What If We Don’t Want More Children?

[SusanneT]

Since sex is mostly for procreation but you are not “open” to getting pregnant…perhaps you should not have sex anymore?

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Yes isn’t it simple - if you don’t want more children you can either a) abstain, or b) if you are as a couple convinced you have good reason and justification to avoid pregnancy (which you can justify to your conscience) use NFP.

 

[Rachel126]

Since sex is mostly for procreation but you are not “open” to getting pregnant…perhaps you should not have sex anymore?

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This is not what the Church teaches. Reading advice like this on these forums is disappointing to me. Sex is both procreative and unitive for the couple. If the Church expected couples who didn’t want more children to be abstinent, the Church would say so, and it does not. There would be no need for NFP, if that were the case.

 

[SwizzleStick]

This is not what the Church teaches. Reading advice like this on these forums is disappointing to me. Sex is both procreative and unitive for the couple. If the Church expected couples who didn’t want more children to be abstinent, the Church would say so, and it does not. There would be no need for NFP, if that were the case.

I think that (quote below) was a little chain-yanking, actually.

Since sex is mostly for procreation but you are not “open” to getting pregnant…perhaps you should not have sex anymore?

 

[Rachel126]

I think that (quote below) was a little chain-yanking, actually.

Perhaps so. Perhaps I should, as they say, have my snark meter tuned?

 

[SwizzleStick]

Perhaps so. Perhaps I should, as they say, have my snark meter tuned?

I could be wrong, but that was my impression, considering posting history.

As far as the thread, spiritual counsel of a holy priest, combined with NFP seems the way to go.

 

[SusanneT]

This is not what the Church teaches. Reading advice like this on these forums is disappointing to me. Sex is both procreative and unitive for the couple. If the Church expected couples who didn’t want more children to be abstinent, the Church would say so, and it does not. There would be no need for NFP, if that were the case.

Whatever your view on the balance between the two, which must change over time (after all for a post menopausal couple the procreative element must be largely a matter of principle not practise) both are relevant and should play a part.

For a potentially fertile couple the procreative element is of course very real and immediate, for those who for whatever reason want to avoid conceiving the options are contraception (which is always a sin) or some element of abstinence. NFP is an alturnative to total abstinence allowing couples to continue to enjoy the unitative aspect whilst minimising the ‘risk’ of pregnancy - yes - but as such it does require good and serious reason and justification.

The debate can then rage in what those reasons can be. From the mear wish to wait a while , or a lifestyle issue at one end to serious medical risk at the other. I’ll keep out of that !!!

 

[Allegra]

I’m a happily married man with two beautiful kids. There’s something I’ve been personally wrestling with. I don’t have the desire whatsoever to have more kids. If we did decide to have more kids it will not be out of my own desire but purely out of obedience to God’s will (my heart will not be into it).

Is this a valid reason not to have more kids without sinning?

First, there are lots of valid reasons not to have more kids at any given time. That’s between you and your spouse, based on what is going on in your life right now. You can always change your mind later. The important thing is that you don’t sterilize yourself and you follow the Church teachings on sexuality. (Which it sounds like you get.) Also, if you had another child, I expect your heart would get into it pretty quickly, once that child arrived.

 

[Debora123]

I don’t understand why we should presume one way or another on this point. God calls different families to have all different sorts of family sizes. Some people are called to have huge families, others tiny ones. there is no set number at which you can start presuming you have fulfilled God’s will. Instead one should be reminded to seek out God’s will in the matter. They should understand Church teaching on the matter (which, by the way, does not claim that all families are supposed to have tons of kids), and then reminded to prayerfully discern for themselves what God wants of them. No presuming either direction.

 

[Debora123]

The Church does not give any sort of list concerning what particular “reasons” for postponing/avoiding children are “just” enough and which aren’t.

This issue is entirely between you, your spouse, and God. Despite the obvious bias for large families here on CAF, please remember that NO ONE HERE can answer your question regarding whether it would or would not be wrong of you personally to avoid. If you have prayed, thought about it, and talked to your wife about it… and it is still unclear to you, the next step would be to meet with your priest for some guidance.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[Blue_Horizon]

NFP is an alturnative to total abstinence allowing couples to continue to enjoy the unitative aspect whilst minimising the ‘risk’ of pregnancy - yes - but as such it does require good and serious reason and justification.

I would agree a serious reason is needed if the couple had no kids.
As the poster already has 2 kids, his heart is no longer in having more and he needs to work at better rearing the ones he has then, if his partner is OK with no more, then whence the need to get ye to a priest or agonise over conscience .

Of course if one’s own conscience is explicitly not at peace that is another matter.