What makes a girl/guy marriage material?

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I try not to have a list per se, because I know that God’s plan is always better than my plan. One of my favorite quotes is “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” That’s from the movie Bella, hence my username. 😉 But of course we all have our preferences and a general idea of what we are ‘looking for’. Here are a few of mine:

Catholic preferably, but I really have to try to keep my mind open on this one. My dad wasn’t Catholic when my parents married and he is now one of the best Catholics I know. I would be open to a non-Catholic if they were respectful of my faith, would attend mass with me, and I really felt God was bringing us together.
Funny This is a big one for me. I relate to people more easily if I can share a laugh with them and my favorite people in the world are really funny people. Maybe it’s because I grew up with several brothers who are hilarious. I don’t know! 🙂
Kind This is a big one as well. Someone who is a truly kind-hearted person is very attractive.
Wants Kids and Will Practice NFP I come from a large family and I want kids, so naturally I probably wouldn’t consider marrying someone who didn’t want kids!!! :rolleyes:

Like I said, these are just those general attributes I’d like to hope my future husband will have. God knows better than me, so I try to keep my mind and heart open!
 
You should go to law school, Bella. Trust me on that one. On second thought, nah, you’re too innocent and sweet for that. It would be a pity.
 
  1. Someone that realizes Coke is superior to Pepsi.:cool:
Actually, the original list is pretty good. I’m not sold on the four-year university requirement though. I make it a point to never let my schooling interfere with my education.
 
chevalier said:
You should go to law school, Bella. Trust me on that one. On second thought, nah, you’re too innocent and sweet for that. It would be a pity.
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Haha, law school? I don’t think I’d make the cut. I’m an accountant! 🙂
 
Bella85 said:
I’m not a fan either 🤷 I don’t do it and it bothers me to be around it.
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Oh, I beg your pardon, I wasn’t clear. I was wondering why smoking appeared so consistently on people’s lists as a major issue. I don’t see it that way, actually, although it could be highly impractical with my asthma.
Bella85 said:
Haha, law school? I don’t think I’d make the cut. I’m an accountant! 🙂
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You laid your post out so clearly it gave you away. 🙂
 
I always said I wouldn’t date a woman who smoked, and I ended up marrying one. 🙂 She quit smoking as soon as she became pregnant with our first son.

I would not use a college degree as a criterion for a good spouse.

Stay in grace, pray for good wife, and you will know when you have met the right woman.
 
  1. Love.
If God chooses our mates, then we really have no choice in the matter. We will want and love that person no matter what they’re like. Also, every person is so unique and though it’s not impossible, that right person out there might have traits we didn’t anticipate that are either for better or worse…know what I mean? It’s fun to make lists and such, and it’s not a bad idea in the least, and I’ve done it, but it could blind people to their true matches.

This question is hard for me because I just got out of a very serious relationship and I am having to face the possibility that that person was not “the one” even though I still am convinced they are. We had issues that were due to my uncertainty about wanting to get married/be so committed and our disagreements about religion… He (non-Christian) decided our differences were too significant to be reconciled because neither of us was willing to budge 😦 and now I am struggling with what God might want from me…

“Criteria” (not in any order)
  1. Creative and unique. Lover of art, literature, music. A passionate being who is crazy and loves life.
  2. Spontaneous, yet reliable and stable. Not a bump on a log, but still surprising. I do not like routine and I do not like ruts. Someone always coming up with ideas for things for us to do (always dating even after marriage) and for whom I do the same.
  3. Someone who makes me feel like I’m going to pass out with nervousness, but can still be my best friend, someone I can really talk to.
  4. Someone who actually knows things about the world and has their own opinions, who detests the mainstream and is able to dialogue with me instead of me just talking at someone about something I care about.
  5. Someone with a deep connection or at least a pursuit of such a connection with God. Who sees the world and life in a similar way I do (a “mystical” way). Someone who seeks out their own understanding of God instead of objecting to religion/God using the same tired notions as the rest of people, and who can understand me and our purpose from this perspective.
  6. Physical and sexual compatibility (this discussed, not tried out :o) Someone who has similar views about it as I do.
  7. Someone who values and respects women and does not fall prey to any of the bull that represents “masculinity” in our culture.
  8. Good character. Do what you say you’re going to do. Someone not afraid of work and commitment.
  9. Someone I love. It’s hard for me to overcome selfishness, pride and to have empathy. This person ideally would make all of those efforts just fall away because I care about nothing more than to love them, it requires sacrifice yet is effortless, someone I would be happy to spend my whole life loving. Someone to whom I run towards, the rest of the male species disappears in romantic notice. I lose myself in love with this person.
  10. Someone who motivates me to be better, to improve myself.
  11. Someone who does not encourage negative parts of me or bring me away from God.
  12. Mature, but not as serious as me.
  13. Not rude. Doesn’t litter.
  14. Someone who loves me just as I am, who understands my values and protects what I value out of love for me.
  15. Someone who doesn’t distract me from my hopeful career as a writer.
Funny, except for 5, 15 and sort of 11 and sort of 3, this list resembles my exboyfriend. And 5 is the dealbreaker 😦

Sorry if those other details are annoying but this does hit home for me.
 
Personally, I would love to date someone – just SOMEONE, for crying out loud. So be happy, you’re way farther than me. 😦

My ideals:
  1. a truly devout Catholic who places God above anything else in life
  2. wants a decently-sized family (5 or more kids)
  3. has work ethic and has (or is looking for) a good job, someone who will support the family
  4. someone with a good family (parents and siblings)
However, I’m at the point where I could pretty much make it work with anybody. When it comes to the base, all a girls really wants is

– a guy who has a heart and can handle commitment, basically, not a jerk
and
– to be loved like no one has been loved before.

Just love, guys. That’s all. Don’t try to “understand” us, just love us.
 
I suppose that college education should be a bit more defined. While it is true that not all college grads should’ve even graced a dormitory, the modern outlook on someone with little to no schooling isn’t terribly motivated to improve their lot in life and plans to work at Burger King or Mobil until death.

I think that’s why most people want someone with a degree. Want a large family? Get a really high paying job, because that’s what is required currently. Of course, maybe I’m being too critical. I live in Connecticut where the cost of living is higher than most other states in the USA.

Oh, and I forgot to mention I’m not into drugs, smoking, or drinking.
 
lovemybatman said:
It’s fun to make lists and such, and it’s not a bad idea in the least, and I’ve done it, but it could blind people to their true matches.
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Yup.
This question is hard for me because I just got out of a very serious relationship and I am having to face the possibility that that person was not “the one” even though I still am convinced they are. We had issues that were due to my uncertainty about wanting to get married/be so committed and our disagreements about religion… He (non-Christian) decided our differences were too significant to be reconciled because neither of us was willing to budge 😦 and now I am struggling with what God might want from me…
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I hope it’s going to get better for you. Those things need time. I know you weren’t asking for advice or suggestions, but who knows, maybe it will help you to know an outside perspective:
  1. Someone who makes me feel like I’m going to pass out with nervousness, but can still be my best friend, someone I can really talk to.
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That’s a difficult one because normally friends are people who make you the opposite of nervous and that is comfortable and safe. They do not undermine your feeling of safety and don’t want you to feel anxiety or anything of the kind. I suppose when you talked about passing out with nervousness, you meant a strong impact, but not something to make you feel unsafe, uncertain? Something like trying to impress someone whom you regard very highly (and thus not very far away from father, teacher, priest, boss…) and you don’t know whether you’ll succeed. That you may find in a friend (it happens if we have rather spectacular friends, even if we aren’t immediately attracted to them), but the other thing (i.e. anxiety, uncertainty, lack of safety) not so. A friend will try to ease those feelings - even if you fall for him (and the other way round too). So… perhaps focus on reading that difference well? It may be difficult, as many young people tend to seek to feel uncertain or insecure because of some form of conditioning - same way, perhaps, as some people repeatedly pursue mates with the same negative qualities a person’s parent of the opposite sex possessed. People may simply thing that those sensations which are then felt are part of the feeling of being in love.
  1. Someone who doesn’t distract me from my hopeful career as a writer.
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No to argue, but remember you’re talking about someone very close and important to you, right? That formulation rather clearly puts him on the second place after your career. The thing with people is that we can’t have them come when we want them and go when we want them (it doesn’t work that way with cats, either). Would you feel right if you, say, came across a dating profile where it said, “doesn’t distract me from my career?” Wouldn’t you feel not regarded as highly as you should be, not allowed to be as close as you would like to be, demoted perhaps? It works the same way with a man.
 
susaned said:
i like this post and great topic for discussion! I consider myself “single as in not-married but currently in a serious relationship with Jesus Christ”

As a single 27 y/o woman I found it so inspiring to read the lists posted by men and I think gave me hope that one day I’ll find one who also upholds those sort of standards for a wife 🙂 I totally agree with all the criteria listed by others (except unfortunately I’m not a great cook so i hope that doesn’t rule me out completely to potential men…i’m completely willing and would love to learn though!
I just wanted to add what I’m looking for at least, would include a husband who inspires me to grow in my faith and challenges me to become a better person each day of my life. I get criticized a lot from family/friends for being ‘too picky’ and being unrealistic for wanting to find a Catholic husband…but I refuse to settle for anything less. No one said being a Catholic was ever supposed to be easy…

xoxo

Susan Elizabeth
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I’m 49y/o if I was more like 27y/o I’d want your phone Number
 
I think those of you who are “open-minded” about religion should spend a day or at least several hours reading through the Family Life section of this forum, and also reading other Christian forums (marriage and family life sections).

Over and over, you will read of heartbreaking situations where a religious person married someone who was not particularly religious, or who practiced a different religion, or a different brand of Christianity (e.g., Catholic and Protestant) than they did. Within a short time, the differences surfaced and the result was loneliness, grief, frustration, anger, despair, fear over the eternal soul of the spouse, constant conflict over the raising of the children, estrangement from other family members, loss of faith entirely, and often, separation and divorce.

I’ve been married 30 years and I’m still very much in love and in like with my husband, so I consider myself the possessor of some form of “expertise” when it comes to marriage.

Marry someone who believes and practices their beliefs like you. It is a GAMBLE, a HUGE gamble, to marry outside of your faith understanding, and the odds are very much stacked against you.

Do NOT expect that a spouse will ever “convert” to your religion. It is just as likely that you will convert to theirs. Think about that.

When you marry someone of a different religious bent, you are closing off a part of your life and personality to that spouse, and THAT is not good in any marriage. In a marriage, both spouses should be completely and totally open with and to each other. They should become ONE–and if the religions don’t match, they will be like two puzzle pieces that almost fit, but not quite.

It’s like having a dish with a crack in it. The dish can certainly be used in many settings. The dish can be beautiful if the dish is displayed in such a way that the crack can’t be seen. But the crack weakens the dish and eventually, the dish will break apart.

Often in these “mixed” religious marriages (read the threads) one spouse will meet another person who IS compatible with them when it comes to religion. This just makes it harder for them to come home to their “real” spouse. They realize what they are missing. Sometimes, they end up in an affair with that other person, their “true soul mate,” as they see it.

It is utterly delightful for me and my husband to attend church together, to discuss over dinner what the pastor sermonized, to volunteer for various church ministries together, to read Scripture and discuss it, to pray together, to KNOW that any decision that comes up in our lives will be made based on what GOD’S will is, not what our will is.

I would go so far as to say that our oneness when it comes to religion makes our sex life better. Both of us are aware that we are practicing a “sacrament” when we make love, and this makes our love-making abandoned and exhilarating and exciting. We are creating a picture of the relationship between Jesus and His beloved bride, the Church.

Read the Song of Songs. That’s what you should going for in a marriage.

IMO, religion is THE preeminent requirement for a potential spouse. You shouldn’t even be dating someone who is not of your religion and who does not practice religion in the same way and with the same fervor (or lack of fervor) that you practice. Read those sad threads, and learn from the mistakes of many others who have gone before you.
 
Over and over, you will read of heartbreaking situations where a religious person married someone who was not particularly religious, or who practiced a different religion, or a different brand of Christianity (e.g., Catholic and Protestant) than they did. Within a short time, the differences surfaced and the result was loneliness, grief, frustration, anger, despair, fear over the eternal soul of the spouse, constant conflict over the raising of the children, estrangement from other family members, loss of faith entirely, and often, separation and divorce.

.

This happend to me ( my marriage finished in divorce) and I married a catholic. I have three brothers who married people of no religion at all and their marriages are fine.
 
Cat said:
Over and over, you will read of heartbreaking situations where a religious person married someone who was not particularly religious, or who practiced a different religion, or a different brand of Christianity (e.g., Catholic and Protestant) than they did. Within a short time, the differences surfaced and the result was loneliness, grief, frustration, anger, despair, fear over the eternal soul of the spouse, constant conflict over the raising of the children, estrangement from other family members, loss of faith entirely, and often, separation and divorce.

.
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This happened to me and I married a catholic convert. I have three brothers that are married to people with no religion at all and their marriages are fine as far as I know.
 
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