What I miss......

[beehumble]

It is simply not true that cradle Catholics have anything against new converts to the faith.

Many older cradle Catholics were taught at Catholic schools by nuns, who took them to Mass once a month as a class/school. We were taught by the nuns NOT to socialize within the church before, during, or after Mass, the nuns’ argument being we were in the presence of Jesus and should focus on Him as a sign of respect, and not each other. So we were taught that chit-chat in the church is a big no-no, hence many cradle Catholics try to this day to follow this and remain quiet, even barely speaking during the peace greeting. From my limited understanding of how things are done at Protestant services, this is the complete opposite - there they chit-chat until the presider starts lecturing or whatever, and chit-chat when he is done too.

I think if you are in those various groups you mention, you will make a few close, dependable Catholics friends - stick with it!

God bless you.

 

[Elisabeth51]

It is simply not true that cradle Catholics have anything against new converts to the faith.

Many older cradle Catholics were taught at Catholic schools by nuns, who took them to Mass once a month as a class/school. We were taught by the nuns NOT to socialize within the church before, during, or after Mass, the nuns’ argument being we were in the presence of Jesus and should focus on Him as a sign of respect, and not each other. So we were taught that chit-chat in the church is a big no-no, hence many cradle Catholics try to this day to follow this and remain quiet, even barely speaking during the peace greeting. From my limited understanding of how things are done at Protestant services, this is the complete opposite - there they chit-chat until the presider starts lecturing or whatever, and chit-chat when he is done too.

I think if you are in those various groups you mention, you will make a few close, dependable Catholics friends - stick with it!

God bless you.

I completely agree on no socialising inside the nave of the church! Absolutely! And I know a few old ladies at my parish that think a smile means you want to turn everything upside down and chit-chat. I mentioned to one that someone had told me they didn’t want to come back because they felt so alone and that we were so unfriendly…the response of this woman was “oh well, that’s her problem” uhhh…is that how Jesus would want us to think? I don’t think so.

As I said, my straight line K-college Catholic educated friend who had nuns that took him to Mass daily and Stations of the Cross during Lent every week as a class, who is also the organist and gets really irritated with people who feel the need to whisper during the prelude…is also 100% behind the idea that we need to be more friendly, and like he said, it’s God’s house, we are the ones there to be the “greeters”, smile and welcome people. This can be done outside the nave of the church. The narthex/foyer is perfect for smiling and saying good morning before entering the nave. We are there to worship God, but a simple smile can mean a lot to someone. And I don’t think God minds that.

 

[GraceDK]

Am not sure if this is the right forum for this, but it seemed the closest to what I want to say.

I love being Catholic. I love the tradition. I love the liturgy.

That said, I miss the camaraderie of the Protestant Churches and even the LDS Church of my youth. I miss the prayer chains and the feeling of knowing everyone. I miss the feeling of togetherness.

As Catholics, with no Sunday School or the like, we go to Mass and we go home. There is not the feeling of belonging. There is not the feeling of being a part of a family.

Maybe I am a Baptist in a Catholic body or so. But it is what I miss and need. Yet, I cannot imagine not being Catholic.

Sigh

I hear you brother! I don’t know why this is missing… but I think its a structural problem…
I miss the fellowship at the Pentecostal Church… and I will go back to something like that if I get the opportunity, but wont stop going to Mass of course…

:hug3:

 

[TexanKnight]

Yes, I bet you were a member before that. These days Mormons go to church for 3 hours in a row: sacrament meeting, Sunday School and then Priesthood/Relief Society. Quite boring to have to attend ALL three hours EVERY week

ah…

Yes…sometimes it was dull.

We had Sacrament Meeting (dull) Priesthood (not bad) and Sunday School (also not bad). They depended on the teachers and the discussion.

But I sure felt part of the “family”

 

[angierabbit2012]

It is simply not true that cradle Catholics have anything against new converts to the faith.

Many older cradle Catholics were taught at Catholic schools by nuns, who took them to Mass once a month as a class/school. We were taught by the nuns NOT to socialize within the church before, during, or after Mass, the nuns’ argument being we were in the presence of Jesus and should focus on Him as a sign of respect, and not each other. So we were taught that chit-chat in the church is a big no-no, hence many cradle Catholics try to this day to follow this and remain quiet, even barely speaking during the peace greeting. From my limited understanding of how things are done at Protestant services, this is the complete opposite - there they chit-chat until the presider starts lecturing or whatever, and chit-chat when he is done too.

I think if you are in those various groups you mention, you will make a few close, dependable Catholics friends - stick with it!

God bless you.

**You are correct in your understanding of protestant before/after services.
I was a LONG time baptist and we always showed up early,
we saved seats for each other and we stayed after the service and socialized.
I must tell you, the church that I belonged to would NEVER tolerate socializing
or chit chat during the service!
The preacher actually was known to stop the sermon if someone was being disruptive.

That said,
It’s NOT so much the before/after Mass interactions that are the issue
(at least in my case) it’s the SIGN OF PEACE that is the problem for me.
I don’t hear very well so I sit fairly close to the front.
On a Sunday, our parish is packed!! I am literally surrounded by people.
I’ve been there for a year. It’s not like I’m a stranger that no one has seen before.
Yet, I find myself standing there with people all around me, people standing close enough to rub elbows with me, and they just look past me!
This doesn’t happen all the time but it has happened more than once!
It’s not like I’m standing there twiddling my thumbs and looking at my feet,
I’m standing there smiling, with my hand extended.
I just don’t understand how they can be so close to me and act like I’m not there!
I’m not the only one that this has happened to.
The lady that accompanied me to the Rite of Election on Sunday, said that she has experienced the same thing.
If it had ONLY happened in my home parish, I might think it was just the people there, but I have experienced the same behavior out West and in New Jersey.
I was so hurt the first time that it happened to me, I cried all the way home.
I fear, that this behavior will drive MANY away from this beautiful Gift that is the Catholic Church and that is truly a tragedy!
Cradle Catholics have been given a gift that we converts would have LOVED to have had!
I would have given just about anything to have been raised Catholic, to have gone to Catholic schools, been married in a Catholic Church…these are all gifts that converts can only dream about.
How wonderful if the JOY of being raised Catholic could be transferred to the “newbies” in the parish with something as simple as a smile or a handshake.
It’s called THE SIGN OF PEACE, but when you’re standing there with a dumb smile on your face and the people (who have been brought up in the JOY of being Catholic from birth) just look past you like you’re not there, it becomes THE SIGN OF REJECTION.
At least that’s how it feels to those of us on the receiving end.
**

 

[tafan]

Am not sure if this is the right forum for this, but it seemed the closest to what I want to say.

I love being Catholic. I love the tradition. I love the liturgy.

That said, I miss the camaraderie of the Protestant Churches and even the LDS Church of my youth. I miss the prayer chains and the feeling of knowing everyone. I miss the feeling of togetherness.

As Catholics, with no Sunday School or the like, we go to Mass and we go home. There is not the feeling of belonging. There is not the feeling of being a part of a family.

Maybe I am a Baptist in a Catholic body or so. But it is what I miss and need. Yet, I cannot imagine not being Catholic.

Sigh

Ok, this is a complete no-brainer. Go to daily mass as often as possible. Get there a little early. Maybe you will notice there are some who help sweep the church, or change out the votive candles every morning. After a while, ask if you can help with anything. You will start meeting some of the most wonderful Catholics you can imagine. Then you will be pointed to one little thing after another going on at your parish. After a couple of years, you will not have the same problem.

 

[TexanKnight]

I hear you brother! I don’t know why this is missing… but I think its a structural problem…
I miss the fellowship at the Pentecostal Church… and I will go back to something like that if I get the opportunity, but wont stop going to Mass of course…

:hug3:

I don’t know what to do…

 

[TexanKnight]

Ok, this is a complete no-brainer. Go to daily mass as often as possible. Get there a little early. Maybe you will notice there are some who help sweep the church, or change out the votive candles every morning. After a while, ask if you can help with anything. You will start meeting some of the most wonderful Catholics you can imagine. Then you will be pointed to one little thing after another going on at your parish. After a couple of years, you will not have the same problem.

May be a no-brainer to you…but not to me.

I am a very social person. Meeting people comes easy. I have been a Eucharistic Minister and Lector. But, it does not really matter. There is just not a closeness I need.

 

[angierabbit2012]

I think the closeness I miss akes for strength. People who can be a part with you. Does that make sense?

Sadly, I think it makes PERFECT sense!
If we are truly ONE BODY in CHRIST we should be supportive of one another.

 

[Faith1960]

Hello,
I am a convert as well.
I have only been in the Church since Easter Vigil of last year but I can tell you that in this year I have NOT made very many friends in my new church.
I joined a Bible study.
I assist with RCIA class.
I am part of a prayer group that meets once a week.
I lead the parish in the Holy Rosary every other Sunday, and I am sponsoring a young woman who is coming into the Church this year.
With ALL that, I STILL don’t have any close friends within the church.
During the Mass, when the priest says “Let us offer to each other a sign of peace”, I have MORE THAN ONCE, literally stood there in the MIDDLE of the church with a dumb smile on my face, with people ALL AROUND ME, and NO ONE greets me or even acknowledges my presence.
The first time it happened, I cried all the way home!
Coming from a Baptist upbringing, where the people are so “in your face” the Catholic culture has been a bit of a shock!
However, the way I see it, the reward of receiving Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament is WELL worth the loss of camaraderie from fellow parishioners.
I am SO in LOVE with the Catholic Faith and I have met some warm, friendly people within the Church Body.
We just celebrated the Rite of Election in our Diocese and the woman that rode with me is in the RCIA class that I assist with.
She actually told me that HER SPONSOR told her that CRADLE CATHOLICS are prejudiced against CONVERTS and that they will ALWAYS treat them differently.
She was crushed by this of course, but her love for Our Lord allows her to persevere.
It’s a shame, if what she was told is true!
To have this WONDERFUL gift, to have had it their ENTIRE lives, and then to resent someone who has been given this gift through GOD"s GRACE…I just can’t understand it!:bighanky:

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things, it may just take a little longer to make friends. It might be the difference in parishes, too. I joined my parish after a 24 year absence from the Church. I made a l lot of friends over the past (nearly) 6 years after I joined, but that was because of one particular woman I met who knows a lot of people there. She’s very friendly and tries to include everyone. Had it not been for her, I’d have met a lot of acquaintences but not made many friends.
Just keep doing what you’re doing and if it were me, I’d go out of my way to invite a person here or there out for coffee or a snack after Bible study or prayer group to try to extend the time spent together, getting to know one another more personally.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I’m a cradle Catholic and I’ve posted on this subject before… feel the same way.

There is a certain “coldness” in my opinion in the Catholic culture or at least in some Catholic cultures. It is sad but we must work together to address it.

 

[GraceDK]

May be a no-brainer to you…but not to me.

I am a very social person. Meeting people comes easy. I have been a Eucharistic Minister and Lector. But, it does not really matter. There is just not a closeness I need.

Is there maybe another parish you can visit?

In my oppinion I think its a structural problem… I do think the Catholic Church is still elitist in the way that lay people have been passive forever and only for the last 40 years they have been encouraged to be active. Its hard for them to actually take responsibility and truly realise that they are as important in the parish as the priests and nuns etc… and often they also get mixed signals about this… there is still the “hierarchical thinking” in a bad way.

In the Pentecostal Church, where, by the way, I started going after my conversion to the Catholic Church, there was no talk during the services, but before the service started there were people welcoming you at the door… young and old who looked genuinely happy to see you. There were cell groups and many meetings about different things, and the whole family and community aspect was seen by everyone as important. When a new person came in there would always come someone and invite them to be part of the smaller groups. And these were not just prayergroups ( prayergroups are often not social at all) but cell groups. And even as important: You were encouraged to figure out what your talent was, what could you actively do in the congregation: Did you have a gift of healing: well, come and be part of the prayerteam on sunday morning, you have a musical gift, well be part of our music group… do you have something to say to the congregation? A testimony perhaps: well welcome. Please step up infront and share it. Often times people witnessed about miraculous healings and such things… and it really strengthened the belief in the congregation. In some ways I felt that church was much more “apostolic” than my Catholic parish. They didn’t have the high theology, but they had the acts of faith.

In a very short time I’d made severel friends and even the pastors were my friends. They even let me pray and speak infront of the congregation at a meeting and lead free prayers, while the pastor was smiling at my side.
You see, when you are given responsibility in a church, you feel its YOUR church and that you belong there…
I should be fast to say: these people all knew I was Catholic. Never once did they bash the Catholic Church or say that I should become pentecostal.

I asked myself how can fullness of faith be there (in the Catholic parish) if we only have theories about loving our brethren.

I was rather tempted back then to leave the Catholic Church. I went to masses and services sevrel times a week… I prayed and wept very much. But God told me very clearly that He wanted me to remain Catholic, and that I must not forget my first love. Since then I have grown much in my Catholic faith and I have never regretted staying… however I still think we have a huge problem in the Catholic Church as long as we have no real and actual family-experience in our parishes.

So I hear you. Totally! Just hang in there. You know… today when I am in my home area I drive a few extra miles to visit a Catholic parish where they really have very good fellowship and community after the mass. The priest there is very charismatic and many people always sit and hang out and eat together afterwards… Catholics sometimes say: In Protestantism the life of the parish is too much dependant on the pastor. Well, I have found that to be true for both Catholic and Evangelical parishes. If the priest or pastor “sleeps” so does the community.

So there are Catholic parishes with great fellowship but you have to look futher perhaps to find them… Again, hugs to you. I hope everything goes well

 

[Cat]

I wish that the Moderators would read this thread and take all of this into account when they consider banning converts from CAF.

For many of us, this online community is our source of Christian friends. The idea of being banned is literally terrifying to me, because I would once again be alone. (My husband and I were kicked out of our last Protestant church and shunned.)

I know that sounds pathetic. But it’s reality for us.

My husband and I have been Catholic now for almost 8 years, attending a parish up the street from our house. But we still have no friends in the parish or in the Catholic Church.

We have plenty of people who are acquaintances in our parish. We wave at each other after Mass, and sometimes stop and chat.

We both attend Bible studies, adoration, music events, etc. in the parish.

But we have no friends, no one that we go out with or invite over or who invite us over.

I think a lot of it is timing. A lot of the people in the parish grow up together in school and stay friends once they are grown up. Other people with small children or school-aged children make friends in the parish pre-school and school. Still others have kids in the local Catholic high school, so they socialize at the games, plays, etc. at the school, and get to be friends.

But my husband and I are empty-nesters.

I think another reason why we don’t fit in is because we were not raised Catholic and so a lot of the little social norms that Catholic possess automatically, we do not have, and we do not understand. So we make mistakes in our words and our actions and appear awkward or even irreverent to Catholics.

E.g., over and over on this forum, the discussion about chant comes up. Neither my husband or I like chant of any kind. For us, it has occult associations. When it comes to music, we both prefer and love Christian contemporary music, gospel, and traditional praise.

We fully understand that the liturgy of the Church does not necessarily allow all kinds of music and all songs, and we are in submission to that.

But we still like the kind of music that we grew up with. And so in this way, we don’t fit in with Catholic "culture. And we feel it. The kind of music done in most Catholic churches leaves us cold and emotionless.

Another one of the big reasons that my husband and I do not have friends is that we do not drink alcohol. Many of the Catholic social functions, both on the parish campus, and outside of the parish campus, involve alcohol in some way.

Intellectually I agree that there is no sin in drinking alcohol.

I’ll be honest–it actually made my heart race to type the above sentence, because in my heart, I still believe it’s a sin to drink alcohol.

But whether it is a sin or not doesn’t matter. The fact is, I feel uncomfortable when people are drinking alcohol.

All of our lives, my husband and I were in the evangelical churches where our friends did NOT drink alcohol, ever, even at weddings.

In addition, my family are teetotallers for at least four generations back.

So I don’t feel comfortable around alcohol.

Good heavens, this week, I attended our parish Bible study (I’m a regular). And someone brought ALCOHOL for the snack. It was disgusting to me. The room stank. I didn’t let anyone know my feelings by my facial expression or words, but I was horribly uncomfortable. My father-in-law, who is NOT Catholic, attends the Bible study with me, and afterwards, bless his heart, he let 'em have it. He explained in calm and reasonable tones why Protestants consider alcohol a sin. I was cheering inside! I’m planning on emailing the Bible study coordinator and asking her to tell people to please not bring alcohol to a Bible study.

There’s a culture and social sense that comes with the drinking of alcohol, and my husband and I do not possess it, and that’s, IMO, the main reason why we do not have any friends in our parish. We just don’t fit in.

So perhaps you can see why an anonymous message board is a comfortable place for me to have Catholic friends. I’m sure many of you are drinking wine or beer or something else while you are reading and posting, but at least I don’t see or smell it.

I’m just trying to be honest and open here and describe some specifics about our struggles. Like I said, I wish the moderators would please consider holding us to a slightly different standard when they are banning people. ** Many of us have already lost an entire retinue of friends when we left our Protestant fellowships to become Catholic. It’s hard to lose yet another group of friends, even if they’re just online friends. ** At least our online friends are somebody, a human connection with the Church.

Sometimes, our “offensive” posts are just us trying really hard to fit into the Catholic Church, and not doing it very well. And if we get banned, then we have no one, and we have to try to do our religion with Jesus alone. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

 

[tafan]

May be a no-brainer to you…but not to me.

I am a very social person. Meeting people comes easy. I have been a Eucharistic Minister and Lector. But, it does not really matter. There is just not a closeness I need.

So you tried going to daily mass and meeting those folks? It is my feeling that the group of people who attend daily mass develop a closeness that often crosses over into social interaction

 

[Elisabeth51]

**

That said,
It’s NOT so much the before/after Mass interactions that are the issue
(at least in my case) it’s the SIGN OF PEACE that is the problem for me.
I don’t hear very well so I sit fairly close to the front.
On a Sunday, our parish is packed!! I am literally surrounded by people.
I’ve been there for a year. I just don’t understand how they can be so close to me and act like I’m not there!
I’m not the only one that this has happened to.
The lady that accompanied me to the Rite of Election on Sunday, said that she has experienced the same thing.
If it had ONLY happened in my home parish, I might think it was just the people there, but I have experienced the same behavior out West and in New Jersey.
I was so hurt the first time that it happened to me, I cried all the way home.
I fear, that this behavior will drive MANY away from this beautiful Gift that is the Catholic Church and that is truly a tragedy!
It’s called THE SIGN OF PEACE, but when you’re standing there with a dumb smile on your face and the people (who have been brought up in the JOY of being Catholic from birth) just look past you like you’re not there, it becomes THE SIGN OF REJECTION.
At least that’s how it feels to those of us on the receiving end.
**

We did kind of wander off… yes, it was about the sign of peace, and like I said, I’ve experienced that as well. I went to an EF Mass when I lived in FL because I like that form, enjoy the Latin and it was close, there’s no sign of peace so probably the only time I didn’t feel awkward and left out.

 

[Elisabeth51]

Ok, this is a complete no-brainer. Go to daily mass as often as possible. Get there a little early. Maybe you will notice there are some who help sweep the church, or change out the votive candles every morning. After a while, ask if you can help with anything. You will start meeting some of the most wonderful Catholics you can imagine. Then you will be pointed to one little thing after another going on at your parish. After a couple of years, you will not have the same problem.

I am very involved in many things, I would LOVE to go to daily Mass, but at present cannot because I can’t afford the extra gas it would take…ok, honestly, I think God would bless my effort and fill the gas tank as He has in my past, but I’d rather not battle my sister who is grieving, grumpy, and owns the car, so either way I’m kind of stuck at present. When I had a normal full time job and a car of my own, I did go to daily Mass, I lived in TN at the time and honestly, the feeling like I was on the out side was worse.

Here, the couple times I have made it to daily Mass and want to pray after I get interrupted because I’m the parish bookkeeper and that apparently means I’m available if I’m at church and there I go off the topic again…

 

[GraceDK]

I wish that the Moderators would read this thread and take all of this into account when they consider banning converts from CAF.

For many of us, this online community is our source of Christian friends. The idea of being banned is literally terrifying to me, because I would once again be alone. (My husband and I were kicked out of our last Protestant church and shunned.)

I know that sounds pathetic. But it’s reality for us.

My husband and I have been Catholic now for almost 8 years, attending a parish up the street from our house. But we still have no friends in the parish or in the Catholic Church.

We have plenty of people who are acquaintances in our parish. We wave at each other after Mass, and sometimes stop and chat.

We both attend Bible studies, adoration, music events, etc. in the parish.

But we have no friends, no one that we go out with or invite over or who invite us over.

E.g., over and over on this forum, the discussion about chant comes up. Neither my husband or I like chant of any kind. For us, it has occult associations. When it comes to music, we both prefer and love Christian contemporary music, gospel, and traditional praise.

We fully understand that the liturgy of the Church does not necessarily allow all kinds of music and all songs, and we are in submission to that.

But we still like the kind of music that we grew up with. And so in this way, we don’t fit in with Catholic "culture. And we feel it. The kind of music done in most Catholic churches leaves us cold and emotionless.

Another one of the big reasons that my husband and I do not have friends is that we do not drink alcohol. Many of the Catholic social functions, both on the parish campus, and outside of the parish campus, involve alcohol in some way.

Intellectually I agree that there is no sin in drinking alcohol.

I’ll be honest–it actually made my heart race to type the above sentence, because in my heart, I still believe it’s a sin to drink alcohol.

Sometimes, our “offensive” posts are just us trying really hard to fit into the Catholic Church, and not doing it very well. And if we get banned, then we have no one, and we have to try to do our religion with Jesus alone. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

Wow, I wish all of us in this thread were living within 10 miles of one another and we could have great fun and conversations together.

I actually grew up in a Lutheran home where alcohol was consumed though never to the point of anyone being ridiculous or drunk at all.
The first time I stepped into a Catholic youth meeting people were actually drinking beer, talking about anything else than faith… it was like a party before going to the disco. I was very disturbed. (shortly after that I found myself in a wonderful Pentecostal youth group where we all seemed so alike, and people were on fire with Jesus).
Because, among Protestant groups it was very very unpopular to drink too much. They all agreed it was okay to drink a beer, but becoming intoxicated was like sinning very publicly and making a fool of one self. I really wish it was the same among Catholics.

I have come to realize that alcohol is a temptation for many Catholic young people. Many are not good at controlling it. Even I have a few times become drunk in the company of Catholics… sad to say, without anyone pointing out my poor example. Althrough in my teenage years, I never touched alcohol, although surrounded by a culture of drunkeness, in the recent years I thought, maybe I should try, it won’t harm. But it did harm…
So, after drinking slightly more than I wished at a party last month I have decided to go back to fully abstaining from alcohol again. I have now tasted it, seen that I could not really control it well, saw that some very pious friends are also tempted at times to abuse it, and I have decided Im gonna go back to the Protestant way on this, just like you.

I am not disgusted at others though at all… Indeed my own foolishness proved to me what a strong temptation alcohol can be, especilly if one spends time with people who enjoy alcoholic drink or grew up with poor examples.

I have many Catholic friends… although I also had the contemporary music debates with a few Sometimes I must remind people that the organ is not mentioned in the Bible, but other instruments are… and even David was dancing infront of the holiest Arc of the Covenant The Catholic Church is universal. Eg. in African masses they use drums… and that is okay and pleasing to God… but some very traditional people forget that we are not all European latin and organ loving people…

Indeed Catholics seem to have another culture in some ways, but they are lovely people, warm and smart… I just wish the congregational life would be more encouraging fellowship instead of only talking about it.

God bless you dear sister. And please keep reaching out… Don’t give up. You need real human community… The internet cannot replace that.

 

[Ellyakamommy]

I’m no sure how to multi-quote in this forum format, so I was hoping I could just put together a few quick thoughts

A quick thought regarding the Sign of Peace and no one offering…

I can’t speak to the parishoners sitting around you during the masses you attend, but I know for me, that the length of time for the Sign of Peace (just saying “peace be with you” and “also with you” nothing elaborate or off topic) doesn’t allow time for me to offer a sign of peace for my own family sitting right next to me or literally in my lap, much less the neighbors standing in the pews. It’s not that I don’t want to or am ignoring anyone, it’s just that I’m lucky to kiss my husband and acknowledge even one of my children before the Sanctus starts. To a single person or lonely couple standing next to us, it might look like exclusion, but its truly not, it’s simply trying to keep my kids engaged with the liturgy. Just an element to consider that its more of a timing issue than a social exclusion issue.

A quick thought regarding wanting to be invited to dinner or to socialize in people’s homes outside of the bible studies and community events–

Socializing and society in general entertains at home less and less these days and more and more out and about or at community events like these. I just don’t think its a Catholic thing per se.

If there is a someone you’d like to get to know better or more intimately outside of bible study or what have you, why are you waiting for an invitation instead of issuing one? With all due respect to the feelings of isolation expressed, others can’t know you want a deeper contact unless you attempt to initiate it. If you’ve been attending the same parish and events for months or years, they will likely think that is all the contact you want unless you indicate that you would like to get to know them on another level.

and to Cat and her discomfort around alcohol.

I understand that you don’t feel comfortable socializing around alcohol and I am not encouraging you to do something you’re uncomfortable with. Please realize that bringing something to share (even something you do not partake of) IS an effort to socialize and build community with you. While alcohol is not your thing, can you see where it was a gesture of hospitality and friendship? Could you reciprocate in a fashion that suits you–be it non-alcoholic sparkling cider, or iced tea or ice water with a spring of mint? Your discomfort with the alcohol, w/o acknowledging or reciprocating the kindess, may be miscontrued as discomfort with the person.

And a general comment on the topic–

I definitely understand that there is a less of feeling of community such as described in the Catholic church than other churches. But I think there is a line between hoping for more of a community feeling at mass vs. reaching out and building a community for oneself.

For example, for a community gesture, I think it would be great if ushers were at the door prior to the start of mass to greet parishioners as they arrived for mass. It is a small thing that would do so much to change the entire tone and sense of community.

For people that want to get to know another couple or family better, why not issue an invitation or join one of the communities that exist within the church to find the connections you seek?

Perhaps this is my personality and temperment coming through,I find there is plenty of community w/in my parish, as much as I care to partake of.

 

[Schieffelin]

This is one of many reasons I switched to Byzantine Catholic. The communities tend to be small and close. The people are devoted to each other and their church because they have to be–the whole thing would fall apart without effort from everyone.

I don’t know if that’s an option for you but you should check. If that’s not an option try to find a smaller Roman Catholic church. Good luck!

 

[angierabbit2012]

I wish that the Moderators would read this thread and take all of this into account when they consider banning converts from CAF.

For many of us, this online community is our source of Christian friends. The idea of being banned is literally terrifying to me…

I’m a convert…Why would they ban converts?
We may not be CRADLE CATHOLICS, but we ARE Catholics!:sad_yes:

I certainly don’t want ANYONE on here to be offended by my posts.
I try to always be diplomatic and to see all points of view as relevant even if I don’t always agree with them!

I would hope that others here would do the same!

I LOVE being Catholic and I consider it a great gift, but I have felt isolated and alienated in my home parish and in others that I’ve visited as well.

I assist with RCIA class
I lead the parish in the Rosary every other week
I’m in a prayer group AND I’m in a Bible study, but I STILL feel like a “newbie” even though I’ve been there for a year now.

I just feel that if we are the Body of Christ and that Body belongs to the GREATEST CHURCH THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN, we should be the happiest, most joyful people on the planet!
Those outside the Church should be able to spot a Catholic a mile away because of our joy!