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ConstantineTG
Guest
You can always go the next day, on Christmas Day itself.
Or if you want to be true to your Ukrainian roots, find a parish using the Julian Calendar and go on January 7 which is the Julian December 25th.
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Or if you want to be true to your Ukrainian roots, find a parish using the Julian Calendar and go on January 7 which is the Julian December 25th.
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Leegal
Guest
I understand, but for clarification do you not have some arrangement with your grandmother that you continue to attend each others’ services? That she’s the only one who is supportive of your Catholic faith?
However, I remind you too that you have been confronted with the dilemma of having heard disparaging comments from the pulpit and from other congregants about Catholics. At some point you are going to have to make a choice, since your grandmother cannot leave her Presbyterian Church – nor should she.
So, in the spirit of Christmas go to the Presbyterian services on Christmas Eve and then find someone to take you to the Ukranian Church on Christmas Day. This will come up next week too, so you might want to plan ahead. But at some point you are going to have to decide.
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Ukrforever
Guest
Why is it important to spend Christmas with your family? Its just another day anyway , if you take out the religious belief. When my parents and everyones gone I will just regret things anyway… so why does it matter? Also, I dont want to go Christmas day its not the same … plus id miss matins and everything before litergy. I really wanted to experience that. Also, my parents and grandmother would not attend my church if I asked and/or wanted so dont see why I should do different for them?
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Ukrforever
Guest
Please respond to what I just posted
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Ukrforever
Guest
Please respond to what I just posted because I really would like to get your opinions on what I said above.
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ConstantineTG
Guest
Well if you are a religious person then you will not take the religious belief out of the day. Also its not just about spending time with family, but the fact that you are not giving due respect to your parents. Offending other people is unChristian no only on Christmas, but also on the other 364 days of the year.
If you do not want to miss the Nativity services, then like I said, find a parish using the Julian Calendar and go on the eve of January 6th.
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adrift
Guest
I think you know what to do? You have an obligation to fulfill your word. I think you would resent not being at Church. Do you think your family would be better off with your unwilling presence or a resentful presence? You should tell your Church you will not be there if you decide not to go. The sooner the better. But I think you should go to your Church.
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adrift
Guest
It would not be disprectful to your parents to follow your belief. It is more unchristian to break your word when you have given it. What is more importand God.
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Ukrforever
Guest
Also, my parents and grandmother would not attend my church if I wanted them to why should I do differently? That is not fair
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Ukrforever
Guest
Please respond to what I have written above
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Julia_Mae
Guest
Are you saying that people are counting on you to sing and you are thinking of just not showing up? Now, at this late hour? Or are you saying you can fulfill that obligation and still go to this family service? I find it very disturbing if it’s the first thing, people are very much counting on you.Hi, my church at Christmas eve has matins and Divine Litergy starting at 8:00pm . I have gotten involved with the choir for Christmas eve and they have gotten me to do some solos.
As to the other, Christmas is a Holy Day of obligation most solemn and profound, so I assume you will somehow meet that obligation no matter what you do with your family.
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vsedriver
Guest
sometimes you have to offend people to hold true to your faith.
If you committed to the choir you should keep your commitments. You are 18 and now must learn to make adult decisions. You can’t please everyone. You can visit your grandmother on Christmas Day.
There is no right or wrong decision here but if you made a commitment you should honor it and your family should support you in honoring your commitments.
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adopted_heir
Guest
If you are Catholic, tell your family that you love them, but it is a holy day of obligation, not a matter of wanting or not wanting to be with family. If you made a prior commitment and a lot of people are depending on you to sing at choir, for Pete’s sake, don’t leave them hanging and then lie about it later! That in no way is the ‘good Catholic’ thing to do. That alienates the whole choir from trusting you, and you have something else to confess. If you feel like there is no way to participate in that evening’s choir, talk to the choir director rather than no-showing.
If you feel like you need to do both (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day) Masses, they take precedence over family. You can’t make everyone happy every time, but Christ’s presence in the Mass takes precedence over all creation. Invite Granny to come hear you sing. What grandma wouldn’t love something like that? A celebration of Christmas starring her little dearie singing up front?
If your parents have a problem still, ask what the root of the matter is. If it’s being together on Christmas, again, let them know this is really important and you already promised to be there, and invite them to come here you. If it’s a matter of resentment against you being Catholic and no one else is, then there are deeper issues you need to address as a family, letting them know that this is your religion, that it’s not a matter of personal choice but God’s established Church on Earth and in Heaven, and attendance at Mass is an obligation.
It sounds like you’re in a difficult position, but stay strong and adhere to your Faith. I’m the only Catholic in my family, so I know it can cause a lot of stress. I had to explain to a very furious mother why she couldn’t receive Communion at my wedding, and why confessing my sins to her was not the same as confessing them to a priest. You have to learn your faith, stand up for it, and stick to it. It’s hard, but you can do it. If all else fails and you have to go along with your family, don’t be bitter or a grump while you’re with them. Be cheerful and love them. As far as how long Gramma’s got left, that’s up to God to decide. She’s made it eighty-nine years without croaking, she’s probably a tougher lady than your parents are giving her credit for. Ask her first (maybe apart from your parents) if she’d want to come to your church for your special event, that it’d be very special to you to have her there and see you sing. You might be surprised.
God bless you. Good luck.
If you feel like you need to do both (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day) Masses, they take precedence over family. You can’t make everyone happy every time, but Christ’s presence in the Mass takes precedence over all creation. Invite Granny to come hear you sing. What grandma wouldn’t love something like that? A celebration of Christmas starring her little dearie singing up front?
If your parents have a problem still, ask what the root of the matter is. If it’s being together on Christmas, again, let them know this is really important and you already promised to be there, and invite them to come here you. If it’s a matter of resentment against you being Catholic and no one else is, then there are deeper issues you need to address as a family, letting them know that this is your religion, that it’s not a matter of personal choice but God’s established Church on Earth and in Heaven, and attendance at Mass is an obligation.
It sounds like you’re in a difficult position, but stay strong and adhere to your Faith. I’m the only Catholic in my family, so I know it can cause a lot of stress. I had to explain to a very furious mother why she couldn’t receive Communion at my wedding, and why confessing my sins to her was not the same as confessing them to a priest. You have to learn your faith, stand up for it, and stick to it. It’s hard, but you can do it. If all else fails and you have to go along with your family, don’t be bitter or a grump while you’re with them. Be cheerful and love them. As far as how long Gramma’s got left, that’s up to God to decide. She’s made it eighty-nine years without croaking, she’s probably a tougher lady than your parents are giving her credit for. Ask her first (maybe apart from your parents) if she’d want to come to your church for your special event, that it’d be very special to you to have her there and see you sing. You might be surprised.
God bless you. Good luck.
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puzzleannie
Guest
much better to just be honest and tell the director now while there is still time for someone else to pracice the solos, and just say your family needs you to be with them. There is of course NO option that includes missing Mass or Divine Liturgy on either Saturday evening or Sunday.
In how many families with grown children do those children absent themselves from time with granny and other family because of boyfriends and girlfriends, other social events, and anything except church?
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Tradycja
Guest
Dude just explain to the choir about your dilemma. I have found from experience that, especially if you are living at home, it is best to modify YOUR Church schedule according to your family. Even if you have to go to the Latin Church to fulfill the obligation to attend Mass/Liturgy then do it. You surely are not the only one in the choir are you? Oh yeah, and in no case should you lie to anyone, your family or the choir.
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KevinAK
Guest
This close to Christmas Eve it is a little late to back out.
Have you thought about inviting your grandmother to go to mass with you?
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ConstantineTG
Guest
a. The parish can have another person do the singing
b. There are more Masses and Liturgies the next day
c. He doesn’t have to break his word. He can tell them what the situation is honestly and tell them he cannot come. That is not breaking your word. Breaking your word is if he did what he is telling us he would do, not show up and make up a story. That is why I told him to tell the truth.
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ConstantineTG
Guest
How do you know that it is?
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ConstantineTG
Guest
That is not true. There is a difference between directly offending other people, and other people being offended by what you do. One is your fault, the other isn’t. Given that the OP has an option to go to Divine Liturgy the next day and the choir has an option to have someone else sing, why should he seek to offend his own parents and violate the Commandment to honor thy father and thy mother?
How about his commitments to his family?
There is, because he can always go to Liturgy or Mass the next day while avoiding conflict with his family.
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theistgal
Guest
Would your grandmother be physically able to attend Vespers/Divine Liturgy on Christmas Eve with you?
If so, have you asked her?
If not, then as hard as it may be for you to miss going to your church on Christmas Eve, I don’t see any really good reason why you shouldn’t stay with Grandma and go to Divine Liturgy on Sunday morning. I’m sorry, but I’m not impressed with your argument that that’s it’s not an option because it’s “super busy”. Going to church on any Sunday (Christmas or otherwise) should be your first priority.
And by the way, I’m a cantor at a Ruthenian Catholic Church, so I can tell you firsthand: I would not be angry at a fellow cantor who had to cancel out for the reason you’re providing - as long as he or she told me before the services actually began. You should give your fellow choir members time to deal with your absence. But as long as you’re honest with them, it shouldn’t be any problem.
I would, however, be very annoyed if you lied to me about your reason for not coming, or if you simply didn’t show up. That would be very disrespectful.
If so, have you asked her?
If not, then as hard as it may be for you to miss going to your church on Christmas Eve, I don’t see any really good reason why you shouldn’t stay with Grandma and go to Divine Liturgy on Sunday morning. I’m sorry, but I’m not impressed with your argument that that’s it’s not an option because it’s “super busy”. Going to church on any Sunday (Christmas or otherwise) should be your first priority.
And by the way, I’m a cantor at a Ruthenian Catholic Church, so I can tell you firsthand: I would not be angry at a fellow cantor who had to cancel out for the reason you’re providing - as long as he or she told me before the services actually began. You should give your fellow choir members time to deal with your absence. But as long as you’re honest with them, it shouldn’t be any problem.
I would, however, be very annoyed if you lied to me about your reason for not coming, or if you simply didn’t show up. That would be very disrespectful.
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