What should an entering freshman that was rejected by Notre Dame do if he feels isolated at a school he never wanted to attend do?

[TomJennings]

I am soon going to start my first year at some public midwestern school, but I never wanted to go here and even after living on campus for only a few days, my lack of energy for this institution and lack of excitement for being here is making me feel like an outsider. The school I have always wanted to go to is Notre Dame, and I am hoping I can transfer there next year. I am worried that because I might not be making many friends here, my grades could be mediocore and my dream of attending Notre Dame will fade away while I am stuck in a place I don’t want to be or belong. What should I do in the meantime to try to have at least some fun at a school I do not belong at? I obviously can’t ask my roommate or anybody else on campus. Does anybody have any advice?

 

[Julian0404]

Yes, give up the “pity party” and cowboy up to being an adult.

 

[George_Stegmeir]

I agree with Julian 0404. Act like a man! In my lifetime I have known many men who have overcome disappointment to go on to even great things. In my fathers case, he never intended to immigrate to the US, but he did and became famous in his field during his lifetime. In my case, many years ago, I was turned down for admission to Yale for reasons that would be illegal today, and ended up going to a State University under the Korean GI Bill. By dilligent application, I was offered full felloships by several universities, including Yale, to do graduate work. You can imagine the pleasure I got from writing Yales Dean of Students who turned me down to turn down their offer.
What you must do is concentrate on your studies and get as much out of your courses as you can. Don’t study to get a passing grade, actually LEARN THE MATERIAL. the grades will take care of themselves. Then, after a year or two, finances permitting, you might look to transfer if that fits your plans.
Don’t kid yourself, Notre Dame today has not lived up to its reputation. Despite the fact it has a priest for a president, it is a disgrace as an institution of Catholic learning, permitting pro-choice and pro gay events on campus while discouraging public expression by those on campus who uphold church teachings on these subjects.
Believe me, you are better off where you are. I also suggest you seek out the Newman Club on your campus.

 

[aicirt]

All you have is the present so make the most of what you have where you are. You have absolutely no guarantee that you will get in to the school of your dreams and even if you did, you don’t know if ND will be all you dreamed. I’m assuming you knew you didn’t get into ND nine months to a year ago. Isn’t that enough grief time?
You have the opportunity to shine where you are. If you are as good as you think, you might possibly be able to achieve a higher leadership status than you would have in ND. Successful people make the most of what they have. Challenge yourself to accept, excell and to be happy.

 

[jmcrae]

Yes, give up the “pity party” and cowboy up to being an adult.

Either that, or quit right now and go get a job.

You won’t always get what you want in this life. You have to accept the adventure that presents itself, and enjoy it, or else seek out something else, but whatever you do, make sure you put 100% of yourself into it, in order to get anything at all out of it.

 

[pamsparkle]

Get yourself to the Newman Center and get involved there. College isn’t just about having fun; it is about maturing and preparing for life. Go for it!

 

[Catholic90]

You will get out exactly what you put in. If you put in little effort, disinterest, and disdain, you will be miserable.

Instead, you could choose to embrace the year, meet new people, make new friends, join organizations, activities, and clubs, and grow. Have some fun and maybe learn a thing or two.

If you put in little effort to this year at the school, explain WHY ND would be interested in having you transfer. They do not want poor performing, disinterested students! They want ambitious go-getters.

After a year, you might find you really like it where you are.

 

[PatriceA]

Either that, or quit right now and go get a job.

You won’t always get what you want in this life. You have to accept the adventure that presents itself, and enjoy it, or else seek out something else, but whatever you do, make sure you put 100% of yourself into it, in order to get anything at all out of it.

Taking a year off wouldn’t be the worse thing in the world while you consider what you really or where is the best fit for you.

 

[Cat]

I agree with what everyone else has said. If you continue your present attitude, no one will like you and you won’t have any friends. Remember the skit on SNL called “Debbie Downer?” The only problem with this skit is that Debbie Downer is always shown with a group of people. That’s not real life. In real life, people tend to stay away from gloomy, negative people.

And I agree with those who say to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are fortunate in this economy to be able to attend college anywhere.

Finally, I agree with those who have said that Notre Dame may not be the heaven that you think it is.

My practical suggestions for you are:

1. Forget about yourself and be interested in everyone around you. Be friendly. Ask people their names and write the names down or do something else so that you will remember their names. Ask them to tell you about themselves, and truly listen to what they are saying, even if they have nothing in common with you. Immerse yourself in the “sea of humanity.” Remember what they told you and ask them about themselves whenever you see them.
2. Seek out organizations that do things that you are interested in. There are so many clubs at a college–surely you can find something that you like.
3. Work out. Do whatever you like to do–run, swim, dance, lift weights, skate, etc. This is a good way to meet others who share a common interest with you.
4. I agree with the suggestion to go to the Newman Center. Or just attend a Catholic church in the city or town where your school is. If you can, spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament–He will always love you, no matter what.
5. Get a job. This will help with your expenses, and also give you an opportunity to meet some like-minded students who have to work to get extra money.
6. Volunteer. There are probably student-run volunteer organizations and fraternities on your college campus, but if not, find a church or soup kitchen or community organization that needs some help, and volunteer.
7. Ask a girl out. Many college girls really are looking for a good man, and maybe you’re the one! You are now old enough to date. Do so. Don’t make a girl flirt with you and chase you. YOU step up and ask HER out.
8. STUDY! That’s what you’re there for! Dive into learning and revel in it and eat up books and papers. You will never have another chance to study as much as you will in college. Take advantage of it. If you happen to get a good professor in one of your classes, hang around his/her office and allow him/her to mentor you.
9. Don’t drink alcohol. Even if you are old enough, don’t drink when you are feeling depressed and lonely. It’s a bad idea. Do something on the list above instead.
10. Have a good year!

 

[Incomplete]

When I was college-age, I feel in love with a school that we couldn’t afford. I ended up “settling” for something a lot less (in my mind), and had no possibility of ever going to my dream school.

In the end, I loved it.

It started with my roommate. She was one of the best people I knew. We got along immediately on meeting, and she is still my friend 30-some years later, even though she lives in another state.

I made other close friends who are still in my life. I loved the Newman Center. (And oddly enough, the priest who was there has just retired, lives in the city I live in now, and celebrates Mass with us when our priest is not available!)

Remember that your real task is to grow in holiness. Remember also that whether or not you make friends or get good grades is in your control. Understand that you might want to be at Notre Dame, but maybe God wants you right where you are. And you do want to be where God wants you to be, right?

Do what you can to grow in holiness, and the rest will take care of itself.

 

[revert_jen]

Yes, give up the “pity party” and cowboy up to being an adult.

That could have been a bit more charitable and a lot more specific.

To the OP: The first few days of college are always hard. I remember during mine that I got made fun of for my accent (too southern for the place I went) and told “You’re Catholic? But that means you’re going to Hell unless you repent!” (Yes, really, in a state university, in exactly those words.)

I didn’t go to my first choice, either. Just as a bit of encouragement, I never did transfer, and I came to really enjoy my college experience. I never did really feel like I belonged up there, but you can enjoy it anyway. But besides that, just because this isn’t where you wanted to go to school, doesn’t mean there aren’t nice people there. There are probably lots of other people who wanted to go somewhere else, as well.

The best advice, regardless of whether it ends up getting you to Notre Dame or not, is to work hard. You are primarily there either to learn, or to get a degree (some people more of one, some people more of the other ), or just possibly both. Both are best served by working hard at your schoolwork. In a way, if you find it hard to make friends there, it can be a blessing, since it gives you more time to study.

But the one thing that would be absolutely fatal would be to dwell on how much this isn’t like being at school at ND. For one thing, you have never been at school at ND so you can’t really know what it is like, no matter how often you might have visited. For another, there may be some ways in which it is better to be at the school where you are, and if you are constantly thinking of ND, you will miss them. Finally, if you fantasize about ND for a year or two and then manage to transfer, it will almost certainly be a disappointment to some extent. Life is just like that.

Also, why is it obvious that you can’t ask anyone on campus about how to have a good time there? I’m assuming you weren’t thinkng of walking up to someone and saying something like, “Well, this school sucks because it’s not Notre Dame, but you people must be able to amuse yourselves somehow. What do you do?” It’s not unreasonable to say something like, “I don’t know anyone who’s gone here. Where should I go to have some fun?” at least, as long as you can make it clear that you aren’t referring to drugs or hookers or whatever. You probably have an RA or something, maybe you could ask him?

I also agree that you should look up the Newman center.

But regardless, don’t let first impressions get you down. You’re unhappy at not getting your first choice, you’re homesick for your friends, family, and/or pets, and you’re feeling isolated. This will pass pretty quickly, unless you keep it around artificially by brooding on the non-Notre-Dameness of the place.

God bless and comfort you, and make His presence there known to you.

–Jen

P.S. I personally have never in my life been comforted when I was down by people telling me, “There’s worse off than you.” I’m not really sure anyone has. So don’t let people saying that to you get you down either.

 

[puzzleannie]

concentrate on where you are now, not where you want to be.
apply yourself first to your schoolwork and ace it so you will be in a position to transfer it that opportunity arises, and be a good steward of the cost of college.

In a large midwestern campus of at least 20M you should be able to find 5-6 like minded people. Begin with campus ministry. Every and I mean every Catholic student should be involved there.

To ease loneliness, find someone to serve. There must be all kinds of volunteer opportunities on or near a large campus. Service is always the answer.

 

[Montalo]

do you really want to go to notre dame?

if that answer is yes, then you will work and apply yourself at this school, earn the best grades that you possibly can, and then reapply the following year and show notre dame that you deserve to be there. In addition to grades, you will make yourself attractive to notre dame by engaging in activites such as the newman centre, and any other clubs that you wish to be in, and be sucessful at them as well.

If you arent willing to do the above things in order to be accepted into Notre Dame, then you dont really want to go there

 

[Joannm]

Have you ever seen the film “Rudy?”

 

[SecretGarden]

I agree with what everyone else has said. If you continue your present attitude, no one will like you and you won’t have any friends. Remember the skit on SNL called “Debbie Downer?” The only problem with this skit is that Debbie Downer is always shown with a group of people. That’s not real life. In real life, people tend to stay away from gloomy, negative people.

And I agree with those who say to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are fortunate in this economy to be able to attend college anywhere.

Finally, I agree with those who have said that Notre Dame may not be the heaven that you think it is.

My practical suggestions for you are:

1. Forget about yourself and be interested in everyone around you. Be friendly. Ask people their names and write the names down or do something else so that you will remember their names. Ask them to tell you about themselves, and truly listen to what they are saying, even if they have nothing in common with you. Immerse yourself in the “sea of humanity.” Remember what they told you and ask them about themselves whenever you see them.
2. Seek out organizations that do things that you are interested in. There are so many clubs at a college–surely you can find something that you like.
3. Work out. Do whatever you like to do–run, swim, dance, lift weights, skate, etc. This is a good way to meet others who share a common interest with you.
4. I agree with the suggestion to go to the Newman Center. Or just attend a Catholic church in the city or town where your school is. If you can, spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament–He will always love you, no matter what.
5. Get a job. This will help with your expenses, and also give you an opportunity to meet some like-minded students who have to work to get extra money.
6. Volunteer. There are probably student-run volunteer organizations and fraternities on your college campus, but if not, find a church or soup kitchen or community organization that needs some help, and volunteer.
7. Ask a girl out. Many college girls really are looking for a good man, and maybe you’re the one! You are now old enough to date. Do so. Don’t make a girl flirt with you and chase you. YOU step up and ask HER out.
8. STUDY! That’s what you’re there for! Dive into learning and revel in it and eat up books and papers. You will never have another chance to study as much as you will in college. Take advantage of it. If you happen to get a good professor in one of your classes, hang around his/her office and allow him/her to mentor you.
9. Don’t drink alcohol. Even if you are old enough, don’t drink when you are feeling depressed and lonely. It’s a bad idea. Do something on the list above instead.
10. Have a good year!

I agree with 1 to 10. I also suggest that you take this time to grow in your faith by joining a church in your area, get connected with a christian group (preferably a Catholic one) and start using this time to get to know who God is as well. The first semester at any new school is always difficult. My first semester in Cegep and University was hell but eventually it got better as I made friends, joined a few groups and got into my studies. Just avoid the parties that are serving alcohol because the last thing you need to do is lose some brain cells. College education is a gift and not a right. Remember there are many people who would love to be in your position so study as hard as you can because if you don’t and you get kicked out, it will be hard to start over somewhere else.

Ignore the posts who tell you to use this time to party because if you party too much, you will lose the semester.

 

[the_phoenix]

1. Stay close to God.

1. Hit the books.

:compcoff:

1. Have fun … within reason.

:hey_bud:

 

[Slinger]

Have you ever seen the film “Rudy?”

You beat me to that answer! I was thinking “has he seen the movie Rudy?” and then came across this post. Watch the movie for some inspiration!

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I know how you feel. I was rejected from a university I wanted to attend and ended up going to my optionB. I was really sad and dissappointed at first and made all sorts of plans to trasfer the following year, but I didn’t in the end. I ended up liking my university and the programme I was in. I made some really good friends. It was not the end of the world. Now that I am in my mid 30s I can tell you that where I went to university does not have much impact on my life. Those 4 years pass quickly and once you move on it doesn’t have that much bearing on your life.

However, if you are really devastated, I suggest you drop out now and do something interesting during the gap year. You can go abroad and teach English, for example, or do some charity work in a developing country. You can do something in the USA. There are so many options out there, it just takes a bit of courage to make a decision and go with it. Who knows, maybe you need something like this right now.

 

[Cat]

I know how you feel. I was rejected from a university I wanted to attend and ended up going to my optionB. I was really sad and dissappointed at first and made all sorts of plans to trasfer the following year, but I didn’t in the end. I ended up liking my university and the programme I was in. I made some really good friends. It was not the end of the world. Now that I am in my mid 30s I can tell you that where I went to university does not have much impact on my life. Those 4 years pass quickly and once you move on it doesn’t have that much bearing on your life.

However, if you are really devastated, I suggest you drop out now and do something interesting during the gap year. You can go abroad and teach English, for example, or do some charity work in a developing country. You can do something in the USA. There are so many options out there, it just takes a bit of courage to make a decision and go with it. Who knows, maybe you need something like this right now.

This is a good idea, too.

I would add that whatever you do should not involve living at home and doing nothing while your parents or other older people support you.

 

[PaulinVA]

It is all about positive attitude. You are where you are - you must do well there, for a variety of reasons.

Get involved, as others have said. Enjoy your experiences, but also do well in class.

Life is about adapting. Adapt to where you are.

For a bit of specific advice - you were not accepted to Notro Dame - what is their transfer rate? Do they prefer Junior transfers or do they accept lower division transfers? What is the GPA of transfer students? Why do you want to go there?