What should I do about my children?

[ukdal1]

I am currently in RCIA and have been for 6 months. We are probably going to be Confirmed next month, I think. Anyway, my 8 yr old in in RCIA for children and my 5 yr old is going to Sunday formation classes and to Mass with me on Sundays. I have a 2 yr old too, but none of them are Baptized. My wife is a Baptist and she’s not really into coming to church with me at this moment in her life. She said she is wanting to go to the Inquiry classes :extrahappy: but she cant because of the schedule with my RCIA classes and Mass . I would like to take my 2 year old with me but I think it would be more of a distraction to me than it would help him. I would like to have my two younger kids Baptized because I worry about their souls but she won’t want it because that means that I have to raise them as Catholic. I want them to be raised Catholic, but by the way she is about going to church they will be because I’m the only one of us that goes. What should I do??? Thanks and God bless…
David

 

[CB_Catholic]

I am currently in RCIA and have been for 6 months. We are probably going to be Confirmed next month, I think. Anyway, my 8 yr old in in RCIA for children and my 5 yr old is going to Sunday formation classes and to Mass with me on Sundays. I have a 2 yr old too, but none of them are Baptized. My wife is a Baptist and she’s not really into coming to church with me at this moment in her life. She said she is wanting to go to the Inquiry classes :extrahappy: but she cant because of the schedule with my RCIA classes and Mass . I would like to take my 2 year old with me but I think it would be more of a distraction to me than it would help him. I would like to have my two younger kids Baptized because I worry about their souls but she won’t want it because that means that I have to raise them as Catholic. I want them to be raised Catholic, but by the way she is about going to church they will be because I’m the only one of us that goes. What should I do??? Thanks and God bless…

                            David

Since you asked…IMHO you should have the children baptized, start taking them to Mass, and raise them Catholic. From your post it doesn’t seem that your wife would have a problem with this, you are their father and it really is your parental duty to raise them in the faith. I bet your wife won’t want to be left out of the action for too long…

 

[Fisherman_Mike]

The goal of every Christian is to love the way Jesus loved us. First, I would say be patient. If approaching this situation and your desire takes you out of the Agape (Love) of God, stop. It sounds like you have shared your desire with your wife and now just love her just the way she is as you do your kids. Just as God loves her. Remember, Love is patient, kind… If you step out of that, you step out of Love, and into sin which is not loving the way Jesus loves.

My wife is not Catholic either and I have a newly adopted daughter and we are discussing baptism. So sar we have agreed to sit with my priest to discuss baptism and I am willing to discuss it with her pastor if she like.

I would recommend not to force the situation. Even our Church teaches that forced virtue is vice.

On being raised Catholic, I believe your kids learn and do more by watching you more than anything else and less by what you say.

Hope this helps.

Michael

 

[ukdal1]

I originally posted this in Apologeticsand nobody has answered, so I will post it here. I am currently in RCIA and have been for 6 months. We are probably going to be Confirmed next month, I think. Anyway, my 8 yr old in in RCIA for children and my 5 yr old is going to Sunday formation classes and to Mass with me on Sundays. I have a 2 yr old too, but none of them are Baptized. My wife is a Baptist and she’s not really into coming to church with me at this moment in her life. She said she is wanting to go to the Inquiry classes :extrahappy: but she cant because of the schedule with my RCIA classes and Mass . I would like to take my 2 year old with me but I think it would be more of a distraction to me than it would help him. I would like to have my two younger kids Baptized because I worry about their souls but she won’t want it because that means that I have to raise them as Catholic. I want them to be raised Catholic, but by the way she is about going to church they will be because I’m the only one of us that goes. What should I do??? Thanks and God bless…

 

[blessedstar]

Ok great news!

There is only one Baptism, so have your child Baptised even if it is in the Baptist Church. Then take your child to the Catholic Church with you and go gently on your wife but keep praying she will come to the Catholic Church which by the sounds of it she will.

You don’t have anything to worry about. Once a person is Baptised Christian they do not need to be Baptised again, so do what works for now and wait on God because He will work all things to the good.

Welcome home brother

In the Livign Prayer of my life

 

[Vittorio23]

You should sit down with your wife and have a serious conversation about where you guys both are at spiritually. Be completely honest with her about where you are going spiritually, where you would like to bring your children, and how important both are to you. Be clear to her that you are in no way trying to exclude her from anything, that you would love for her to be involved and share this journey, but that you want to respect her beliefs as well and would never want to push her where she doesn’t want to go. Talk with her about where she is spiritually, where she wants to go, and what she wants to see for your children.

Both of you need to lay out everything on the table and have an open, honest conversation with one another, especially for the sake of your children.

I would say one of the most immediate subjects, when you two are speaking about your children, is baptism. From what it sounds from your wife, she should not object to at least having them baptized. If she objects to a Catholic baptism, I would speak with your priest to discuss your children’s options.

As for your 2yr old, don’t be afraid of bringing him with you to Mass. You would be surprised how much a child can gain from being at such a Holy event. They say, Mass is “Heaven on Earth”. Do not rob him of the grace of being in the presence of Christ.

And lastly, do not be afraid to lead your family in the faith. It is difficult to go forward on your own, without support of your wife, but take courage, Christ will lead you on your way. Maybe your wife is not yet ready to convert. But perhaps watching you and your children grow in faith will be the little nudging that she needs. You never know.

I will be praying for you, mate. I know what it’s like to go through this process without famial support. I’m the only Catholic in my family. Be not afraid!

~Kayla

 

[Malcolm_McLean]

My wife is a Baptist and she’s not really into coming to church with me at this moment in her life. Baptized because I worry about their souls but she won’t want it because that means that I have to raise them as Catholic. I want them to be raised Catholic, but by the way she is about going to church they will be because I’m the only one of us that goes. What should I do???

You’ve got to decide with your wife whether or not to have the children baptised and raised as Catholics. Other people can’t really help with that.

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

It sounds like your wife is simply making excusses. Suggest, you all go to her baptist church. When she refuses, request from her to have the children baptised so that they may have “religious training” and not become pagans by default.

If she agrees to go to the baptist church, then request she spend equal time with you in the catholic church.

Also, try putting the TV in the closset for six months.

 

[mesquite_magic]

As long as the wife is ok with it, take the kids to church with you. After RCIA is finished that is. Don’t you leave Mass early to finish classes? If that’s the case, it would be to difficult for you to pay attention in your class.

It is hard to take care of children and attend Mass, I won’t kid you on that one. I used to take my three by myself and my oldest has autism/ ADHD. It wasn’t a picnic, but it was do-able. The kids learned to sit and participate. That was my main goal I think it’s gone a long way to forming them as Catholics.

Don’t pressure your wife. As you well know, she has to make this decision for herself. However, after seeing you take the kids to church for a while, she may want to attend as a family. Don’t push for the kids to be baptised just yet, either. Give your wife a little time to adjust to the idea.

Kim

 

[ukdal1]

You’ve got to decide with your wife whether or not to have the children baptised and raised as Catholics. Other people can’t really help with that.

I know that, I was just asking for some advice… Surely in your 1200 posts you have asked for advice!!

 

[Debra_C]

I 100% agree-- step one is to actually discuss this with your wife, even if you think you already know what she is going to say. Do your homework first, so you can present to her your feelings and concerns and the Church’s teachings and why we believe it is important to baptize our children (even before the age of reason). If she will do so, try to get her to go with you to visit with the priest or deacon about what would take place at the baptism and just what the baptism means as well.

As for taking your two year old with you to RCIA (I think that is one of the things you were asking about–I hope I did not misunderstand) you should speak with the director of the program. That may be a priest, a deacon, or a layperson. At our parish it is the Director of Religious Education. At my own parish, I was told that if I needed to bring my children along in order to attend regularly, to do so. When we have an RCIA class with several children, our parish even provides child care for the time of the meeting. When I was attending, I was the only one, so I kept her with me. It was sometimes distracting I must admit, but better than missing out by far. I brought along quiet toys for her to play with like crayons and coloring books, puzzles, and blocks and of course snacks. sometimes she sat in the Relgious education ofice or kitchen are with another adult to snack or play, others right beside me in the meeting room. It worked out relatively well. Whatever your needs or concerns, you should talk to the program leaders. They will be the ones that can help you out and explain how far your parish can or can’t go to make accomodations for such issues.

I you meant bringing the children to Mass, you absolutely should. Many parishes have cry rooms. Others don’t. Generally unless the child is a real disruption, most people will let little noises slide-- after all, they probably have had to bring small children or accompany younger siblings to Mass before, too. If necessary, you can take the little ones out of the church for a time. At some parishes, there are speakers set up in the vestibule so that you can still hear what is going on, even while tending to noisy children outside the church. Most importantly, be patient. It takes time for children to learn what is expected of them in Mass.

Enjoy the journey and God bless! You will be in my prayers!

 

[po18guy]

ukdal1,

We answer to our spouses in this life and to the Lord in the next. In spite of rumours to the contrary, the Lord’s judgment is much more forgiving-His condemnation eternally harsh. They are your beloved children, so I suggest leading them in the faith by your example.

Of course, this is the most diffcult path, but is the most rewarding. If you do not love God more than your wife, you have a disordered relationship with both. As to your wife, she has heard the truth and is solely responsible for pursuing it.

Find a sitter for the young one(s) if need be. Children learn by watching, so teach them that God comes first and everything else after. This leaves you with the joyful task of deepening your own faith while teaching elementary faith to your children.

I was not baptised when I was married. My wife harrangued me into it-but now remembers none of it. Blessed be God that he used my wife to cause me to do the right thing! Since then, through various Graces, my faith life has burst forth. Spend time in Adoration. You will be amazed at the sprirtual benefits.

Christ’s peace, and your wife will follow.

 

[rdscheirer]

Let’s get to the root of the problem- you’re going thruogh RCIA (I did several years ago)- why are you going through RCIA?

Your wife is a “Baptist” ( you don’t say what flavor- i.e.- Southern, Bible, Bible Basic, Gospel, or any of the hundreds of “Baptist” churches we have in the south).

You have found the true church founded on ST PETER, she is searching for a ST PETER to lead her family.

 

[OneAugustKnight]

Take the 2 yo to Mass. Make sure he is hungry when you go and then he can be occupied with a steady stream of Cheerios or Goldfish crackers for most of Mass.

Befriend an older couple or woman in the Church. The kind that goes to Daily Mass. Make a deal where they babysit so your wife can go to the Inquiry classes, and you can do some chore for them like mow their lawn once a week.

Talk to the priest about having the children baptized ASAP, or go to the next class the Church has for preparing the kids for Baptism, so you are prepared anyway. Start thinking of Godparents. Get a catalog of clothes for baptism/First Communion
and look at the outfits and smile and say things like “Honey, wouldn’t 2 yo look handsome in this white tuxedo?”

Make it obvious that the children’s baptism would make you very happy and that it is important to you, but that you won’t make it a conflict if wife says no. Remember that nobody goes to hell except by their own choice.

If your wife brings up not wanting the kids baptized assure her you won’t force the issue, but tell her that them not being baptized makes you worry about the state of their souls and yours, and if it’s not a big deal to her, it would be a great relief and source of joy to you to have them baptized.

Oh and being Catholic obliges you to raise your kids Catholic as far as you are able. Having them baptized doesn’t make it any more or less of an obligation.

 

[Jehanne_Darc]

I know that, I was just asking for some advice… Surely in your 1200 posts you have asked for advice!!

The advice given by this poster was: discuss this WITH your wife. Perhaps the poster thought that your marriage is of paramount importance.

If you become Catholic I think you might have an obligation to raise your children Catholic, but I am not sure. This is question of Church teaching.

Honestly though I think you should do what you can to take them to mass. My husband had a hard time in the beginning taking care of the kids while I sing in the choir, but he became quite good at it and sits with the kids (6,5,3 and 1) in the front row.

 

[bilop]

It may not be popular advice, but I would get your children Baptized ASAP. As their father, I think it is your duty, if you believe in Christ, as it seems you do.

I would not let my wife stand in the way. Imagine if something tragic happened to one of your children.

Your wife may get mad, but you say she’s a Christian.

God Bless

 

[puzzleannie]

I . I would like to have my two younger kids Baptized because I worry about their souls but she won’t want it because that means that I have to raise them as Catholic. I want them to be raised Catholic, but by the way she is about going to church they will be because I’m the only one of us that goes. What should I do??? Thanks and God bless…

this is something you really have to work out with your wife. If the children are baptized they must be raised Catholic, your wife is right about that, and they will be bound by Catholic laws on sacraments, incuding marriage. As I understand it Baptists usually believe a child is baptized at an older age, or even as a teen or adult. discuss this with your pastor and RCIA team, because it is potentially an explosive issue for your marriage and you need some guidance.

 

[puzzleannie]

didn’t I just answer this in another forum? duplicate post.

 

[ukdal1]

I have discussed it with my wife and the way she feels about it is that she said she is fine with having them baptized but when they get old enough to make up their own mind, if they want to go to another denomination (like with her) that they can. The deal is, I want them to be baptized and I know it is EXTREMELY important to their salvation, but if I just go out on my own and do this, 1. If the time comes and they do want to go with her I’m going to have a serious problem on my hands, and 2. If I let them go with her I have another serious problem on my hands with not keeping my oath when they got baptized… Is there any way they can be baptized somewhere other than my parish?? like maybe another denomination where the Sacrament is still valid??? The deal is, I will take them to Church with me as long as I can, but if the time comes, I cant exactly say "No you’re not going to take them with you " …Thanks for the help guys!!!

 

[Jehanne_Darc]

Trust in God and ask Him for guidance. You can depend on Him to let you know what it is you are to do when the time is actual.

Do not worry too much about tommorrow. Have your children baptised at your own Church. Take them to Church with you and pray for your wife. Chances are she will convert. Try your utmost to be the person God wants you to be, and become as Holy as you can. You will impact your children more than if the roles were reveresed and your wife were the devout Catholic and you were not. Steve Wood talks about this. You may check out his website for support for men.