What should I do?

[abelin]

Hi, I’m currently 16 and a practising Roman Catholic. My dad knows his woman at work who was his ex-girlfriend and a number of things has have aroused my suspicion.I have met her a few times and she seems quite pleasant although one could argue that if you saw them you might think that they were a couple given their general attitude. And indeed she often gives me gifts for some reason. Whenever they see each other out of work they always hug and kiss even in front of me but never my mother. She was wearing a really nice summer dress that kinda left nothing to the imagination so to speak and she remarked that my sweetie of a dad bought it for you for her birthday which already rung alarm bells in my head. I once saw them in a park kissing and he was playing with her hair bearing in mind that this was quite late but it was definitely them. But when he came home he said he had to do some extra work which to my mom seemed quite reasonable. He once left his phone unattended and I had a quite look and soon discovered that they had so many conversations with each other some of which were quite intimate. But this is not so shocking as to what prompted me to ask this question. I found out his computer password and to my dismay I found so many indecent photos of his colleague on his email. Many of them were naked and seductive poses seemingly directed towards him.And I’m ashamed to say a few were of them engaged in fornication. Moreover, there was another email confirming the order of a pregnancy test! Does this mean she’s pregnant?In terms of his relationship with my mother he seems disconnected from her but he’s always happy when he’s with her and so I feel that surely if they genuinely love each other then why not? But then this notion is in conflict with my belief that fidelity is crucial and so their relationship should be stopped immediately as it is going against God.
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

 

[abelin]

I’m at a wits end. I’m too scared to speak to my priest as he might tell everybody in the parish.:

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Abelin,

My opinion is that you need to confront your father. Tell him what you seen him do with this other woman, no need to mention that you logged into his account. But tell him that you did see him and the other woman, give him a chance to “come clean” to your Mother and to you. Be prepared for him to be angry maybe even yell at you for spying on him, a basic defense. Again, tell him you know and that he needs to tell your Mother, for he will keep doing what he is doing. Until he gets tired of the other woman or your Mother.

I will pray that God grants you strength, and your Mother Peace.

Winter

 

[abelin]

Abelin,

My opinion is that you need to confront your father. Tell him what you seen him do with this other woman, no need to mention that you logged into his account. But tell him that you did see him and the other woman, give him a chance to “come clean” to your Mother and to you. Be prepared for him to be angry maybe even yell at you for spying on him, a basic defense. Again, tell him you know and that he needs to tell your Mother, for he will keep doing what he is doing. Until he gets tired of the other woman or your Mother.

I will pray that God grants you strength, and your Mother Peace.

Winter

Thanks but I need courage

 

[abelin]

I forgot to mention in my OP that the woman my dad goes out with is also a Catholic. So should I try and convince her of the sinfulness of her actions?

 

[Phil_Marinus]

I forgot to mention in my OP that the woman my dad goes out with is also a Catholic. So should I try and convince her of the sinfulness of her actions?

It’s very obvious that there having an affair… if you are mature enough and confident enough then you should pick the time to discuss this issue with him…
tell him you will not tell your mother, because that is up to him,
by looking at your writing you seem mature enough…

 

[mandajane]

No. Do not involve her. This is a family issue, though really, a marriage issue for your parents, but you’re stuck as the monkey in the middle due to your father’s indiscretions around you.

I agree with the PP. You need to ask to speak with your father privately, and inform him that you are uncomfortable with the untoward actions he’s taking with this other woman. Tell him you saw him at the park and you know he lied to your mother. I would give him a deadline to tell your mother by, or you will tell her yourself.

Be warned, your father will probably get angry, or punish you. If he does, stand your ground. Tell him you value your family too much to let him tear it apart.

 

[abelin]

It’s very obvious that there having an affair… if you are mature enough and confident enough then you should pick the time to discuss this issue with him…
tell him you will not tell your mother, because that is up to him,
by looking at your writing you seem mature enough…

I feel I should speak to his lover first as if she changes her mind then the relationship will crumble but she also might be pregnant

 

[abelin]

No. Do not involve her. This is a family issue, though really, a marriage issue for your parents, but you’re stuck as the monkey in the middle due to your father’s indiscretions around you.

I agree with the PP. You need to ask to speak with your father privately, and inform him that you are uncomfortable with the untoward actions he’s taking with this other woman. Tell him you saw him at the park and you know he lied to your mother. I would give him a deadline to tell your mother by, or you will tell her yourself.

Be warned, your father will probably get angry, or punish you. If he does, stand your ground. Tell him you value your family too much to let him tear it apart.

He won’t take me seriously without evidence.Anyway she might be pregnant

 

[mandajane]

Log into your dad’s computer again, blind CC yourself copies of the emails, then remove them from the sent folder. Tell your dad you can prove it. This is part of you growing up to be a man, and defending your mother. Tell me honestly, you think it’s bad now, how will you feel in 9 months if this woman has a baby and your father leaves your mother for her? How betrayed do you think your mother would feel if she ever learned that you KNEW your father was cheating, and you never once stood up for her.

 

[EasterJoy]

He won’t take me seriously without evidence.Anyway she might be pregnant

I’m not usually the first to ask this, but are you for real? I just don’t know any 16 year olds who would lay out this kind of in-depth investigative work and then pretend they don’t know what to make of it. The combination of “important details” that are not being missed and the supposed naivety about “what could it all possibly mean?” just don’t add up. Who finds pictures of their father having sex with someone else and talking about pregnancy tests and then goes back to say, “oh, yeah, there was the dress that she all but bragged about my dad giving to her…and the gifts he gave her ‘for some reason’”. Once you find the pictures, why on earth would anybody even bother to mention playing with hair in public?

But if you’re for real, man up and talk to ol’ Dad. Tell him that he can tell Mom, or you will, and don’t apologize for how you found out. If you’re afraid, oh please, who on earth has a priest who spreads gossip about the affairs that their parishioners are having? Nobody does. Talk to your pastor, then.

That’s it.

 

[abelin]

Log into your dad’s computer again, blind CC yourself copies of the emails, then remove them from the sent folder. Tell your dad you can prove it. This is part of you growing up to be a man, and defending your mother. Tell me honestly, you think it’s bad now, how will you feel in 9 months if this woman has a baby and your father leaves your mother for her? How betrayed do you think your mother would feel if she ever learned that you KNEW your father was cheating, and you never once stood up for her.

I love my mother so I know I should defend her but then again my dad and his lover seem so happy even though its sinful.

 

[abelin]

I’m not usually the first to ask this, but are you for real? I just don’t know any 16 year olds who would lay out this kind of in-depth investigative work and then pretend they don’t know what to make of it. The combination of “important details” that are not being missed and the supposed naivety about “what could it all possibly mean?” just don’t add up. Who finds pictures of their father having sex with someone else and talking about pregnancy tests and then goes back to say, “oh, yeah, there was the dress that she all but bragged about my dad giving to her…and the gifts he gave her ‘for some reason’”. Once you find the pictures, why on earth would anybody even bother to mention playing with hair in public?

But if you’re for real, man up and talk to ol’ Dad. Tell him that he can tell Mom, or you will, and don’t apologize for how you found out. If you’re afraid, oh please, who on earth has a priest who spreads gossip about the affairs that their parishioners are having? Nobody does. Talk to your pastor, then.

That’s it.

The playing with hair was the first thing that led me to this and gradually progressed. I’ve had my suspicions but i was worried that I was perhaps jumping to wrong conclusions bar the pictures.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

I don’t think it wise for a 16 year old to confront a parent about his marriage to the other parent. Don’t you have a trusted adult whom you can confide in? An grandparent, uncle, cousin, pastor?

 

[abelin]

I don’t think it wise for a 16 year old to confront a parent about his marriage to the other parent. Don’t you have a trusted adult whom you can confide in? An grandparent, uncle, cousin, pastor?

I know he wouldn’t believe me. I want to speak to either my priest or paternal auntie but I’m scared

 

[abelin]

if she is pregnant is it best to leave her? shes older than my dad at her late forties

 

[PaulfromIowa]

What are you scared of? You have discovered a very sad thing involving your dad. It can’t get much worse. Having a trusted adult talk to your dad is the only reasonable way to attempt to make things better.

 

[mandajane]

Regardless, yes. Your father has married your mother, and they are in a catholic marriage. Your father is responsible for the support and care of this child, but not of her. Nor is he permitted to be married and have his “girl on the side”. If this woman is catholic, she knew this when getting into a relationship with your father. Time to Man Up, kiddo.

 

[abelin]

What are you scared of? You have discovered a very sad thing involving your dad. It can’t get much worse. Having a trusted adult talk to your dad is the only reasonable way to attempt to make things better.

They may find I’m lying even with the evidence

 

[abelin]

Regardless, yes. Your father has married your mother, and they are in a catholic marriage. Your father is responsible for the support and care of this child, but not of her. Nor is he permitted to be married and have his “girl on the side”. If this woman is catholic, she knew this when getting into a relationship with your father. Time to Man Up, kiddo.

you’re right I should address this but she might be pregnant