I recently heard a priest use the following analogy that was not exactly defining lust but trying to help one see the line between permissible attraction and lust.
If we see what we consider a beautiful object, such as a car (or piece of art or something), it is ok to notice it and even ok to examine it closely, this is all ok so long as we are aware it isn’t ours and we don’t act like it is. When we take (i.e. steal) the car that is a problem because it is not ours but we are acting as if it is.
I’m not sure I think this advice is very good. One of the reasons lust is wrong is because it objectifies a person, likens them to an object. I don’t think that comparing looking at a woman with looking at a car is a very good analogy to use. People are a lot more than “pieces of art” put on the earth for the viewing pleasure of others.
Certainly it is ok to notice the beauty or attractiveness of someone, especially if you are a single person looking to find a spouse. Attraction exists because God wanted it to encourage us to find a spouse and be a part of bringing new life into the world. Attraction does not exist so we can go around “checking” people out for pleasure whether our intentions are pure or not, or whether we take it any further or not. If we respect others the way God wants us to, we should be striving to look at them as a people, made in the image and likeness of God, a combination or spirit and soul, not looking at them like a piece of art or a car.
It is one thing to say “it is ok to notice it” but I don’t agree with the “to examine it closely”. I am a married woman and the only man I want “examining” me closely is my huband. Also, if my husband said he was staring at another woman in a pure way to “examine” her God given beauty closely, I wouldn’t be too happy about it.
I think the freedom a single person has to “look” around(in a pure way) is greater than that of a married person. Still, I don’t think a pure single girl would think it suitable for a single man to “examine” her closely, especially if we are talking about anything other than the face. Perhaps this isn’t so much about right or wrong as it is about respect.
I once had a friend who said she wanted to find a shirt that had eyes on the chest so that for once in her life men would be looking in her eyes when they talked to her(she was of course joking). All of us, women included, want to be noticed, loved and respected for something other than our physical “beauty”. After all we all get old and looks don’t stick around.
Lastly, “What is beautiful?” or “Why do I consider this or that to be beautiful?” In the middle ages women who were heavy were considered to be the most attractive. Today, women with large breasts and skinny bodies are considered the most beautiful. What our minds consider to be beautiful is in part conditioned by the advertising ext… around us.
If the purpose of attraction is to find a good spouse then I think it is very important not to be too concerned or attracted to purely physical beauty. How often do people marry someone because of their looks only to find they married someone vain or unkind.
The true beauty of the human person lies within not without. If we are caught up in “examining” the outer beauty of a person, there is a great danger we will never acknowlegde their inner beauty and value.
I’m not trying to deny that there are people in the world who are blessed with great looks or that it isn’t natural or even right to be attracted by good looks. It’s just that beauty and good looks aren’t the same thing. I think getting to know someone, respecting them and loving them is the only way of truly and purely “examining” someone’s beauty.
