What is the purpose of the single state

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Anglewannabe

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It just hit me lately, that I really don’t know what the deeper purpose of being single is for me. I know that I am to try and imitate Christ and be more wholly and eventually get to heaven, but being 46, it wouldn’t surprise me if I lived another 40 years and I really don’t know for what really. Don’t get me wrong I am happy and want to live but there really isn’t a strong point.

Right now, the only family member I keep I touch with is my mom, who won’t be around forever. I have no kids to care for which means never will there be grandkids. I have no nieces or nephews and my brother is too abusive to associate with. So after my mom is gone, what is there really? Even if I do marry, it would seem like an empty marriage since at my age, the chances of having kids is pretty much null. And please no one mention Sarah who conceived at 80 because I really hope that is NOT God’s will for me:p

I know in my heart I do not have a calling to be a nun so that is out.

I have been trying to reduce my carbon footprint and I am concern about the future economy of the world. But lately I have been thinking, since I have no kids as long as the world remains livable for the next 40 years that is all that matters

In the past, I would take friends kid’s place and I do believe I was a good example for them. But the kids have grown up and I really don’t have the desire to become an ‘adopted aunt’ again. So now what?

I don’t mean for this to be a depressing post because I do have a lot of hobbies like working out and volunteering and reading good books. Nonetheless, I do search for a deeper purpose.

How do other older singles without kids feel?

Angie
 
Being married but childless I have a lot of the same questions about the long term, my family and friends are all long distance so I doubt there will be any children in my life and I am an awkward fit in my parish. I don’t want to offend anyone but in my experience people with small children don’t tend to have lives outside them so I doubt I’ll be making many new friends in the next few years.

I just keep praying and hope that God has a plan for me.
 
Perhaps stop dwelling on temporal things and focus on becoming a better instrument for the extension of Christ’s kingdom and help souls reach heaven to further the glory of God since it is there, if you persevere in sanctifying grace, will spend your eternity.
 
Anglewannabe said:
It just hit me lately, that I really don’t know what the deeper purpose of being single is for me. I know that I am to try and imitate Christ and be more wholly and eventually get to heaven, but being 46, it wouldn’t surprise me if I lived another 40 years and I really don’t know for what really. Don’t get me wrong I am happy and want to live but there really isn’t a strong point.

Right now, the only family member I keep I touch with is my mom, who won’t be around forever. I have no kids to care for which means never will there be grandkids. I have no nieces or nephews and my brother is too abusive to associate with. So after my mom is gone, what is there really? Even if I do marry, it would seem like an empty marriage since at my age, the chances of having kids is pretty much null. And please no one mention Sarah who conceived at 80 because I really hope that is NOT God’s will for me:p

I know in my heart I do not have a calling to be a nun so that is out.

I have been trying to reduce my carbon footprint and I am concern about the future economy of the world. But lately I have been thinking, since I have no kids as long as the world remains livable for the next 40 years that is all that matters

In the past, I would take friends kid’s place and I do believe I was a good example for them. But the kids have grown up and I really don’t have the desire to become an ‘adopted aunt’ again. So now what?

I don’t mean for this to be a depressing post because I do have a lot of hobbies like working out and volunteering and reading good books. Nonetheless, I do search for a deeper purpose.

How do other older singles without kids feel?

Angie
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The Catechism relates the grand view of vocation which will apply to married and celibate lives:

699 Life in the Holy Spirit fulfills the vocation of man (chapter one). This life is made up of divine charity and human solidarity (chapter two). It is graciously offered as salvation (chapter three).

Chapter One
1700 The dignity of the human person is rooted in his creation in the image and likeness of God (article 1); it is fulfilled in his vocation to divine beatitude (article 2). It is essential to a human being freely to direct himself to this fulfillment (article 3). By his deliberate actions (article 4), the human person does, or does not, conform to the good promised by God and attested by moral conscience (article 5). Human beings make their own contribution to their interior growth; they make their whole sentient and spiritual lives into means of this growth (article 6). With the help of grace they grow in virtue (article 7), avoid sin, and if they sin they entrust themselves as did the prodigal son1 to the mercy of our Father in heaven (article 8). In this way they attain to the perfection of charity.

Chapter Two
1877 The vocation of humanity is to show forth the image of God and to be transformed into the image of the Father’s only Son. This vocation takes a personal form since each of us is called to enter into the divine beatitude; it also concerns the human community as a whole.

Chapter Three
1949 Called to beatitude but wounded by sin, man stands in need of salvation from God. Divine help comes to him in Christ through the law that guides him and the grace that sustains him: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for God is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.1
 
Angie, I notice you don’t mention service. Is that a part of your life?

Corporal Works of Mercy:
  • To feed the hungry.
  • To give drink to the thirsty.
  • To clothe the naked.
  • To welcome the stranger/shelter the homeless
  • To visit the sick.
  • To visit the imprisoned.
  • To bury the dead.
Spiritual Works of Mercy:
  • To instruct the ignorant.
  • To counsel the doubtful.
  • To admonish sinners.
  • To bear patiently those who wrong us.
  • To forgive offenses.
  • To console the afflicted.
  • To pray for the living and the dead.
ConfusedLucy mentioned that many married people with small children seem to have no life outside of them. As a married person with small children, I can assure you that she is correct! There’s a few things here and there I can do throughout the year, and of course the works of mercy apply to members of my own family, but I read about service opportunities every week in our parish bulletin that just aren’t possible at this stage in my life. What opportunities do you have to show God’s love and mercy to those around you?
 
You could work the parish nursery so those tired moms could go to Mass with a bit of peace. 👍
 
God never promised everybody a mate, so inevitably some were always going to be single. And not all of them were going to enter the institutional Church, either.

Singleness is just a possible life-geometry and like all others, it has its penances.

ICXC NIKA
 
Anglewannabe said:
It just hit me lately, that I really don’t know what the deeper purpose of being single is for me. I know that I am to try and imitate Christ and be more wholly and eventually get to heaven, but being 46, it wouldn’t surprise me if I lived another 40 years and I really don’t know for what really. Don’t get me wrong I am happy and want to live but there really isn’t a strong point.

Right now, the only family member I keep I touch with is my mom, who won’t be around forever. I have no kids to care for which means never will there be grandkids. I have no nieces or nephews and my brother is too abusive to associate with. So after my mom is gone, what is there really? Even if I do marry, it would seem like an empty marriage since at my age, the chances of having kids is pretty much null. And please no one mention Sarah who conceived at 80 because I really hope that is NOT God’s will for me:p

I know in my heart I do not have a calling to be a nun so that is out.

I have been trying to reduce my carbon footprint and I am concern about the future economy of the world. But lately I have been thinking, since I have no kids as long as the world remains livable for the next 40 years that is all that matters

In the past, I would take friends kid’s place and I do believe I was a good example for them. But the kids have grown up and I really don’t have the desire to become an ‘adopted aunt’ again. So now what?

I don’t mean for this to be a depressing post because I do have a lot of hobbies like working out and volunteering and reading good books. Nonetheless, I do search for a deeper purpose.

How do other older singles without kids feel?

Angie
Click to expand...
St. Paul teaches that single people are not distracted as much by earthy things like family, and so they have more time, energy, and consciousness to focus on Christ and His Kingdom:

I want you to be free from concerns. A man who isn’t married is concerned about the Lord’s concerns—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the world’s concerns—how he can please his wife. His attention is divided. A woman who isn’t married or who is a virgin is concerned about the Lord’s concerns so that she can be dedicated to God in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the world’s concerns—how she can please her husband. I’m saying this for your own advantage. It’s not to restrict you but rather to promote effective and consistent service to the Lord without distraction.

So, why don’t you look for something that helps build up the members of the Church, helps strangers, and advances the coming of the Kingdom?

Christi pax.
 
pensmama87 said:
Angie, I notice you don’t mention service. Is that a part of your life?

Corporal Works of Mercy:
  • To feed the hungry.
  • To give drink to the thirsty.
  • To clothe the naked.
  • To welcome the stranger/shelter the homeless
  • To visit the sick.
  • To visit the imprisoned.
  • To bury the dead.
Spiritual Works of Mercy:
  • To instruct the ignorant.
  • To counsel the doubtful.
  • To admonish sinners.
  • To bear patiently those who wrong us.
  • To forgive offenses.
  • To console the afflicted.
  • To pray for the living and the dead.
ConfusedLucy mentioned that many married people with small children seem to have no life outside of them. As a married person with small children, I can assure you that she is correct! There’s a few things here and there I can do throughout the year, and of course the works of mercy apply to members of my own family, but I read about service opportunities every week in our parish bulletin that just aren’t possible at this stage in my life. What opportunities do you have to show God’s love and mercy to those around you?
Click to expand...
Actually she did mention volunteering as one of her activities.
 
Kind of a coincidence that you should bring up being single. It has always been a mystery to me that being single can be a vocation. To me, singleness is a lack of something, like a husband and family or vocation to the religious life.

Singleness can be lonely. Sometimes people are single and don’t know why. Strangely enough, sometimes really beautiful girls with lots to offer remain single. They just haven’t met anyone. It could also be their way of life, like not going out enough to meet anyone. Since that is the case, getting into circulation may solve that.

Although dating can help, sometimes it just seems that really connecting with another is hard. That is where God comes in, because it may be easier to connect with Him if you give Him a chance. Then He can counsel you on what to do with your life. He may take away the feeling of not having any purpose. He can point you to where He wants you to go.
 
What is the purpose of the single state
Click to expand...
For example doing something useful in life without the distraction or misery of being ill-matched occupy all of your attention and steal all your energy. Obviously not every marriage is that way, but marriage is not exactly a safe trip.
 
Think of what you have to give that married and religious don’t - the answer is time and energy and freedom from commitments (financial etc). Whatever area you apply yourself to (career, volunteering, arts) you will be able to do so with a focus and vigour and level of dedication that will bring great glory to God, the likes of which a married person or religious can rarely achieve, and all with much smaller compromise for Earthly things (maintaining a mortgage on a family home etc). I say this as a married person with children who is stuck in the mundane at every moment - I envy you the freedom you have to escape this. I cannot even say a prayer most days without my children interrupting - yes even if its the middle of the night. There is also great need out there - if you are not inclined towards career or the arts.
 
In a way it can be both easier and harder to find something worthwhile to do in this kind of state, easier in that you have the time and freedom that a parent doesn’t have but also sometimes harder when your parish is run by and for families and you are an odd fit

Could you build on the volunteering?
 
Some really good replies. 👍 I am single by choice and have been so now for many years.
 
I would say the single Catholic has an obligation to get involved in the life of the Church insofar as they are able. Perhaps as a catechist or a sacristan, or helping in some way in the parish etc. Apart from that it’s the same as the rest of us, to live the Catholic faith and be a witness to Christ in the world. The benefit of the single state is that one is free to be more available with their time, as one who is married has family obligations which rightly come first.
 
Anglewannabe said:
It just hit me lately, that I really don’t know what the deeper purpose of being single is for me. I know that I am to try and imitate Christ and be more wholly and eventually get to heaven, but being 46, it wouldn’t surprise me if I lived another 40 years and I really don’t know for what really. Don’t get me wrong I am happy and want to live but there really isn’t a strong point.

Right now, the only family member I keep I touch with is my mom, who won’t be around forever. I have no kids to care for which means never will there be grandkids. I have no nieces or nephews and my brother is too abusive to associate with. So after my mom is gone, what is there really? Even if I do marry, it would seem like an empty marriage since at my age, the chances of having kids is pretty much null. And please no one mention Sarah who conceived at 80 because I really hope that is NOT God’s will for me:p

I know in my heart I do not have a calling to be a nun so that is out.

I have been trying to reduce my carbon footprint and I am concern about the future economy of the world. But lately I have been thinking, since I have no kids as long as the world remains livable for the next 40 years that is all that matters

In the past, I would take friends kid’s place and I do believe I was a good example for them. But the kids have grown up and I really don’t have the desire to become an ‘adopted aunt’ again. So now what?

I don’t mean for this to be a depressing post because I do have a lot of hobbies like working out and volunteering and reading good books. Nonetheless, I do search for a deeper purpose.

How do other older singles without kids feel?

Angie
Click to expand...
Heading for 80 here and never thought of it as you do… Never married, nor had kids… no living family since 1982

Far more to life than having close family. When folk ask I say and mean it that I am free to be kin to everyone, and to work for many others without close ties.

Yesterday I was at a very busy craft fair and people watching… mothers with two or three children and another on the way. THEIR work is huge, but so is mine.

When I was 21 my uncle gave me a gift tied up with string and said that the string was to catch a man with… but there was no pressure.

Many of the finest strongest and most giving women I have had the privilege of knowing have been single women. Working for others. Giving as only singles can.

And that is my life in smaller ways.

ENJOY your singleness, It is a gift.
 
Okay, one more thing: It doesn’t necessarily always have a direct purpose. Not everything that happens in this world is somehow directly intended or planned by God, if only because He wouldn’t intend or plan for us to sin, that’s only the product of what we’ve done with our free will.

But apart from sinning vs not sinning, there’s also the issue of opportunity and using it, better or worse, not necessarily with a moral or religious dimension. If you lose at chess, you do because the other player was better or because you weren’t at your best, or because you made a mistake. None of which, incidentally, necessarily has to be your fault and something to feel guilt over.

Some people are single simply because it would be more difficult for them to adjust to the married life or because it’s more difficult to find someone with compatible personality, or in some cases because they don’t get out enough or are too shy or passive and lose out on opportunities to meet people or strike conversations with them and get to know them.

For example introverts living alone and not having a lot of family, friends etc. to drag them out of the cave generally tend to be disadvantaged. A freelancer or someone who lives above the shop (some doctors, lawyers, mechanics, shopkeepers, a lot of people actually) can find it difficult to find a mate if he or she didn’t have a highschool/college sweetheart or doesn’t marry a patient, client, secretary or business partner (or friend or relative of someone like that).

The smaller your pool, the lass chance you get. The more requirements or needs you have, the smaller your pool gets. This is something that’s hard to imagine initially, but consider this:

– the probability of throwing five or up on a six-sided dice is 0.32, and so is at least one six on two throws
– but the probability of exactly six on one throw is 0.16 and two sixes on two throws is 0,03 (after rounding up considerably)

This doesn’t translate directly into dating scenarios, of course (too many variables, too many unknowns), but it does illustrate how very much harder it can be for people with rarer (not necessarily ‘higher’) needs or requirements or standards. At least as long as they aren’t odballs enough to draw other odballs from the crowd right away. 😃 (Rarity may increase noticeability.)
AdamPeter said:
I would say the single Catholic has an obligation to get involved in the life of the Church insofar as they are able. Perhaps as a catechist or a sacristan,
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No, actually I think married people have the obligation to choose that for their professional career and pass it down to their children. Who’s a better teacher, after all, than your own father who has done the job before you? 😛
 
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