What do you say to people you know who have stopped attending the Mass?

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I don’t know that I would even know if fellow parishioners have stopped attending. They could be attending on Sunday morning ( I go Saturday evening) or they go to the early of Liturgy at the other parish at which our pastor is also assigned. There could be a lot of reasons.
 
I mostly attend mass at my home parish at the noon service. However, sometimes my disability causes a temporary health issue and I miss, or it’s too hot so I go to another mass. I hate being asked why I wasn’t at mass. If it’s a health issue, I inevitably get questioned to the point I have to uncomfortably talk about my disability. If I went to another parish or a different time, not as big of a deal but it still feels awkward to be questioned about it.
 
Kinda funny how we are told to be Christ like but from reading some of the responses Christ never spoke of sin, satan or hell lol. Jesus gave us both the corporal and spiritual works of mercy for a reason.

What was it that Jesus said…those who see you, see me…oh wait.
 
If someone did that to me, I’d be somewhat startled. Why is anyone else keeping track of my mass attendance? I don’t attend the same time every week, or even the same parish every week. I live in a large city, and I go to the most convenient mass for my schedule on any participate weekend. One weekend may be at my mother’s parish if I am taking her, the next may be at my “home” parish, and the next may be somewhere closer to where I am at the time of day I need to attend that weekend. 🤷
 
JanetF said:
If someone did that to me, I’d be somewhat startled. Why is anyone else keeping track of my mass attendance? I don’t attend the same time every week, or even the same parish every week. I live in a large city, and I go to the most convenient mass for my schedule on any participate weekend. One weekend may be at my mother’s parish if I am taking her, the next may be at my “home” parish, and the next may be somewhere closer to where I am at the time of day I need to attend that weekend. 🤷
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I’m in the same boat.
I could see maybe taking note of someone’s Mass attendance if they were at the same Mass for a very long time, often in the same pew (this is not uncommon especially among elderly) and then suddenly they were not seen any more. The main reason people might ask a question (especially among the elderly) is to find out if someone had become seriously ill, gone into a nursing home, or passed away.

I can also see a friend casually saying “Haven’t seen you in a while!” to which a person might respond, “Oh yeah, we go to St. Matt’s now because Jason started school over there.”

But beyond that, as someone who has never lived in a small town, yes, I’d find it weird too.
 
wild_thing said:
Please don’t mind your own business. Not that you have to proselytize or lecture them, but I know so many people who have said “I left the Church and no one even noticed or said anything to me.” I think the way Solomonson has been handling it is the best way to minister to people who have stopped attending. He is letting them know he is listening, that he cares, he can gently correct or supply the Church’s actual teaching if there is an opportunity to do so, and he is fulfilling our Gospel duty to help save souls, even (or especially) if he does nothing but pray for them. Minding our own business in this case could mean ignoring Jesus’ dearest wish- that all may come to love Him and follow Him.
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Thank you for your comments. Obviously the ministering needs to be done with extreme tact and love. It will also be very clear, very quickly if they want to talk about it or not. Asking them if they want to grab a cup of coffee and talk about things, can be the difference between them coming back and not coming back. If they don’t care to then don’t push.

Probably THE issue that most deeply bothers those I have talked to is “I stopped attending Mass and no one called and asked how I was doing. None of my parish friends or anyone from the office.”
 
Liturgy_Geek said:
I would invite them to things like parish missions, special talks or social occasions. Our parish picnic is coming up and I intend to invite my friend Cheri who hasn’t been to Mass in years. It’s a start.
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Excellent! A GREAT start!
 
johnnyc176 said:
Kinda funny how we are told to be Christ like but from reading some of the responses Christ never spoke of sin, satan or hell lol. Jesus gave us both the corporal and spiritual works of mercy for a reason.

What was it that Jesus said…those who see you, see me…oh wait.
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That’s very well said. Most people have the ability (or can develop the ability) to ask with great compassion and love.

Ministering to people in this manner is NOT EASY TO DO. Much easier not to say anything and that no doubt colors some peoples’ behavior on this matter.
 
adamhovey1988 said:
Invite them to church with you. It’s not that hard.
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Very good point. In some cases people stop attending Mass because they lost their means to get to Mass.

I know large Protestant churches here locally (non Mainline) do a superb job of providing shuttle service for members who could not otherwise make it to services. I’m sure there are some, but I have never heard of a Catholic parish doing this.
 
Solomonson said:
That’s very well said. Most people have the ability (or can develop the ability) to ask with great compassion and love.

Ministering to people in this manner is NOT EASY TO DO. Much easier not to say anything and that no doubt colors some peoples’ behavior on this matter.
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That’s an extremely uncharitable assumption about the motives of others.

My own approach is squarely Benedictine and comes from years of spiritual direction from a wise old monk.
 
johnnyc176 said:
Kinda funny how we are told to be Christ like but from reading some of the responses Christ never spoke of sin, satan or hell lol. Jesus gave us both the corporal and spiritual works of mercy for a reason.

What was it that Jesus said…those who see you, see me…oh wait.
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We are also called not to cast aspersions…
 
Solomonson said:
That’s very well said. Most people have the ability (or can develop the ability) to ask with great compassion and love.

Ministering to people in this manner is NOT EASY TO DO. Much easier not to say anything and that no doubt colors some peoples’ behavior on this matter.
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I agree and that is fine if one is not up to it. Just don’t hinder others by saying there is only one way. In regards to minding one’s own business the best response to that I heard was praying in front of an abortion facility. Someone drove up and yelled ‘why don’t you people mind your own business!’ About four or five people responded simultaneously…“we are!” lol.
 
newcalling said:
I mostly attend mass at my home parish at the noon service. However, sometimes my disability causes a temporary health issue and I miss, or it’s too hot so I go to another mass. ** I hate being asked why I wasn’t at mass. ** If it’s a health issue, I inevitably get questioned to the point I have to uncomfortably talk about my disability. If I went to another parish or a different time, not as big of a deal but it still feels awkward to be questioned about it.
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So long as it was done tactfully and with care, I think many would be very pleased to know that fellow parishioners were concerned about them.
 
johnnyc176 said:
I agree and that is fine if one is not up to it. Just don’t hinder others by saying there is only one way. In regards to minding one’s own business the best response to that I heard was praying in front of an abortion facility. Someone drove up and yelled ‘why don’t you people mind your own business!’ About four or five people responded simultaneously…“we are!” lol.
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Oh, no, there’s certainly more than one way. A great deal depends on the people involved. But to suggest that it’s somehow wrong to show an interest in a parishioner who no longer attends the Mass is definitely wrong.
 
The responses from posters above (including mine) pretty much cover both ends of the spectrum and much of what’s in the middle and I’m fine with that since we are not debating dogma. However to narrow the focus a bit for our ongoing discussion I simply point out that the original question addressed:

“people you know who have stopped attending the Mass” which obviously is quite different from people you haven’t seen at Mass for awhile who may have been ill, travelling, moved or what have you.

and

*“what do you say” * which again is quite different from what you suggest everyone else should say.
 
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