What is a valid reason for missing Mass?

[rwillenborg]

You just do it.

And maybe that’s what it comes down to. Less thinking, more doing. Less worrying, more doing. I can only be in one place at a time, right?

Thanks! And have a blessed day!

 

[Corki]

Well, my husband doesn’t want the kids baptized and we were not married in the church. I was baptized as a baby, went to first communion and there was no more church after that. It’s only recently that I have rediscovered the Catholic faith and am working my way back into it.
Again, though, how would you balance these priorities? When the kids wake up crying because they’re cold, I don’t know how I could feel that I did them any favors in that instance either.
Believe it or not, I really am looking for an excuse TO go to Mass! It’s just, I have people on all sides, husband and family included who are telling me that I am crazy for putting Mass ahead of things like providing a warm environment for the kids, and I’m feeling very torn.
Thank you, and I was able to talk to the priest a few minutes before Mass today, and he heard my confession, and everything was fine, but again, I am torn as to how to behave if these future circumstances arise again.
How can I look a friend in the face and say ‘I have to go to Mass right now’ when she so clearly needs me helping her? I just struggle with this sort of stuff. Thanks for listening.

You may be making this a bit harder for yourself than you have to. Two year olds, Baptized or not, don’t have an obligation to attend Mass with you, nor do you have an obligation to take them even though you have an obligation to go yourself. As soon as they can understand what is going on at Mass, it is certainly good for them, of course, but you can ease into their going.

What about leaving the “crabby” kids home with your husband? At two, kids are learning how to control thier environment. It isn’t a good precedent for them to learn that if they act up when they see you getting ready for Church, you will just stay home with them.

Also, since you aren’t yet confirmed and are in an irregular marriage, there are probably classes for you to attend. Many of these “balance” issues will be much clearer once you bring your catechesis up-to-date. Welcome back.

 

[JRKH]

I’ve read the catechism on this subject, but when it comes to applying it to very specific situations, it gets confusing for me.

Simple. Make every effort to get to mass on Sunday. If for any reason you cannot, confess the lapse and the reason. Also, in addition to confession, I recommend getting to a mass during the week if possible.
Any answers given below are just my opinion and should be run by your confessor,

For example, the furnace went out in our house yesterday. The house is currently at 58 degrees. Someone can come out today to fix it, but he said it would be between 10 and 2 that he would be out here, so I will be sitting around today waiting for him. The only Masses within an hour of here are 10, noon, and 2. Is waiting for a furnace repair man a valid reason to miss Mass?

I would say this is a legitimate reason.

The other weekend, we were painting the kids’ bedroom. My mother had the kids for the weekend (I have twin two year olds). I was worried we wouldn’t get it finished in time for their return on Sunday afternoon, so we kept on painting rather than go to Mass. Was that a valid reason?

I would say no this is not a valid reason.

For New Year’s Day, I assumed there would be a 7 pm Mass, as there is on all of the other Holy Days. Around 6 pm, I started to think ‘Uh, since everyone had today off today, what if they moved the Mass to the morning?’ I checked the website and indeed Mass had been at 9 in the morning. Had I been a little more on the ball, I wouldn’t have missed. Was that a valid reason for missing Mass?

I little trickier. Your plan here was to attend mass, but because you failed to plan, your plan failed. Your failure to properly plan is something you need to avoid in the future.

Some days my kids are just plain crabby, usually due to lack of sleep. I’m a little crabby on those days, too. The idea of taking my crabby children to Mass is terrible, so on those days, I just stay home. Is that a valid reason?

Depends on what you mean by crabby, or whether there are others who could watch your kids etc. As a rule I’d say not a valid reason, but run this one by your confessor.

I’m not looking for excuses to miss Mass, by the way. I love love love Mass. But, it’s also hard for me to get to confession (all the confessions are on Saturday at 3, the line is an hour long, and of course I’ve got the twins with me, and it’s really difficult to maintain a reverent environment while trying to contain the kids) and of course if I miss Mass and don’t make it to confession, that means no Eucharist, so, unfortunately, MOST of the time when I go to Mass, I don’t take communion and I really would like to (not to mention not living in mortal sin would be nice, too )
Anyway, I just don’t want to be overly scrupulous in this matter so some charitable advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

Your lucky to live in a parish that has lines for confession. Ours does not.
If you have trouble doing confession at the usual times, call the parish and arriange a private confession. This way you can take your time and talk things out with your confessor.

Peace
James

 

[samovila]

I’m glad you posted this. I have a two-year-old and a one-year-old and life is hectic. Life doesn’t stop for mass on Sundays. We are Saturday evening church goers and lately the kids’ nap schedule often conflicts with mass times. Sometimes my husband stays home while they nap and I go to mass and then he goes the next day. My mom has given me a guilt trip recently about not making church a priority for the kiddos, but I can’t justify waking them to take them to mass because at this age they would be an absolute mess without their nap.

When deciding to miss mass I take it case by case… for a furnace repair in the middle of winter I would definitely miss mass. It could be a threat to my family’s health to delay repairing the furnace. For crabby kids, we go as a family and just brace ourselves to deal with behavior once we get there. I don’t want to set the precedent that if they act badly enough they get out of going to mass. If the kids finally go down for their nap at 5 p.m. and mass starts at 5:30, DH and I take turns staying home with them so the other can go to mass. Like I wrote above, at their age an afternoon nap is not optional. If I were painting a room and realized that I wouldn’t finish in time for mass, I would probably stop early and finish the project another time.

Also for what it’s worth, a couple of years ago I confessed that I missed mass because as I was heading out the door a friend popped in for a surprise visit. The priest said that it wasn’t a sin because it wasn’t my fault. My own conscience led me to confess that, but I’ll take his word for it. You have to deliberately decide to skip mass in order for it to be a mortal sin, right? I suppose if you made it out to the car and it wouldn’t start and you miss mass, it’s not your fault that you couldn’t get there. I would reason that a broken furnace falls into the same category. As does a baby who has a poop explosion just as you’re ready to head out the door to mass (yeah, it’s happened to me).

You’re also not alone in it being difficult to make it to confession. Those same kiddos that make it difficult to get to mass also prevent me from going to the regularly scheduled confession at my church. When I’m not sure whether or not something I did such as missing mass was a mortal sin, I still avoid communion just in case. My priest has been more than happy to allow me to do a quick confession right after mass for the sake of convenience so at least I’m in good shape for communion the following week.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

No. I also don’t think it would be okay to tell him that I missed Mass because my children were crabby, or because the furnace broke, or because I’m a flake and didn’t realize Mass was at a different time. However, these are things that do happen, so I guess I’m just wondering from people here on this board, if your kids are acting up, do you skip Mass? I don’t like to miss Mass, but then again, I don’t like spending the entirety of Mass scolding my children. If you were waiting for a furnace repairman would you skip Mass, or just have everyone sleep in a chilly house that night and have him come out the next day (honestly, I worry more about the kids’ room than ours. Those two spin in their sleep and never keep blankets on!!)? And, regarding the painting - my mother only grudgingly watches the kids. If she dropped them off and saw the room WASN’T finished, she would have flipped, and she wouldn’t watch the kids again until the room was finished.
None of these are particularly stellar reasons for missing Mass, and, again, I enjoy Mass. But, I guess what I wonder is missing Mass for these reasons still a mortal sin?

Mass is more important to me than anything. I would not skip Mass because crabby children. I would not skip Mass because of painting. Those things are not emergencies, you can plan around Mass time for painting. I plan bedtimes and meal schedules around Mass times to be sure my kids were as least likely to be crabby as possible (they are teens now).

The furnance was an emergency, not something you can plan around. However, one night in a cold house won’t kill them (bundle up in sweats over jammies and have them all sleep in one bed in the warmest room!)

Reading further, I see that you are returning to the Church after a time away. It is hard to change priorities, especially when not everyone around you is on the same page. But being in consistant just makes it harder. Your kids, your hubby, and you mom (and everyone else) will react better if you set your schedule around Mass (the same Mass time) each Sunday. I always found an early Mass time easier, but whatever schedule you decide on stick with it! Your kids will become accustomed to getting up, your husband will figure out that breakfast/brunch/lunch will be at X time, etc.

The same with confession. If you can get into a habit of going every month say, than you can maybe trade off babysitting with a friend for that time so that you don’t have to take the kids. Once you get into the habit, you won’t find yourself constantly in mortal sin either!

You don’t have to have a mystical experience at every Mass or ‘enjoy’ yourself. You just have to be there. The graces we receive from simply being there (even if a bit harried) are what sustain us through to the next week. The moment of consecration is a miracle, but we are not always privilaged to ‘see’ it. However, if you aren’t there every week, you may never have that joy!

I will be praying for you!

 

[kage_ar]

So, if it were you, you would just reschedule the furnace repairman for the following day and hope the kids didn’t get too cold in the night?

I’d stop at Wal Mart and pick up a $20 space heater for the kids room or put them in bed with me for the night.

Crabby kids? You and spouse take turns - one goes to Mass on Sat PM and the other on Sunday morning, or you alternate weeks (one goes sans kids this week, the other goes sans kids the next week). Kids under age 7 do not have an obligation to attend Mass, they are considered infants by the Church until age 7 and caring for infants is a valid reason to miss mass.

 

[JRKH]

Well as you can see from the variety of replies it can be tricky trying to determine what could be considered a valid reason to miss mass. Every family and every circumstance is unique.
Best thing is to:
a) Try REALLY hard not to miss mass and
b) if you do, for any reason, say an act of contrition and run it by your confessor as soon as you can.

Peace
James