What should I do?

[Xantippe]

she is ,25, and she is both naïve and a little desperate. This is her first boyfriend, she def. has some self esteem issues.

Good news!!! She went after mass today and made an appointment with Father!!! He is so good! If anyone can get through to her it will be him. Thanks for the prayers! I am so humbled and grateful that total strangers would pray for our family. Thanks again.

Very good!

If she’s 25 and this is her first boyfriend, she probably is pretty desperate. But she can get an ex-con unemployed boyfriend literally any time from now until she’s 80.

 

[mommy_k]

First and forermost, a parents responsibility is to keep their children safe.

I would not show up to any event that has a person there that would potentially be a threat in any regard to my kids verbally,-physically, emotionally or sexually. I would ask of this person was invited or coming. If they showed up unannounced, I would leave.

The adults in the family should understand this, and should know better.

I’m sure Father explained this.

 

[His_helpmeet]

I have a wonderful big catholic family, we try to all get together at least once a week and for Birthdays etc. Recently one of my siblings brought along her new boyfriend, we found out a couple weeks later that he pled guilty to sexual contact with a minor when he was a teenager.

I told my sister I didn’t want him around my family. I know we should be forgiving, but I’m just trying to protect my children. That is foremost.

My sisters boyfriend is now 19 and still has 9 years of probation to accomplish. He has no job no future. My sister has pity for him and is very loyal. She doesn’t believe the accusation.

Do you think I am right to boycott him from family functions? What should I do? We are not supposed to judge, how does that square with keeping my family safe?

Help!!! Prayers!!! Advice!!! Thanks!!!

I think you are prudent not to allow him around your children. I believe that statistically it’s very, very difficult to rehabilitate people whose sexual preference is children. It may also be a condition of his probation that he NOT be around children. (My husband had a relative who had molested a child over a period of several years. Fortunately this person is now deceased, but we would not allowing them within a hundred feet of our daughter if they were still around.)

I recommend telling your sister that she’s still welcome to maintain a relationship with you - but he can’t be involved in get-togethers if your children will be there. If she decides that she doesn’t wish to maintain a relationship with you on those terms, I suggest letting her know that your offer is always open, but you’ll respect that she has the right to decline.

 

[WJeffrey]

One thing has not been discussed. All evidence points to this creep as being a rapist. No women is safe around him. Think about this for a minute. You are letting a rapist into your home. A rapist who the criminal justice system considers dangerous, because he is still on probation. As a man, I can guarantee you that I would not leave any woman alone with him. Period.

Frankly, I wouldn’t want to be alone with him. He is a sick violent individual who has no morals or sense of right or wrong. How can anyone feel safe around someone who would rape a child?

 

[Allegra]

I would not leave my children alone with someone else’s significant other, I don’t care whether he had a “record” or not. Most child molesters do not have a record, after all. If you keep this rule as a matter of course–that is, keep tabs on adults present at a function every bit as much as you keep tabs on the children–it will be no insult to enforce the policy on someone who has some red flags you know about in advance.

I think the most sensible thing is to ask about the terms of the young man’s probation. I’d say the chances are extremely high that he has been forbidden to be at gatherings that include children. Point out to your sister that he is vulnerable to some very unpleasant fall-out if there is so much as an accusation and it is found out he is not observing the terms of probation. That will make this a matter of looking out for his best interests, as well.

So–no offense, but non-related adults don’t get to spend time with any of the children alone unless the person has been particularly vetted as a good choice for a sitter. Period. Everyone is safer.

I agree. My husband’s family is enormous. His dad is one of 13! When we get together with them, there are always boyfriends, buddies, friends of friends, etc hanging around. I wouldn’t let my kids out of my sight unless a grown up a knew had agreed to watch them.