What do you need to hear when discerning?

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DevotedChild said:
I understand what you are saying but I was meaning to say that I have been diserning both the vocations of the religious life and the married life, for I feel a call to both in a sense but I trying to figure out which one or what vocation/life that He wants me to live. I have a career that I planning for and other things in mind of doing, most of my life is planned out but I am trying to understand if what I have planned for myself is what God wants for me and if He has something else planned for me and such.

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I have never been good with words except when it comes to poetry.
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I don’t think there was any misunderstanding. You are keeping your options open. There is no need to make a quick decision.
A nun marries Christ while a priest marries the Church.
The key point is that you are discerning/thinking about what God wants for you.
 
Hey all,

Just a few quick thoughts…

First, Spiritual Direction:
  1. A good spiritual director MUST know the Catholic Faith, Morals, and the typical stages of the spiritual journey as well as the best tools and strategies for getting to the goal: holiness.
  2. He or she SHOULD be prudent when it comes to making decisions and offering advice. Don’t receive spiritual direction from someone whose life is a mess. What might they do to yours?
  3. He (or she) SHOULD have some experience in the spiritual life, their own prayer life, and their own spiritual director.
These are the requirements set out by Teresa of Avila. Particular courses on spiritual direction are not necessary, though sometimes they are helpful. A spiritual director does not necessarily have to be a priest or nun, but usually this is preferred for people discerning a vocation because most (not all!) laypeople lack something at the level of even second-hand experience.

Usual topics to discuss in spiritual direction are: prayer life, living virtue, relationships and commitments, decision-making in general and more specifically for some vocational discernment.

Second, while it may be too early to decide on a vocation, it’s never to early to prepare to live a vocation. What I’m trying to say is PRAY, LIVE VIRTUOUSLY, SURROUND YOURSELVES WITH GOOD FRIENDS and God will reward you greatly when it’s time to make a decision. Make today a great day all, because HE did!

In Christ,

Brother Scott
Seminarian
Apostles of the Interior Life, Rome
 
To whom it may concern,

This is especially for the teens in discernment. It’s totally normal if you’re a guy and you find yourself liking girls or v.v. It doesn’t mean you don’t have a vocation. It just means you have a pulse. 👍

Continue to pursue your vocation unless you have a serious reason to stop, and someone asking you out is not a serious reason, nor is “falling in love.” Again, totally normal human reactions to the opposite sex. Keep your eyes on the prize, because the difference here is not between good and bad. That’s easy. It’s easy to choose love over selfish pleasure-seeking. The hard part is choosing between good and better. The council of Trent is pretty clear that as a state consecration is better:

Can. 10 If anyone says that the married state excels the state of virginity or celibacy, and that it is better and happier to be united in matrimony than to remain in virginity or celibacy, let him be anathema.

A whole army of great consecrated saints makes this obvious. This is not dissing marriage. Marriage is good, it’s just harder. Nothing beats consecration for pure Holy Spirit power. You’ve got a ton more possibilities when it comes to prayer, helping others unselfishly, detachment from material goods, opportunities to receive the sacraments, etc. Sometimes you get caught up in an emotional storm and get a little confused. Just do what the apostles did: Wake up Jesus and ask for his help. He’ll eventually calm that storm, though he might ask where your faith went… Ah well. Trust him. He will come through. Big time.

In Christ,

Brother Scott
Seminarian
Apostles of the Interior Life, Rome
 
I think the biggest thing one needs to hear while discerning is the Truth.

Some people do not wish to tell the truth to those discerning because they are concerned with the feelings of the person.
 
Thanks Skallal! I think that is great advice.

My problem would be finding a spiritual director. For one thing I tend to be a very busy person and such and secondly I’m shy and haven’t really talked much about this to anyone other than my aunt. I have a link as to directors in my area and such but i’m not sure that I have the time, nor the money if that is nessesary for it (I don’t know), because of all the things that me and my family do.

The only thing that feel that I can do while I’m still in school is to pray very hard and to have very open ears, listening/searching for God’s answer. Wish me luck and some prayers would be nice too. I just hope I can keep up my good work and not fall back like I have before because I got so distracted.

Any more advice would be apprecated. 🙂
 
DevotedChild said:
Thanks Skallal! I think that is great advice.

My problem would be finding a spiritual director. For one thing I tend to be a very busy person and such and secondly I’m shy and haven’t really talked much about this to anyone other than my aunt. I have a link as to directors in my area and such but i’m not sure that I have the time, nor the money if that is nessesary for it (I don’t know), because of all the things that me and my family do.

The only thing that feel that I can do while I’m still in school is to pray very hard and to have very open ears, listening/searching for God’s answer. Wish me luck and some prayers would be nice too. I just hope I can keep up my good work and not fall back like I have before because I got so distracted.

Any more advice would be apprecated. 🙂
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A spiritual director is necessary when one is discerning. They can be a great help.

Do you have any religious orders/communities nearby? You could send an email to them and see if they have someone available to help you out.

While praying is good the actual listening and hearing part can be hard, this is where a spiritual director can be of a great help.
 
ByzCath said:
A spiritual director is necessary when one is discerning. They can be a great help.

Do you have any religious orders/communities nearby? You could send an email to them and see if they have someone available to help you out.

While praying is good the actual listening and hearing part can be hard, this is where a spiritual director can be of a great help.
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I didn’t realize they were that important. Well… I’ll what I can do and go from there.

I know that there a few around but I don’t about emails though my aunt took to few to visit to look around such. I’ll do an internet search and see what I can find out about the different ones around.

Thanks for the advice. I am glad for these forum for otherwise I would be lost, like the lost sheep.
 
I did an online search and didn’t find much so I think I might go and talk to the nun who serves at my church for advice as to where I should look. Wish me luck.
 
DevotedChild said:
I did an online search and didn’t find much so I think I might go and talk to the nun who serves at my church for advice as to where I should look. Wish me luck.
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*The vocations director for you diocese ought to have a list of spiritual directors in your area. [The sister who is in your parish might help you to find someone, or at least help you to connect with the vocations director]

Blessings and Good Luck!*
 
This isn’t really an answer to the specific question but… as superficial as if may seem, an order’s website MATTERS to those just starting out in their discernment. At this point you are just craving information and a glimpse of what it would be like (so pictures really help). The more you can reflect yourselves on the website the more comfortable a prospective inquirer would be to contact you.

Maybe this is just my opinion, but I would think it is like anything else today. I look a lot of things up before leaving the house. Websites matter and can be effective if properly designed.

I don’t want to be negative but the majority of websites (I’m looking in Canada right now) are terrrrrible 😦

I hope to answer the real question from this thread sometime soon.

God Bless,
Teresa Ann
 
TeresaAnn said:
This isn’t really an answer to the specific question but… as superficial as if may seem, an order’s website MATTERS to those just starting out in their discernment. At this point you are just craving information and a glimpse of what it would be like (so pictures really help). The more you can reflect yourselves on the website the more comfortable a prospective inquirer would be to contact you.

Maybe this is just my opinion, but I would think it is like anything else today. I look a lot of things up before leaving the house. Websites matter and can be effective if properly designed.

I don’t want to be negative but the majority of websites (I’m looking in Canada right now) are terrrrrible 😦

I hope to answer the real question from this thread sometime soon.

God Bless,
Teresa Ann
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Actually Teresa Ann it fits right in. If websites are important than you have given us more food for thought. (And personally I agree with you) As someone who has just been through the process and who was involved before the days of the www…. I think that it is an underutilized tool and hope that as communities become more comfortable with computers and designing web pages that the quality issue will be addressed and eventually become a non issue.
Blessings of Peace and all Good!
Thank you for your post!!!
 
Poor_Clare_tobe said:
Actually Teresa Ann it fits right in. If websites are important than you have given us more food for thought. (And personally I agree with you) As someone who has just been through the process and who was involved before the days of the www…. I think that it is an underutilized tool and hope that as communities become more comfortable with computers and designing web pages that the quality issue will be addressed and eventually become a non issue.
Blessings of Peace and all Good!
Thank you for your post!!!
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Many of the websites have the daily schedule that the community follows Since prayer is important in discernment, you can use one of these schedules to develop your own prayer life.
I don’t remember this information being available “before the days of the www…”
You can learn about a community’s various ministries. Is its primary focus social justice? Are habits worn? What is the length of formation? You can even set up retreats with a community you want to explore via vocations.com.
 
ByzCath said:
I think the biggest thing one needs to hear while discerning is the Truth.

Some people do not wish to tell the truth to those discerning because they are concerned with the feelings of the person.
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I agree!!
DevotedChild said:
Thanks Skallal! I think that is great advice.

My problem would be finding a spiritual director. For one thing I tend to be a very busy person and such and secondly I’m shy and haven’t really talked much about this to anyone other than my aunt. I have a link as to directors in my area and such but i’m not sure that I have the time, nor the money if that is nessesary for it (I don’t know), because of all the things that me and my family do.

The only thing that feel that I can do while I’m still in school is to pray very hard and to have very open ears, listening/searching for God’s answer. Wish me luck and some prayers would be nice too. I just hope I can keep up my good work and not fall back like I have before because I got so distracted.

Any more advice would be apprecated. 🙂
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Same here!
TeresaAnn said:
This isn’t really an answer to the specific question but… as superficial as if may seem, an order’s website MATTERS to those just starting out in their discernment. At this point you are just craving information and a glimpse of what it would be like (so pictures really help). The more you can reflect yourselves on the website the more comfortable a prospective inquirer would be to contact you.

Maybe this is just my opinion, but I would think it is like anything else today. I look a lot of things up before leaving the house. Websites matter and can be effective if properly designed.

I don’t want to be negative but the majority of websites (I’m looking in Canada right now) are terrrrrible 😦

I hope to answer the real question from this thread sometime soon.

God Bless,
Teresa Ann
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And yet again I agree!

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!
 
A spiritual director should not cost money. I had a spiritual director for a short period of time while attending college. He was transferred, however. One of the classes I took was a helping skills class. I was able to use my spiritual direction as an alternative to the counseling everybody was supposed to attend as a class assignment.
 
  1. I needed to hear that there were others out there discerning too. I’m in my mid 20s and have been discerning since high school. I didn’t mention anything to anyone until about 3 years ago when a friend of mine entered a community and suddenly I wasn’t the only person I knew thinking about being a nun.
  2. The love and support of the people I love. Telling your parents you want to be a nun shoudn’t cause the same reaction your friend got when she told her parents she was pregnant, but sometimes it does. That being said, I think parents and friends also need to know that they aren’t alone in this process. Ask a newly professed religious if your mom can call her mom sometime.
  3. Info. I agree with TeresaAnn that websites MATTER! A community’s website is it’s face to people who aren’t quite ready to make formal contact. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t make an appointment, a major purchase or contact with an order before doing web research. There are many communities I crossed off the shortlist quickly once I found their website. And there were communities that made the list just as quickly because I found their website. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it does need to be honest and accurately describe the community.
  4. As others have stated, a spiritual director is important but it has to be the right SD. If you are already in contact with a community, your SD needs to at least understand and have respect for the community’s spirituality. I was blessed to find an SD with a great admiration for the community I’m hoping to join. He’s excited because he gets to share his love for their spirituality and I’m excited because I know I’m being led in the right direction and won’t have to be “retrained” once I enter.
Blessings!
 
DebChris said:
A spiritual director should not cost money. I had a spiritual director for a short period of time while attending college. He was transferred, however. One of the classes I took was a helping skills class. I was able to use my spiritual direction as an alternative to the counseling everybody was supposed to attend as a class assignment.
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Some spiritual directors do this as their ministry so they may charge a fee.

While others might not charge it is always a good idea to offer a stipend which they are free to refuse and some do refuse it.
 
Here’s an excellent website, complete with information on discernment retreats, particularly for those with a Dominican inclination:

sistersofmary.org/

Their next vocation retreat is November 7-8.

I went to a non-discernment Advent retreat with the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist in Ann Arbor, Michigan. It was really great to see a lot of young, enthusiastic nuns in habits. 🙂

~~ the phoenix
 
ChemicalBean said:
Discerners need to know that they are supported (even if not understood) by the people they love most and who love them most, particularly parents and close friends. It’s really hard to pursue something out of love for God when you feel really bad about making the people who love you feel hurt or rejected.
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Amen to that. This is one of the reasons discernment has been so hard for me. Please pray that my family will begin to support me and trust in my own judgment.

Also, one of the things I would love to hear from all parties is that I should seek after God’s will. I don’t want to be pushed one way or the other, but be allowed to make and educated, informed decision based upon the words that God is speaking to me, not the words others are speaking to me.
 
GilChrist77 said:
One of the things that I would really like to have is people not telling me that I’m too young or that I should wait a while before I make a final choice. Also I just want my peers and older friends to let me be who I am and be fine with that.
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It saddens me to hear of so many people discouraged from discernment of a religious vocation by friends and loved ones simply because of their age (not to mention other “reasons”). Sometimes I believe that they try to use our youth as an obstacle, when in reality it should be nothing of the sort! If I had truly been allowed to actively discern when I was younger, I feel I would have come to a definitive conclusion by now. But, as I’ve said before, all things in God’s time.

And hey, waiting a few years can at least help us to discern how God wants us to love those who discourage us, right?

Also, your story makes me think of St. Therese of Lisieux. Persevere in love, my sister.
 
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