What is your single life like?

[HeWillProvide]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?
Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?
How much are you involved with your church?
Do you date a lot?
Just seeing how other single people are…most of my friends are married.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

My single state is chosen and voluntary. Sometimes it can be my greatest joy, at other times, my heaviest cross. At times it is fun and not at all boring, at other times the opposite. Financially, I think it is easier than married people with a family. I only really have (survival wise) my own needs to be met.

Do you see your friends a lot?

Not many at all are my close friends, very few! I don’t see them a lot and do prefer to be alone, although I can socialize and enjoy myself with the best of them and do love to socialize if the opportunity should occur.

Or only a few times a month/year?

I would say probably a few times every few months or so.

How much are you involved with your church?

Not much at all as my parish seems to have problems with the fact I suffer Bipolar. I have now adjusted to this.

Do you date a lot?

Don’t date at all - private vow of Chastity…no regrets either.
It can be strange how life at times (in any state of life I am sure) can be very burdensome and a real cross and yet one would not change that state of life for the world.

Blessings and regards…Barb

 

[ghaybyers1]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?
Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?
How much are you involved with your church?
Do you date a lot?
Just seeing how other single people are…most of my friends are married.

My single life is currently really good for me. I have quite a bit of healing and prayer to do since the end of my engagment. My singledom, while I chose it, was not exactly voluntary. If my former partner was a different person, I’d be gladly married now and praying to be blessed with children.

I think that single life is just as fun and as boring as my past relationship… although I will say that oftentimes loneliness creeps in (but doesn’t last long, I usually just find the nearest church and sit in adoration, or pray the rosary)

I don’t see my friends often, no. I believe that is more related to the fact that most of my true friends are from the newspaper I work for (for 8/12 months of the year) and right now, we are all on our 4 month vacation.

As for involvement with my church… it is next to none. I am starting RCIA soon- hopefully then it will be more!

I don’t date at all right now. Generally, that is related to my needing space for the past little while, coupled with the fact that I’m a bit of a workaholic. When I’m not working, I prefer to be in prayer or with my family.

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

Involuntary. Sometimes it’s convenient, but I wouldn’t describe it as “fun”. Boring? No, there are far too many things to do for life ever to be boring.

Financially, it’s very difficult. In this part of the world, cost of living is sky-high, and it really takes two salaries to manage comfortably, without struggling. I don’t eat out, go to movies, or go on vacation, and I don’t have any of the currently popular electronic “toys” (and I’m typing this on a ten-year-old-plus PC that’s running Windows 98 and living on borrowed time. ). I can’t afford to live where I work (housing costs are too high there), and I can’t afford to work where I live (salaries are too low here), so I spend a lot of time on the road, commuting. Most single people I know share housing with their parents, if that is an option for them.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

I see my fellow Franciscans often (they are absolutely top-notch!), but other than that – no. Sadly, many people are simply not welcoming enough of including single people in their lives. Since I don’t have children, and many married people I know have lives that revolve almost completely around their children (or grandchildren), there’s a big disconnect – we really don’t have a lot in common. All I can contribute to the conversation is talk about my cats, and most parents aren’t that interested. Similarly, I have little interest in, or tolerance for, endless chat about diapers or toddler discipline problems.

How much are you involved with your church?

I’m in the Choir, and active in the Secular Franciscans, and occasionally try to make it to retreats or to Lectio Divina, but I would like to be more active. Unfortunately, between my job, and having to do all of the men’s work as well as all of the women’s work at home doesn’t leave me with a lot of spare time (who started the myth that single people all have bucketloads of free time? )

Do you date a lot?

I don’t date at all (and haven’t for years). First of all, I loathe the whole concept of dating. It doesn’t help that I grew up at the height of the so-called “sexual revolution” (gag me, please), in a time and place where if you didn’t sleep with a guy on the first date, you didn’t get a second date – that negatively colored the concept of dating for me. At my current age, I am invisible to men (better odds of getting struck by lightning, twice, than of getting married). I don’t encounter many unmarried men my age, and those I do encounter are either older widowers who don’t wish to marry again, men who are discerning a second vocation to the priesthood or the religious life (off-limits!) or men who are looking for pretty women who are still young enough to have children.

Strangely enough, I don’t really experience loneliness very often, and when I do, it generally takes the form of wishing I had someone to share some special event with. Secular Franciscanism is about 50% active life, and 50% prayer and contemplation, so that actually works pretty well with being single.

 

[Rachel_J]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

I’d describe it as accepted rather than voluntary. It’s not as though I could change the situation tomorrow if I decided too.

It can be fun, and it can be boring. It is definitely not financially easy.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

Every month I suppose - sometimes less, sometimes more. I concur with the poster that commented that the suggestion that single folks have a lot of spare time is an absolute myth.

CarolAnnSFO:

Sadly, many people are simply not welcoming enough of including single people in their lives. Since I don’t have children, and many married people I know have lives that revolve almost completely around their children (or grandchildren), there’s a big disconnect – we really don’t have a lot in common. All I can contribute to the conversation is talk about my cats, and most parents aren’t that interested. Similarly, I have little interest in, or tolerance for, endless chat about diapers or toddler discipline problems.

This sums up the situation perfectly.

How much are you involved with your church?

Not at all. Ofcourse I haven’t even started RCIA yet

Do you date a lot?

I don’t date at all.

 

[Salonika]

Hello HeWillProvide

Here’s my responses to those of your questions that are relevant to me. Look forward to reading more responses and seeing patterns and non patterns.

For some reason couldn’t get the quote system to work (usually am able to) so have used bold instead for the headings.

**Voluntary? Involuntary? **
Mine’s voluntary - knew from an early age marriage and children were not for me.

Recognise there are advantages in being a happy marriage - companionship, someone to talk the day over with etc but the disadvantages outweigh them for me eg being with someone most of the time, always having to take someone else’s views, priorities into account. I get edgy when I am around people for too long.

Fun? Boring?
Fun at times, never boring. Ups and downs (like being married I expect) with the ups predominant. I am able to follow my hobbies when and where I want to in my spare time. I can go to the movies, plays etc when I want - I’ve never been worried about going to them on my own.

I never get bored. There’s always a good book to read, something new to learn about.

**Financially easy **
It is okay now I am older (late 50’s). At first it was difficult as I learnt from sharing once (it was okay) that it wasn’t what I wanted. Also there is the down of having to do all the housework etc.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?
Have friends I go out to lunch with regularly, keep in touch with a few close friends. Most of them have similiar interests .

Don’t socialise in large groups very much as these are not my thing.

**Do you date a lot? **
Don’t date - can’t remember when I did last. But that doesn’t stop me going out for dinner with unmarried or unpartnered guys I know and like to catch up with.

**Other comment **
I wouldn’t be without my two cats who I love dearly and who love me. Think it is their reserve, their demand for privacy and for taking them on their terms is part of their appeal. But what also appeals to me is their affection and concern. Also I am very aware that they are cats and that they should be treated as such not as surrogate children. I often refer to them as my brother and sister (I don’t have siblings).

 

[Bataar]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?

I like my single life. At the moment, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Voluntary?

It’s mostly voluntary. While there are times I think it would be nice to have an SO, the process of getting to that point is so unbearable I don’t think it’s worth it.

Fun? Boring?

Can be both sometimes. The important thing is that it’s peaceful. I avoid hassle as much as possible and while relationships have their good points. They’re definitely too much hassle to keep and maintain.

Financially easy?

Pretty much. I’m definitely not living a luxurious life by any means, but I get by.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

I see them about as much as I want to. This has been one of the best years I can think of for movies and we’ve been going to a movie nearly every weekend. When there’s stuff to do, I see my friends a lot, but when there’s not really anything of interest, I don’t see them much.

How much are you involved with your church?

Other than going to Mass, none at all. I’m not a social person and the churches in my area are borderline protestant/heretical so I don’t want to spend more time with them than I have to.

Do you date a lot?

None at all. Dating a major part of the “unbearable process” I mentioned earlier.

Just seeing how other single people are…most of my friends are married.
More and more of my friends are getting married and falling by the wayside as well. I lost two friends to marriage this year alone so far.

 

[Belgarion]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary?

No…totally involuntary

Involuntary?

Oui.
My single state is …undesired…lol

Fun? Boring?

Mostly boring. Sundays (and usually wednesdays) are the only recreation I can regularly get and they aren’t even FOR recreation (Choir, Mass)

Financially easy?

Yes. No GF to buy stuff for…
But I live with my family still…they pay for everything since I babysit and do housework all day every day.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

Oh I see them every week…I just don’t get to do much of anything with them…

How much are you involved with your church?

I used to be an altar boy, then I joined the choir.

Do you date a lot?

No…I’ve never been on a date in my entire life…

 

[Nick9]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary?

Voluntary. I think it is also God’s will for me. I just have this deep desire to keep myself free for God, I don’t know why, other than it being His will.

Fun? Boring?

I am studying for a degree as well as working, so I don’t really get time to be bored. I don’t have much fun at the moment, but I will finish the degree on the 26th of this month, so that will hopefully lighten me up a bit

Financially easy?

I am not well off financially, but I have enough for my needs and a bit left over to save for car repairs and other emergencies.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

I don’t have that many friends. I have a friend who I used to work with and who see every fortnight for a drink and a curry. I have friends who I see at church after Saturday night Mass for a drink in the church bar. I also have a friend who I chat with online.

How much are you involved with your church?

I am involved quite a lot with my church. I am involved in music and am an EMHC. I have cut down a lot since I started studying.

Do you date a lot?

I don’t date at all.

A bit boring, but there you have it

 

[Archus]

** How would you describe your single life?**
At the moment, pretty sucky.

** Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?**
A bit of both on the voluntary/involuntary. Mainly because I want to date, but I just don’t do anything about it. A self created vicious circle, but it will change when I get back to university.

** Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?
**Well a lot of my friends are at university, so I only see them during term time, but when I do, I see them every day.

** How much are you involved with your church?
**I am the Choirmaster so I have to play the piano and organise the music at mass, and run the choir, which is voluntary and full of students (we have a student mass on campus). Plus there is a catholic society on campus where basically everyone who goes to mass is also part of the society. I am co-president starting in September.

** Do you date a lot?**
No, but I want that to change.

 

[ladylinguist]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?

My life, like any life, has moments of satisfaction and moments when I would like to be anything and anywhere else. I keep fairly busy.

Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

Involuntary in the sense that I really do feel that marriage is my vocation and I’m looking for a significant other. Voluntary in the sense that I could be involved in a relationship if I were willing to lower my standards (which I most emphatically am not!). No, not financially easy, but, then again, whose life is?

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?
I don’t have many super close friends, due to the fact that I’ve moved around to frequently for the military. My best friend is probably my cousin and the distance between us means I see her perhaps once a year, if I’m lucky. But I have plenty of people to socialize with on a regular basis.

How much are you involved with your church?
Just Mass. There aren’t any other church related activities at the base chapel as far as I know.

Do you date a lot?

Unfortunately, no. I haven’t had a date in over a year and a half. I’m the only practicing Catholic I know and I won’t date a non-Christian.

I’m usually OK with my life. It’s not a bad life to be living. However, I feel very deeply that I’m called to marriage and there are moments when I feel very envious of my friends (all of whom are either married or engaged). It’s hard to be the only single one sometimes, especially when there are no prospects in sight.

 

[barb_finnegan]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

A little bit of both. Most of my ‘actvities’ are solitary-reading, listening to music, taking walks. Financially, things are a little tight-haven’t been able to find a job since August. But somehow, God always provides…

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

I don’t have a lot of friends-the few I have are usually older and are married or widowed. I have one dear friend in England-he’s a priest who was ordained by JPII-but I only have contact from him by snail mail and an occasional phone call.

How much are you involved in your church?

Not much at all-I go to two Latin Mass chapels. The priests come from out of town, say Mass and [maybe] hear confessions, then they leave. Besides the Latin Mass, I’m in Perpetual Adoration. But I don’t have a parish to go to now-too much closing/consolidating going on. I used to be a lector, and sang both in a choir and as a cantor. I don’t do either now since I go to the Latin Mass.

Do you date a lot?

NO-I can count on the fingers of one hand anything that resembled a ‘date’-and they were a long time ago! I don’t miss it, because I never dated in my ‘younger’ years.

Just seeing how other single people are…most of my friends are married.

 

[Jennifer_G]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

Involuntary - medical issues that I was born with prevent me from natural marital relations, which I think wouldn’t allow me to be married. I’d also say it’s financially easy - I live with my parents (my sister is doing the same - prices are so expensive around here!!!), but I do support my parents. I also don’t feel that drawn to marriage (mainly because I know I also can’t have any children).

I fill up my time at home by praying the Rosary, and reading posts on CAF.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

I’m a computer programmer. Computer programmers have no friends. (Actually, I do, but many have moved far away - and I don’t drive, either…)

How much are you involved with your church?

I’m in a prayer/Bible Study group, but other than that, not as much as I’d like. Most things are during the day, when I work.

Do you date a lot?

Nope. See first question.

 

[marietta]

How would you describe your single life?

Invaded by unwelcome acquaintances. No safe haven, no security.

Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

Voluntary. Not fun; not boring. Financially crippling.

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

I see old friends once or twice a year. I don’t have friends in the area where I live and work.

How much are you involved with your chur****ch?

I am not.

Do you date a lot?

If I even consider it, and I will not for the duration of my tenure here, my daughter has instructions to incapacitate me until such time as I regain my senses.

marietta

 

[MarcoPolo]

Like many involuntarily single people, even when things are busy or fun, there remains the void caused by the inability to actualize what one feels is one’s vocation to be married. It’s probably a lot like how Father Corapi felt when he was first kicked out of the Franciscan order…when he was forced to take off his habit, he said it was like taking his “skin off.” Probably because he knew his vocation and was forced into being deprived of it.

So like some others here, yes it’s a cross, but I do my best to make use of my time. Have plenty of friends. Am never bored. Seem to be able to attract women, just not compatible ones. Church groups have never panned out much for me. I did date one Catholic young lady a few years ago whom I got along with, and although I think we had differing interests and wouldn’t have stayed together in the long term, she ended up moving out of state anyway long before our relationship was really that serious. So even when I make some progress, it’s like God steps in and says, “No soup for you.” And so there is little recourse but to take this inability to fulfill a vocation and offer it up, as Father Corapi says. Sometimes I think the suffering singles of this world are keeping purgatory from overflowing.

 

[Beachcomber]

This is an interesting thread. When I was single, I experienced much of what the posters have mentioned. Being single is hard financially, that’s a big thing; but also, there is the feeling of exclusion in social events and church activities. The parish I attended had nothing for adult singles. This is an area of ministry that parishes should actively look into.

 

[ThomasEugene]

How would you describe your single life?

My single life? Happy… I’m just contented on being single

Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?

It’s voluntary. Most of the people of my age group havd many boyfriends and girlfriends. I am not interested in relationships. It’s fun! It’s not boring! And it’s financially easy! Some people I know tend to become sad when they receive no gift from thei bf or gf. “They don’t rememebr our anniversary”. So

Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?

I see friends always. I still go to school. But I on’t go out with them frequently. Maybe once every 3 months.

How much are you involved with your church?

I don’t know. We attend pilgrimages, Archdiocesan congress.

Do you date a lot?

NO I don’t even know what happens in a date! All i know is that people just eat together and talk. Is that it?

 

[white_lily]

how does queenship look like?it is same as being a spouse of our lord the king of all ages.in a literar not a metaphorical sense(as it is for other christians)and about temptations…like a queen tempted to adultery by an unworthy slave…

 

[lucyenglish77]

This is kind of a follow-up to my other question about being single:
How would you describe your single life?
Voluntary? Involuntary? Fun? Boring? Financially easy?
Do you see your friends a lot? Or only a few times a month/year?
How much are you involved with your church?
Do you date a lot?
Just seeing how other single people are…most of my friends are married.

Single life is calm, quiet and free at the moment. God called me in this life for now. So, I am going along for the ride.

Friends? No, I see two families: my biography and the Dominican Order everyday!

I am involved in liturgical ministries at my parish.

I never dated before.

Personally, I don’t worry about it anymore after Sunday. It is a timewaster to worry about being single. Since I have been Catholic, I realized that being single is not a punishment but a blessing. Since I have been in formation to be a lay Dominican, I thought that maybe I really don’t need to get married and start a family; I can just hang with the Dominican family who is tied to Christ, the bridegroom.

Prayers are with you. Enjoy the moment right now. God has put you in this place right now to bless someone or others in your parish.

Pax Christi,

Eileen Bellamy
Lay Dominican Inquirer

 

[Appleby]

My single life was kind of involuntary – that it is, it was ‘chosen’ by the other choices I made, e.g. I could never get my brain around the idea, as we used to say in Mensa, “Dumb men like dumb women. Smart men like dumb women.” I also like fast cars, politics, sports and other masculine pasttimes and dislike shopping, dress-up, cocktail parties, dishes, diapers and divorce. I get along very well with men of all ages, and also with boys – I raised two boys and a foster grandson, and my great-grandnephews adore me. I don’t get along well with women.

I have travelled all over the world – have been to England more than 15 times, France 6 times (24 Hours of Le Mans!), Australia twice, and about 25 other countries once each. I live in Canada but am an American citizen. I have stood on every continent (I was in Antarctica for 20 minutes – flew across from Punta Arenas with a group in a tiny little plane just to say I’d done it) and have friends everywhere in the world except Canada – only internet friends here as this is the unfriendliest country I have ever heard of in my life. Getting bored, as Eloise said, is not allowed. I do heaps of volunteer work, look after family members who are in need, attend about 10 car races a year (sports cars mainly, Atlantics and Star Mazda, Speed World Challenge and some other touring car races in Europe) and read voraciously.

I see my friends on line every day. When I lived in the States or happen to be in a country where I have friends, I saw them frequently – European and Australian friends I see by prior arrangement, and my Italian gentleman friend I see when he sends for me.

I am not a good budgeter so my finances are up and down. I operate on the premise that I should always earn more than I spend, in the aggregate. I give a lot of money to charity and to family members who need me, particularly my Mama and one needy sister at the present time. Daddy died in October and things have become rather chaotic right now.

I stopped dating, per se some time in the 1980s when I realized that if a man did not make my life better with him than without him, I was better off without him. At my age what they want is either a Nurse or a Purse. I visit and have dinner with friends of both sexes equally. My Italian gentleman friend, who is considerably younger than I am, invites me to visit him and we go to Monaco (for example) and harass the guy on the gate of the Ferrari Only car-park to try to get him to let us in with a Dino. Some day he will either let us in or jump into Monaco Harbour and I hope I am there to see it.

When married friends tell me I will be sorry some day that I did not marry, have kids, buy property etc. I tell them that some day they will be sorry they never saw a sunset from the Amalfi Drive through the windscreen of a Lamborghini Diablo.

Oh, and as for church, I attend Mass regularly and pray the Rosary with a group of ladies – pray the Rosary every day at home – my church is militantly unfriendly so that’s pretty much it for me there. But I enjoy the service and I like the priest, and the other five churches I tried were just as unfriendly, so I am philosophical about it all.