What stops a man from pursuing?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ZellieFan
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Z

ZellieFan

Guest
Just trying to pick the brain of the male members. If you feel that you are called to the vocation of marriage and are around single, faithful, Catholic women through various activities, what stops you from pursuing one of them? As a woman, I can think of some reasons but I think my perspective is probably wrong (since I am not a man).

So men, tell me what prevents a man from pursuing a woman for a deeper friendship or courtship? Thanks! 😃
 
I think you are asking (at least in part): what sorts of things shoot down those first tentative test balloons? Among women eligible because they are faithful Catholics, is there anyone who is pretty much off the table right off the bat?

An equally-important question is what convinces a man to consider a try at all? I’ve known a lot of guys, and that seems to be the rate-limiting step.
 
The biggest things that would stop me from pursuing a woman were sexual promiscuity, smoking, drug use, and lavish spending. If the woman I was interested in was currently involved in or had a history of any those interests I would just not pursue her anymore. Not worth the risk. 🤷
 
Burt_Macklin said:
The biggest things that would stop me from pursuing a woman were sexual promiscuity, smoking, drug use, and lavish spending. If the woman I was interested in was currently involved in or had a history of any those interests I would just not pursue her anymore. Not worth the risk. 🤷
Click to expand...
You must have missed when I said “single, faithful Catholic” women. 😃 No drinking, drugs, sex, smoking, etc.
 
EasterJoy said:
I think you are asking (at least in part): what sorts of things shoot down those first tentative test balloons? Among women eligible because they are faithful Catholics, is there anyone who is pretty much off the table right off the bat?

An equally-important question is what convinces a man to consider a try at all? I’ve known a lot of guys, and that seems to be the rate-limiting step.
Click to expand...
Ok, well what do you think makes a guy try? I’m trying to figure out why good guys and good girls can’t seem to come together…as a gal, I’m trying to figure out what makes guys say “no, not worth the effort…”
 
Assuming single, Catholic, and someone I would be attracted to, the only thing I would need is a “green light.” It’s hard to describe what that is (perhaps a smile my way, laugh at one of my jokes, some expression of interest). I for one wouldn’t feel comfortable going in cold and hoping she’s into me…I need some kind of sign…guess that’s why I’m single 😛
 
ZellieFan said:
Ok, well what do you think makes a guy try? I’m trying to figure out why good guys and good girls can’t seem to come together…as a gal, I’m trying to figure out what makes guys say “no, not worth the effort…”
Click to expand...
It is more like, “Is it worth the risk? Because I don’t want to make a fool of myself or offend her by asking a question she doesn’t want to answer.”
 
Booter said:
Assuming single, Catholic, and someone I would be attracted to, the only thing I would need is a “green light.” It’s hard to describe what that is (perhaps a smile my way, laugh at one of my jokes, some expression of interest). I for one wouldn’t feel comfortable going in cold and hoping she’s into me…I need some kind of sign…guess that’s why I’m single 😛
Click to expand...
EasterJoy said:
It is more like, “Is it worth the risk? Because I don’t want to make a fool of myself or offend her by asking a question she doesn’t want to answer.”
Click to expand...
Thank you both. Very helpful.
 
ZellieFan said:
You must have missed when I said “single, faithful Catholic” women. 😃 No drinking, drugs, sex, smoking, etc.
Click to expand...
No, I didn’t miss it. They can be faithful Catholics now and have all of those things in their past.
 
ZellieFan said:
Ok, well what do you think makes a guy try? I’m trying to figure out why good guys and good girls can’t seem to come together…as a gal, I’m trying to figure out what makes guys say “no, not worth the effort…”
Click to expand...
I need to get through college and be able to support a family before looking for one. Nothing against a woman working, but being able to carry my own weight in a relationship is a matter of personal pride. I worry whether a woman would be willing to accept a guy in my position, as 30 years old and little to show for it materially. Finally, I just haven’t met many women that hold my sustained interest. The one exception is a woman I know who practically exerts a gravitational pull. I’m not sure she knows it, and like I said not ready to seek a wife. Five more semesters to go. Time to build the friendship.
 
josephback said:
I need to get through college and be able to support a family before looking for one. Nothing against a woman working, but being able to carry my own weight in a relationship is a matter of personal pride. I worry whether a woman would be willing to accept a guy in my position, as 30 years old and little to show for it materially. Finally, I just haven’t met many women that hold my sustained interest. The one exception is a woman I know who practically exerts a gravitational pull. I’m not sure she knows it, and like I said not ready to seek a wife. Five more semesters to go. Time to build the friendship.
Click to expand...
Please come back and explain what this means! Wow! If a man felt that way about me, I would be super flattered. I bet she has no idea that she has this effect on you.
 
Three things
  1. Shyness, fear of rejection.
  2. Avoidance of any occasion of sin.
  3. I’d love to have a wife, kids and a nice little house with a white picket fence :p. But something tells me God has other things in store for me.
 
ZellieFan said:
Just trying to pick the brain of the male members. If you feel that you are called to the vocation of marriage and are around single, faithful, Catholic women through various activities, what stops you from pursuing one of them? As a woman, I can think of some reasons but I think my perspective is probably wrong (since I am not a man).

So men, tell me what prevents a man from pursuing a woman for a deeper friendship or courtship? Thanks! 😃
Click to expand...
A woman over pursuing the man. Let it flow naturally
 
I see the answers have stopped being useful. Thanks to those who answered seriously!
 
  • some are shy
  • some try too hard and are too pushy
  • some are halfway in between
Till I was 42 I was shy. Since then I have come to understand that some adaptations are needed to my autistic, dyspraxic levels of practical achievement and also that I need further emotional development too.

A bloke needs sufficient emotional development, whether he has twigged to that or not.

Exactly the same factors are relevant to a call to seminary.

Seminary years, dating, engagement, etc, are all opportunities for further discernment on all sides. There are more fish in all seas!
 
My last post was meant as a joke, BTW.

However, in all seriousness, here are some things stopping men from pursuing:
  1. Rude treatment.
  2. “Herd menatlity” - I heard this from a female speaker at a National Catholic Singles Conference. In other words, people of the same gender congregate together into a “herd” that the oposite gender cannot penetrate (except in a herd).
  3. Economic and employment considerations, especially if the male is conditioned to be the sole breadwinner and he is expected to have 13.8 kids. (OK, the 13.8 kids part is an attempt at humor as well).
  4. Emotional/spiritual “blackmail” using common cliches meant to discourage us (see how often they are repeated here at CAF). Examples include:
    a) Questioning your vocation to marriage and instilling doubt it is “God’s will”.
    b) Related to 4a, constantly pushing “vocation to singleness”.
    c) Saying “In God’s time, not yours” / “God has said ‘Not yet’”.
    d) Discouraging people by bringing up horror stories of married couples with misfortune.
    e) Always saying “marriage is hard work”.
    f) “You need to stop looking” / “You will find love when you least expect it”.
    g) “You need to accept/be happy being alone first”.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top