I
iaskquestions
Guest
I am a young man. I haven’t “fallen in love” as yet. But somewhere down the line, it’s gonna happen. Just curious, at what age should I start looking for a partner?
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vppoole
Guest
I think that the “right age” occurs at the right time in your relationship with God. And it may or may not be in the present. It depends on you and the path that God has for you. Everybody says they are looking for love, but unfortunately many go looking for it in the wrong places. I will assume, though, that you are truly seeking authentic love.
My response to your question is that very few people are ready before 20, and most are not ready until later on sometime. Sadly, I think that the majority of people do not begin to break out of society’s limited conception of relationships until they are older, and unfortunately after several broken hearts. Unfortunately, there are also many who just don’t seek beyond the superficial.
I honestly believe that God brings people to their vocations in His time and as people seek to know His Will in their lives.
I think we just have to be ready and preparing for His answers to come. Just about anyone can get involved romantically with someone, but God makes the relationship good, chaste, and true. As a younger man, I was not ready for love when I wanted it badly years ago. Fortunately, my prayers did not get answered in the timespan I had wanted. I then opened up to other possibilities and spent 5 months in a monastery while going to school. After much prayer, patience and self-sacrifice, I think I was truly ready for meeting and beginning my relationship with my fiancee 3 years ago.
I highly suggest seriously discerning the possibly that God may be calling you to be a priest or brother first, if you haven’t been doing so already. Without the openness to put God’s guidance first, any vocation–marriage included–loses its direction toward holiness and true love.
I do not wish for anyone to seek a partner before being ready to make the relationship Christ-centered from day one. Are you at that age? I cannot say for sure, but I do think that asking a lot of questions and having strong faith is a good start. It’s something primarily you must figure out, though. I think that you’ll know you’re on the right track toward your vocation from the consistent sense of peace and joy that you find within your heart from being close to God, which is from listening and following Him.
God bless you on your journey!
My response to your question is that very few people are ready before 20, and most are not ready until later on sometime. Sadly, I think that the majority of people do not begin to break out of society’s limited conception of relationships until they are older, and unfortunately after several broken hearts. Unfortunately, there are also many who just don’t seek beyond the superficial.
I honestly believe that God brings people to their vocations in His time and as people seek to know His Will in their lives.
I think we just have to be ready and preparing for His answers to come. Just about anyone can get involved romantically with someone, but God makes the relationship good, chaste, and true. As a younger man, I was not ready for love when I wanted it badly years ago. Fortunately, my prayers did not get answered in the timespan I had wanted. I then opened up to other possibilities and spent 5 months in a monastery while going to school. After much prayer, patience and self-sacrifice, I think I was truly ready for meeting and beginning my relationship with my fiancee 3 years ago.I highly suggest seriously discerning the possibly that God may be calling you to be a priest or brother first, if you haven’t been doing so already. Without the openness to put God’s guidance first, any vocation–marriage included–loses its direction toward holiness and true love.
I do not wish for anyone to seek a partner before being ready to make the relationship Christ-centered from day one. Are you at that age? I cannot say for sure, but I do think that asking a lot of questions and having strong faith is a good start. It’s something primarily you must figure out, though. I think that you’ll know you’re on the right track toward your vocation from the consistent sense of peace and joy that you find within your heart from being close to God, which is from listening and following Him.
God bless you on your journey!
B
BlaineTog
Guest
I’m gonna second, “When God’s good and ready.” Obviously, you have to be ready to take the opportunity when it’s offered to you, but that’s rather a bit more holistic and mutable than “Start looking at 10 AM on the 245th day of your 24th year” or somesuch.
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iaskquestions
Guest
I’'ve already done that. God has not called me for the priesthood or to live a single life, but for marriage.
D
deanarrca
Guest
Met my Hubby in College at 19 Got married right out of college at 21. Just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary this past Saturday!! 
We grew together. I think it is much harder later in life when each has a ton of baggage and are too set in their ways. On the other hand, my BIL and SiL Just celebrated there 3rd anniversary. They got married later in life.She was 40 and he was 47 when they got married and it was the first marriage for both of them. They now have a 2 1/2 year old at home and my BIL is 50 now. So probably the real answer can be any age. Smiles Deana
We grew together. I think it is much harder later in life when each has a ton of baggage and are too set in their ways. On the other hand, my BIL and SiL Just celebrated there 3rd anniversary. They got married later in life.She was 40 and he was 47 when they got married and it was the first marriage for both of them. They now have a 2 1/2 year old at home and my BIL is 50 now. So probably the real answer can be any age. Smiles Deana
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Wynn
Guest
From bad experience I think the question should be 'When is the right time to get married?"
I was shy, way too immature at 21 for marriage. Heck I was still a kid who had never learned to even write a check because my controling parents did it for me. College and three years in healthcare were insufficient to prepare me for thinking about a permanent commitment to someone. But, out of school and into marriage I jumped - because my formation was to be the ‘dependent’ wife. Even in Pre Cana counseling there was no focus or formation of knowledge and attitude toward such an important life long commitment. There was no in depth teaching about the Sacrament of Marriage and the roles of Catholic husbands and wives. They did not stress that the couple should always be open to children (the whole point of Catholic marriage).
No one ever told me that ‘new’ love eventually diminishes and is replaced by the decision to embrace self sacrificing love, all day, every day. Wow ! what a surprise that one was, one morning three years later!
I painfully found that you must also like the other person since passion fades, have mutual interests and similar IQs, the other should preferably be Catholic. I should have sought out the observations of a trusted friend (if not a parent), who would have been be willing to graciously speak objectively when asked for their opinion on my prospective spouse. (Love is blind) Even after a year of engagement I let fantasy type ‘off into the sunset’ ideas skew my awareness of the hundred red flags waved right in front of me! I had no idea what a bad choice I was making. I had no idea what a dysfunctional family was or what I was getting into. I had no negotiating skills, always deferred to everyone around me and kind of sat like an unhappy wall flower waiting for the sun to shine in my life (and to ‘grow up’.) For many years I felt like an adolescent in the disguise of an adult - unsure of myself in most situations, yet taking on more and more responsibility as time went on. Disliking myself for not having maturity and confidence and disliking him for also being immature and his flaws were now glaring and I didn’t realize I couldn’t change him.
Sorry to bend your ear. I know everyone’s journey is different. I’m sure someone out there can identify with me - a 60’s child, who confused, never even became a ‘flower child’, now a faded rose. Eventually my life straightened out and I met the right man, thank God.
I would give only one piece of advice to parents - raise your kids to be and think like adults don’t coddle them so they become kids in adult bodies. Give them roots, but give them wings and the best gift of all - all the loving encouragement you can to face life’s problems on their own.
I was shy, way too immature at 21 for marriage. Heck I was still a kid who had never learned to even write a check because my controling parents did it for me. College and three years in healthcare were insufficient to prepare me for thinking about a permanent commitment to someone. But, out of school and into marriage I jumped - because my formation was to be the ‘dependent’ wife. Even in Pre Cana counseling there was no focus or formation of knowledge and attitude toward such an important life long commitment. There was no in depth teaching about the Sacrament of Marriage and the roles of Catholic husbands and wives. They did not stress that the couple should always be open to children (the whole point of Catholic marriage).
No one ever told me that ‘new’ love eventually diminishes and is replaced by the decision to embrace self sacrificing love, all day, every day. Wow ! what a surprise that one was, one morning three years later!
I painfully found that you must also like the other person since passion fades, have mutual interests and similar IQs, the other should preferably be Catholic. I should have sought out the observations of a trusted friend (if not a parent), who would have been be willing to graciously speak objectively when asked for their opinion on my prospective spouse. (Love is blind) Even after a year of engagement I let fantasy type ‘off into the sunset’ ideas skew my awareness of the hundred red flags waved right in front of me! I had no idea what a bad choice I was making. I had no idea what a dysfunctional family was or what I was getting into. I had no negotiating skills, always deferred to everyone around me and kind of sat like an unhappy wall flower waiting for the sun to shine in my life (and to ‘grow up’.) For many years I felt like an adolescent in the disguise of an adult - unsure of myself in most situations, yet taking on more and more responsibility as time went on. Disliking myself for not having maturity and confidence and disliking him for also being immature and his flaws were now glaring and I didn’t realize I couldn’t change him.
Sorry to bend your ear. I know everyone’s journey is different. I’m sure someone out there can identify with me - a 60’s child, who confused, never even became a ‘flower child’, now a faded rose. Eventually my life straightened out and I met the right man, thank God.
I would give only one piece of advice to parents - raise your kids to be and think like adults don’t coddle them so they become kids in adult bodies. Give them roots, but give them wings and the best gift of all - all the loving encouragement you can to face life’s problems on their own.
D
deanarrca
Guest
Wynn, I was married at 21 like I mentioned in the post above. But I guess we had to grow up fast and maturity and independence and self reliance are real issues when you marry young. At 22 we had our first child who was born blind. (At that point we didn’t know he had other problems too.) Basically family didn’t help us at all. They had no advice and were no help. Neither side of the family had dealt with anything similar. We were making grown up decisions and dealing with doctors from the get go. We had to grow up fast. We had to make decisions about flying far away to see specialists and decisions about surgeries. That first year with our son was a wild ride. He is now 20. He is blind, Mentally handicapped and Austistic but he really is a cool kid. you can see pictures of us on my blog. Our nest 2 kids are fine. But as I said we went through it together and in our case helped us grow up and brought us closer together. So you are right every situation is different. Have a great day Deana
S
SwizzleStick
Guest
Maybe I’m being a wet blanket, but I don’t like the term “fall in love” because it seems that those that “fall in love” tend to also “fall out of love.”
As far as the right age to begin developing and nurturing a lifetime love, that varies from person to person and is a question that I don’t think can be answered. Only God knows and listening to Him and letting Him lead you is the way to go, though that isn’t always easy.
I’m not really any help at all, am I?
As far as the right age to begin developing and nurturing a lifetime love, that varies from person to person and is a question that I don’t think can be answered. Only God knows and listening to Him and letting Him lead you is the way to go, though that isn’t always easy.
I’m not really any help at all, am I?
M
Melissa
Guest
I don’t believe there is a right age, one way or the other.
Pray for discernment of your vocation, and the rest will follow.
My maternal grandfather was married before he married my grandmother, and I presume that he loved his first wife dearly before she died, but I’m not clear on when he met her (they lived in a small town, so they might’ve “always known” each other, and my own grandmother did know Grandfather’s first wife, but needless to say details were not really given to me). He was 28 when he married my grandmother, and they went on to be married for 59 years before grandmother died. (He himself died this year at the age of 91).
My paternal grandfather died extremely young (he was 35) and left behind an 8yo son (my uncle) and a 22mo son (my dad). So, presumably he was at least 24 when he married my grandmother, possibly younger.
My own parents were high school sweethearts, who’ve now been married for 43 years.
I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 23 (and he was 27).
So, what can I say? Pray a lot, and try very hard to listen to what God’s telling you in reply.
Pray for discernment of your vocation, and the rest will follow.
My maternal grandfather was married before he married my grandmother, and I presume that he loved his first wife dearly before she died, but I’m not clear on when he met her (they lived in a small town, so they might’ve “always known” each other, and my own grandmother did know Grandfather’s first wife, but needless to say details were not really given to me). He was 28 when he married my grandmother, and they went on to be married for 59 years before grandmother died. (He himself died this year at the age of 91).
My paternal grandfather died extremely young (he was 35) and left behind an 8yo son (my uncle) and a 22mo son (my dad). So, presumably he was at least 24 when he married my grandmother, possibly younger.
My own parents were high school sweethearts, who’ve now been married for 43 years.
I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 23 (and he was 27).
So, what can I say? Pray a lot, and try very hard to listen to what God’s telling you in reply.
P
PePPaR
Guest
Whenever you feel comfortable. There is no right or wrong age.
C
Caesar517
Guest
Well said.I think that the “right age” occurs at the right time in your relationship with God. And it may or may not be in the present. It depends on you and the path that God has for you. Everybody says they are looking for love, but unfortunately many go looking for it in the wrong places. I will assume, though, that you are truly seeking authentic love.
My response to your question is that very few people are ready before 20, and most are not ready until later on sometime. Sadly, I think that the majority of people do not begin to break out of society’s limited conception of relationships until they are older, and unfortunately after several broken hearts. Unfortunately, there are also many who just don’t seek beyond the superficial.
I honestly believe that God brings people to their vocations in His time and as people seek to know His Will in their lives.
I highly suggest seriously discerning the possibly that God may be calling you to be a priest or brother first, if you haven’t been doing so already. Without the openness to put God’s guidance first, any vocation–marriage included–loses its direction toward holiness and true love.
I do not wish for anyone to seek a partner before being ready to make the relationship Christ-centered from day one. Are you at that age? I cannot say for sure, but I do think that asking a lot of questions and having strong faith is a good start. It’s something primarily you must figure out, though. I think that you’ll know you’re on the right track toward your vocation from the consistent sense of peace and joy that you find within your heart from being close to God, which is from listening and following Him.
God bless you on your journey!
- Status