What is "my league"?

[whatevergirl]

*I recommend for a woman who finds a man who is threatened by her financial success, to keep looking for a different man. Many women and men are getting married later and later…there are many women out there who have successful careers going before meeting potential spouses, and just might make as much or more than many men. A man who loves the woman he is considering marrying, will be happy and supportive of this–and of course, discussions around who will stay at home with the kids should and will come up. But, if a man truly loves his wife, he will be enthusiastic about her success–on any level…financially, or otherwise. *

 

[chevalier]

As long as my future Mrs isn’t a better lawyer than I, she can earn more for all I care!

 

[flyingfish]

As long as my future Mrs isn’t a better lawyer than I, she can earn more for all I care!

I’m not sure if you’re being serious, but why would it bother you if she were a better lawyer?

 

[dulcissima]

I think that there really probably are “leagues” in reality. No they are not impenetrable, but people tend to do best sticking to their own league. If you are interested in women in a league that you think is above your present one, then you probably need to give sufficient attention to your grooming habits, work out, make sure that you are not only well educated but also well read and with an appreciation for cultural and social activities that are in line with that league.

Women who bother with their appearance aren’t interested in men who can’t be bothered. Women who deal with educated and interesting men all day, aren’t going to want to spend their evening hours with someone who grunts or who makes ignorant comments. That’s not only reality, but that also makes some sense, yes?

I have never had any income requirements or any such thing, but why would a woman be drawn to someone who either shares no common interests nor has anything new and interesting to bring to the table?

To put it in a way that people on this forum might understand…why would a Catholic woman be interested in an atheist? Wouldn’t it be lonely to have such large portions of yourself that you would not be able to share?

 

[whatevergirl]

I think that there really probably are “leagues” in reality. No they are not impenetrable, but people tend to do best sticking to their own league. If you are interested in women in a league that you think is above your present one, then you probably need to give sufficient attention to your grooming habits, work out, make sure that you are not only well educated but also well read and with an appreciation for cultural and social activities that are in line with that league.

Women who bother with their appearance aren’t interested in men who can’t be bothered. Women who deal with educated and interesting men all day, aren’t going to want to spend their evening hours with someone who grunts or who makes ignorant comments. That’s not only reality, but that also makes some sense, yes?

I have never had any income requirements or any such thing, but why would a woman be drawn to someone who either shares no common interests nor has anything new and interesting to bring to the table?

To put it in a way that people on this forum might understand…why would a Catholic woman be interested in an atheist? Wouldn’t it be lonely to have such large portions of yourself that you would not be able to share?

Great post. I suppose instead of saying the phrase ‘‘out of my league’’ one should have “reasonable expectations.”

 

[Jay82]

I think that there really probably are “leagues” in reality. No they are not impenetrable, but people tend to do best sticking to their own league. If you are interested in women in a league that you think is above your present one, then you probably need to give sufficient attention to your grooming habits, work out, make sure that you are not only well educated but also well read and with an appreciation for cultural and social activities that are in line with that league.

Women who bother with their appearance aren’t interested in men who can’t be bothered. Women who deal with educated and interesting men all day, aren’t going to want to spend their evening hours with someone who grunts or who makes ignorant comments. That’s not only reality, but that also makes some sense, yes?

I have never had any income requirements or any such thing, but why would a woman be drawn to someone who either shares no common interests nor has anything new and interesting to bring to the table?

To put it in a way that people on this forum might understand…why would a Catholic woman be interested in an atheist? Wouldn’t it be lonely to have such large portions of yourself that you would not be able to share?

Yes… very good post.

I also think there are ‘leagues’ for lack of a better term. I would define the term more so as someone who is relatively like yourself give or take a bit. That isn’t to say you are stuck within certain ‘range’ of people or potential husband/wives, but to date someone who you perceive as above you, you need to make extra effort such as dulcissma stated. I’ve seen it done a few times from both the male/female side, but generally speaking most people will eventually marry someone of relatively equal looks, social class, education level, values, etc.

I think friendships go the same way. Most people don’t make friends with someone way above or below their social class or with someone who has a totally different set of values.

 

[flyingfish]

Yes… very good post.

I also think there are ‘leagues’ for lack of a better term. I would define the term more so as someone who is relatively like yourself give or take a bit. That isn’t to say you are stuck within certain ‘range’ of people or potential husband/wives, but to date someone who you perceive as above you, you need to make extra effort such as dulcissma stated. I’ve seen it done a few times from both the male/female side, but generally speaking most people will eventually marry someone of relatively equal looks, social class, education level, values, etc.

I think friendships go the same way. Most people don’t make friends with someone way above or below their social class or with someone who has a totally different set of values.

Yeah, and sometimes you just have to realize that if you’re have average looks, make an average income, are of average intelligence and so on that you are better off not wasting your time trying to marry supermodels, millionaires, nobel prize winners and the like.

Those people are so highly desirable that they will be able to have anyone they want, it’s very unlikely that they will choose someone average.

 

[chevalier]

I think friendships go the same way. Most people don’t make friends with someone way above or below their social class or with someone who has a totally different set of values.

Yes, though some people are exceptions. Some men have a knack for pulling a woman out of nowhere and bringing her home. Myself, I had a history with foreigners for a while.

I’m not sure if you’re being serious, but why would it bother you if she were a better lawyer?

Because I’m alpha! :takeoff:

 

[Jay82]

Yes, though some people are exceptions. Some men have a knack for pulling a woman out of nowhere and bringing her home. Myself, I had a history with foreigners for a while.

Agreed. I have a guy friend that many would consider of slightly above average looks, with a decent job…but he has the knack for basically getting any girl he wants. It may not work out, but he’ll always get the date(s).

 

[chevalier]

Agreed. I have a guy friend that many would consider of slightly above average looks, with a decent job…but he has the knack for basically getting any girl he wants. It may not work out, but he’ll always get the date(s).

Ah, I see! Well, I more like have the talent to find an exotic or unusual specimen somewhere. In my last law firm and the one before, they believed I could get anything done in the court as long as the staff were female but the truth is I don’t get that much luck when actually asking someone out. I typically get them fascinated in the actor/politician kind of way. As much as they would consider me attractive or develop a soft spot for me, they wouldn’t want to be personally involved with me that kind of way (in the end or outright)…

 

[jc-servant]

How frequently does this happen to you? Does it happen more often with religious or secular men? Do men of an equal status to yourself also react this way, or only men of lower status than you?

Professional men have the bad reaction less frequently but they still do it on occasion. In fact, I find a signiifcant number of male attorneys have some low self-esteem that makes them hostile to female attorneys. Well-meaning friends have tried to do a “fix up” with a male attorney thinking that would balance things out and the men have gone into competitive mode asking things about my life and career and then trying to one up me. If they had only bothered to get to know me they would realize I don’t care how much someone makes or what type of vehicle they drive, etc. I’ve known some wonderful men who drove very humble vehicles because their priorities were not focused on the flash.

The men I’ve found were most affirming and not intimidated or upset by what I do are in law enforcement or the military whether they had a college degree or not. My personal theory is that those career fields attract super alpha males who are very comfortable with their abilitites and who they are so they feel “equal” to being the partner of a woman with good looks, good career, etc. I actually had a boyfriend who told me that I was the first woman he had ever dated who seemed to be his intellectual peer which I took as a huge compliment because I felt he was brilliant. (I still think he was being very generous about it.)

I have not had as much opportunity to meet new Catholic men in person (where I’m certain they are faithful Catholics) except through my parish and they generally have gotten to know me before they find out my job, so I think there is less knee jerk shock. Frequently, people will tell me that they could not have guessed what I do based on meeting me outside of work, so I don’t think that I’m simply an intimidating or snobby person in general. It seems to be the actual knowledge about my job. I tried Ave Maria Singles and another Catholic site with no luck. It might have been that I was over 35, but I also had to list my job which can run off people looking for a stay-at-home mother.

 

[cthulhubryan]

I believe that there are more men who think about this league business than women. I know many beautiful and successful women who are unable to get a date regardless of the looks or successfulness of the men. It is the men who freak out when they compare their success or educational level or car against these women. There was a great article on this a few years back and the women in this category were called SWANS (successful women and no spouse). I’ve had men who were very interested, trying to buy me a drink, etc and then after they asked what I do for a living, they visibly had a negative reaction and excused themselves. I know that all men are not this way but some seem to take the competition with other men and apply it to women also. They are fine so long as I’m just a woman they find physically attractive, but once they realize that I might have a job they find more prestigious than their own or better “toys” it kills their attraction. I’ve tried simply saying that I work for “the government” but most men seem determined to find out the specifics and they will just keep digging.

Umm, you’re not an assassin, a nun or a game show host are you?

 

[chevalier]

In fact, I find a signiifcant number of male attorneys have some low self-esteem that makes them hostile to female attorneys.

That’s kinda stupid because it takes one to put up with one.

 

[flyingfish]

Professional men have the bad reaction less frequently but they still do it on occasion. In fact, I find a signiifcant number of male attorneys have some low self-esteem that makes them hostile to female attorneys. Well-meaning friends have tried to do a “fix up” with a male attorney thinking that would balance things out and the men have gone into competitive mode asking things about my life and career and then trying to one up me. If they had only bothered to get to know me they would realize I don’t care how much someone makes or what type of vehicle they drive, etc. I’ve known some wonderful men who drove very humble vehicles because their priorities were not focused on the flash.

The men I’ve found were most affirming and not intimidated or upset by what I do are in law enforcement or the military whether they had a college degree or not. My personal theory is that those career fields attract super alpha males who are very comfortable with their abilitites and who they are so they feel “equal” to being the partner of a woman with good looks, good career, etc. I actually had a boyfriend who told me that I was the first woman he had ever dated who seemed to be his intellectual peer which I took as a huge compliment because I felt he was brilliant. (I still think he was being very generous about it.)

I have not had as much opportunity to meet new Catholic men in person (where I’m certain they are faithful Catholics) except through my parish and they generally have gotten to know me before they find out my job, so I think there is less knee jerk shock. Frequently, people will tell me that they could not have guessed what I do based on meeting me outside of work, so I don’t think that I’m simply an intimidating or snobby person in general. It seems to be the actual knowledge about my job. I tried Ave Maria Singles and another Catholic site with no luck. It might have been that I was over 35, but I also had to list my job which can run off people looking for a stay-at-home mother.

That’s really interesting. I am in my 20’s, and I have the impression that men not only don’t mind successful women, they prefer them. I don’t know if it’s because I am younger and my male peers didn’t grow up in as sexist a world as yours, because I live in a very liberal place where most men I meet are secular, or because men my age aren’t seeking marriage and so aren’t revealing their desires for a housewife inferior to themselves.

Interesting what you say about military and law enforcement men as well. I don’t know any men like that, and would have assumed that the alpha males would be more likely to be sexist. It’s nice to hear that it’s not true, I must say the idea of a guy like that is very attractive

 

[jc-servant]

That’s really interesting. I am in my 20’s, and I have the impression that men not only don’t mind successful women, they prefer them. I don’t know if it’s because I am younger and my male peers didn’t grow up in as sexist a world as yours, because I live in a very liberal place where most men I meet are secular, or because men my age aren’t seeking marriage and so aren’t revealing their desires for a housewife inferior to themselves.

Interesting what you say about military and law enforcement men as well. I don’t know any men like that, and would have assumed that the alpha males would be more likely to be sexist. It’s nice to hear that it’s not true, I must say the idea of a guy like that is very attractive

I find that the younger men don’t seem to mind successful women as much. They were raised by baby boomer mothers for the most part, so they had numerous examples of women in successful careers, etc. The men under 30 seem to expect a partnership with their wives contributing more to the relationship than being decorative until the babies start to arrive and then staying at home with the children. In fact, the men who have approached me since I began my legal career have tended to be younger versus my age or older. At my age I might have a better chance of an Ashton/Demi marriage than one with someone my own age.

 

[Kindness]

At my age I might have a better chance of an Ashton/Demi marriage than one with someone my own age.

Sometimes we all have to make sacrifices jc servant .

 

[jc-servant]

That’s kinda stupid because it takes one to put up with one.

I do have some classmates who are still married with both legal careers flourishing after many years. I don’t know how many of them have the wife with the more successful career, but those guys are not likely to care. They saw a good woman while we were still in school and snapped her up. In each case, the man was brilliant and he chose his “equal” intellectually. A couple of them also “married up” in the looks department.

One would think that any reasonably smart guy would love to find a woman who looks like a beauty queen (or is a former beauty queen), has brains, brings home a good chunk of bacon (so the pressure is not all on him) and wants to have his babies, but some guys apparently find a high school grad who wants them for their wallet the more appealing choice. I’ve watched some otherwise really smart attorneys go that route and a couple of divorces later they have yet to learn the lesson.

I wish that you had gone to my law school. You seem like the kind of guy who I could have introduced to any number of wonderful women who would have appreciated meeting a man of faith.