Ah, so it is MY FAULT again… but this time I am too impatient? Guess what buddy… those 4-5 days are actually 4-5 DECADES - I am over 65 years old…

What will be the next excuse? That I am not serious enough? That I am just deceiving myself, and I don’t “really” want that revelation? Or that the revelation is in front of my eyes, but I stubbornly close my eyes to it?
The excuses are endless… and here is a nice, tongue-in-cheek, “sort of true” story for your edification:
Read this and weep
Yes, it’s your fault, many times over…since walking away from God & that congregation of believers, with sincere pastor, back in your formative years. Your confirmation/formation in Christ, either didn’t occur, or was rejected/impeded by you, since you now tell us you never perceived Enlightenment/Revelation, by God’s HS within your mind/heart.
Also, today being 1st day of Holy Season, Lent, …let me suggest you ‘give up’ reading the Onion, …the Skeptic’s news-source/entertainment venue. It will only impede your journey back to your Creator/Father. And, as a thing to do, during Lent, spend your free time reading / having helpful dialogue@ CAF, where we don’t major in skepticism, only the Truth !
If, you had valid Baptism back then, you can rightly understand your predicament as redeemed, but currently a prodigal, wayward son…in need of recovery, and proper Confirmation, which completes our water baptisms, confirming us with the Paraclete, the Counselor, the abiding HS of Christ within.