to search for “child friendly” places to worship.
These people have become staunchly anti-Catholic and let the world know of their experiences.
J
Jestocost
Guest
Yes, thank you. We found a wonderful Catholic Church on the other side of town. I stayed with the faith and my wife converted to it. Our daughter and her younger brother go to school there and are receiving a good Catholic education.
K
KathleenElsie
Guest
Just a hint as to what keeps crying babies quiet. Being held and the mothers gentle rocking tends to be best IMHO. When the babies were little we used the BABY SLING so baby was always next to our hearts. Works wonders. You can feed modestly and no one is the wiser.
LOL it also works wonders for the toddler that does not want to be in it any longer. Just let them know that they will be in the sling if they do not sit/wiggle quietly. since they can be used till they weigh around 36 lbs it is a good thing.
Word of warning though the toddlers tend to like to pull at your veil when in the sling.
If we can not stop a baby from fussing loudly then we go into the cry room or out-side if need be.
LOL it also works wonders for the toddler that does not want to be in it any longer. Just let them know that they will be in the sling if they do not sit/wiggle quietly.
since they can be used till they weigh around 36 lbs it is a good thing. Word of warning though the toddlers tend to like to pull at your veil when in the sling.If we can not stop a baby from fussing loudly then we go into the cry room or out-side if need be.
D
Donna_Mc
Guest
We have one and it looks out onto one side of the altar. It
has pews and a bathroom in it.
It was nice to have when our children were very young. It was good
because the kids got used to sitting quietly in the cry room so
once we got into the main church they were used to it and we
never had a problem.
has pews and a bathroom in it.
It was nice to have when our children were very young. It was good
because the kids got used to sitting quietly in the cry room so
once we got into the main church they were used to it and we
never had a problem.
- Status