What is your opinion towards premarital sex

[NewsTheMan]

My experience: Had pre-maritial sex countless times with one girl because “I loved her”. Did a few other sexual things with other girls and used them as my toy.

My opinion: I hate myself every day for what I did. For what I did to those girls (even if it was consentual), for what I did to myself, my future wife, and to God’s sense of dignity and love. I wish someone had told me and taught me about what sex means. I wish I knew earlier. Every day now I have to live with what I’ve done.

Don’t do it. I don’t even care if you are athiest, pre-maritial sex will only break your heart and cause pain, and all too often people get too caught up to even realise it, they then hit their thirites, start to care about morality and sexual ethics, they’ll look back and say “Oh…”

 

[Seatuck]

Ok so I have somethings I need answered. For starters I have just recently found the catholic faith and was confirmed in April. I feel as though it was a great step in my life and have really never felt more spirutal as I do now. My gf is a “cradle catholic” as I have heard it refered to as. We have been dating for 4 wonderful years. Recently she has decided that we should no longer have “adult relations” as she feels that she is going to hell if we do ( is that true??). Now both of us have been married before and neither one of us have intentions of being remarried. Had this been a stipulation before we started dating I would understand, but to just decided it can no longer happen 4 years later, well I really don’t know what to think. I just don’t know what to do??? I want to support her and if thats what she wants then ok. However I know I can not go my entire life without adult relations. I can honestly see myself with her for that long, I am very committed, madly in love with her, and would lay my life on the line to protect her, BUT I have no desire to be married to do it. I just had a bad marriage before and I don’t want another part of it.

How on earth did you miss the church teachings on sexuality when you were studying to be confirmed? Shame on those who educated you .
Your gf is totally correct. This is absolutely an outpouring of the Holy Spirit on her heart. Thanks be to God that she is listening to it. You should be listening to as God is continually working in our hearts and calling us to even deeper conversion. Read up on the church teaching and spend some quality time before the Blessed Sacrament thinking and praying on this topic. Remember Christ is there to help you with this dilemma and your ultimate pursuit of chastity.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm

There are a lot of studies and ministries out there that will help you .

crossroadsinitiative.com/library_article/62/catholic_church_on_marriage__divorce__and_annulments.html

John M’s Marriage and the Eucharist audio recording is good.

biblechristiansociety.com/download

reallove.net/index2.asp?CID=1

thrillofthechaste.com/

 

[michaeljason]

I was a “later bloomer” when it came to sex. I didn’t do it for the first time until I was 24. Being unable to find a girl I could see spending the rest of my life with, I gave up, and decided I didn’t want to be a virgin forever.

I hooked up with a girl that didn’t mean anything to me, and I regret it. It gave rise to sexual addiction. I went through a period of 5 years in which I treated women as objects, had multiple sexual partners, and put my sexual desires above all else. I was miserable deep down in side.

I met my wife, who is a cradle Catholic, and fell in love with her. True, genuine, honest, God-given love. We were sexually active after we had been dating for a while. She was somewhat of a lapsed Catholic at that point. But she returned to her faith after we had been dating about a year.

Around that same time, we got engaged. She said she’d feel better if we stopped having sex until we were married. Much to my surprise, I agreed with her 100%. We had no date set at that point (it would be a year and a half later), but I was fine with it. I loved this woman so much, sex meant nothing to me.

In retrospect, I wish I had been celibate all the way up until my wedding night. Having a great understanding of love and sex, that has come with age, experience, and forming a stronger relationship with Christ, I now see that sex is an expression of love meant for married people, with the ultimate goal of creating children. Anything less is just fulfilling our own selfish desires.

 

[edwest2]

Just a question; why did promiscuity become the “norm”?

I am in college, and it’s “not natural, dude” for me to** not** want to have sex with several women. Since when was is partners, rather than partner? And how on this earth did the idea of an open relationship begin?

These answers all lie in the context of sociology, most of these “norms” started appearing in the 20th centuary. Why? Because it became a “norm” to not practice your faith and shun God.

Let’s review:

1960 The FDA approves the Birth Control Pill for sale.

1967 Because most people in the United States still live in rural areas, The Pill is only now in widespread use.

1968 Pope Paul VI, who is aware of this, has Humanae Vitae published. He warns Catholics and all men of good will that there will be an increase in promiscuity if people begin using Artificial Birth Control. That they will value the love of their life less.

Now - could there be a reason more Catholics did not listen to the Pope in 1968?

Send in the Hippies. “Free love! (sex with anyone) Don’t trust anyone over 30!” (That would include mom, dad, priests and nuns.)

Jimi Hendrix singing about Freedom!

1969 Bob, Carol, Ted & Alice, a movie about wife swapping.

1970s Adult Bookstortes open everywhere.
Topless bars and strip clubs open everywhere.
Swinger magazines appear with ads from people looking for casual sex.

Sexual Perverts decided we should be exposed to the kind of lifestyle they were already living. To put it in our neighborhoods so we could roll in the same mud they did.

1973 Abortion legalized. It’s OK to kill your baby in the womb.

1980s No-Fault Divorce. “No kids? $75 and you’re out. Call 800-DIVORCE.”

On TV, Sue Ellen is drinking liquor straight out of the bottle while driving.

Porn on cable.

It took 40 years of slowly dripping the poison into our veins. In the 1970s, TV and the movies weren’t that bad, but, gradually, it went from off color, to risque, to a little skin, to a little more. Then we saw shock jocks, pornographic talk on the radio, telephone numbers to talk dirty, rap and disrespecting women, and movies that went from love and romance to boy meets girl, hop in the sack and declare each other a couple.

That’s what happened.

And what about Catholics? Well, after an abortion or two, a divorce or two, a shacking up or two, I’d say a few of those people began to forget what it meant to go to Church. If both men and women believe they have to do the wrong things to be in a relationship today because the media shows them completely dysfunctional relationships as “normal” 24/7, can you blame some of them?

Follow clear Church teaching.

God bless,
Ed

 

[Zehos]

Just a question; why did promiscuity become the “norm”?

I am in college, and it’s “not natural, dude” for me to** not** want to have sex with several women. Since when was is partners, rather than partner? And how on this earth did the idea of an open relationship begin?

These answers all lie in the context of sociology, most of these “norms” started appearing in the 20th centuary. Why? Because it became a “norm” to not practice your faith and shun God.

Wow, I wrote that two years ago. It’s amazing how much I’ve not only grown since that time, but matured, and changed. I am no longer practice Catholicism- I lit the Examination of Conscience in my wallet on fire July 10th this year, good venting activity.

Back to the topic. People will have sex, some will make love, others will indulge in strange fetishes, and a few will just shack-up for the night. I used to swear up and down I was waiting for the one, not waiting till marriage. Now that I’ve seen into that, sure, I’m having premarital sex, but it does not make it any less intimate or wonderful.

Thanks Ed for letting me glance into my past.

 

[vera_dicere]

Just a question; why did promiscuity become the “norm”?

I am in college, and it’s “not natural, dude” for me to** not** want to have sex with several women. Since when was is partners, rather than partner? And how on this earth did the idea of an open relationship begin?

These answers all lie in the context of sociology, most of these “norms” started appearing in the 20th centuary. Why? Because it became a “norm” to not practice your faith and shun God.

I was having a chat with a co-worker who used to be a young lass in the 60s, and somehwo this conversation - with more then a couple of us, got to sex.

She said that the biggest change in society was the pill, the pill made it easy to have lots and lots and lots of sex - she pointed out that people no longer had to control themselves and wait till marriage and that men expected women to be on the pill and available for sex.

Basically, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free? Was the statement she made.

 

[vera_dicere]

Just to give the otherside of the coin, I suppose - I’m 29 and haven’t engaged in pre-martial shenanigans. But there were guys I’ve met over the years who were, well, gross, one guy in paritcular who “tried” to be my first, and my naivety about exactly what he wanted could have lead to be me accepting his filthy proposition - seriously, the guy jsut said “wanna F…?”

I think back about that and think “what would I tell my husband on our wedding night, that’ I’m not a virgin for him because I decided to be polite to say no to a foul individual?”

While I have that same worry most women my age have who are single that I might not get married, I’d rather die a virgin then enter into a marriage where I’m carrying the bagage of perverted men having shared my bed.

You can live without sex, and while living without sex, you’re also living without some nasty regrets.

All of my friends who have engaged in pre-martial sex have at least one regret, and its usually really shameful and disgusting. I don’t want to have to share that with my future husband.

 

[LCMS_No_More]

Just to give the otherside of the coin, I suppose - I’m 29 and haven’t engaged in pre-martial shenanigans. But there were guys I’ve met over the years who were, well, gross, one guy in paritcular who “tried” to be my first, and my naivety about exactly what he wanted could have lead to be me accepting his filthy proposition - seriously, the guy jsut said “wanna F…?”

I think back about that and think “what would I tell my husband on our wedding night, that’ I’m not a virgin for him because I decided to be polite to say no to a foul individual?”

While I have that same worry most women my age have who are single that I might not get married, I’d rather die a virgin then enter into a marriage where I’m carrying the bagage of perverted men having shared my bed.

You can live without sex, and while living without sex, you’re also living without some nasty regrets.

All of my friends who have engaged in pre-martial sex have at least one regret, and its usually really shameful and disgusting. I don’t want to have to share that with my future husband.

While I applaud your stated goal of remaining pure, I must say that I find your “sex is gross” stance unhealthy. When one reads things like that (especially with the insults, i.e., foul individual, perverted men), it leads to thinking that sexuality is a dirty, nasty thing. It also leads to some people having a great deal of anxiety, fear and loathing regarding sex. Is that the right motivation for one to avoid premarital sex? I doubt it because it only makes the wedding night into a torture (what will she think of me? will I gross her out? will she laugh at me? etc.) instead of the beautiful joining of two persons into one flesh.

 

[cjellis27]

Right up until I met my second husband ( my first marriage is in the process of being annulled)… my thoughts were having sex is fine as long as both parties are willing. I have been a Catholic since birth, but the Church’s teachings weren’t really enforced with me. Now, I wish I had waited until marriage. The wonder and beautiful expression of making love in marriage is something to be waited for and appreciated. I hope to teach my children in a way that they are able to withstand our culture of sex with who and whenever you please. I believe we would have less divorce, depression, STD’s, unplanned pregnancies, and medical complications related to birth control if this were the case.

 

[Seeker2010]

1960 The FDA approves the Birth Control Pill for sale.

Follow clear Church teaching.

Wow, that’s quite the rant there.

What is it you are suggesting? That we criminalize the pill, rock music, movies about swingers, adult bookstores, strip bars, swinger magazines, and drinking liquor and porn on cable?

I would point out to you that despite your claims of society going to hell in a handbasket because of the above, for many actually measurable metrics things are getting better. STD’s have been mostly declining since the 70’s, not to mention the fact that except for a small handful, most are completely curable now, including a couple of doozies that have no doubt killed millions throughout history. Divorce rates peaked in 1980 and have been declining ever since. Infant mortality rates are 1/4 what they were in 1950, and my guess is that the 1950 rates were much lower than the 1900 and 1850 rates.

Violent crime is well off the highs set several decades ago, as is non-violent crime. Poverty has been dropping since the early 90’s.

What societal metrics can you point out that justify your rant? Where’s the beef??

 

[WetCatechumen]

What is your opinion towards premarital sex?

Why is it forbidden?

When you have sexual intercourse and the man ejaculates, a process been started, that when left to its own natural conclusion, results in the creation of a human being, sometimes.

Interference with that process is tantamount to murder. St. John Chrysostom said, “Why do you sow where the field is eager to destroy the fruit, where there are medicines of sterility [oral contraceptives], where there is murder before birth? You do not even let a harlot remain only a harlot, but you make her a murderess as well…Indeed, it is something worse than murder, and I do not know what to call it; for she does not kill what is formed but prevents its formation. What then? Do you condemn the gift of God and fight with his [natural] laws?”

This means that any act of sex in which you intentionally attempt to frustrate the creation of human life is incredibly immoral. In fact, it’s repugnant to me.

So, what implication does this have for pre-marital sex? Well, if you are engaging in contraceptive pre-marital sex, the first thing you are doing is contracepting, which is much worse, than pre-marital sex.

If you are having pre-marital sex in a manner open to life, then it’s irresponsible because the woman is risking having a child and not being able to properly care for it, and the man is risking impregnating her at a relatively lower cost to him. He has not sworn to protect her and provide for her and the child. If he is going to risk impregnating her, he at least owes her that.

Hence, they’re committing a sin of great foolishness and negligence for their own pleasure.

 

[twoangels]

What is your opinion towards premarital sex?

Why is it forbidden?

Sex does two things

1. It bonds the couple together
2. I creates babies

When people are promiscous, they’re looking for just one thing: physical sexual pleasure. The pursuit of this alone is lust and denies the other purposes of sexuality.

Dating’s person is not to find fulfillment and satisfy loneliness. It’s only legimate purpose is to prevent us from rushing into imprudent marriages due to the fact that our heart tends to want to run ahead of our brain. It is important to not create extra attachments and circumstances that would motivate you to slid into marriage because you’re afraid of getting out of a bad dating relationship or because you had a baby before you were committed. God calls us to marriage and not to any less serious of a commitment. We cannot use dating as a way to gain the benefits of marriage without as strong of the commitment.

Premarital sex is always about lust: lust for sexual pleasure, lust for emotional pleasure. It negates the full meaning of human sexuality.

 

[santodomingo]

Wow, that’s quite the rant there.

What is it you are suggesting? That we criminalize the pill, rock music, movies about swingers, adult bookstores, strip bars, swinger magazines, and drinking liquor and porn on cable?

EXACTLY!!

I would point out to you that despite your claims of society going to hell in a handbasket because of the above, for many actually measurable metrics things are getting better. STD’s have been mostly declining since the 70’s, not to mention the fact that except for a small handful, most are completely curable now, including a couple of doozies that have no doubt killed millions throughout history. Where do you get your facts from? Did you know that **2 million americans **catch some form of STD every year? That doesn´t sound like things are going too well! Divorce rates peaked in 1980 and have been declining ever since. No kidding! Divorce rates are falling because nowadays so many couples never even bother to get married. They shack up, split up, and never enter the divorce statistics. It´s a sign of moral degradation that married is not only dishonoured, but ignored. Infant mortality rates are 1/4 what they were in 1950, and my guess is that the 1950 rates were much lower than the 1900 and 1850 rates. What has this to do with anything? There is no moral merit in a technical progress, even if it improves quality of life. That just shows that medecine has evolved.

Violent crime is well off the highs set several decades ago, as is non-violent crime. Poverty has been dropping since the early 90’s. Economic progress is a good thing, but, as Mother Theresa said, the worst type of poverty is spiritual poverty. Killing your child so that you can live more comfortably is spiritual poverty. Our money idol tells us we are doing well, when our civilization is sick to its heart.

What societal metrics can you point out that justify your rant? Where’s the beef??

 

[illmatic]

Sex does two things

1. It bonds the couple together
2. I creates babies

When people are promiscous, they’re looking for just one thing: physical sexual pleasure. The pursuit of this alone is lust and denies the other purposes of sexuality.

I think that you’re righ about point one and that a good argument can be shaped from that about pre-marital sex in a committed, loving relationship that for some reason does not involve marriage.

 

[Seeker2010]

EXACTLY!!

Really? Wow.

So because your holy book says some things are bad, you would have our secular government ban them? You realize this is not a theocracy, right?

Where do you get your facts from? Did you know that 2 million americans catch some form of STD every year?

I get my facts from the CDC, and you can too at their website should you choose to do so. I don’t know where you got your 2M number, but I would point out that not only is that <1% of the population, but also that most STD’s are easily curable.

 

[ConstantineTG]

What is your opinion towards premarital sex?

Why is it forbidden?

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been there and done that. But fact is even during that time I wasn’t happy with it. Sure, the excitement, the thrill, the pleasure of it is there. But there is no happiness. After you’re done with it, you fell empty and you seek the next experience. It becomes nothing more than just a drug.

Why is it forbidden? I just learned the true meaning of sex. Its a marital act. And having sex with someone you are not married to is a lie, its a lie of and to your body, and its a lie of and to your soul. That is why I felt empty in the past. Using sex just for pleasure is wrong and ultimately you do not get what you really want, lasting happiness.

 

[slywakka250]

So, what implication does this have for pre-marital sex? Well, if you are engaging in contraceptive pre-marital sex, the first thing you are doing is contracepting, which is much worse, than pre-marital sex.

Does this mean, that if you have decided to have pre-marital sex, you should insist on not using a condom or the pill if possible in order to avoid worse sin? ??

 

[LittleSoldier]

How does the church allows people to even get married in the church. I know at least 6 couples that have been married in the church and they had premartial sex.3 of the couples lived together. Someone please explained .

Everybody sins. Why would having premarital sex stop couples from forming a covenant before God and witnesses? They were sinning before - now they are participating in a beautiful act which is so important it is a Sacrament.

If only non-sinners were allowed to marry in the Church there would be no marriages at all. Ever.

 

[vera_dicere]

While I applaud your stated goal of remaining pure, I must say that I find your “sex is gross” stance unhealthy. When one reads things like that (especially with the insults, i.e., foul individual, perverted men), it leads to thinking that sexuality is a dirty, nasty thing. It also leads to some people having a great deal of anxiety, fear and loathing regarding sex. Is that the right motivation for one to avoid premarital sex? I doubt it because it only makes the wedding night into a torture (what will she think of me? will I gross her out? will she laugh at me? etc.) instead of the beautiful joining of two persons into one flesh.

I’m not implying that sex is gross, though I can see where people get that from my post, but it was those men who were gross, and “gross” in their behaviour, having sex with every thing that moved, beign generally impolite, trying to force their ways into the beds of younger women, making foul jokes in company, it was their behaviour that I found gross, et cetera. I’m was just trying to be tactful in calling them an exit for bodily waste materials.

I have to be honest when I say I’m surprised those men didn’t have sexual convictions of some form.

Of course, to recuse myself, I have to say I have yet to meet a gentleman of quality in such matters in real life, who I could see myself marrying once all things were considered, so I probably am walking around with some kind of complex.

 

[OraLabora]

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been there and done that.

So too, has Saint Augustine. And many of us here, self included. We’re in good company…

Where is the permanence in your ceremony and papers?

Wow, old thread resurrected.

You bring up a great point. I know people who have had an annulment of their “permanent” Catholic marriage. Others (in and out of the Church), have had a civil divorce.

A very good friend of mine passed away Sunday, after a 2-year battle with cancer. He was 54. He was never married, neither in the Church, nor in a civil union. He was “shacked up”. Well he was shacked up with the same woman long enough to raise two wonderful children now in their 20s. Of the many couples I know they were the ones with one of the most loving relationships. They were as in love as two teenagers and she (and his daughter) was at his side when he died. How many people with the “piece of paper” will never be able to die in the same manner with their original partner?

Yes I’m Catholic, yes I believe in sacramental marriage and yes, I believe that is the ideal for couples. I have a probing question though: I don’t know of anyone being refused an annulment. Is that the norm? Does anybody here know of any Catholics being refused an annulment when going through the full process?

If not, then the Church (or rather her clergy) may be its own worst enemy when talking about marriage, and in fact the clergy may be talking out of both sides of their mouths. If yes, then I take that back.