What if she won't listen?

[journey]

Hi Matt!

Thank-you for your prayers for my husband and me. I realize that divorce would be the worst thing that I could do, and I am getting that thought out of my head. He is a great father and husband, and the only reason I would leave him, is so that my children could be Catholic sooner, rather than later. They both love the prayers that I teach them, and the rosary. I have been able to take them to mass with me some. My daughter enjoys going to church to pray with me before the Blessed Sacrament. I just need to be more confident that someday, my family will be Catholic. If I left my husband now, he would only be turned-off to the Catholic faith. My prayer and my hope is that he will be drawn to the faith through the Holy Spirit. Hopefully, I can continue to serve him despite discouragement I feel about the situation. If you go ahead and marry your fiance, it is not going to be easy.

BTW, in response to some previous responses, Baptist seminaries teach theology. I am certain that your fiance took theology courses. However, I grew up in an independent Baptist church, and the pastors there were “self-trained”.They never attended a seminary. All of the sermons were based upon their own interpretation. It just depends upon what kind of Baptist church you go to, I guess. There are hundreds of different kinds of Baptists.

God’s peace to you!
journey

 

[debi]

Run, Run, Run as fast as you can. If she will not even discuss your faith with you. Being in a mixed faith marraige is tough enough without dialogue it is plain stupid. (I wish someone would have told me…)

Blessings

 

[Nancy_B]

journey:

Hi Matt!

Your post really caught my attention, because I am in a mixed marriage. My situation is a little different, in that I became Catholic after being married for ten years (so I switched on my husband, mid-stream, so to speak). My husband was reared in a Lutheran church, and became Baptist after we were married. He currently remains Baptist, and he is very happy to stay that way for now. I started a thread yesterday, because we have had so much difficulty with the differences of our denominations, that I had been considereing divorce so that our children could be Catholic. My husband wants them to be Baptist. It sounds, though that your fiance has already agreed that your future children would be Catholic, so that is good. I think that I would relax more if my husband would agree to the same thing.<<

Hi Journey - I’m probably not doing this right, I just found the forum and this is my first post, but I had to reply to this. I feel as though I wrote it myself. I’ve been a convert for 16 years now, and I had attended the Catholic Church about 3 years before converting. I too, had already married my husband, who was not a church-going type. I guess you’d call him a cultural Christian…

Well, about a year ago he started watching church channels on TV, and reading his Bible more. He started looking for a church and settled in a Baptist one.

Now, after I’ve been taking the kids with me to Church for almost 20 years, he decides that Catholics are wrong, and they need to start going with him to the Baptist Church. Today (Sunday) was the first time I’ve ever been to Church by myself. I had to keep looking at the windows and the tabernacle because everytime I looked at the families coming in together, I’d start to cry. I left quickly after Mass out the side door, because I knew if anyone asked me where the kids were, I’d burst into tears.

I don’t know what to do at this point. He is very close minded, won’t read anything written by Catholics, but has taken the Jack Chick website to heart. Please pray for me, I really need help.

Nancy B.

 

[St_Veronica]

Nancy B.:

journey:

Hi Matt!

Your post really caught my attention, because I am in a mixed marriage. My situation is a little different, in that I became Catholic after being married for ten years (so I switched on my husband, mid-stream, so to speak). My husband was reared in a Lutheran church, and became Baptist after we were married. He currently remains Baptist, and he is very happy to stay that way for now. I started a thread yesterday, because we have had so much difficulty with the differences of our denominations, that I had been considereing divorce so that our children could be Catholic. My husband wants them to be Baptist. It sounds, though that your fiance has already agreed that your future children would be Catholic, so that is good. I think that I would relax more if my husband would agree to the same thing.<<

Hi Journey - I’m probably not doing this right, I just found the forum and this is my first post, but I had to reply to this. I feel as though I wrote it myself. I’ve been a convert for 16 years now, and I had attended the Catholic Church about 3 years before converting. I too, had already married my husband, who was not a church-going type. I guess you’d call him a cultural Christian…

Well, about a year ago he started watching church channels on TV, and reading his Bible more. He started looking for a church and settled in a Baptist one.

Now, after I’ve been taking the kids with me to Church for almost 20 years, he decides that Catholics are wrong, and they need to start going with him to the Baptist Church. Today (Sunday) was the first time I’ve ever been to Church by myself. I had to keep looking at the windows and the tabernacle because everytime I looked at the families coming in together, I’d start to cry. I left quickly after Mass out the side door, because I knew if anyone asked me where the kids were, I’d burst into tears.

I don’t know what to do at this point. He is very close minded, won’t read anything written by Catholics, but has taken the Jack Chick website to heart. Please pray for me, I really need help.

Nancy B.

Ok wait a minute…are you saying you can’t take your children to Mass ever again? If you have been taking them almost 20 years…they must be teens?

I’m sorry…but there is just no way I would let my spouse stop me or my children from attending Mass…yes we are supposed to be submissive to our husbands, EXCEPT when the command us to sin (and having your children stop attending Mass is definately a sin!).

Will pray for you!

SV

 

[journey]

Hi Nancy!

I will pray for you!!–in fact, I am getting ready to go for my Holy Hour before the Blessed Sacrament right now.

In Christ’s love,
journey

St. Veronica,
If it is a sin for a husband to keep his children from attending Mass, after they already have been, what about if your husband won’t let your children be baptized in the Catholic Church? That is the situation I am in (I think that his heart is softening, though)—I am just curious.

Thanks so much and God bless you!
journey

 

[St_Veronica]

journey:

Hi Nancy!

I will pray for you!!–in fact, I am getting ready to go for my Holy Hour before the Blessed Sacrament right now.

In Christ’s love,
journey

St. Veronica,
If it is a sin for a husband to keep his children from attending Mass, after they already have been, what about if your husband won’t let your children be baptized in the Catholic Church? That is the situation I am in (I think that his heart is softening, though)—I am just curious.

Thanks so much and God bless you!
journey

Hi Journey,

Yes I think it is a sin for any spouse to prevent their child from being baptized, baptism washes away the stain of original sin and when children die unbaptized we aren’t positive what happens, just that we entrust them to the mercy of God)

Now keep in mind if the spouse is against infant baptism, they aren’t going to be too concerned if the Catholic spouse thinks it’s a sin.

I’m not sure how your husband can prevent you having your children baptized…I don’t think the Church requires his approval…but don’t quote me on that one…talk to your priest.

Will pray for you also!

SV

 

[Nancy_B]

Ok wait a minute…are you saying you can’t take your children to Mass ever again? If you have been taking them almost 20 years…they must be teens?

I’m sorry…but there is just no way I would let my spouse stop me or my children from attending Mass…yes we are supposed to be submissive to our husbands, EXCEPT when the command us to sin (and having your children stop attending Mass is definately a sin!).<<<

My oldest is 20, youngest (adopted) is 11. We have 8 altogether, including a foster son. The older 2 (daughters, 20 and 18) he does not force to go with him. They both have jobs, and their own cars, so they pretty much do as they please (they’re very good kids).

So what do I do? Handcuff myself and the kids to the house when he’s telling them to get in the car to go to church with him? Run away with the kids? Lie to him and take them behind his back to daily Mass?

This is a Southern Baptist Church, probably the most anti-Catholic protestant denomination I know of. If I only pray (and pray and pray I am afraid of all the anti-Catholic stuff they’ll try and plant in the kid’s heads.

As it stands right now, I don’t even want to speak to my husband. Every idea I come up with is not the “right” thing to do (leave, go on a hunger strike, stop speaking to him, etc.) I had thought about asking our priest to come to the house to talk with him, but I don’t know how strong our priest is on apologetics. Plus, he’s out of town right now and we have a substitute.

Nancy B.

PS. - Matt, God bless you, but read my posts with you’re eyes wide open. My life is awful right now.

 

[familyof8]

Matt22:

My fiance accompanies me to mass, though I do not receive communion while she is there. She is disturbed by the Church’s “discrimination.” Thus, to avoid scandalizing her, I make her feel welcome, and I stay in the pew.

Matt,

It is this statement, which you have made more than once, that concerns me more than anything else you have said. Since she is unwilling to discuss Catholicism with you, is she atleast able to respect your Catholicism. If she does and you are both mature adults, than your going to receive the Holy Eucharist would not scandalize her. By sitting in the pew, you are in affect, diminishing the importance of the Lord by prioritizing your fiancee’s feelings over the actual presence of our Lord and God.

If she feels discriminated against, than perhaps that is an opening for a conversation. Also, attendance at Mass is not only about us. Perhaps if you frame a conversation with her in terms of Old Testament sacrifices and the New Covenant and the sacrifice of Christ, than whe might understand that Mass is about our worshipping and honoring God, not about just “filling” ourselves.

The grace from the Blessed Eucharist is unmeasurable. You need to be receiving and praying for guidance in the presence of Christ. Your sitting in the pew is not a sacrifice. It is not holy and pleasing to God for you not to partake in what His Son suffered and died for just to make someone else feel “comfortable.” Remember what it is that you are rejecting. (All of this is based on the assumption that you are not in the state of mortal sin.)

She will respect what you respect. She will learn reverence towards what you show reverence. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could keep me from receiving our Lord’s Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity that He suffered and died to give me, unless it is my own sinful nature that separates me from Him. If you do not show the absolute importance of the Holy Eucharist by not receiving, than she will never understand how it is the most important part of Catholic faith.

You seem to repeatedly state your compromises to her. What are hers towards your faith. If she is sitting in the pew, unwilling to let you receive Communion, than she has not even let you fully attend Mass.

Are you participating in their “bread and grape juice” services? If you are, you shouldn’t be. There needs to be some boundaries where you show your union with the Catholic Church.

 

[Matt22]

Nancy B.:

Well, about a year ago he started watching church channels on TV, and reading his Bible more. He started looking for a church and settled in a Baptist one.

Now, after I’ve been taking the kids with me to Church for almost 20 years, he decides that Catholics are wrong, and they need to start going with him to the Baptist Church…

I don’t know what to do at this point. He is very close minded, won’t read anything written by Catholics, but has taken the Jack Chick website to heart. Please pray for me, I really need help.

Nancy,

I’m going to give you some advice, though I’m sure it won’t be what you need. Here are some thoughts; though it will be difficult, it may be effective.

First, defame Jack Chick by quoting some Protestant scholars who despise him. Write stick-it notes and paste them on the fridge. Perhaps you could start with “Fundamentalism and Catholicism.” In there, Karl Keating notes that “Christianity Today” had an article about him.

Second, find the arguments against the Catholic faith that Jack Chick uses. Find the related Scripture and the Catechism’s teachings to show the Catholic position. DO NOT try to proove anything! Don’t say, “Ha!” at the bottom of the note, or write the conclusion for him. Simply state the facts. Dave Armstrong’s book, “A Biblical Defense of Catholicism” might come in handy here.

Third, place quotes of Scripture on the fridge which are overwhelmingly Catholic. A number of Dave Armstrong’s books would be useful here, but perhaps “The Catholic Verses,” if it is out yet. The book listed above will help a lot, too.

Fourth, pray. Don’t forget love in all of this. Never write or do anything out of anger or feelings of revenge. Remember God’s love for us on the cross. Show that you love him by cooking his favourite meal.

God bless, Nancy, and good luck.

Matt

PS: It is strange that in the writing of this suggestion, I have helped myself… perhaps this method might work for me.

 

[Matt22]

journey:

If you go ahead and marry your fiance, it is not going to be easy.

Journey,

I’ve never been one to take the easy road. I challenge myself in academia, especially, but God has always challenged my heart. I am honoured to spend my life fulfulling God’s will: “God wills that everyone be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.”

Peace of Christ,
Matt

 

[Matt22]

Familyof8,

My fiancee respects me being Catholic, and she has begun to show signs that me going to receive Communion would not offend her. Perhaps, as you suggest, it is not a scandal.

familyof8:

By sitting in the pew, you are in affect, diminishing the importance of the Lord by prioritizing your fiancee’s feelings over the actual presence of our Lord and God.

This doesn’t follow. Is it lawful to miss mass to care for sick or distraught family members? Does this action diminish the importance of our Lord? No.

Your sitting in the pew is not a sacrifice.

You try it.

It is not holy and pleasing to God for you not to partake in what His Son suffered and died for just to make someone else feel “comfortable.” Remember what it is that you are rejecting.

We partake of Christ’s Body and Blood in order to (1) unite ourselves to His Body, (2) to remember Him, (3) and to accept His Sacrifice (not an exhaustive list). Yet, we have been united to His Body through Baptism, we remember Him always, and we have accepted His Sacrifice for us many times. I reject nothing by not partaking. I simply, regretfully, do not get to enter into full Communion with the Church. I do not get that taste of heaven. Yet, if my fiancee is so deprived, then so shall I be.

She will respect what you respect. She will learn reverence towards what you show reverence.

In a congregation that stands during consecration, I am one of the only ones that bow profusely and utter, “My Lord and my God.”

If you do not show the absolute importance of the Holy Eucharist by not receiving, then she will never understand how it is the most important part of Catholic faith.

I agree with you on the imortance of the Eucharist. However, along with the Sunday obligation, the Catechism also asks the faithful to receive Communion at least once a year, if possible at Easter. I’m sorry if I missed the math there somewhere, but it seems that not receiving does not equal undermining its importance.

Simply put, my fiancee understands the importance of the Holy Eucharist because of my insistance upon it. In words, and actions of reverence. She also understands its importance because she has studied it in seminary. Protestants aren’t stupid. Perhaps misled, but not stupid.

Are you participating in their “bread and grape juice” services?

No, thank-you, I am not. While I do not let her receive Holy Eucharist because it would be a lie to God–implying a communion which does not exist–so I too do not receive Communion at her church, for that would be a lie.

Thanks for your response. I’ll notify the Pope that you’re running for his position.

Matt

 

[familyof8]

Matt22:

This doesn’t follow. Is it lawful to miss mass to care for sick or distraught family members? Does this action diminish the importance of our Lord? No.

I do not get that taste of heaven. Yet, if my fiancee is so deprived, then so shall I be.

Simply put, my fiancee understands the importance of the Holy Eucharist because of my insistance upon it. In words, and actions of reverence. She also understands its importance because she has studied it in seminary. Protestants aren’t stupid. Perhaps misled, but not stupid.

Thanks for your response. I’ll notify the Pope that you’re running for his position.

Matt

Matt,

This is the last reponse I will give. First, I have never suggested that Protestants were stupid. Since I live in an area where less than 1% of the population is Catholic, the majority of our friends are very faithful Protestants. I can state without any hesitation that Baptists do not believe that Catholics are Christians and any Christian organization that is run by Baptists discriminates against Catholics and will not let them join. This is just a fact of life in the Bible belt.

Secondly, caring for a sick person does not equate with attending Mass with your fiancee. If it was a friend visiting from out of town for a weekend, maybe. (Though even then, a true friend would respect my faith and sit in the pew while I went to Communion.) However, you are speaking of the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. Your saying if she is deprived, than so will you clearly shows a view that lacks relational maturity. We are each ultimately responsible for our own salvation. The grace received from the Holy Eucharist fortifies the soul against temptation and increases your desire and love for our Lord. You say she knows its importance because of your insistence on it. Yet your actions say otherwise and diminish its importance in your life. Protest all you want that that is not true. If it were as important as you say, than you would not abstain.

Your very last statement shows immaturity. Your hostility towards those who have expressed concern that you don’t want to hear is unwarranted. You can not see the picture you have verbally presented because you see yourself three dimensionally, we don’t. We know what you have typed and what you have written shows a man that is totally in love and willing to sacrifice for his beloved. However, we are trying to show you that the things you are sacrificing are the very things that you shouldn’t be if you truly want your Catholicism to be a vital part of your marriage. Dating this way is one thing. Being engaged and planning your future is another. I would highly suggest (though I am sure you do not want to hear) that you resolve many of these issues before you say “I do.”

I wish you well in your future.

 

[St_Veronica]

>>>Ok wait a minute…are you saying you can’t take your children to Mass ever again? If you have been taking them almost 20 years…they must be teens?

I’m sorry…but there is just no way I would let my spouse stop me or my children from attending Mass…yes we are supposed to be submissive to our husbands, EXCEPT when the command us to sin (and having your children stop attending Mass is definately a sin!).<<<

My oldest is 20, youngest (adopted) is 11. We have 8 altogether, including a foster son. The older 2 (daughters, 20 and 18) he does not force to go with him. They both have jobs, and their own cars, so they pretty much do as they please (they’re very good kids).

So what do I do? Handcuff myself and the kids to the house when he’s telling them to get in the car to go to church with him? Run away with the kids? Lie to him and take them behind his back to daily Mass?

This is a Southern Baptist Church, probably the most anti-Catholic protestant denomination I know of. If I only pray (and pray and pray I am afraid of all the anti-Catholic stuff they’ll try and plant in the kid’s heads.

As it stands right now, I don’t even want to speak to my husband. Every idea I come up with is not the “right” thing to do (leave, go on a hunger strike, stop speaking to him, etc.) I had thought about asking our priest to come to the house to talk with him, but I don’t know how strong our priest is on apologetics. Plus, he’s out of town right now and we have a substitute.

Nancy B.

PS. - Matt, God bless you, but read my posts with you’re eyes wide open. My life is awful right now.

Of course I’m not advocating you lie to your husband. I can only tell you what I would do…and that is I would take my children to Mass and I wouldn’t hide it. What’s he going to do…handcuff you and the kids to the house?

Trust me, the Southern Baptist aren’t the most anti-Catholic Church out there…believe me there are worse ones.

If you haven’t already done this I think you should sit down with your husband (kids not around) and try to resolve this as much as possible. There has to be some sort of workable compromise.

I’ve been to Church at more than one Baptist denomination…and while I am sure it happens, I’ve never heard the minister spend his sermon preaching about the ‘evils of Catholicism’ …the most likely place your kids will hear that is from your husband.

Keep praying…and definatley get your house blessed when your Priest gets back!

SV

 

[just5kids]

Matt–

I have been thinking a lot about your original post and how best to respond. I am married to an Orthodox Christian (for 13 years now). I must say I agree with what familyof8 just posted,
“Your hostility towards those who have expressed concern that you don’t want to hear is unwarranted.”
Lots of members have endured what you are planning to undertake, with at best mixed results. many of us have fallen in love with someone outside our own church, and the opinions given have been mostly right on, albeit often frank. I am sure it hurts to have so many warning you of the perils, and I am equally sure you have no intention of calling off your relationship based on the posts of strangers, but it truly is concerning that you seem so hostile to those whose opinions you have solicited.
I understand the pain this is causing you and your defensiveness in having to justify your situation, but maybe you should consider dropping the subject if you aren’t truly interested in anyone’s advice.

 

[St_Veronica]

Matt22:

Familyof8,

My fiancee respects me being Catholic, and she has begun to show signs that me going to receive Communion would not offend her. Perhaps, as you suggest, it is not a scandal.
This doesn’t follow. Is it lawful to miss mass to care for sick or distraught family members? Does this action diminish the importance of our Lord? No.
You try it.
We partake of Christ’s Body and Blood in order to (1) unite ourselves to His Body, (2) to remember Him, (3) and to accept His Sacrifice (not an exhaustive list). Yet, we have been united to His Body through Baptism, we remember Him always, and we have accepted His Sacrifice for us many times. I reject nothing by not partaking. I simply, regretfully, do not get to enter into full Communion with the Church. I do not get that taste of heaven. Yet, if my fiancee is so deprived, then so shall I be.

In a congregation that stands during consecration, I am one of the only ones that bow profusely and utter, “My Lord and my God.”

I agree with you on the imortance of the Eucharist. However, along with the Sunday obligation, the Catechism also asks the faithful to receive Communion at least once a year, if possible at Easter. I’m sorry if I missed the math there somewhere, but it seems that not receiving does not equal undermining its importance.

Simply put, my fiancee understands the importance of the Holy Eucharist because of my insistance upon it. In words, and actions of reverence. She also understands its importance because she has studied it in seminary. Protestants aren’t stupid. Perhaps misled, but not stupid.

No, thank-you, I am not. While I do not let her receive Holy Eucharist because it would be a lie to God–implying a communion which does not exist–so I too do not receive Communion at her church, for that would be a lie.

Thanks for your response. I’ll notify the Pope that you’re running for his position.

Matt

Your fiancee isn’t able to receive communion due to her own free will in denying the truth of the Church. You on the other hand, know the Truth and denying yourself because she can’t receive is reinforcing her position. The wording you use is interesting…you say she is ‘deprived’…it seems to me that you are implying she should be able to receive and it’s wrong that she can’t.

You need to set an example and LIVE THE FAITH…cutting yourself off from the Graces of the Faith is not going to strengthen you.

It is very disturbing to see what all (there are other things you mention also) you are willing to compromise on just so you can avoid ‘offending’ (ie ticking off) your fiancee.

What does the ‘missing mass for sick family members’ have to do with your situation?

I really do hope you will prayerfully consider your actions…you cannot compromise the faith in order to please ‘man’.

SV

 

[familyof8]

St Veronica:

Trust me, the Southern Baptist aren’t the most anti-Catholic Church out there…believe me there are worse ones.

I’ve been to Church at more than one Baptist denomination…and while I am sure it happens, I’ve never heard the minister spend his sermon preaching about the ‘evils of Catholicism’ …
SV

You are right about other denominations being more hostile towards Catholics. Our experience is that most Baptists do not believe Catholics are Christians. However there are some denominations that treat Catholics as evil people. We live in an area with a heavy population of Seventh Day Adventists. They view the Church as the Beast and Catholics as worshippers of evil. They have huge billboards all around denouncing the Church as Satan or the Beast.

Many of the Baptist churches here do preach on the false teachings of Catholicism. A friend used to attend one Baptist church that atleast once a month would talk about the evils of the Catholic Church and our Mary worshipping. She is not Baptist, only attended the church, and would openly discuss what she was hearing because she wanted to understand my perspective on what was being said. Ultimately, she left that church because of it.

 

[Trinitatem]

I bet you didn’t realize how many people feel strongly for you - in one way or another. I recommend reading, “Rome Sweet Home” by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. They began as happy Protestants, and eventually ended up as happy Catholics. There was a point in their marriage where one was Protestant and one was Catholic, and it was a challenging journey. But that is what it’s about, isn’t it? You know the answer all along to what you should or shouldn’t do. That is truly what the Holy Spirit is. To guide you. Everyone has a path, and never are they perfect. Love is the most important of all. Trust God to guide you both, for He loves us all, whether Protestant, Baptist, Catholic, or even Atheist. I think if you pray on it, you’ll be guided. Good luck.

 

[michaelk]

“just5kids” hits it on the head.

I have been reading this without a reply, but I must at this time. Matt, you asked for peoples opinions, but really just wanted to take in what you want to hear and not receive. You justify good honest opinions (which is what you asked) and take them as being negative. Sorry, I’m not being hateful or disrespectful, just honest reading.

I’ll make a long story very short. I grew up in a southern baptist church all of my life. I am now 41 and was married 6 years ago to a Catholic by the justice of the peace in Hawaii. How I pulled this off, I’ll never know. However it was important for her to be married by the Catholic Church and recognized 1 year later. As with you Matt, I love my wife and wanted to please her so I agreed. This was quite a process & I rolled my eyes through many of the classes. After marriage in the Church, she wanted me to go to RCIA. She did not force me, but asked with love and patience. It was important to her for me to at least listen. Again I love my wife and was willing to compromise and at least listen much like you are willing to do. I went through RCIA and rolled my eyes at a lot of the discussions until one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. There were many issues in the Catholic Church I could not comprehend, and really did not want to, which is the way most of us protestants think.

Looking back, what I compromised from the protestant church is NOTHING in comparison to the Catholic Church. This is why so many of the replys here seem hard on your position. These people love their faith & live it. I’m sure your girlfriend loves her faith also. Now being a Catholic for over 3 years now I personally find it unconceivable for you to not accept the Eucharist ( if you are free of mortal sin) only so you do not offend your girlfriend. Bottom line Matt: You asked why your girlfriend won’t listen. Short answer is: Why should she if you don’t truly live & believe your faith? If she saw the love & passion you had while entering the Church, receiving the Eucharist, praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament…she will listen!

 

[St_Veronica]

familyof8:

You are right about other denominations being more hostile towards Catholics. Our experience is that most Baptists do not believe Catholics are Christians. However there are some denominations that treat Catholics as evil people. We live in an area with a heavy population of Seventh Day Adventists. They view the Church as the Beast and Catholics as worshippers of evil. They have huge billboards all around denouncing the Church as Satan or the Beast.

Many of the Baptist churches here do preach on the false teachings of Catholicism. A friend used to attend one Baptist church that atleast once a month would talk about the evils of the Catholic Church and our Mary worshipping. She is not Baptist, only attended the church, and would openly discuss what she was hearing because she wanted to understand my perspective on what was being said. Ultimately, she left that church because of it.

Yep SDA was one of the ones I had in mind…I have grown up around Baptists etc (dad’s family are primitive baptists)…since I was raised AoG. I attended Church at various Churches as a kid and young adult…but don’t recall hearing anything about the Catholics, in fact they weren’t even on the radar (very very few Catholics in this region).

After converting to the CC…I have never run into a Baptist, who in person, was willing to tell me I was not Christian, although I have had them say so online. Perhaps saying it in person is a bit more challenging.

SV

 

[starfish03]

Matt,

This is an issue close to my heart as my husband and I had bitter faith battles while dating. He was a hard core fundamentalist and his faith was very strong - it’s one of the things that attracted me to him. I was a cradle Catholic with no idea of how to battle the type of person who was groomed to believe all things Catholic were evil. Our struggle turned out to be a great blessing b/c I learned my faith much more deeply and he has a great appreciation for the Catholic Church and her teachings.

In the beginning, he had a litany of Bible quotes that he threw at me to prove Catholicism wrong (he was trained for this, I soon realized). He shook me up pretty good. I knew he was wrong, but couldn’t really back it up. I was frustrated, but he thought we should work through it and maybe find a “middle ground”.

What we did was agree that we would try to change each others mind. It was an agreement of mutual respect and of openness. It also didn’t require either of us to say that our faith was wrong - at least not right away. We agreed to be open to each other’s arguments and listen and read whatever the other person thought was important.

I picked up a pile of books from the local Catholic bookstore. One that was most helpful for us was “Rome Sweet Home” by Scott and Kimberly Hahn.

I left the books lying around my house and “forgot” them at his house. I would read passages to him at times - esp if it answered a recently voiced concern. He’s an avid fisherman, so time on the boat was time we could really talk. I also picked up some tape series that we would listen to while in the car for the hour ride to the water or in the boat.

Basically, I let others say it for me. I’m no apologist and I actually think it was easier if it came from an external source. It seems like he was especially influenced by the teachers who had converted b/c they did a better job of speaking his language. We are both studious types, so the reading and listening worked well for us.

Don’t forget to take a break from the dialogue. Sometimes it can get overwhelming. I tended to be very impatient, but in the end, he had to change his own mind. He tells me it was not anything I ever said that caused him to convert - it was getting all of his questions answered to his comfort and having time to work through it all.

My advice would be - Plant the seeds, don’t water too often and be patient.

And finally - pray. I didn’t know for sure that I was right, but I prayed to the Holy Spirit to guide us through the process of discerning the Truth. The Holy Spirit will lead you down the right path.

Best of luck. If you work through this together it will make your faith and your relationship much stronger.