What do you need to hear when discerning?

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HickmanJosh said:
I am 15 and i have been discerning priesthood for a little over a month now, but when i was in adoration two Fridays ago i was thinking about it and i just thought to myself, “You can’t even become a priest until your done high school (3 years), you don’t have to decide yet.” so i haven’t. and i understand what you mean about being called to the priesthood and married life, that is the one thing tripping me up from actually saying for certain i want to be a priest, still i have a long way to go yet before even having a chance to get married or go to a seminary.
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When I was your age I too began to discern that God was calling me to the priesthood… I decided I would attend a regular university and continue discernment throughout those years in the hopes that by the end of that time I would hear His call loud and clear. Well, I didn’t always do the best at listening to him or fostering a life of prayer, but here I am, about to enter my senior year, and surely enough he has answered my prayers. The only questions left are when to enter seminary and where to go…

What I would say to you as you continue through high school, Josh, is to continue to deepen your relationship with Christ through prayer, especially Adoration (one of my favorite ways to pray!). Seek after His will, and His alone. Do your best not to be distracted or to get discouraged (as I so often have done), but realize that if ever you do, God will always be ready with open arms to welcome you back.

God bless you in your discernment. May we do all things for His glory!
 
RavenousWolf said:
It saddens me to hear of so many people discouraged from discernment of a religious vocation by friends and loved ones simply because of their age (not to mention other “reasons”). Sometimes I believe that they try to use our youth as an obstacle, when in reality it should be nothing of the sort! If I had truly been allowed to actively discern when I was younger, I feel I would have come to a definitive conclusion by now. But, as I’ve said before, all things in God’s time.

And hey, waiting a few years can at least help us to discern how God wants us to love those who discourage us, right?

Also, your story makes me think of St. Therese of Lisieux. Persevere in love, my sister.
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Thank you! That helped more then you can know! God bless you!

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!
 
I can only speak for myself.

I would like that if I’ve been on a retreat or something like that, that I get to keep some sort of contact after, it shows that they really care about me and my discernment and they’re willing to devote some of their time to me. 🙂 Which is something I would want in general from a vocational director.

For me, practical information is important, like what could I do as a nun(provided it’s an apostolic order), what education should I go for(I’m 19 and currently taking a ba in theology. Just because), student debt( I’ve somewhat gotten an answer to this question from one community) , and how long I’d have to be a Catholic or how old I’d have to be.

I would also want the director, if she’s a sister to talk a little about her life, experiences and journy.🙂

I like the friendly but talkative type, I think.

I’m rambling:o, just ask if something’s unclear.
 
Hilde89 said:
I can only speak for myself.

I would like that if I’ve been on a retreat or something like that, that I get to keep some sort of contact after, it shows that they really care about me and my discernment and they’re willing to devote some of their time to me. 🙂 Which is something I would want in general from a vocational director.

For me, practical information is important, like what could I do as a nun(provided it’s an apostolic order), what education should I go for(I’m 19 and currently taking a ba in theology. Just because), student debt( I’ve somewhat gotten an answer to this question from one community) , and how long I’d have to be a Catholic or how old I’d have to be.

I would also want the director, if she’s a sister to talk a little about her life, experiences and journy.🙂

I like the friendly but talkative type, I think.

I’m rambling:o, just ask if something’s unclear.
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I don’t know how long you would need to be Catholic before becoming a nun. I think it would depend on the person and their spiritual maturity, especially if you discerning even before fully received into the Church.
“The director” of the convent/monastery is the mother superior. There usually is a sister chosen as formation director of postulates and novices.
 
3 years is something I’ve heard, because then you would have been through year A-C.They also vary in how old they want you to be.
Not a 100% familiar with the English terms, so I’m sorry if I said something wrong.
 
Hilde89 said:
3 years is something I’ve heard, because then you would have been through year A-C.They also vary in how old they want you to be.
Not a 100% familiar with the English terms, so I’m sorry if I said something wrong.
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That’s what I thought.
If a person is widowed, it is also recommended that he/she wait and complete the grieving process first.
 
I enjoy my life as a lay person too, getting to know a bunch of different people.🙂

I guess it would be difficult to focus and commit if you lost your husband. Luckily that’s not something I’ve had to deal with.
 
In response to this whole thread: I have a question. What sorts of things do you have to feel to know you’re called? And what might be some signs you aren’t? I ask because I dated a guy in high school who began to discern a calling to the priesthood and is now in his fifth year of study as a Dominican. He is supposed to take his lifetime vows very soon, but, within the last couple weeks (after not hearing from him in years), we got together and he confessed that life as a Dominican has been very difficult for him, and he still thinks of me after all these years. I want to support him in his calling, and I have been praying for the will of God to be done, and yet, as I still love him, I can’t help but hope that the will of God is that he doesn’t become a priest. It’s horrible of me, I know!

Is discerning your calling supposed to be that difficult, though?
 
Before I made the decision to become a nun, my desire to serve God with my whole being increased each time I even think about it. It got to the point where it hurts just to see a nun walk by or a picture of one. It doesn’t hurt physically, but it feels like my soul is crying out to me in pain and the only way for my soul to find peace is serve God in a religious life. There were obstacles that I had to overcome, which I created myself, but I am glad that I made the decision to become a nun. I am currently looking for the right order and I am planning on visiting a Carmelite order possibly in utah or the one in the city where I live this december.

I can’t offer any advice in find a spiritual director because I don’t have one, all I can say is to find someone who won’t lead you astray and away from your faith.
 
jesancy said:
In response to this whole thread: I have a question. What sorts of things do you have to feel to know you’re called? And what might be some signs you aren’t? I ask because I dated a guy in high school who began to discern a calling to the priesthood and is now in his fifth year of study as a Dominican. He is supposed to take his lifetime vows very soon, but, within the last couple weeks (after not hearing from him in years), we got together and he confessed that life as a Dominican has been very difficult for him, and he still thinks of me after all these years. I want to support him in his calling, and I have been praying for the will of God to be done, and yet, as I still love him, I can’t help but hope that the will of God is that he doesn’t become a priest. It’s horrible of me, I know!

Is discerning your calling supposed to be that difficult, though?
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My brother spent one year in seminary. He said there were men who chose not to take vows the night before their ordination.
One of my favorite TV scenes comes from the old WKRP series. One of the DJs had been a monk. A friend of his has taken leave from the convent and they go on a date. The final scene has her returning to the convent. He tells her, “You were beautiful last night, but not as beautiful as you are this morning. I always wondered what a calling looked like.”
 
lpp said:
Before I made the decision to become a nun, my desire to serve God with my whole being increased each time I even think about it. It got to the point where it hurts just to see a nun walk by or a picture of one. It doesn’t hurt physically, but it feels like my soul is crying out to me in pain and the only way for my soul to find peace is serve God in a religious life.
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I have only spoken to my ex once in the last four years; this happened when I saw him for the first time in six years less than two weeks ago. We both happened to be back in our hometown, and he called me up during the middle of the night and asked to see me. “Right now” was the only time he had, and, even though I was shocked, I couldn’t say no. It was during our meeting that night that he confessed he still thinks about me and that life as a Dominican has been very, very hard for him. And, although he talked about having a “deeper joy” as a Dominican, he couldn’t explain exactly what that means for him.

Then he kissed me, and afterward was visibly torn. The next day, I wrote him an email I regret because I think it came across as unsupportive of his calling. (I DO support him.) He wrote me back and said “Yesterday something in me died. I can never think of you in the same way again. There is no possibility we will ever be together. May the Lord have mercy on us.”

I was devastated. Like I said, I’m happy to “let go and let God,” and that’s what I am trying to do. He will make a wonderful priest, and yet… It’s like I saw the “real, true” him that night–the side he’d never let anyone else see (except God, of course)–but he is such a strong and Godly man that I think he will forever stifle that side of him. I think he’d be guilted for forever if he walked away the night before his ordination.

I hope it’s not always so hard for him, though.
 
My idea of discernment is searching for the truth. The truth can be painful in that it can shatter dreams and sweep away illusions. I believe that the role of guiding someone to make clear a vocation can be given by God to whoever He chooses. A spiritual director is ideal but is not the only way. I did not have a spiritual director until I entered religious life. My vocation was revealed to me through an event and nurtured by the nuns. God can call any one at any age and the young has more openness than one who is older. This is a generalization of course and there are always exceptions. But it is necessary, whoever is given the task to advise someone, to speak the truth. Words of encouragement should be true and not just to make the person feel good about the “dream”. If there are obvious impediments to a vocation, whether on the part of the person or the Order in particular, these should be made clear. That can be painful to some but it is part of truth. So those who are truly searching for the truth about God’s will must be prepared to accept what might go against their own will or preferences.
 
Sister_Helena said:
My idea of discernment is searching for the truth. The truth can be painful in that it can shatter dreams and sweep away illusions. I believe that the role of guiding someone to make clear a vocation can be given by God to whoever He chooses. A spiritual director is ideal but is not the only way. I did not have a spiritual director until I entered religious life. My vocation was revealed to me through an event and nurtured by the nuns. God can call any one at any age and the young has more openness than one who is older. This is a generalization of course and there are always exceptions. But it is necessary, whoever is given the task to advise someone, to speak the truth. Words of encouragement should be true and not just to make the person feel good about the “dream”. If there are obvious impediments to a vocation, whether on the part of the person or the Order in particular, these should be made clear. That can be painful to some but it is part of truth. So those who are truly searching for the truth about God’s will must be prepared to accept what might go against their own will or preferences.
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Sister Helena - you always have excellent answers!! Can you give some thoughts on older vocations? Something to help those of us who are older and discerning? 👍
 
jesancy said:
It was during our meeting that night that he confessed he still thinks about me and that life as a Dominican has been very, very hard for him. And, although he talked about having a “deeper joy” as a Dominican, he couldn’t explain exactly what that means for him.

Then he kissed me, and afterward was visibly torn. The next day, I wrote him an email I regret because I think it came across as unsupportive of his calling. (I DO support him.) He wrote me back and said “Yesterday something in me died. I can never think of you in the same way again. There is no possibility we will ever be together. May the Lord have mercy on us.”

I was devastated. Like I said, I’m happy to “let go and let God,” and that’s what I am trying to do. He will make a wonderful priest, and yet… It’s like I saw the “real, true” him that night–the side he’d never let anyone else see (except God, of course)–but he is such a strong and Godly man that I think he will forever stifle that side of him. I think he’d be guilted for forever if he walked away the night before his ordination.

I hope it’s not always so hard for him, though.
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I feel for this man and for you. It is difficult to pursue after a religious vocation for several reasons, one being that when you become a priest or a seminarian, God doesn’t just make you stop being attracted to the opposite sex. I think it’s normal to have doubts either way.

It is good that you are willing to “let go and let God,” because I think that’s exactly what he needs. He revealed a lot of himself to you that night, entrusting a part of his story to you… I notice that he tried to explain the “deeper joy” of life as a Dominican, but couldn’t properly find the words. I can understand this, as I often have difficult explaining to others my attraction to the priesthood. The deeper joy of a life completely turned over to God is something that is often intangible and hard to describe, but trust that God will lead him in the right path. It will take time for him to learn how to live this new way of life, but I promise you he doesn’t have to stifle his true self simply to become a priest! Pray that God will show him how to properly channel his normal, earthly desires for the glory of His name.

Peace and all good things,
benjamin
 
joamy said:
Sister Helena - you always have excellent answers!! Can you give some thoughts on older vocations? Something to help those of us who are older and discerning? 👍
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Thanks for the kind words.
“Older vocations” seem to be happening more and more these days. I even see it in my own Community and I think it is common among the majority of Orders. If truth be told, there are many obvious challenges with an “older” vocation, in the physical, spiritual, social and psychological realms. The physical seems obvious. Health problems can get in the way of finding a Community who will be open to carry added burdens of money and lack of manpower. An older vocation has a tendency to be more set in one’s ways and life experiences bear their imprints on a person. So needless to say, the challenges are great, but not insurmountable. i think that if the path is clear to pursue a religious vocation, and the desire is great, all these problems can be dealt with piece by piece. It pays to be prepared for an uphill climb but if the vocation is real and the person embraces the cross, it is possible. Edith Stein was an “older vocation.” entering the Carmel in her 40’s (considered old in a cloister) and having lived a very rich professional life. Her autobiography chronicles adjustment problems in the cloister but she ended up a Saint! There is no hard and fast formula for this. A vocation is always a personal call and must be dealt with on a case to case basis. This is my humble opinion.
 
RavenousWolf said:
I feel for this man and for you. It is difficult to pursue after a religious vocation for several reasons, one being that when you become a priest or a seminarian, God doesn’t just make you stop being attracted to the opposite sex. I think it’s normal to have doubts either way.

It is good that you are willing to “let go and let God,” because I think that’s exactly what he needs. He revealed a lot of himself to you that night, entrusting a part of his story to you… I notice that he tried to explain the “deeper joy” of life as a Dominican, but couldn’t properly find the words. I can understand this, as I often have difficult explaining to others my attraction to the priesthood. The deeper joy of a life completely turned over to God is something that is often intangible and hard to describe, but trust that God will lead him in the right path. It will take time for him to learn how to live this new way of life, but I promise you he doesn’t have to stifle his true self simply to become a priest! Pray that God will show him how to properly channel his normal, earthly desires for the glory of His name.

Peace and all good things,
benjamin
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Thank you for your thoughts, Benjamin. They are a comfort to me. I have a question, though. His words to me were so harsh. Up until that night, he had thought of me in a good light. Now it would appear he thinks of me with disdain. This breaks my heart. I can let him go, but I will suffer for forever if I do not feel we parted on good terms.

I am tempted to contact him to apologize again for anything I might have done wrong, and to ask him if he does indeed feel the disdain I have sensed. And yet, it almost seems pointless to do so. I just don’t know…

Also, you’re name is Benjamin, the Ravenous Wolf. I may sound ignorant, but why? What is the significance of that verse?
 
I respectfully request that discussions be restricted to the topic indicated on this thread. Thank you.
 
I’m a very practical person. I don’t usually feel deep spiritual experiences. I’m used to using my reason and talking things through in a rational and logical way. All the same, I’m open to the possibility that God will intervene in a supernatural way if He wants to, but if He does, it will be in His way, and not because of anything I’ve done.

Sometimes I think people are too reliant on the idea that a vocation only comes by some kind of supernatural intervention. Most priests and religious get their vocations in a normal, ordinary way.

My idea of a ‘call’ is something logical and observable. If someone needs some help, that’s a call to service, if someone is feeling low, that’s a call to encouragement. I just wish a priest would tell me “you should become a priest” or something. Some priests and religious are too careful these days of our autonomy, but as Catholics we are not independent but inter-dependent, we need eachother. I think it was St Teresa of Avila who was told to become a nun as a penance by her confessor. I wish someone would just tell me, then I’d do it.

Same goes for marriage. I can’t think of a clearer call to marriage than a father choosing a man he will allow to court his daughter. Of course, that’s not enough to seal the deal, but sometimes guys like me need a wake-up call.
 
DL82 said:
I’m a very practical person. I don’t usually feel deep spiritual experiences. I’m used to using my reason and talking things through in a rational and logical way. All the same, I’m open to the possibility that God will intervene in a supernatural way if He wants to, but if He does, it will be in His way, and not because of anything I’ve done.

Sometimes I think people are too reliant on the idea that a vocation only comes by some kind of supernatural intervention. Most priests and religious get their vocations in a normal, ordinary way.

My idea of a ‘call’ is something logical and observable. If someone needs some help, that’s a call to service, if someone is feeling low, that’s a call to encouragement. I just wish a priest would tell me “you should become a priest” or something. Some priests and religious are too careful these days of our autonomy, but as Catholics we are not independent but inter-dependent, we need eachother. I think it was St Teresa of Avila who was told to become a nun as a penance by her confessor. I wish someone would just tell me, then I’d do it.

Same goes for marriage. I can’t think of a clearer call to marriage than a father choosing a man he will allow to court his daughter. Of course, that’s not enough to seal the deal, but sometimes guys like me need a wake-up call.
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I’m not a priest, but does it count if I tell you that I think you should become one?

I love the story about St. Theresa of Avila… never heard it before. Oftentimes in my youth I was waiting for that “aha!” moment when God would hit me over the head or scream down from a cloud or mountaintop what was His will for my life, I understand now what it means to be called. I like your description of “a calling,” because it speaks to the way in which I have heard the Lord calling me in the past few months especially. While I have had my share of spiritual experiences throughout my life, it has never been one experience or one prayer that has led me to the place where I am today: where I recognize the call and am ready to respond to it. Rather, it has been little, everyday experiences that have helped me to understand how God wishes me to live my life for Him.

A calling is a beautiful thing, if only you will listen.
 
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