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TSB4
Guest
Why a urologist??
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Debbie58
Guest
NFP worked well for us. The time of abstinence is only a few days…so I’m sure that would not be a huge problem to overcome. Also, If you are having a lot of discharge, go see your doctor and have a check up. Make sure your body is functioning as it should. If your hormones are off, the Doc can correct for that and make NFP more effective for you. Don’t worry what people think or say about how many kids you have. My in laws thought 2 was one too many. I went on to have 4 kids. LOL Lastly…Pray! Pray as a couple, and seek the Lord in this. Patience, and love and faith will help you with this situation. I wish the best for you. Peace!
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ahs
Guest
My wife said the NFP board can be difficult to find when searching from the main page. Here is the direct link:Delphi Forums sounds great!! I’m going to look into that. To the OP, I also suggest the Marquette Method of NFP. If you join the online site, you can converse with NFP professionals via the message boards, all from the comfort of your home. :coffeeread:
forums.delphiforums.com/nfptalk
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Allegra
Guest
You should speak with a NFP instructor about this. They can explain correct appearance and texture of the cervical mucus that means that you are fertile. I also have mucus throughout my cycle and it’s really easy to tell the difference between regular mucus and peak mucus once you know what to look for. If frequent mucus is your only symptom, it’s highly likely you don’t have an imbalance at all.
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Xantippe
Guest
TSB4 said:
“Why a urologist??”
If he’s been preferring withdrawal all along, I wonder if there isn’t some sort of embarrassing functional issue he’s dealing with. It can’t hurt to see a urologist–everybody needs to see one eventually.
“Why a urologist??”
If he’s been preferring withdrawal all along, I wonder if there isn’t some sort of embarrassing functional issue he’s dealing with. It can’t hurt to see a urologist–everybody needs to see one eventually.
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TSB4
Guest
It’s not that he prefers that. I think it’s more of a psychological/habitual thing.
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Cojuanco
Guest
In that case, as long as you have made your disapproval of that action clear, you are almost certainly not so much sinning as sinned against. At least that’s what a good confessor would likely say to you if you were Catholic and brought it up in confession. Your husband on the other hand… does he go to Mass on all the holy days? Does he know his Catechism? Does he practice his faith?
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TSB4
Guest
He was baptized but never made his sacraments. He never goes to church. We plan to get back into church, and we have a meeting with a priest at our local parish to discuss RCIA. I sort of feel like I’m forcing it on him, but, we need to do this.
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Cojuanco
Guest
Don’t force him. It almost never works for anyone over 12. Invite him and encourage him, though, especially if you are converting. Does he show any inclination of returning to the practice of his faith?
In any event, if he has not made his first Confession, now would be a good time to start, especially after what has occured.
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TSB4
Guest
Well, last night we were intimate because he felt the urge to be. I told him yesterday was a possible fertile day, he continued to try. I asked him if he wanted another baby, he said yes. Well, once again, he withdrew. We spoke about it after and he said he does it for me because he knows I’m overwhelmed. And if its meant for us to have another baby, it’ll happen. Ugh. I’m just frustrated. He seems like a lost cause.
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mommamaree
Guest
You know what, this sounds less and less like a lost cause. It sounds like he might be afraid of his own fertility and the force of habit is so strong here. Perhaps if you both can decide to deal with confronting his fears in loving conversations during evenings alone, but on nights when you are not intending the marital act, over time he might have an internal shift. People are trained to be so afraid of their own fertility in today’s world. It is incredibly hard to let go of the fears. Is it at all possible that deciding to have a baby on purpose might help him have that shift? It seems, based on your story, that both of you are feeling the beginnings of wanting to make a baby. That is a good and holy desire, you know. I know that the world preaches against procreation, but a married couple is naturally going to want to love each other in the way that makes babies, and if you mutually decide to purposefully go for it, it may help resolve some of his issues. Then you will have a very long time to work on his actions in a no-risk way. Just some thoughts. God bless you!
I know that the world preaches against procreation, but a married couple is naturally going to want to love each other in the way that makes babies, and if you mutually decide to purposefully go for it, it may help resolve some of his issues. Then you will have a very long time to work on his actions in a no-risk way. Just some thoughts. God bless you!
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ahs
Guest
+1 with mommamaree, but also this:
Confront him on his dishonesty. [Note: I am not saying “intentional dishonesty”…he may nto realize this.] He said he’s doing it for YOU. But that’s not really true. If it were true that he had YOUR concerns in mind, then he’d respect you enough to abstain during the fertile periods, OR to complete the sex act without withdrawing, as you have told him how it makes you feel. Whether he realizes it or not, his act is self-serving and is NOT doen for “you”, but soley for “him”. He needs to realize this, and you are the only one who can tell him. And it’s not a lost cause unless YOU allow it to be by continuing to enable his withdrawal during the sex act.
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Xantippe
Guest
ahs said:
“He said he’s doing it for YOU. But that’s not really true. If it were true that he had YOUR concerns in mind, then he’d respect you enough to abstain during the fertile periods, OR to complete the sex act without withdrawing, as you have told him how it makes you feel.”
Yes! If it is done “for you,” then it wouldn’t involve withdrawal. This is the sexual equivalent of the Simpson’s episode where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball as a gift because HE wants the bowling ball.
TSB4, tell him that you want either to 1) abstain or 2) enjoy complete intercourse.
“He said he’s doing it for YOU. But that’s not really true. If it were true that he had YOUR concerns in mind, then he’d respect you enough to abstain during the fertile periods, OR to complete the sex act without withdrawing, as you have told him how it makes you feel.”
Yes! If it is done “for you,” then it wouldn’t involve withdrawal. This is the sexual equivalent of the Simpson’s episode where Homer buys Marge a bowling ball as a gift because HE wants the bowling ball.
TSB4, tell him that you want either to 1) abstain or 2) enjoy complete intercourse.
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M1Garand
Guest
Your obligation is to your husband and children so that is your first consideration no matter what some will say on an internet forum. So do not allow this issue to drive a wedge between you and your husband. If you wish to pursue the Catholic approved birth control method that is NFP I will say that my wife and I used it successfully for many years without a failure. She found a book on it and we attended a class. After that she said it was not much of a burden. I would say to give that method another try but educate yourself so you understand it. IF you choose to use artificial birth control at least don’t use one that is abortive like the IUD or pill.
You sound like a very loving wife and a good mom to boot so don’t be overly critical.
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ahs
Guest
I’m sorry, but this is terrible advice for a Catholic forum. First of all, confronting marital issue head-on (like this one) is not “driving a wedge”. It’s strengthening a Marriage in the true sense. Marriage isn’t always going to be blissful butterflies and it’s disengenuous to implicitly suggest that it must be so, to the tune of avoiding the necessary communications reuqired when problems arise. It’s also disengenuous to suggest that the advice to address the issue, which is the only way to resolve it, detracts from one’s obligation to his/her children and spouse. The opposite is actually true. In refusing to confron our issues and allowing problems to fester and enabling them with our complicit participation, we reject our obligation to bring each other closer to Christ, who commands us to be “perfect” in whatever capacity we have of being such. And then to finsih off the advice with “if you are going to [commit a grave sin], at least use a method [of grave sin against God] that isn’t abortive.” Really?!
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M1Garand
Guest
I am really starting to question the age and maturity of some on this forum to so grossly misunderstand my advice which was 1. to love her husband and 2. try NFP again, 3. calm down it is ok and 4. if she is going to use birth control please use one that is non-abortive. I guess if I had simply responded by calling her a sinner and condemning her to hell you would have approved?I’m sorry, but this is terrible advice for a Catholic forum. First of all, confronting marital issue head-on (like this one) is not “driving a wedge”. It’s strengthening a Marriage in the true sense. Marriage isn’t always going to be blissful butterflies and it’s disengenuous to implicitly suggest that it must be so, to the tune of avoiding the necessary communications reuqired when problems arise. It’s also disengenuous to suggest that the advice to address the issue, which is the only way to resolve it, detracts from one’s obligation to his/her children and spouse. The opposite is actually true. In refusing to confron our issues and allowing problems to fester and enabling them with our complicit participation, we reject our obligation to bring each other closer to Christ, who commands us to be “perfect” in whatever capacity we have of being such. And then to finsih off the advice with “if you are going to [commit a grave sin], at least use a method [of grave sin against God] that isn’t abortive.” Really?!
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ahs
Guest
You can find out pretty much all you want to know about me by clicking my username and viewing my profile, or visit my blog. You can find me on Facebook, but there are a few people with my same name…I’m the one with the 4 children’s faces as my profile pic.
Great advice!
No, that would be rash judgment and uncharitable behavior. The Catholic Church condemns these and the conscience demands reparation when such occurs.
To supplement the great advice you gave that I quoted, please allow me to repeat the following:
You know what, this sounds less and less like a lost cause. It sounds like he might be afraid of his own fertility and the force of habit is so strong here. Perhaps if you both can decide to deal with confronting his fears in loving conversations during evenings alone, but on nights when you are not intending the marital act, over time he might have an internal shift. People are trained to be so afraid of their own fertility in today’s world. It is incredibly hard to let go of the fears. Is it at all possible that deciding to have a baby on purpose might help him have that shift? It seems, based on your story, that both of you are feeling the beginnings of wanting to make a baby. That is a good and holy desire, you know.
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TSB4
Guest
Well I did confront him about his lack of honesty. I don’t think he fully understands his motives so at this point I’m convinced its habitual. Now every time he makes sexual advances, I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know he will withdraw, which I hate, and if I say no for no real reason I will feel bad.
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TSB4
Guest
I really don’t feel NFP would work because he isn’t willing to abstain during fertile times. There are times when he is, but most often it result in him getting himself all worked up to be told “no” or “stop.” It ruins our sexual attitudes. I wish I had enough faith to leave our fertility in gods hands… It would make things so much easier. (In a sense)
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Rau
Guest
Does your husband love you? If you speak with him quietly and say that it is important to your happiness that he not withdraw, and that you use NFP to avoid pregnancy (when required), will he not be willing to do this for you? If he says no, then I ask again, ‘does your husband love you’?
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