What if you can't receive absolution?

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I know intellectually, that you are right and the church is quite clear about that. So objectively, it is true, it is a sin.
Furthermore, this thread proves that I know about it, which kind of makes things worse because I cannot claim I did not know. But in my heart of hearts, this is different. I love my wife and of course, there is also physical attraction. I just do not feel that there is something wrong with that, quite to the contrary.
 
There is nothing wrong with being physically attracted to your wife and it’s not sinful.

So, I guess I’m not understanding what the problem is.

Jim
 
Constantin said:
Thank you all! Sorry for coming up with the same stuff time and again on various threads.

Just venting.
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Hold on a second, @Constantin! There is a solution here!

(It took me a bit of searching through threads, since others hinted that you’d said various things in other threads, so…)

It seems that your wife is Christian and you’re Catholic. You were married civilly, since she wants nothing to do with the Catholic Church, and she will not consent to a marriage in the Church. Neither of you were previously married.

Is that correct?

If so, then the only thing you did was fail to talk to a priest prior to getting married. You know, don’t you, that in situations like yours, you can get a dispensation from marrying in a Catholic church building… right?

So, if you had gone that route, your marriage would be valid now, and you’d have access to the sacraments.

The Church realizes that, sometimes, these things happen. And, it realizes that some spouses don’t want anything to do with the Church, and that this is a hardship for the Catholic spouse.

So, the Church doesn’t say “well, you made your bed, so lie in it!” Rather, it provides a path through which you can return to the practice of your faith and reception of the sacraments. It’s called sanatio in radice (or “radical sanation”). This (simple) process is the means by which your bishop will (retroactively) declare your civil marriage valid and sacramental.

Talk to your pastor. Explain your situation, and ask whether he can help you make your marriage valid and sacramental. At the conclusion of the process, you will be able to return to the sacraments!
 
I knew back then that it was possible to get a dispensation from my bishop. Only this was not an option because she said I needed to convert prior to any marriage - even in her church. Also, I have heard about the sanation in radice . To me, it seems like a very legalistic approach. Also, I talked to 3 priests about this so far and nobody really seemed to recommend this.
 
Constantin said:
To me, it seems like a very legalistic approach.
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If you really want to return to the Church you will take whatever options are available. You don’t even have to give up marital relations by going that route. The denial of absolution is 100% correct.

It’s not just your own soul your endangering either. You’re also causing the woman you are supposed to lay down your life for to sin, or at least not preventing her from doing so.

I know it’s harsh, but I think necessary.
 
I am not responsible for my wife´s sins. Of course, I can explain what the Catholic´s church teaching is in that regard, but that´s about it. It´s not as if I wished for this to go that way. All this talk about harsh truths and necessities… I am tired of it. It´s not as if we were teens shacking up. We are adults, have children, are legally married almost five years and are in a stable relationship far longer. I do not want to be treated like a child.
 
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Constantin said:
I knew back then that it was possible to get a dispensation from my bishop. Only this was not an option because she said I needed to convert prior to any marriage - even in her church.
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Hmm… so, she demanded you convert away from Catholicism? And… you did? Or… you didn’t, and she married you anyway? I’m confused…
Constantin said:
Also, I have heard about the sanation in radice . To me, it seems like a very legalistic approach.
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If the bishop has the power to dispense with the requirement of form before the civil ceremony, and that’s valid… then why are you suggesting that he’s doesn’t have the power to do so following the ceremony? It’s the same thing, when you look at the effect.
Constantin said:
Also, I talked to 3 priests about this so far and nobody really seemed to recommend this.
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We may be getting to the point where this is TMI for an internet forum, but considering that radical sanation was made precisely for this sort of situation, I’m gobsmacked that three priests would have told you “meh.” It certainly sounds like you’re asserting that they said, “let’s avoid the simplest solution, and instead, recommend that you go for the incredibly-difficult-to-implement pastoral ‘solution’ of ‘living as brother and sister.’” Were these three priests in the FSSP, just out of curiosity…? 🤔
 
  1. I did not convert away from Catholicism, though I admit there was a time I considered that.
  2. Only one priest was from the FSSP. They all did not exactly say that radical sanation could not be an option, they were more like just not really pursuing this suggestion when I made it. All of them more stressed the importance of a common religious life as a family, even with differing denominations - so the pastoral aspect - than the formal approach via the sanatio in radice. The FSSP priest made it quite clear that I could not go to communion prior to confession and resolving the situation somehow.
 
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Constantin said:
All of them more stressed the importance of a common religious life as a family, even with differing denominations - so the pastoral aspect - than the formal approach via the sanatio in radice.
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So, I get that they wanted spiritual harmony in the household… but at the expense of your access to the sacraments? 😮

(I’m not sure I would call that a ‘pastoral’ approach… 😉 )

Anyway, if you talked to your pastor, and stressed your desire to return to the sacraments, and asked whether – given the situation – radical sanation was a possibility, I would think that he would be amenable. (This presumes, of course, that there are no other considerations present in your situation that you haven’t mentioned here which would make sanation impossible.)
 
PaladinSword said:
Divine mercy chaplet
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St. Faustina Divine Mercy Diary

I desire trust from My creatures. Encourage souls to place great trust in My fathomless mercy. Let the weak, sinful soul have no fear to approach Me, for even if it had more sins than there are grains of sand in the world, all would be drowned in the unmeasurable depths of My mercy. (1059)

Say unceasingly the chaplet that I have taught you. Whoever will recite it will receive great mercy at the hour of death. Priests will recommend it to sinners as their last hope of salvation. Even if there were a sinner most hardened, if he were to recite this chaplet only once, he would receive grace from My infinite mercy. I desire that the whole world know My infinite mercy. I desire to grant unimaginable graces to those souls who trust in My mercy. (687)
 
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PaladinSword said:
Also shoulder wound of Jesus.
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Prayer to the Shoulder Wound of Jesus

It is related in the annals of Clairvaux that St. Bernard asked Our Lord which was His greatest unrecorded suffering and Our Lord answered: “I had on My Shoulder, while I bore My Cross on the Way of Sorrows, a grievous Wound, which was more painful than the others and which is not recorded by men. Honor this Wound with thy devotion and I will grant thee whatsoever thou dost ask through Its virtue and merit. And in regard to all those who shall venerate this Wound, I will remit to them all their venial sins and will no longer remember their mortal sins.”

This revelation and promise of Our Dear Savior is another proof of His unlimited mercy. You are urged to say these prayers daily and to promulgate this prayer on a continuous basis, so that others may share in this blessing.

The Prayer

O Loving Jesus, meek Lamb of God, I a miserable sinner, salute and worship the most Sacred Wound of Thy Shoulder on which Thou didst bear Thy heavy Cross, which so tore Thy Flesh and laid bare Thy Bones as to inflict on Thee an anguish greater than any other Wound of Thy Most Blessed Body. I adore Thee, O Jesus most sorrowful; I praise and glorify Thee and give Thee thanks for this most sacred and painful Wound, beseeching Thee by that exceeding pain and by the crushing burden of Thy heavy Cross to be merciful to me, a sinner, to forgive me all my mortal and venial sins, and to lead me on towards Heaven along the Way of Thy Cross. Amen.

Imprimatur: Thomas D. Beven, Bishop of Springfield, Ma.

Pope Eugenius III, at the earnest request of St. Bernard, has granted three thousand years Indulgence to all who with a contrite heart, recite the Lord’s Prayer and Hail Mary 3 times, in honor of the Wound on the Shoulder of Our Blessed Redeemer.
http://brizek.com/prayer/pieta.htm#shwound
 
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Constantin said:
When going to confession, would you mention the fact that you didn’t receive absolution the last few times? Does it even make sense to consider to go? What can you do if you can’t start again with a clean slate? I feel like getting ever dirtier ( I know it sounds ridiculous). It seems as a Catholic, without confession, you have a serious problem. I feel going to mass becomes harder and I begin to drop Sunday mass sometimes. I mean, with everything I have on my record, one more Sunday doesn’t quite make a difference, right? I know that is not a useful way thinking about it, but still…Why should I care about one more sin? This begins to affect other aspects of my life, too - not only Sunday obligation. What can I do?
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Sr. Josefa Menendez (1890-1923) -Jesus’ Message to the World of His Mercy for All

“I would like these [those living with sin] to understand that it is not the fact of being in sin that ought to keep them from Me. They must never think that there is no remedy for them, nor that they have forfeited for ever the love that once was theirs… No, poor souls, the God who has shed all His Blood for you has no such feelings for you!”

“It is My intention also, to show souls that I never refuse grace, even to those who are guilty of grave sin; nor do I separate them from the good souls whom I love with predilection. I keep them all in My Heart, that all may receive the help needed for their state of soul.” -Jesus to Sr. Josefa Menendez

 
Constantin, your priests of course are first going to ask you to try to do things with your wife onboard, the “pastoral aspect” as you called it. If you absolutely can not go that route, if she will not agree, if you are certain you can not convince her and it would harm your marriage to try any further, what is stopping you from pursuing radical sanation if it is indeed an option? What do you have to lose? Why are you not trying?

This is an answer that allows you to come back into full communion with the Church AND you will still be with your wife and family. Some people are not as lucky as you are to have this option. I don’t understand what is holding you back.
 
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The point is to make daily progress(St. John of the Cross). Create obstacles for
yourself in the buildup of the sin. Be determined that this new day will be an improvement from the last. Don’t allow the spirit to say to the Lord, “He’s getting worse, he’s mine”. I believe that with progress God will allow small tokens of graces to be returned, but one needs to work with him.

Just a thought. Do you pray every day? The daily Rosary is the enemy of the spirits and puts them in anguish at it’s recital. It could be the need of a prayer life is what makes it so intense for you. Also from the Chaplet of Mercy which is an excellent daily prayer, in the final words of our Lord, we find Him answering your concerns.
Code: 
            Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury
            of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase
            Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor
            become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to
            Your Holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.
Like in the movie Oh God! with George Burns, someone on the sidewalk holding a sign “Think God” is good advice. I would add “Daily”.
 
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Nor do I which is why my last post was harsh.

OP you have an option, it’s not that you can’t return to the Church it’s that you don’t want to take the necessary action to do so.

I would be a lot more sympathetic if radical sanction was not an option.
 
Catherinabird said:
I don’t understand what is holding you back.
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It sounds like he knows he broke canon law, but is too proud to accept the consequences, which inlcudes a canonical rectification. It is “too legalistic”, which is a way of saying “I should never have been subjected to that Church law in the beginning,and I should not have to follow the canonical law to correct the situation.”
 
No. “Legalistic” means that I don’t believe that a problem which is at its core a spiritual one can be resolved by a piece of paper. Regarding breaking canon law: I just fear one judge and I don’t think HE will quote canon law in this specific trial.
 
I would rethink that…sounds like pride to me.

God guides our church and gave us the rules and exceptions to help us not harm us.

Or maybe you have some trust issues with God?..
 
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