What is the Catholic church opinion on dating a non religious girl?

[goku15]

I am dating this girl in my school, but she is not religious. We am going to a Catholic school so that means is isn’t completely against religion. Is the Catholic church ok with this? I am only 16 so the chances of my marring this girl is really low, but I think this is a good thing to know for my future dating life.

 

[devoutchristian]

You can date her, although this may or may not be prudent.

 

[goku15]

Ok well does the Catholic church say it is ok to marry a non religious girl?

 

[kisper]

Do you really want to date, much less marry someone that isn’t concerned about the salvation of her soul from the eternal fires of hell?

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Ok well does the Catholic church say it is ok to marry a non religious girl?

The church permits it but still advises against it. There are good reasons for that.

 

[wanabesaint]

By your example you will bring her to the Catholic faith, bless you.

 

[MJCamp]

Pray for her. Pray the rosary. Set an example for her. She may decide later to become religious. We are all God’s children and people can change

 

[MJCamp]

Pray for her. Pray the rosary. Set an example for her. She may decide later to become religious. We are all God’s children and people can change

 

[1ke]

I am dating this girl in my school, but she is not religious. We am going to a Catholic school so that means is isn’t completely against religion. Is the Catholic church ok with this? I am only 16 so the chances of my marring this girl is really low, but I think this is a good thing to know for my future dating life.

The Church has serious reservations about mixed marriage. In fact, it is prohibited unless special permission is received from the bishop.

Why is it you seek to date non-believers?

Dating is for the purpose of discerning a spouse. At 16 are you ready to do that? No. Then, why date?

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

the chances of my marring this girl is really low

Then what do you hope to gain by dating her?

The purpose of dating is to discern marriage. The point that you discover a person is not “marriage material” is the point that you stop dating that person.

If you are too young to be considering marriage, then you probably shouldn’t be dating. Dating without considering marriage is likely to be either completely focused on, or heavily tempting re: sexual activity. There is a lot more to protecting your heart, and your soul than just “staying a virgin” and dating for romantic pleasure with no end-goal makes it very difficult.

So when you are ready to date, consider this, when you date, you might fall in love. Even if that person isn’t great “marriage material” you still might fall in love. If you fall in love, you might get married. If you get married, you’ll probably have kids. If you have kids, you’ll want to teach them your faith in a way that is best for their souls. Marrying a person who is of a different religion (and even within your religion, who doesn’t support your faith) can be a cause of terrible heartache, both for your own relationship, and for the difficulty you will have in raising your children the way you believe is best. This is why marriage to a non-Catholic is not allowed without special permission. For that matter, think of the heartache you might feel if you just have to break up with someone that you are in love with, because you realize that you are too different to be married? So if you know you probably shouldn’t be marrying a person, if you know that a relationship SHOULD lead to a break up, why put yourself into a relationship where you may fall in love with them? Why start it in the first place?

My advice is that you will save yourself a lot of heartache, if you date people who share your faith. When you are ready to date and consider marriage.

 

[goku15]

Thanks everyone for the help.

@ThyKingdomCome I am not saying she isn’t marriage material or I will not marry her, its just that since we are both young and when most people date when they are young chances are they don’t end up marring each other. She also isn’t against religion, so if I do marry her and have kids I am sure she wouldn’t be ageist the being raised Catholic she so going to a Catholic school after all.

@1ke I don’t seek non-believers I just started talking to this girl and after I talked to for for a while I started to like her. I didn’t know she wasn’t Catholic until later.

I am hoping if the relationship progresses she will become Catholic, but I don’t know if she will or not so I just wanted to make sure the church was ok with it.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Thanks everyone for the help.

@ThyKingdomCome I am not saying she isn’t marriage material or I will not marry her, its just that since we are both young and when most people date when they are young chances are they don’t end up marring each other. She also isn’t against religion, so if I do marry her and have kids I am sure she wouldn’t be ageist the being raised Catholic she so going to a Catholic school after all.

I wouldn’t be so sure about that. It’s one thing to not “be against” religion, and quite another to agree to completely give up your own role in teaching your children what they should believe about life’s big questions. The thing is, it is hard to picture how difficult giving that up will be until you actually have children. Even non-married adults often have a hard time believing that they will feel strongly about the faith of their future children. Of course, people her and your ages will have an even harder time putting yourself that far into the future.

I am hoping if the relationship progresses she will become Catholic, but I don’t know if she will or not so I just wanted to make sure the church was ok with it.

Something to consider is that since she goes to a Catholic school, she has been exposed to Catholicism for a significant amount of time already. I would be very cautious about hoping or expecting that she would NOW start considering conversion if she hasn’t yet starting thinking about it.

I don’t know if “I am hoping if the relationship progresses, she will become Catholic” is the answer to my question “what do you hope to gain from dating her?”, but I think most people who have dated someone with the hopes that that person would change, have ended up with heartache. You can’t date someone so they will become interested in the Church. And at 16, you aren’t dating to find a wife. What is left is dating to indulge the romantic feelings you have for each other - which frankly, can be a very risky scheme, when it comes to protecting your and her purity. Romantic feelings lead people to have physical attraction. Physical attraction leads people to have physical intimacy. This leads in one direction, and that direction is good and holy IF you are married. Indulging romantic feelings and physical attraction by dating is not a good idea when you are too young to be ready for marriage.

The answer to your basic question is this: The church foes not forbid dating or marrying outside of your faith. But it discourages it. Furthermore, of the adults who have been there done that, and the ones who have had many of the life experiences that are still ahead of you in this whole dating-marriage-having children thing - well the vast majority of us strongly discourage it also. To be honest, at your age and stage, it is less important to ask if you can date this girl because of her faith, and more important for you to ask if you should be dating at all. I know it is hard to hear this sort of answer from your perspective. But try to give our perspectives some thought and prayer.

 

[goku15]

I wouldn’t be so sure about that. It’s one thing to not “be against” religion, and quite another to agree to completely give up your own role in teaching your children what they should believe about life’s big questions. The thing is, it is hard to picture how difficult giving that up will be until you actually have children. Even non-married adults often have a hard time believing that they will feel strongly about the faith of their future children. Of course, people her and your ages will have an even harder time putting yourself that far into the future.

Something to consider is that since she goes to a Catholic school, she has been exposed to Catholicism for a significant amount of time already. I would be very cautious about hoping or expecting that she would NOW start considering conversion if she hasn’t yet starting thinking about it.

I don’t know if “I am hoping if the relationship progresses, she will become Catholic” is the answer to my question “what do you hope to gain from dating her?”, but I think most people who have dated someone with the hopes that that person would change, have ended up with heartache. You can’t date someone so they will become interested in the Church. And at 16, you aren’t dating to find a wife. What is left is dating to indulge the romantic feelings you have for each other - which frankly, can be a very risky scheme, when it comes to protecting your and her purity. Romantic feelings lead people to have physical attraction. Physical attraction leads people to have physical intimacy. This leads in one direction, and that direction is good and holy IF you are married. Indulging romantic feelings and physical attraction by dating is not a good idea when you are too young to be ready for marriage.

The answer to your basic question is this: The church foes not forbid dating or marrying outside of your faith. But it discourages it. Furthermore, of the adults who have been there done that, and the ones who have had many of the life experiences that are still ahead of you in this whole dating-marriage-having children thing - well the vast majority of us strongly discourage it also. To be honest, at your age and stage, it is less important to ask if you can date this girl because of her faith, and more important for you to ask if you should be dating at all. I know it is hard to hear this sort of answer from your perspective. But try to give our perspectives some thought and prayer.

First sorry it took me awhile to reply. Second I wanted to date her because she is everything I want in a girl (except for no being catholic of course) and if I didn’t date her I will always think what if. Also lets say we get married before you get married (where I live at least) we have to talk about the more serious question like what religion the children will be.

 

[Kamaduck]

First sorry it took me awhile to reply. Second I wanted to date her because she is everything I want in a girl (except for no being catholic of course) and if I didn’t date her I will always think what if. Also lets say we get married before you get married (where I live at least) we have to talk about the more serious question like what religion the children will be.

As a fellow 16 year old, I don’t really think it’s necessary to think about marriage at this point. It’s probably best if you don’t think of it as that serious yet, (not that I follow my own advice, of course, but I try ). If you like her, and it’s not causing you any additional problems, I don’t think you necessarily have to break up with her. It’ll ultimately come down to how much of a problem her lack of faith is for you. I don’t think I could seriously date an atheist for long, but that’s me.

I will have to think about this at some point, too, because 98% of the young men I know are Lutheran. I don’t know if dating outside of my faith would be a good idea, but I also think that I need to start getting used to interacting with guys.

 

[goku15]

As a fellow 16 year old, I don’t really think it’s necessary to think about marriage at this point. It’s probably best if you don’t think of it as that serious yet, (not that I follow my own advice, of course, but I try ). If you like her, and it’s not causing you any additional problems, I don’t think you necessarily have to break up with her. It’ll ultimately come down to how much of a problem her lack of faith is for you. I don’t think I could seriously date an atheist for long, but that’s me.

I will have to think about this at some point, too, because 98% of the young men I know are Lutheran. I don’t know if dating outside of my faith would be a good idea, but I also think that I need to start getting used to interacting with guys.

Yeah I wasn’t thinking about marriage, but other users were talking about it. In my opinion as long as they are christian it is fine with me.

 

[LaMusicaSenior]

If you think that your chances are very low of marrying her, then why be in a relationship? If it isn’t leading somewhere seriously, then why invest time into something you predict will end in emotional ties that will be broken? What are you doing with her at 16 that you couldn’t do together as friends?

It is hard to grow strong in your faith (esp. in this time in your life when your faith should be becoming your own) when the person who you feel closest to does not share that passion.

Just some thoughts.

God bless!

Chloe M.

 

[goku15]

If you think that your chances are very low of marrying her, then why be in a relationship? If it isn’t leading somewhere seriously, then why invest time into something you predict will end in emotional ties that will be broken? What are you doing with her at 16 that you couldn’t do together as friends?

It is hard to grow strong in your faith (esp. in this time in your life when your faith should be becoming your own) when the person who you feel closest to does not share that passion.

Just some thoughts.

God bless!

Chloe M.

Like I said to ThyKingdomCome “I wanted to date her because she is everything I want in a girl (except for no being catholic of course) and if I didn’t date her I will always think what if”

 

[Kamaduck]

Yeah I wasn’t thinking about marriage, but other users were talking about it. In my opinion as long as they are christian it is fine with me.

Yeah. I think that aiming for marriage is overemphasized sometimes, but I also think it’s important to remember that neither of us know very much about relationships yet. So it could definitely be that everyone else is right and dating is purely and only for people you intend to marry. It’s just that if they are, I’ll probably give up on the idea of marriage altogether.

 

[goku15]

Yeah. I think that aiming for marriage is overemphasized sometimes, but I also think it’s important to remember that neither of us know very much about relationships yet. So it could definitely be that everyone else is right and dating is purely and only for people you intend to marry. It’s just that if they are, I’ll probably give up on the idea of marriage altogether.

Yeah I know what you mean. I don’t think is says anywhere in the bible (let me know if I am wrong) that dating is just for marriage, so that is just these guys opinions, so in the end it is up to what you think is right.

 

[Kamaduck]

Yeah I know what you mean. I don’t think is says anywhere in the bible (let me know if I am wrong) that dating is just for marriage, so that is just these guys opinions, so in the end it is up to what you think is right.

I don’t even know if people date at all in the Bible. I think most of the marriages are arranged, or are decided on soon after people meet.

That said, I don’t think it’s just the other posters’ opinion- there is definitely a source somewhere, but I don’t know what it is or what it says. I’m pretty sure there would be more disagreement if it was purely a matter of opinion.